Happy Beverly Crusher Friday

by Mallory Ortberg · June 3, 2016

I’m just making these up as I go, now!

“Sometimes I wish you weren’t so…empathic.”

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

328 Comments

  1. theburnersmydestination +31

    So I was rewatching The Wild One the other day, which set me off on a Marlon Brando kick (I always forget he was in Guys and Dolls as well) and I learned some interesting facts! Since he is often remembered as a prima donna and “macho tough guy” I thought I would share them here. I didn’t know he had been a large supporter of the Civil Rights movement- donating to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and the Black Panthers (although he later had a falling out with them). He was even a part of the 1963 March on Washington (Alongside Sidney Poitier, *swoon*) and he and Paul Newman volunteered to participate in Freedom Rides to draw more attention to them. In 1964 he encouraged a boycott of his own movies in South Africa to protest their being shown in racially segregated theaters. He also appeared before the California assembly in support of fair housing, and participated in picket lines for that same cause. And then, obviously, in 1973 he refused the Academy Award for Best Actor in The Godfather, sending Sacheen Littlefeather to the ceremony to raise awareness for the American Indian Movement (AIM) and the protest that was happening at Wounded Knee. He also gave this little gem:

    “Homosexuality is so much in fashion it no longer makes news. Like a large number of men, I, too, have had homosexual experiences and I am not ashamed. I have never paid much attention to what people think about me. But if there is someone who is convinced that Jack Nicholson and I are lovers, may they continue to do so. I find it amusing.”(As stated to Gary Carey in Brando’s 1976 biography The Only Contender) He and Nicholson were long-time (although apparently rather contentious) friends.

    For anyone interested in hearing him, I recommend this video <a href=”http://(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMFgoQ39KK0)” target=”_blank”>(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMFgoQ39KK0) which shows a roundtable discussion he participated in directly after the March with Sidney Poitier, James Baldwin, Chartlon Heston, Harry Belafonte, and Joseph Minklelwitz. Worth watching (although be prepared for heavy, if period-appropriate, use of the word “Negro”).
    Obviously he had his issues (numerous issues) but I never realized he was such an involved activist.

    1. 30Litresof +10

      I’ve known the quote about homosexuality for ages, but in all the versions I’ve seen until recently, it cut off at ‘…what people think about me.’ Imagine my joy when I found out that the whole thing was meant to refute the assertion he was having a relationship with Jack Nicholson. I just thought that was so funny.

      1. Erica Stratton +22

        I can only assume that “But if there is someone who is convinced that Jack Nicholson and I are lovers, may they continue to do so” refers to Vintage Slash Fiction.

    2. hopebordeaux +6

      Brando’s 1950s/60s interviews are really interesting–he was a quixotic mixture of sensitivity, ego, and hothothot sex appeal. IIRC, he loved Siamese cats: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/37/36/1…

      And this is from a Truman Capote interview from 1957, although there’s some icky Japanese stereotyping involved:

      “Because,” he resumed, wiping his hands on a small steamed towel, the usual preface to any meal served in Japan, “I’ve seriously considered—I’ve very seriously thought about—throwing the whole thing up. This business of being a successful actor. What’s the point, if it doesn’t evolve into anything? All right, you’re a success. At last you’re accepted, you’re welcome everywhere. But that’s it, that’s all there is to it, it doesn’t lead anywhere. You’re just sitting on a pile of candy gathering thick layers of—of crust.” He rubbed his chin with the towel, as though removing stale makeup. “Too much success can ruin you as surely as too much failure.” Lowering his eyes, he looked without appetite at the food that the maid, to an accompaniment of constant giggles, was distributing on the plates. “Of course,” he said hesitantly, as if he were slowly turning over a coin to study the side that seemed to be shinier, “you can’t always be a failure. Not and survive. Van Gogh! There’s an example of what can happen when a person never receives any recognition. You stop relating; it puts you outside. But I guess success does that, too. You know, it took me a long time before I was aware that that’s what I was—a big success. I was so absorbed in myself, my own problems, I never looked around, took account.”

      http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/1957/11/09/the-…

  4. elsajeni +68

    Oh good, Troi’s wearing that dress I hate. (I HATE THAT DRESS. I hate its neckline! I hate all the matchy accessories she wears with it! I hate everything about it! Possibly the only thing I hate more is that they make her sit on what appears to be a footstool on the bridge! Also, this was going to be a one-sentence throwaway comment but apparently I feel more strongly than I thought about this!)

    1. speakingofcake +38

      I feel like I remember reading once that Gene Rodenberry, when planning out the character of Troi, wanted her to have multiple breasts in vertical rows down her chest (kind of like cow udders I guess?) and that that would be a Betazoid thing, before being gently talked out of it. Did I dream that?

      1. elsajeni +27

        I hope you didn’t, because that actually sounds delightful to me. I have a lot of questions for the sci-fi world at large about why alien ladies always seem to have the same breast arrangements as human ladies even if their species has litters of five babies at once (HOW ARE YOU GONNA FEED ALL THOSE) or is reptilian or some shit.

      3. Swales +39

        Roddenberry also wanted the Ferengi to have ENORMOUS codpieces. Just, like, big, jutting, structurally dubious codpieces, all over the place. I have great love for GR and I will defend Star Trek with my dying breath, but I am really glad that he tended to have people nearby who could gently talk him out of terrible ideas.

      4. elesmi +29

        You did not dream that! His wife, who played Troi’s mother and the ship computer’s voice, told him under no uncertain terms that the Betazoids were not going to have multiple breasts, and that was that. If only she had talked him into letting Troi wear a normal uniform as well …

        * Er. More than two breasts. Multiple as in two is probably fine.

        1. knitting_pun +24

          Oh my god Lwaxana was his wife I LOVE THIS. I LOVE HER SHE’S SO AWFUL and I can just picture her being absolutely NO NONSENSE about how things would be.

          1. elesmi +32

            She also played Nurse Chapel on the original series!  But I love her as Lwaxana so much.  She is clearly having so much fun, and it must be a relief to get to have so much personality after doing the computer voice.

          2. Max

            She was also intended to be the first mate in the original pilot! She was also the Star Trek Computer voice in just everything until she passed away!

    2. cloverleaf +16

      Is that the dress that has an asymmetrical v-cut that goes about halfway down one boob?

      I have been rewatching lately and noted that after some prominent cameltoe issues they switch her to a skirted outfit most of the time.

      1. elsajeni +29

        “You are literally the most useful person on this ship*; here, sit on this spare ottoman, I guess.”

        * I am willing to hear arguments about this, because I haven’t actually watched THAT much TNG and the limits of Troi’s empathy powers are kind of unclear to me, but I think the person who can READ YOUR ENEMIES’ MINDS is a strong contender.

        1. SarcasticFringehead +46

          The problem is that she’s exactly as useful as the plot needs her to be. So sometimes she’s like, “he’s lying” and that info saves the day, and sometimes she’s like, “I sense some frustration” and it’s like, duh, these are trade negotiations that have been going on for generations, and sometimes she senses absolutely nothing and the whole command crew gets taken hostage. So she COULD be extremely useful, but often is totally not. (Also gets stuck with storylines like “women love chocolate when they’re sad” which is irritating)

          1. knitting_pun +30

            And SOMETIMES the plot just cries out for her and she’s just… not in that episode?! WHY ISN’T TROI THERE FOR THIS ALL-IMPORTANT NEGOTIATION?!

          2. sarachim +18

            Plus, while sensing people’s emotions would be an awesome superpower in real life, she’s on TV surrounded by actors, and conveying emotion is literally their job. So Troi would say “Captain, I sense that he’s hiding something,” and the audience thinks “well of course he’s hiding something, he’s acting all shifty and nervous.”

        2. summerestherson +13

          Well, she’s an empath, not a telepath, so she doesn’t read minds just emotional states. I *think* this is because she’s only half Betazoid. But she and her mom can communicate via telepathy.

    4. Borednow +17

      I live that dress so much that I have spent my entire adult life obsessing over asymetrical necklines. I’ve even pondered how to adapt that dress into a wedding dress should I ever get married.

