no, we mustn’t kiss again
Charles kissed someone and look what happened to him
Charles died of fever
well
just to be safe
we should never kiss again
i don’t understand
right before he died
he told me
Charles did
“it was the kissing that did it”
“fever-wise”
I never heard him say that
well
he did
and im telling you now so
listen its clear to me that you two belong together
i’m only in the way
what
you and that girl there
i will step aside and relinquish you to her
though it breaks my heart
darling, it’s just a drawing
it’s a drawing of you
no no
this sand-woman
i can see that she has your heart
i’ll go
don’t
please, don’t try to deny it
i could never stand between you and happiness
goodbye, Friederich
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmf
i’m sorry, Edwin
i’d love to kiss you
but my lips just don’t go any further than this
there, old girl
it’s done
no point tearing your heart out over it now
you did it, and it’s done, and you can relax, having done it at last
what’s that, darling?
nothing, dearest
only I’m so ready
ready?
happy
I’m so happy
i’m always mixing them up
are you listening?
mm? sorry?
what’s that
sorry darling, you know i can’t hear you when i’m drinking
throws the humors out of balance, listening and sipping liquids at the same time
physically dangerous, or at least impossible
i can’t bring myself to look
is the mustache still on it
the wider he buys his hats, the harder it is for him to lean in and kiss me
I’m told wide hats are very fashionable this year
and Demeritron knows I love a fashionable man
if you’ll just look here on the globe for a moment, I can –
I’ll turn my head and look when there’s something worth looking at
I have been gone nearly three years all in search of y –
I said
what I said
why can’t you be more like him
[Images via]
I’m too witches to stay, sorry.
Oh look, two different pieces by my no-good melodramatic husband there. UGH. Men.
You might want to rethink the laudanum, Liz.
And the cold baths.
She’s not so much drinking as she is trying to fit her entire face into that glass.
maybe if I purse my lips just right
the glass will swallow me
and I’ll never have to listen to him again
I kept coming back to that picture and trying to work out what exactly was going on with the glass-face interaction. I think you’ve got it.
I thought she was trying to vacuum-seal it to her face like a four-year-old, which usually works to change the subject.
I used to give myself ATROCIOUS hickeys doing that trick!
UGH who comes onto a woman literally over someone’s dead body?
Who DOESN’T?! You have to tie her down post-haste!
Someone with a poor grasp of hyperbole
I was thinking maybe Lancelot?
More like Lancetoomuch, amirite.
Maybe he should lance less
Richard III?
Henry VIII, too.
Oh, thank god! Not just me, then.
Jaime Lannister.
Someone hit on me at my father’s grave. And no, he wasn’t trying to humour me out of my sadness. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or appalled at his gall.
Seriously?!!!! Fucking men.
A man.
That is literally just a line of my gpoys.
Friederich, turn around! There are naked ladies frolicking!
Demeritron, the disapproval-dispensing robot.
i can’t bring myself to look
is the mustache still on it
I will stalk him
With a razor.
Pretty sure the woman in #8 was giving the geography lecture until he walked up and took the globe out of her hands to do it better. She’s just been sitting there stony-faced and holding her calipers in place, waiting for him to get the hint and put it back.
I hate it when I have to hold the calipers during mansplaining.
But better than relinquishing them to him!
But the calipers are pointy and sharp! And I think one side is definitely pointing at his hand, ready to skewer it onto the globe permanently.
He won’t get the hint.
They don’t, generally. It’s what makes them what they are.
Watch “Demeritron” become the next hipster baby name.
I misread it as “Demitrion” – I think both variants make fine Terrible Man names
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the wine.”
Also:
“It’s not just hats. Ruffs. Very wide ruffs. Fashionable for men *and* ladies.”
(Also, half the fun of these is trying to narrow down nationality and time period of painter if painting is unfamiliar.)
LOVE IT. You could have substituted “eeewwwwwwww” for every one of these women’s dialogues….except for Big Ruff Woman, who’s looking smug and satisfied that she put one over on Demeritron there.
I feel like this could also be called, “Women Trying to Politely Disengage from Heterosexuality in Western Art History.”
