This Classic Toast post originally ran on April 3, 2014.

MONK #1: what makes a woman beautiful
MONK #2: nice eyes
long hair
red lips
MONK #1: right definitely
MONK #2: you know what’s really hot though
MONK #1: what
MONK #2: women who don’t have shoulders
MONK #1: what
MONK #2: you know
like when a woman’s neck just sort of turns into her arms
without any shoulders in the way
phwoooar

 

MONK #1: what do married people look like
MONK #2: like ghosts who barely touch

 

MONK #1: do most women have eyebrows?
MONK #2: absolutely not

MONK #1: what about pubic hair, do any women have that
MONK #2: no but they do love making out with flying babies
MONK #1: really
MONK #2: can’t get enough of it

 

MONK #1: ahhh I feel like I should know this but
how long are necks
on average
MONK #2: little longer
MONK #1: like this?
MONK #2: longer than that even
MONK #1: how about now?
MONK #2: um, it’s kind of close
MONK #1: sorry
MONK #2: no, it’s okay, you’ll get the hang of it eventually
MONK #1: thanks
MONK #2: hey as long as you’re drawing
put a tiny man in the bottom right hand corner
holding a scroll or something
MONK #1: like a baby?
MONK #2: no
just a tiny man
people will get it

 

MONK #1: remind me what Jesus looks like again?
MONK #2: big plate on his head
can’t miss it
and all his friends were very sleepy

 

MONK #1: what did people wear 1500 years ago
MONK #2: exact same things we do now

MONK #1: what are gardens like
MONK #2: oh god oh my god
Awful
Just awful
MONK #1: oh yeah?
MONK #2: God, yes
just a nightmare hellscape with half-birds and dancing skeletons
don’t go near ’em