    5. Hannah Richards +31

      THE FOOTSTOOL, RIGHT??! And there is totally an extra chair that just sits emptily on the other side! It’s actually worse whenever Dr Crusher is on the bridge too, cuz they literally make her *perch* on the part of that dumb crescent railing (the one that goes over their heads in the middle) that’s on the other side of Counselor Troi, like actually just perch there. (If Troi’s not on the bridge, she gets the footstool.) But like, the only people in that chair stage left are like, guests, like Admirals and crap (unless an Admiral totes takes over for an episode, then Picard is relegated to First Officer’s seat and Riker gets the extra chair).

      The whole setup doesn’t make sense! Why would one of the highest ranking members of the command crew of the fucking FLAGSHIP be constantly relegated to what cannot possibly be an ergonomic chair! They’re on long, deep space exploration missions, and she’s actually third in command – THIRD, and she’s literally the only person on the bridge crew to not have an ergonomic chair! Okay, to be fair, many bridge positions were standing 24/7, which also doesn’t make any sense for long-ass deep space assignments. I mean, the crew lived there. I know this was before sit/stand workspaces were a thing, but seeing how Star Trek in its various incarnations predicted a lot of technologies, they could’ve thought of that. Or just, Idk, given them all chairs?! Like in TOS?!
      But no, they wanted to look *different* from TOS. They wanted, I bet, to look more “at ready”, even though they’re no longer supposed to be a war ship, but a “peacefull” “exploration” vessel, with kids and everything!
      Anyway, clearly we’ve all got some passionate opinions about this very small detail in a tv series that hasn’t aired in probably 20 years.

      But it’s important! I mean, the lady high-ranking command officers are even visually relagated to the sidelines, lower than the men, in more “fashiony” uniforms, and the only one who wasn’t, Head of Security Lieutenant Tasha Yar, was gratuitously and unceremoniously killed off! (And then, when they “fixed” her death to be meaningful in another timeline, they undid that death later and made her be captured, then forced into a marriage and presumably repeatedly raped, forced to have a rape baby, then after unsuccessfully attempting an escape, is executed! Also the rape baby daughter is played by the same actress, as an extra fuck you to the fans, and her rape baby daughter hates her and was the cause of her capture and death. Which ok, makes sense, but they’ve just written terrible things for that actress, really terrible things, for no fucking reason?? And her whole backstory is rape too. Just so we’re all reassured that this extremely powerful, physically wonderful warrior woman, who dares to wear her hair short, who is an excellent and aggressive leader, who wears the actual regulation pantsuit uniform instead of some stylish short skirt/low neckline/soft cardigan/different colors for no reason variation, is and always has been “put in her place” and is conquerable.
      That’s how you introduce vulnerability, human weakness, and character development for a woman, esp a strong, unapologetic, possibly gay*, aggressive warrior woman, according to all tv producers/writers/etc everywhere, throughout all time.** ***

      *oh but except for the time, while super drunk on air or whatevs, she sleeps with Data, as the most obvious possible throw-away SEE NOT GAY move ever, in all tv history – I mean they even had to go “yep Data, an android, has a working penis” in order to just prove that this woman who grew up being repeatedly raped, who wears a short haircut and totes acts and looks gay as hell, is NOT GAY (TM)
      **see also the way Ro Laren is written – she’s a criminal, which is how they excuse their reactions towards her totally normal qualms and ambition and independent spirit, things they’d otherwise reward male officers for
      ***see also the totally egregious death of Ambassador K’Ehleyr due to a need for manpain for Worf, her mate
      see also –
      <deep breath>
      Anyway listen, I have complaints and clearly haven’t complained to anybody else, and this is the last day of the Toast and I need you guys!
      /not bitter hahahahahaha what

    6. Hannah Richards +7

      But I mean, the only reason I’m even critiquing this show is b/c I love it, and I only love it b/c it’s literally otherwise the most progressive, thoughtful show I’ve ever seen, ever, addressing most of these kinds of issues in all their details thoughtfully. But no show is even remotely perfect, and they had a lot of missteps. Usually, tbf, shows have so much Problematique (TM) – a social oppression veneer, and a word I just made up – that it’s not even possible to name every fucking thing wrong with them. So there’s that, there’s that. I only bother criticizing things I love, and I love this show. I just!!! Killing off strong women main characters and side characters where they literally only ever kill off (permanently kill, that is) man characters who are introduced that episode! They didn’t notice that that’s a huge discrepancy?! Using a throw-away line that homosexuality is considered normal in one ep to convince a visiting alien that we’re so advanced now, but never actually featuring gayness of any kind, except in weird alien species, or else proving that NO, that main character is NOT gay, she’s having meaningless throw-away sex with a robot while drunk and then swearing him to secrecy forever so that proves she’s straight. I mean UGH.
      listen I should stop rambling
      i love this show but ugh

    7. bookwormV +6

      I have yet to watch any Star Trek (although I want to!), but one of the things which makes it sound very appealing is the way it incites such strong feelings regarding little details in its fans. I am here for any show that leads people to rant about how much they hate certain items of clothing.

    8. amethyst83 +4

      I LOVE THAT DRESS. It is perfect and not to be questioned.

      [insert hysterical pleading that we all ignore the excellent points everyone has made in this thread so that we an indulge the wardrobe dreams of 10-year-old me]

  5. kayjayoh_ +79

    Some Toast/RL synchronicity, because that is always fun.

    Last weekend was WisCon, and a few Toasties made plans to meet up on the first day. Now, I no longer live in Madison and Toasties and WisCon folks come from all over. Yes? Yes. This is established. We are from everywhere.

    I am emailing with one of the Toasties, Jenavira, to figure out how to recognize her and BookishBroad in the crowded lobby. When she emails back with a description of what she is wearing, I look around and see…my former across the hall neighbor from about six years back.

    Of course. Because that is the sort of thing that happens.

  6. falcofield +11

    I’m currently in the phase of being pregnant where most food (especially food I’ve cooked) is unappealing. What food worked for you? What were your go-to meals when everything else made your stomach turn?

    2. littlehuntingcreek +14

      I tell my daughter she is composed of toast and frozen yogurt because that was all I could eat for months when I was pregnant with her.

      1. bighairnoheart +16

        According to my mother, I was apparently a frozen yogurt baby. Maybe it explains the frozen heart? Be on the lookout is all I’m saying.

    3. mysterybeast +9

      I went through my first trimester in May-June-July last year (whaaatttt), and I was never sick, but I was just NOT INTERESTED in food at all. Like, meh, make whatever but I don’t want any.

      For me it was cold, sweet, tart, juicy stuff I wanted — cold green grapes, pineapple, orange juice, popsicles, etc. Also Cheerios with cold almond milk, and bagels.

      Congrats!

    4. Notreallydorine +6

      This is embarrassing, but plain bean-and-cheese burritos from Taco Bell. My spouse once brought home half a dozen (left in fridge and microwaved as needed) to get me through a rough patch in the first trimester.

      According to my OB/GYN, doesn’t matter, especially in the first trimester. If you can get anything down, find it and embrace it and hold on until (with luck) things get better.

      1. decantate +4

        Fist bump. For some reason the only food that made sense to me was Subway’s meatball subs. I was ashamed, but I have found my sister.

    5. nomoreunicorns +9

      I’m about 6 weeks in, and currently want ALL OF THE FOODS and am snacking on crackers literally all day long. Husband is v amused to watch me eat a small to normal dinner, announce that I’m full, then eat a second dinner ten minutes later because I’ve gone straight back to starving. Bodies are weeeeird.

    7. ashofthenorth +6

      Pasta with just butter and cheese and milk are what I lived on for the first trimester. Oh, and peanut butter and celery.

      I drank so much milk while pregnant I’m pretty sure my daughter has bones as strong as adamantium.

    9. cankillgathergrow +4

      String cheese, Ritz crackers, and dried apricots. Sometimes an entire package of prosciutto.

      It will pass and you will be able to eat again.

