Lord Byron’s “To A Lady” -The Toast

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I feel like if our hair is touching
it’s sort of like we’re doing it already
and I don’t really think “saying anything about our feelings”
is more powerful than just how much our hair is touching
Like I already gave you the hair
from my HEAD
which is the best part of my face outside of my lips
is the head
It’s my favorite part of me that’s above the neck
What else do I have to do to prove my love for you?
Some men (Keats for example but I’m not naming names)
don’t even have enough hair that they could give you any extra.
I could give you like half of my hair
and I’d still have a full head left over to give to Shelley
or whomever.


So I honestly don’t understand why you’re crying
is it because you ENJOY making me wait outside for you
like some sort of ANIMAL
like some sort of ITALIAN ANIMAL, LYDIA
is it because you saw Romeo and Juliet once
and you thought the only place anyone ever goes for surreptitious handjobs is a garden
because there are a lot of places
where people can go for surreptitious handjobs
can I at least come inside
it’s fucking England out here
it’s Italy inside my pants though
if you catch my drift
goddamnit woman I gave you a piece of my hair
please just can we fuck indoors

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