Every Noir Story Set In Los Angeles Ever -The Toast

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1. Nobody Walks Here In Los Angeles But Me, The Lonely Sidewalk-Man, The Only Man Looking To Connect With Another Human Soul Only There’s No One Else On The Pavement To Connect With, Just Me And The Sun

2. I’m The Walking Man But Nobody Understands Hiding In Their Shiny Cars Of Steel And Chrome Which Are Really Just Prisons

3. Only My Feet Are Self-Reliant

4. A Lot Of People Who Live Here Weren’t Born Here And You Know What That Means

5. It Means They’re Inauthentic Is What It Means

6. How Can People Be Authentic Without Winter? They Can’t. Also They Throw Too Many Parties Here

7. How Am I Supposed To Connect With The Millions Of Faceless Idiots I Have Nothing But Contempt For Who Live Here

8. This Cocktail Waitress’ On-The-Clock Affection For Me Seems Insincere; I’ll Start Following Her Home To Double-Check

9. The L.A. River Is Mostly Dry. Did You Know That? It Is Mostly A Concrete Tunnel. Yes That Has To Mean Something

10. This Is A Desert Of The Heart

11. L.A. Was Built Too Recently; Your Family Has To Have Lived Somewhere For At Least Six Generations Otherwise You’ll Just Do Murder With No Compunction

12. Freeways: What Do They Mean (It’s Bad)

13. We’re Always Driving But Are Any Of Us Even Getting Anywhere

14. The Smog Has Covered Everything With Soot, Except For My Moral Code, Which Remains Untarnished

15. Too Many Beautiful Women Live In This City. Why Are They So Beautiful When I’m Hungover And Angry. Doesn’t Make Any Sense

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