    10. tekkah +4

      Miso soup was just about the only thing I could stomach from roughly week 6 to week 10.

    11. thesarahgirl +5

      Panera mac & cheese! Stoned Wheat Thin crackers also worked well, I like that they’re a bit sturdier than saltines.

    12. LaxMom +6

      Honey nut cheerios and soymilk. Strawberry banana smoothies. My children were basically built on those until I hit 5 months and I could eat again.

    13. Toastie +1

      Sour and salty things, strangely. Spicy a bonus. Last pregnancy bland things like crackers worked but now they turn into dust in my mouth. Hot lemon water and ridiculous quantities of sauerkraut, of all things.

      I’m almost through week 21 now but I still am all about sour and spicy things. Lentils and rice w Indian lime pickle yes, chocolate no. I’m not sure what this says about this baby, but I’m happy it’s at least not making me want to eat meat. Dinner tonight was potato salad, sauerkraut from a jar, hummus, asparagus w lots of lemon and Frank’s red hot style hot sauce. Idk.

  7. bethcorriveau +37

    This seems like a perfect opportunity to share my friend’s podcast about the representation of women in Star Trek.
    http://www.womenatwarp.com/

    Because Beverly Crusher is basically the best and everyone should know it.

    4. elesmi +11

      When I saw there were more than thirty episodes of this podcast, I thought Do I *really* need 30+ episodes of people talking about the women in Star Trek? Except of course the answer is YES, I absolutely need all of these episodes and more, I have listened to an episode and a half and I have all the feels. TNG was such a formative part of my childhood, and yet it’s always been inextricably entwined with my father and the male engineers in my life. It is so amazingly freeing to hear these women talking fluently in the language of this world and talking about things I care about so much and never get to talk to women about.

  8. raqueue +34

    So, we received an eviction notice this week — we have to leave our apartment that we’ve lived in for four years by the end of July (owner is moving back to the province). I am not handling it well: I love this place and our neighbourhood, and the rental market in our city has gotten so much worse since 2012.

    It looks like we actually might have to move out of the city — we had been talking about doing it in a couple of years, but that’s just happened a lot faster.

    Anyhow, July 2016: NOT A GREAT MONTH.

    1. jlper +16

      Oh, that stinks. I got a not-eviction notice a few months ago (eviction has to be for a reason, our landlord just sent us a 30-day notice she was ending our month-to-month lease) and it hurt, because I liked the neighborhood, knew all my neighbors, knew all the kids. It was a great block.

      My old home is now an Airbnb. :/

      2. raqueue +12

        Of course. Because why generate housing when you can turn it into a mini-hotel?

        … I’m so sorry. Getting kicked out STINKS.

  9. ladyj1131 +14

    Hi Toasties! I’m looking for summer reading recommendations. The less thought-provoking, the better! What are your favorites?

    1. mysterybeast +24

      My “always recommend” is The Night Circus. It’s not total fluff, but it’s easy and fun and magical and swoony.

    2. ladyimogen +5

      Simone St. James has some lovely gothicky type books set post WWI with interesting heroines!

      Susanna Kearsley has some interesting but easy-reading stories that combine historical and modern timelines.

      Robert Galbraith mysteries (J.K Rowling’s pen name)

      And we have lots of romance novel recommendations on the toast Goodreads group!

      1. themegnapkin +1

        I really liked The Informationist–and the author has such an interesting background.

    4. elesmi +8

      The Mrs. Pollifax novels, by Dorothy Gilman. A lady in her sixties who grows bored with her Garden Club and volunteering at the hospital becomes an international spy instead. They are delightful.

      I also just saw that The Mouse That Roared and its sequels are up on Kindle, which is very funny and an easy enough that my mother read it to me when I was little. It is a light-hearted romp concerning the Marshall Plan, nuclear politics, and mutually assured destruction. Perfect for eight year olds.)

      (It actually really was fun to read as a kid, and is fun to read when you are older, too! I promise.)

      1. viviennestreet +1

        I’m pretty sure my mom read The Mouse That Roared to me as a kid, too! I should read it myself sometime….

    5. chiaroscuromom +11

      The Thursday Next novels, by Jasper Fforde.

      The Flavia novels, by Alan Bradley.

      The Discworld novels, by Terry Pratchett.

      The Outlander novels, by Diana Gabaldon.

      The Lord Peter Wimsey novels, by Dorothy Sayers.

      Tracy Chevalier’s historical fiction novels.

      That ought to keep you busy for a while. 🙂

      3. mysterybeast +1

        FLAVIAAAAAAA! In the haze of being pregnant/having a newborn for the last year, I missed the newest one and just found it on the Kindle store this week and now I am SO HAPPY for the 3 minutes I read before passing out each night. And a new one coming in Sept.!

    6. craneyourneck +2

      I started Emma Straub’s “Modern Lovers” this week and it’s such good company. All of the characters are easy to be around. It pairs well with the porch and a glass of wine. (Felt this way about “Girls in White Dresses” a few years ago.)

    7. cornpancake +2

      The Best of Everything by Rona Jaffe. I think I first heard about this book on the Hairpin and I lovvvvveeeee it.

    9. betterpast +2

      Oh! Well, this isn’t exactly fluffy, but it’s essays, so it’s digestible. The Geek Feminist Revolution, by Kameron Hurley. Just came out this week but should be pretty widely available.

    10. Hannah Richards +5

      Anything and everything by P.G. Wodehouse! Soooooo funny. Really stands the test of time! If you’re looking for lighthearted romps with rather stupid and talentless yet lovable rich failures, set in the 20s and 30s, these are the books for you!
      And he was popular enough – is popular enough – that A of all, the books are almost all still in print, B, they’re probly on Kindle as we speak, C, they’re definitely on tape/CD/audiobook, and most of those are narrated by the great Jonathan Cecil! Just the best to take on trips, esp long car drives, where the only other people who can hear your raucous laughter are the people laughing with you.
      I can’t recommend them highly enough. You’ll laugh until you cry and can’t breath anymore, cough sputter, wipe your eyes, read another line, repeat.
      (Total lack of POC characters though, I’m sad to say. He came from the “if you don’t know it, don’t write it” school of thought on inclusion, I believe. You can tell b/c almost no character ever has actual living parents and they’re mainly all raised by/still living off the allowance from their aunts and uncles. Tellingly specific, esp since good ole Wodehouse really was raised by a bevy of aunts.)

      1. whollyword +3

        Wodehouse: Also fun to read aloud with other people, employing silly voices.

      2. viviennestreet +3

        esp since good ole Wodehouse really was raised by a bevy of aunts.

        That makes…so much sense.

  10. sunfastrose +74

    I got new cats! Kitties!

    They are mother + daughter; I named them Daisy (mother/orange + white) and Tigerlily (daughter/calico). Daisy is 1 1/2, Tigerlily is 15 weeks.

    They are both extremely loving and energetic. It’s been 12 years since I’ve had a cat this young, and I had forgotten the feeling of being woken up at 3 AM by kitties playing. =)

    Tigerlily was born with a club foot, and although the adoption service did what they could/the normal treatments, her front legs are uneven in length. I am waiting for the name of an veterinary orthopedist to bring her in to for options, but right now she seems happy and has no problems walking or running.

  11. longlostlullaby +62

    I’m rereading Anne of Green Gables. I think I was 11 when I read the first book. It’s insane how they talk about orphans. “Oh, can you pick me up one on your way home? Dang, you got the wrong kind. Guess I’ll have to go back and exchange this one. Orphan, you should be so grateful that people let you live with them and take care of their dozens of their twin babies. Who knows where you came from. I mean your parents are DEAD. You could burn the house down!”

    1. JGlows +38

      My favorite part of reading the books when I was older was realizing that when they referred to “marrying in haste and repenting at leisure”, it meant that the lady got knocked up. People think premarital sex didn’t happen when everyone was God-fearing and stuff. People are wrong.

      1. Zueignung +6

        It’s really just a proverb about the imprudence of getting married before you properly know someone.