“Men not taking the hint in Western Art History”
*cue a post of every single painting ever painted*
I’ll bet Kissing Fever becomes the hot new sick day excuse. Can’t manage the pallor to fake mono? Have you asked off for your period so often that HR will know if it’s irregular? Try Kissing Fever today!
Not that people are always lying when they use those sicknesses, but I as an anemic have 100% faked fainting spells just to get out of stuff, so.
So, I’ve definitely tried to break up with someone by saying something like #2… not a drawing. I don’t remember who but it was something like “oh that girl that you are always talking to would be so much better for you so I will leave you to it”
It didn’t work 🙁
Just me, or does the woman in #2 look like she’s about to flip Friedrich over her shoulder in a badass judo move?
I was too busy trying to figure out if that little strip of blue behind Friederich’s head is supposed to be a ribbon on the bonnet that has just blown off her head, and then I got distracted because her skirts are being blown in the opposite direction, PLEASE JUST DECIDE THE WIND DIRECTION YOU’RE MAKING ME GO CRAZY.
I think it’s a ribbon from his hat, actually. It’s attached behind him, so I’m p. sure it’s blowing the same way as her skirts.
“I’m practicing my pensive face for the requisite year of mourning, but then I can squander his military pension on sherry and fancyboys.”
def badass judo move,
also the side-eye on her – just spectacular
Wine Lady is definitely thinking, “If he doesn’t take his grubby hand off my jug of wine I’m going to have to smash this glass and stab him with it.”
Or she’ll go full-on poolhall and put the glass in his hand before she smashes it. I’d stick around and be a bystander/alibi, I have to admit.
I think #4 is going to go full Black Widow on her wedding night.
If so, best of luck.
physically dangerous, or at least impossible
#RememberCharles
The dress in #4 is possibly the LEAST flattering silhouette I have ever seen. Wow.
That whole era was not a good time for European fashion at all.
PS I love the dress in #3.
In #6 I love the photorealism of the satin skirt combined with the very little attention paid to head proportion.
I was wondering if someone was painted out and someone new was painted in (head only) at the last minute.
Like the digital bodies from yesterday’s link roundup.
Satin is more important than heads. Or maybe they are children or little people.
ok who read “Demeritron” in Key & Peele “East vs West Bowl” announcer voice?
anyone? just me? ok.
Oh, definitely. I might like Key & Peele to comment on Western Art History, too, truthfully. Whatever they wanted to say about it.
“Demeritron Hohenzoller. BYU-Hawaii.”
Yep, that works. Good catch.
Ok, but it wasn’t a regular fever, Charles died of brain fever, and literally nobody knows what causes that. It might be kissing.
Wide hats omg.
Those last two are ice cold and I am here for it
IDK why I never realized what brilliant anti-kissing/personal space accessories ruffs could be.
Also, I kinda covet #3’s sleeves.
I love how the effigy on the tomb in #1 seems kind of disgusted and annoyed. “Dude. . .dude I’m right here. Literally. Right here. Can you maybe be a gross creeper I don’t know, LITERALLY ANYWHERE ON EARTH EXCEPT ON TOP OF MY REMAINS?”
Why can’t they ALL be more like him?
#2 wants to get away from mr. muttonchops there to go join the nude ladies’ beach party further down the beach in the background.
“my lips don’t go any farther than this” = perfect
That woman next to Demeritron looks so proud of herself for figuring out the hat thing. “Yes, darling, that looks wonderful, but what about the 36″ brim?”
Having worn them quite a bit professionally, just fyi you need to put your shoes on first. Especially if wearing a corset as well. Happy to help.
They don't, generally. It's what makes them what they are.
I am so proud of myself right now. As a wee lass, I full on used the “but we’ll get Kissing Disease, we musn’t” as a reason not to kiss the pushy neighbor boy. He didn’t buy it, but by then I had procured a long, sharp-ish stick and enough room to run, so everything worked out.
I am so proud of myself right now. As a wee lass, I full on used the "but we'll get Kissing Disease, we musn't" as a reason not to kiss the pushy neighbor boy. He didn't buy it, but by then I had procured a long, sharp-ish stick and enough room to run, so everything worked out.
Or she'll go full-on poolhall and put the glass in his hand before she smashes it. I'd stick around and be a bystander/alibi, I have to admit.
I have to admit, the last one is my favorite. But I am a horrid ghoul.