    2. Jessargh +19

      oooh, I’ve been meaning to do a proper adult re-reading of Ann! thanks for the reminder.
      though this could end badly now that I actually have money. I’m gonna end up with a closet full of puffed sleeves, aren’t i?

      1. racewhoknowsjoseph +20

        WITH AN E!!! You forgot the E! Anne would certainly smack you with her slate!

        1. Jessargh +2

          oh god! how did I do that?! I swear I know that I am just very bad at typing! I most certainly deserve that slate cracked over my head, yet I feel after an apology & explanation of my faults she would forgive me & we would be the most bosom companions!

    3. parlato1973 +3

      are you going to read Ana of California by Andi Teran? it’s supposed to be a modernized rewrite, and i heard her talk about the process, and she clearly loves the original so much it made me believe her take on it would be interesting.

      of course, i say this as a person who never read the originals, but heard the author at creative mornings, so … i have to go back & read both i guess.

  12. irreverantontheinternet +37

    My BFF is en route to spend the weekend with me NOTHING CAN BRING ME DOWN (not even the very real possibility that I have not passed my web design class and will not be graduating next week). I’m going to try and convince her we should get matching “too witches” tattoos.

    (Edit: Also I am spending my afternoon reading old letters from the 1860s wherein one priest gets increasingly more irate with the other and it’s amazing. “I found your last letter to very disappointing… you have truly let the church down this time… i don’t think you understand…”)

    2. MopRocks +6

      God, yes! Please post pictures of your too witches “Too Witches” tattoos!

  13. grumblyqueer +33

    Fuck it, Open Thread. Pride starts this Sunday with the annual Bat-‘N’-Rouge, aka the drag queen softball game where you vote for the winner with money and all proceeds go to AIDS research. It’s gonna be super fun and I can’t wait. What are you looking forward to this week, Toasties?

    1. Thujaplicata +9

      My garden is all planted and I’m going to spend all weekend just gazing out the window at it in proud smugness.

      1. aqueousmedium +5

        Same here! Except it’s a container garden and I’m going to sit on the balcony all weekend and gaze at it proudly and smugly, with occasional breaks to try and convince the cat that no, he’s not going to win the argument with that magpie, no matter how loud he chatters.

    2. Jason +12

      I am playing an 8 hour D&D game with a group of fellow nerds tomorrow. There will be snacks, ridiculous shenanigans, and (with any luck) a certain dwarven cleric calling down the wrath of his goddess to smite our enemies. There will also, perhaps, be pizza.

      Best part about being in my 40s: zero fucks given for how hopelessly geeky my favorite hobbies are.

    3. JGlows +9

      My husband and I are leaving for a one week trip to Prague on Sunday afternoon. It’s a little spur of the moment, so I am super glad we were able to just go.

    4. daisicles +5

      Going on vacation on Tuesday! Nothing too fancy, just heading down to the beach for a few days with my mom and my sister and her gang, but I greatly look forward to playing in the sand with my 2 year old niece who lives to dig in dirt.

      It will hopefully make up for my third dentist appointment in three months on Monday to get another tooth worked on. I swear I’m never putting off cleanings for so long again even if I am freaked out by making appointments.

  14. AliceIsHopeless +12

    Is this our OT? It is now
    RECIPE THREAD
    I am having a gathering tomorrow and I don’t want to be THAT HOSTESS but none of my friends will answer me when I try to make solid plans. I’m low on energy right now and skipping going out tonight because it’s turned from pub into clubbing.
    I’ll probably make a giant risotto and a cake tomorrow (SK red wine cake most likely because yes) but maybe some snacky things too?

    2. falcofield +7

      A super simple one that’s always a hit is the grape tomato/basil leaf/bocconcini (or mozzarella) ball all speared on a toothpick, with balsamic vinegar as a drizzle if you’re into it!

    3. falcofield +2

      Also, smoked salmon crostinis with some cream cheese, capers, whatever you want!

    4. bonetailor +2

      For these kinds of gatherings I often make pitted dates stuffed with a soft cheese (I mostly use goat cheese, but I’ve also had success with blue cheese, feta or brie). You can leave them plain or top with dried herbs, red pepper flakes, toasted pecan/walnut pieces or crumbled bacon or whatever floats your boat. Although if you do the bacon crumbles, I recommend using a less salty cheese. Anyway, it’s super easy but looks and tastes magically fancy.

      1. WallisWallyOlly +2

        I do something similar with dried figs: stuff with a melty cheese, toss in olive oil and a favorite vinegar, herbs, put in oven until warm and the cheese is melty. So good. (or it was when I could have cheese. *sob*)

    5. foxinthe_snow +10

      I hate it when people won’t commit, especially when you are putting effort in to creating an enjoyable (and delicious!) evening for them. Your dinner sounds yummy so I think you should just invite Toasties instead :p

    6. craneyourneck +4

      Feta & Lemon Dip from Sweet Paul (the link is down but this is saved):

      7 ounces feta cheese (about 1 cup crumbled)
      1 tablespoon grated lemon zest, plus more for garnish
      1-2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
      1 garlic clove, minced
      6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, plus more for serving
      Pinch of red pepper flakes
      Crudités, chips, toasts, or pita crisps, for serving

      1. Place the feta, lemon zest, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, garlic, and olive oil in a blender and whir until combined but still slightly chunky. It’s dense, so you may need to stir it with a fork once or twice. Taste, and if it’s too salty, add more lemon juice.

      2.Spoon into a serving bowl, drizzle with a little oil, and sprinkle with a pinch of red pepper flakes and some lemon zest.

      3. Serve with crudités, chips, toasts, or pita crisps.

      Takes two minutes. You’ll eat the whole thing.

  15. bower_bird +59

    #MISANDRY

    I was in the mosh pit at a Refused show last week, it was my fourth punk show of the week. Some asshat grabbed my arm and tried to show me how to hit people harder. He was really insistent about it; he keep touching me and telling me that i was doing it wrong. I was not doing it wrong. He, however, was shoving people hard enough that they came back to try and fight him.

    Anyway, that’s when I realized I’m completely over masculinity in cis men. I spent like half a second wondering if I’m okay for me to discriminate like that, but yeah, I think I’m fine with it.

    Apart from that asshole, the show was amazing. It would have been better if I could just be there and not have to justify my presence.

  16. Han YOLO +3

    Going anon for this… I’m in a time-limited position that ends at the end of the year. I’ve been there 3 years and intend to leave as soon as I find a different job, since only about 1/3 of my current job is remotely related to where I want to be going forward, and there are some other things about the environment that have slowly eroded my patience and zeal for this particular organization and role.

    I was a finalist at a place I liked for a job I really wanted, but they gave the job to someone else with more experience. They said I was a good fit for the organization though, and that if there were any other open positions I was interested in, to give them a call. There’s one other open position there that I’m kind of interested in and would be qualified for, but it’s only tangentially related to the direction I want my career to go in. Should I say I’m interested in that role? Or should I instead ask them if they plan to post any positions that are like the one I applied for, but at a slightly lower level? Can I do both?

    I don’t want to squander the chance to work there, and it’s possible that I could make a lateral move within the company a little later and/or get in on the exciting project that the other position was all about, but I probably wouldn’t be considering the current open position if I had just run across it while browsing.

    1. DeanaCal +9

      If it were me, and I knew for sure that my current job was ending, plus I was unhappy there anyway, I’d go ahead and apply for the position I’m not crazy about at the company I like. Many places really like to promote from within, and lateral moves aren’t unusual.

    2. dreamingintrees +1

      I think you can do both, but it will depend on their response to your initial overture. I would start out with saying you love them, saw they have a new posting, and are very interested in them based on your prior interview process. I wouldn’t be surprised if, they are in fact thinking of posting another similar lower level position soon that at that point they would let you know about it. If they don’t say anything about any other opportunities at that point, then say you would be interested in the current open posting. I don’t know your field, but I have seen a lot of my friends and coworkers lateral from within.

  17. rolotomassi5 +16

    Since we’ve already had a Paul F Tompkins Friday, could I request either a Padget Brewster or Lauren Lapkus Friday please and thank you before the site ends?

  18. bighairnoheart +48

    I’ve reached the stage of post-college life where I wake at night actively freaking out because I think there’s something I need to be writing RIGHT NOW.

    1. lemonack +7

      I’m in that gap between graduation and grad school where I have no real scholarly obligations and I regularly wake up gasping about some imaginary essay due tomorrow.

      1. bighairnoheart +6

        I continue to research things, yet am at a loss now that I have nothing to do with said research. What is this strange new world?

      2. Herberta1 +12

        I’ve been out of grad school for 12 years, am a stay at home mom now, and I still have that dream.

    2. foxinthe_snow +9

      Had a dream last night that I had to do a year’s worth of GCSE Art coursework, finish an internship, and write an undergraduate English essay that I hadn’t started researching yet. Will it never end?

      To make it worse, for some reason my dream-self decided to do some art about trypophobia which only made the dream even more horrifying.

    3. SarcasticFringehead +10

      Two nights ago I dreamed that I failed a required English class the previous semester, so this semester I had to take remedial English and they wouldn’t let me test out of it. (note: I have not been in school for three years; I have not had an English class requirement in nearly ten)

        1. SarcasticFringehead +15

          I’ve actually wondered about what the persistence of these dreams says about how we do education – if I were having regular stress dreams about a job ten years after I’d left it, that would be evidence that that job was unusually bad/stressful. But when it happens with school, we’re like, “lol, yep, that’s what happens!” Maybe that shouldn’t actually be what happens? (I don’t know how to fix it, other than it would probably take a complete overhaul of the entire way we’ve approached education for the at least the last couple centuries, no big deal)

        2. Unreadaethel +2

          I found that most of the academic anxiety stress dreams disappeared when I managed to supplant them with work stress dreams, but I don’t think that’s really an improvement.

      2. DoubtfulGuest +13

        I’ve been out of school for 13 years, and I still have academic anxiety dreams all the time, including one where I never finished a couple of classes in high school and it has now been discovered, so I have to go back and take those classes or my college education won’t count. Sometimes all the same people I was in school with are there, but they are still teenagers, and I’m the only one in my 30s. And they haven’t upgraded the yearbook technology at all, and I still have to work on it, and I can feel my blood pressure rising as I type this …

    5. bonetailor +8

      I want to tell you it gets better but… I’m seven years out of college and I STILL have nightmares in which I’m told I can’t graduate because I’m short one credit hour. Although that might be because that actually happened to me, haha. So… maybe it does get better, but not until you’re out of your twenties??

      1. RsDeathGlare +3

        This also happened to me for realz :'(

        Luckily my job was very understanding about it and I just took some online course and had it transferred so it was mostly just embarassing rather than actually logistically bad.

      2. whollyword +5

        I am 40, and this is basically my stress dream. (I also get a version that involves being in drama club, being onstage during a performance, and not even knowing what play it is and having to ad lib the whole tabarnaking thing, despite not having been in drama club since the early ’90s.)

  19. OrganizeInternet +29

    I love this scene– Treat yo self, Crusher! (How many times during our friendship, from figuring out weird diseases to bringing people back from the brink of death to winning some poker hands, would I tell Beverly that she “crushed it”? A bajillion times I’m sure, much to her annoyance). I also enjoy the other scene with Beverly and Deanna where they are in these crazy aerobics stretchy outfits, “dance stretching,” discussing Deanna’s love life that time. Voila: http://sttngfashion.tumblr.com/post/2133715205/th…

  20. nevergiveaninch +27

    Following suit and using this as an Open Thread. Feeling a lot of existential angst today! Does anyone else feel The Terror on a kind of regular basis? What do you do to make peace with it, or make it go away? I have a happy life and a job with a nice, mission-driven nonprofit, but sometimes I find myself sitting in front of a database just unable to care about what I’m doing at all. Like I love the mission of my organization, but it boils down to me doing these nitty gritty things that are so uninspiring and seem so unimportant. I went to a career-advancement seminar yesterday and listened to these successful young people talk about their ultra-successful nonprofit consulting jobs and I just couldn’t understand how any of them are so self-motivated! I wanted to ask, How do you make yourself care? Anyone have a way of tricking yourself into caring about your job/other aspects of your life?

    I don’t feel this way all the time! But I know I can’t be the only one. I have plans to see friends this weekend and also will get some exercise outdoors, so I know those will help. Other things?

    1. lemonack +11

      The Terror and the Motivation for me are two different questions.

      My number one way to shut The Terror up is to put on a nice outfit and do my makeup and get out my most expensive purse and go to some of the fancy shops downtown and the sales attendants will play along with the fiction that I’ve Got My Life Together. If you’re going to someplace you’ve never been before and don’t really mean to go to again, it can be fun to make up a character for yourself for a couple hours, and sometimes it makes me see that I’m actually doing okay when I give my character different problems than mine.

      1. nevergiveaninch +4

        This is an excellent idea. I like to do this too! I’ve also been the shopgirl in that equation, and that also feels really good sometimes 🙂

    2. eastcoastanne +16

      Are you supposed to care about your job? I mean I care about being employed, but I certainly don’t care about my job.

      1. nevergiveaninch +8

        TOUCHE. You’ve got me there! I don’t know, I would like to care about my job! I cared much more about my job when I was running a little store in a small town, though I was always broke, than now when I am a decently-paid professional on a computer all day.

        1. eastcoastanne +8

          Sorry that sounded rude (?) in hindsight! What I mean is, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to love your job or feel super invested in what you are doing. I imagine most of us spend a lot of time doing generally boring things don’t appear substantial.

          It may be time to change things up, maybe see if you might have more motivation to try to take on some extra education or skill for career advancement/switch?

          1. nevergiveaninch +7

            No, it didn’t sound rude at all! I think you have a good point that some people put a lot of pressure on themselves to have their day jobs be meaningful in some way, while other people (that I envy sometimes) are perfectly capable of working a day job for years without taking it too seriously while pursuing meaningful, sustaining activities and relationships outside of work.

            My mom always urged me to follow my passions or whatever, because when she was starting out she just needed to eat and couldn’t worry about what her passion was. So I feel like a jerk over here just being like, thanks for working your ass off and raising me so well mom but I don’t have any career passions. 🙁 I know this must be a common experience.

            Anywaayyyyy yeah it definitely might be time to change things up!

          2. kitwings +5

            My professional certification requires me to have so many hours continuing education every year, so I attend numerous seminars/conferences, at each of which presents one or more speakers raving that we need to be PASSIONATE about our jobs and basically implying that we are horrible garbage people if we’re not. IT DRIVES ME INSANE because my career field is hella boring and of no cosmic importance whatsoever and anyone who is PASSIONATE about this crap is A VERY SAD PERSON.

            Your job does not define you; you do not have to have career passions; you are a unicorn, and you are okay.

    3. fiddlergirl +8

      sitting in front of a database just unable to care about what I’m doing at all

      oh hi, you just described my work life right now/the last few months! In my case, I think it may be burnout from a huge awful project, but the burnout is lasting for what feels like an unacceptably long time. I don’t have any advice but this is just to say, I’m with you.

    4. mysterybeast +12

      So I just deleted a whole long thing, but basically, I’m 30, have fancy degrees in a functionally useless subject, several false starts at a real career, training in a couple areas but no real experience….but also I am in a position where I don’t have to work if I don’t want to because my husband makes plenty for us, and I already hadn’t been working for over a year before I had my baby 4 months ago. So for now I’m taking care of the baby and living life…. And like, what if I never work? I simultaneously care NOT ONE IOTA because I am unmotivated and enjoy getting to enjoy my life (plus a dash of jaded and defeatist based on past). You can’t take it with you, you know? so part of me is like, why work if I don’t want to? But also I… can’t be a woman who is a mom who never works, with a daughter who I want to show that I am a smart lady and feminist and hard worker bc I am (or was)? That seems a scary proposition to me based on my own values, and is not meant as judgement of anyone’s choice. I am just of two minds and it’s weird and privilege and and and and yet all I can muster is a ….Meh.

    5. aintnothingtoit +9

      Oh, gosh. The Terror (what a good way to put it!) is almost always present for me. I’ve spent a long time trying to get over my death-based fear and anxiety, and I have a long way to go still, but it’s helped me so much to accept that I’m existential as hell and that’s okay. (Like someone else said above, I find motivation a separate thing.)

      I’ve found irreverence important – I like having something silly to say to myself when I am getting Very Serious about Death. For me, it’s “oh well! Groovy gravy!”

      I think exercise and friends sound great. I’ve always found nature to be the best coping mechanism. If I can’t always be around it, I try to put my mind there. I think about trees. How they share so much of our DNA, how all energy is really one, how they take in light and give out air and beauty and how much I admire that. How peaceful they are. How peaceful *everything* is, if you can just breathe and let your body and mind be exactly where and what they are. It’s a great big mess of a universe we’re in and we’re just floating around in it! All we can do is have the best swim we possibly can. I hope you do. *Toast hugs*

    6. bookwormV +2

      Yes, I feel this way a lot. Sometimes it’s on a personal level (“I don’t know what I’m doing and I can’t imagine ever feeling competent enough for a high-level job, and the thought of decades more of hard work and decision-making and learning things makes me feel exhausted and overwhelmed”) and sometimes on a wider one (“global temperatures are rising and there is war and poverty and misery everywhere and humans have apparently infinite ways of being cruel to each other, as well as making the world a measurably worse place”). It is shit.

  21. Swales +24

    So, maybe this is the open thread, maybe it’s not, but actually the relevance of that episode of TNG to my current situation/deal is too apt to pass up– I am going on a date tomorrow with somebody who is gender-nonbinary and I am excited about it because they are really nice and cute but also I am nervous! I’m a cis woman and I’ve only ever dated cis men before, so I’m really worried I’ll put my foot in my mouth and say something awful without meaning to. Does anybody have experience or advice for being a good cis date to somebody who’s not cis?

    1. Hannah Richards +3

      Well, I’ve never been in your shoes, but I am, myself, a non-binary person. I’m not out though, so I have no specific relationship advice to give you *from* actual *experience*. I don’t think that matters though – what matters is that you’re worried about how to treat a non-binary person. Which is fine! It’s ok to be nervous! Honestly, all you need to do is A of all, know their pronouns (and know if those pronouns change, if they’re fluid), and then B, do the normal thing you would with anyone of asking about things before you do them, asking about boundaries for how the date should go, romance/sex wise, and then ask about sexual boundaries (if applicable).
      That’s honestly it.
      Oh, and if it’s a first date, uhm, maybe check and see if they’re into the whole story-of-their-telling business. Some straight cis people are, some aren’t, and it’s the same with trans people of all kinds. Maybe they wanna tell you more about how they see their gender identity, maybe they don’t. It’s kind of an overplayed question they probably get all the time, but some people genuinely like talking about it. You can’t know till you ask, is the general rule here, as everywhere.
      But obviously – OBVIOUSLY haha – don’t ask about their genitals. Unless you’re actually having sex, and then you’ll know already, won’t you. But I know you know that!
      It’s just really play it by ear, ask them, establish boundaries and wishes in the same awkward fashion you would on any other date.
      Also, it may be an urge of your’s to bring up trans/non-binary oppression and activist issues, in an effort to sympathize or empathize. Just…try to remember that you’re on a date. Would talking about people being beat up or denied healthcare be a good topic on any other date? No? Probably not good on this one, either. Unless they bring it up, but even then it might kinda spoil the mood, and if you’re not feelin’ it, remember your boundaries matter, too.
      Just. Normal date advice, really.
      OH! But except I forgot, try to scope out places in advance that have family/unisex/single-occupancy bathrooms, in case you live in one of those states where bigots patrol bathrooms to beat people up (or one of those towns/districts where people do that even without a law to back them up).
      Safety first.
      Also, speaking of safety, don’t “out” them to strangers if 1) they’re not out to others, or 2) the stranger is being belligerent. Don’t use old pronouns, don’t use a name somebody doesn’t go by anymore.
      That’s about it for the trans-specific advice though, really. Like I say, everything else is stuff you’d already be doing.
      😀 Good luck!! Hope this advice got to you in time, and hope it’s been helpful in some way! We’re all pullin’ for ya!

      P.S. for those wondering, I’m agender and I prefer they/them pronouns

    2. Hannah Richards +1

      Oh! And um, here’s a link to a handy-dandy comic guide on things to think about on a first date with a trans woman. I know it’s specifically about trans women, but some of the same things apply to non-binary people, as well. Not all, but much of it. So here it is: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/tips-first-da…

    3. playeverything +6

      Aww, yay!

      There’s a lot of value in saying early on “I think you’re neat! This aspect is new for me, and I’ve been doing some reading and asking around, but please let me know if I say something stupid so that I can apologize right away. So.. what’s your favorite cake?”

      You want to be clear that you don’t expect them to educate you about this, but that you’re open to learning. And that you know it’s not the only (or even necessarily most important thing) about them. And it’s not why you like them!

      I hope all that makes sense, and have fun!

  22. SmrtCookie +14

    I’m going to be at work forever, I had 4 things to do today, each should have taken 1-2 hours. The first ended up taking 6. So I’m declaring this a Treat YoSelf weekend. Suggestions??

    1. spillyfilly +12

      Buy flowers and put them RIGHT IN YOUR BEDROOM because its fancy. Or buy a slice of cake and eat it for dinner.

    3. mysterybeast +13

      Go to an indie bookstore and buy a NEW HARDCOVER for full price! I almost never do this, I’ll get a Kindle copy or go to the library or buy on Amazon for cheaper or wait for paperback but HOT DAMN if I don’t love going into the little local place and dropping $30 on a huge ass book. It feels so good and…fancy?

  23. stirringsofconsciousness +37

    Until I saw the video, I was sure this said “Happy Beverly Cleary Friday”, and was expecting a bunch of Ramona feelings.

  24. hlmorris85 +8

    So forgive me if this is already a Thing, or has been brought up in OTs before, but is anyone interested in putting together a writing group? I’ve tried some online groups before and they’ve not really worked for me, but I don’t have anyone in person and I’m getting really tired of having no one to run my stuff by. (Some friends from high school keep promising that they’ll look at things and then the minute I send a story they apparently go off the grid.) Basically I’m thinking an email list of some sort? I don’t know, I feel like every writer in the world has beta readers and I can’t figure it out.

    [fwiw, I write mostly in the vague speculative fiction genre, but I am willing to read pretty much anything in return and also I have expensive and fancy degrees in reading so maybe that means something?]

    1. irreverantontheinternet +2

      I would be willing to give an online writing group a try! I’m in an in-person one which has been great but I could always use more eyes and more support.

      I have no idea how to go about setting up one though.

      1. hlmorris85 +2

        (I’m reposting this from below just in case you don’t see the whole thread):

        for now, if you are interested email me at thebastardtitle [at] gmail and I’ll set up a list. What I’m thinking is we can all introduce ourselves to each other, and then decide either a) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send it out to the whole list or b) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send out a sort of summary of what its about and interested readers can get back to them and request said story. Or we can just try trial and error and see what works. If it gets to unwieldy as an email list I will look into other hosting options.

    2. sabinabemani +2

      If this is a thing already, I’m not aware of it. I am definitely interested!

      1. hlmorris85 +2

        (I’m reposting this from below just in case you don’t see the whole thread):

        for now, if you are interested email me at thebastardtitle [at] gmail and I’ll set up a list. What I’m thinking is we can all introduce ourselves to each other, and then decide either a) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send it out to the whole list or b) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send out a sort of summary of what its about and interested readers can get back to them and request said story. Or we can just try trial and error and see what works. If it gets to unwieldy as an email list I will look into other hosting options.

      1. hlmorris85 +2

        (I’m reposting this from below just in case you don’t see the whole thread):

        for now, if you are interested email me at thebastardtitle [at] gmail and I’ll set up a list. What I’m thinking is we can all introduce ourselves to each other, and then decide either a) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send it out to the whole list or b) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send out a sort of summary of what its about and interested readers can get back to them and request said story. Or we can just try trial and error and see what works. If it gets to unwieldy as an email list I will look into other hosting options.

      1. hlmorris85 +2

        (I’m reposting this from below just in case you don’t see the whole thread):

        for now, if you are interested email me at thebastardtitle [at] gmail and I’ll set up a list. What I’m thinking is we can all introduce ourselves to each other, and then decide either a) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send it out to the whole list or b) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send out a sort of summary of what its about and interested readers can get back to them and request said story. Or we can just try trial and error and see what works. If it gets to unwieldy as an email list I will look into other hosting options.

    6. raqueue +3

      I would totally join if this was a thing! I’m an editor by trade, & love working through issues with writers. I’m not sure the best way to start one, though.

    7. hlmorris85 +3

      cool cool cool so I’m thinking I just kind of dumped this here and didn’t go far enough so how about this: (I will repost this under everyone who’s already replied to be sure you see it.)

      for now, if you are interested email me at thebastardtitle [at] gmail and I’ll set up a list. What I’m thinking is we can all introduce ourselves to each other, and then decide either a) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send it out to the whole list or b) when a writer has a story they need shopped, they can send out a sort of summary of what its about and interested readers can get back to them and request said story. Or we can just try trial and error and see what works. If it gets to unwieldy as an email list I will look into other hosting options.

      I want it to be a low-pressure/casual thing; part of my problem with online groups before was trying to meet quotas. But like I said I’m pretty open to reading lots of stories (I don’t sleep so much), and I know for me it would be a huge help to have betas take a look before I send things out.

    8. threatqualitypress +5

      There is a Slack…group. Channel. Thing. Someone invited me but then I got too shy about participating and didn’t do anything. I think you got to email Megaaaaan but I am hesitant to put her email address here?

      I don’t know, yo u can also always do new ones, there can be plenty of writing groups in the world.

    9. therelativelyshittycook +4

      Hey guys,
      Yes, we have a Slack writing group and it is awesome! I also write weird speculative stuff – we have lots of genres over there ad it is really supportive and fun. I’m not the owner but I think I can also issue invites – email me at julieannehersh at gmail and I’ll send you one!

    10. MopRocks +2

      I always chicken out when it comes to writing my own stuff, but I would totally beta on the reg for some Toasties!

  25. speakingofcake +8

    Canada Toasts! I am visiting your beautiful country (autocorrect thought that was ‘esoteric’ at first, which, I guess?) for two whole weeks as of tomorrow! We’ve got the general itinerary set, but I’d love to hear recommendations from Toasts in Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver for nice restaurants/bars. Mr Cake and I are pretty easy-going when it comes to such things, we tend to lean towards bars where you can have a conversation and people might bring dogs, while we eat most foods and especially like Middle Eastern cuisine.

    Also, while we’re familiar with the well-known spots, are there any unusual, quirky, little known sights in any of those cities you would recommend?

    I am so excited to be stepping upon the hallowed land of Nicole 🙂 🙂

    1. snowqueene +1

      I recommend you take your doggie for a walk on the Lachine Canal near Atwater market. The nicest stretch is East of the market heading towards Griffintown/the Old City. There are also paddle boats and kayaks and bikes for rent if you leave the doggie at home. And the Atwater market has very nice ice cream (Havre au Glaces, outside the market near the canal) and a little outdoor area with picnic tables and food and beer on weekends during the day. I really like Sate Brothers.

        1. speakingofcake +1

          Merci! That sounds delightful 🙂 I don’t actually have a dog, I just like to place myself in their vicinity as often as possible, so taking the walk you described sounds like the perfect opportunity!

          1. snowqueene +1

            Oh wow yes the canal walking/biking path is like doggie heaven. So many of them.

    2. theminutiae +3

      In Toronto: my favourite spot these days is the patio at Bellwoods Brewery. The beer and food are awesome, and the vibe is very laid-back. There’s also a great place just down the street where you can get ice cream sandwiches on fresh-baked cookies (http://www.bangbangicecream.com/), but it’s pretty trendy so the line gets loooong. Worth it though, in my opinion.

    3. coloredlights +1

      I don’t live in Vancouver but I visited last year, and my favorite restaurant was a place called Salmon ‘n Bannock, which is First Nations-owned/run/inspired. The food was GREAT and they even get their wine and beer from First Nations companies.

      Actually I visited all of those cities last year – I don’t have many recs for Toronto because I was there for work and didn’t get out of the corporate downtown area much, but here’s some Montreal.
      – Bar Magnifique – they serve very good food very late and have an awesome vibe
      – Dieu du Ciel – maybe the most famous of the Montreal breweries; great variety, nice patio
      – Benelux – sort of a dirtbag hangout brewery; they pretty much only have hotdogs and beer (but good beer)
      – Kitsune – my favorite hipster coffee shop in the city
      – DEFINITELY go to Parc Mont-Royal on a Sunday afternoon for amazing people-watching

      Ugh I miss Canada!

      1. speakingofcake +1

        Thank you! The Montreal recommendations sound great, and I’m definitely going to try to get to Salmon ‘N Bannock.

      2. New_Username +1

        Oooh and when you go to Parc Mont-Royal get some Portuguese chicken from Rotisserie Romados to go an eat it in a Park!

    4. raqueue +1

      Okay, Toronto really depends on the neighbourhood (and sadly, no dogs are allowed in any food establishments, which is tragic).

      Whereabouts are you staying in Toronto and I’ll generate some nice recs based on that neighbourhood?

      1. speakingofcake +2

        It’s in the Trinity Bellwoods area, close to the park, which was recommended to me as a nice place to stay.

    5. deleted2570704 +2

      I am from none of those places but live close-ish to Toronto, I hope you have a great trip!

      Do you like Ethiopian? Because then you should go to Nazareth in Toronto (it will be very busy but is cheap and tasty) or Le Nil Bleu in Montreal.

      Toronto Island is great in the summer, especially in the eve as it’s a great place to see the Skyline. I prefer Hanlan’s Point which is the nude beach (you can be clothed! I’m always clothed), and there is less policing on on-beach beverages. If it turns out nude beaches are you thing there’s also Wreck Beach at UBC in Vancouver. It’s very beautiful, there will be naked people.

      A visit to the UBC campus is nice- especially the Japanese Garden. There are also some museums on campus. Last time I was in Vancouver I went to a really fun comedy show at a gallery called Hot Wet Art City which was great, one of my fave comedians is doing an interactive show called Come Draw With Me where you draw on June 24 there! There is also a speak-easy kind of bar near there but I can’t remember what it is called, but it had very red walls.

      I’ve never been to the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto but I hear it’s incredible (just down the street from the Royal Ontario Museum).

      When my brother lived in the High Park/Junction area of Toronto we went to the The Hole in the Wall a lot which sounds like it might be up your street.

      Other handy resources: Just Shows , blogTO , Georgia Straight (Van).

      1. speakingofcake +1

        Wow that’s amazing! I’ve never had Ethiopian food but am excited to try. Is the comedian you mentioned Alicia Tobin? I only know her as a guest on Stop Podcasting Yourself but yes, she’s a delight. I’m actually going to the weekly Laugh Gallery comedy show in Havana Theatre the week I’m there, so maybe she’ll be performing at that! (I’ll be back before the 24th sadly)

        1. deleted2570704 +1

          It’s pretty great and I don’t really know any Middle Eastern restaurants in those cities (but if you end up in Kitchener definitely go to Café Arabesque for Lebanese).

          And yes, Alicia Tobin! She’s the best! (And so is SPY) she has her own podcast now called Retail Nightmares. Have an awesome time seeing Graham, I hope you win a weird thing from him!

    6. melodieroschman +1

      I’m not a native Torontoan, but if you’re in the Little Italy area I can recommend Kalendar. It’s a sort of Middle Eastern-Italian-French place, gorgeously and eclectically decorated, reasonably priced, and very romantic. They also have a fantastic wine selection. They only take reservations Sunday to Thursday, but when I was there with my boyfriend we got a table immediately without a reservation – though the fact that there was a blizzard ongoing probably had something to do with that!

      I’m also going to second the Bata Shoe Museum recommendation – if you by any chance have a student ID then admission is quite inexpensive, and it’s incredibly interesting, especially if you’re the kind of person who’s more interested in historical underwear and dessert than treaties and wars.

      1. speakingofcake +3

        I most certainly am the kind of person who is interested in historical underwear! That all sounds great, thank you!

    7. loren_smith +1

      Vancouver! For Lebanese Nuba is an establishment, but I have been hearing that Jam Jar http://www.jamjaronthedrive.com/ is way better. Commercial (The Drive) it a sort of cool hipstery neighbourhood that can be fun to walk. If you are into nerdy things, check out Storm Crow. I’m a big fan of the food at http://www.lamezcaleria.ca/. If you like beers, it is a short walk to Doan Brothers http://doanscraftbrewing.com/, a new microbrewery with a cool tasting room. Hype is just building on them, so check it out!

      Personally I like the attitude of East Van more than the rest of the city, but I live on the island, so my recommendations are probably suspect.

    8. thenotestaken +1

      In Montreal, you should definitely eat at Damas–great slightly fancier middle eastern restaurant. Also, I like Vices & Versa in Montreal–a bar that predominantly features Quebec microbrews, has amazing fries, and a nicer terrasse space than Dieu du Ciel. I don’t know if they still do this or when it is but one night of the week they have live Quebecois folk music.

      In Vancouver, I really like Bandidas Taqueria–delicious Mexican food, nice drinks, good vibe, affordable.

      Have a great time!!

        1. raqueue +1

          It is totally way out in the east end and has long-lines on the weekends but if you’re in the area, THEY MAKE EGGS IN FALAFELS AND IT IS THE BEST EVER.

          (and also, if you want to make a Toronto East End day, there’s lovely shopping along Queen East between Jones and Broadview, and the Danforth between Pape and Broadview is always worth a visit).

    10. speakingofcake +1

      Thank you so much for all these amazing recommendations Toasties! Our trip just got 110% better!

    11. spookyholmes +1

      I am seconding the suggestion of Kalendar in Toronto! I used to live one block north of it and I miss it, it’s awesome.

      I also recommend Fresh, a small chain of very good vegetarian (and vegan-friendly) restaurants. I believe there is one very close to Trinity Bellwoods park.

    12. whollyword +2

      Toronto Chinatown: Mother’s Dumplings.

      I do not live in Toronto, but I still dream of those dumplings.

    13. racewhoknowsjoseph

      If you’re in Toronto on the last Sunday of the month, Kensington Market is car free. Lots of street musicians, vendors, and street foods…excellent tacos! It’s also right around the corner from Chinatown. Theres a Ribfest at Woodbine Park near the Beaches on Father’s Day which is enjoyable if you’re a meat eater. I love the Brickworks farmer’s market on Saturdays…it’s surrounded by lovely nature walks, and there’s a free shuttle from Broadview station that will take you there.

      1. racewhoknowsjoseph

        Oh and I forgot, my two absolute favourite brunch spots – both on Roncesvalles – are Barques smokehouse, which has the most divine pancakes with smoked duck, blueberries, and mascarpone, and La Cubana which has delicious Cuban food. Afterwards you can go to High Park and look for the lost Capybaras!

  26. bighairnoheart +17

    In local news, I’ve begun watching Star Trek with the twelve year old boy I tutor. Experiencing The Naked Time fresh through his eyes was great. We’re on The Enemy Within at this very moment. His reactions to evil!Kirk are priceless.

        1. lizzythecat +8

          I may forget to say before The Toast’s demise, but I fucking love your username. I am similarly big haired and heartless, and am, frankly, angry I didn’t think of it first. 🙂

    2. SarcasticFringehead +5

      I got to go to the Star Trek exhibit in Seattle this past weekend! I did not realize how many of the costumes were so v. sparkly (the Gorn, for example, or evil Kirk’s tunic & sash)

  27. sabinabemani +17

    Just want to express my appreciation for the Advice channel of ToastieSlack, who helped me sort through some complex feelings yesterday related to [effectively] cutting off a dysfunctional friendship. You are all awesome.

  28. PomoFrannyGlass +21

    I have been fully accepting of the closing of The Toast, until just now, when I realized that after July 1 I won’t get to use/hear “too witches” as a description again. -_-

    1. parlato1973 +9

      we say it a lot on toastieslack.slack.com and even have a bot that will say it when witches come up. join!

      1. PomoFrannyGlass +2

        ok! do i need an e-invite? (not understanding the internet makes me feel like an ancient crone)

    2. RsDeathGlare +21

      But I look forward to roaming the internet and coming across the rare comment that uses ‘too witches’ AND KNOWING THAT IS MY PEOPLE.

    3. Jessargh +10

      pssht,”too witches” isn’t going away. we just need to spread it more around meatspace

      1. speakingofcake +19

        I keep saying ‘anyway, here’s Wonderwall’ whenever I see a Man with a guitar, and people IRL look bemused, and I feel sad for them that they don’t have Toast in their lives.

        1. Unreadaethel +8

          I say it and feel the warm glow of knowing that all the people who laugh are fellow Toasties.

  29. meetapossum +14

    I took a header down my stairs on Memorial Day so I’ve been working from home all week. I’ve got a row of stitches from my hairline to my eyebrow and a couple on my lip, and now I’ve got two black eyes from the impact. However, I’m very lucky that I didn’t break anything even though I look pretty gruesome right now.

    Tell me about your crazy injuries, Toasties!

    1. the_slapdash +8

      Ouch! Hope it clears up quickly!

      The best story I can offer is the time I broke my ankle by slipping on some anti-slip. I still have no idea how I managed that. (This happened when I was at school, which was quite a long time ago now, but I am reliably informed that the area where I fell is still out of bounds for pupils. I like that I’ve made a difference through really impressive stupidity.)

      1. Unreadaethel +2

        I rolled my ankle several years ago while standing perfectly still in a friend’s living room. I was just standing there, when I suddenly fell sideways and landed on the side of my foot. I figured it couldn’t be that bad, so I didn’t follow RICE protocol, and it got horribly swollen and painful.

        I also slipped down a steep median boulevard and landed hard in the road a month or so later (in the path of an oncoming car, whee!), and rather than calling the friend whose house I’d just left, decided to limp home (in my defense, I’d only just gotten a cell phone, and forgot about it in all of the excitement). That was an awesome summer.

    2. DoubtfulGuest +6

      Wishing you a speedy recovery! I don’t know if this counts as crazy, but it was definitely my stupidest injury. About 10 years ago, I was at Disneyland, walking (in no particular hurry either) out toward the tram to the parking lot, and I stepped on a bit of uneven ground and just flipped right over, landing on my shoulder and dislocating it.

    4. dreamingintrees +14

      I fell down an escalator! In front of an entire food court. I wasn’t hurt too badly because I landed on some frat boy jerks, which was rather satisfying.

    5. LaxMom +8

      I woke up in our cabin at midnight, after having just laid down for a short nap after our canoe trip while my dad grilled the steaks.(I was 23.) It was dark. There were no steaks. They didnt save me any food.
      Turns out I had a concussion. I remembered hearing my dad say “steaks are done”, and then nothing.
      Turns out I was so hungry that I’d sat up in bed fast enough to hit the bunk above me and knock myself out for six hours!!

    6. Copy Goddess +3

      Six years ago, while preparing to get off a train, I stood up, made a sharp right turn, and wrecked my knee: torn meniscus, ruptured ACL, and what the MRI report charmingly called “a kissing contusion” (actually a bone bruise). It was the kind of injury that football players suffer when they’re tackled on the side of the knee. I used a brace and a cane for four months, and whenever anyone asked me what had happened to my leg I said, “I stood up.”

    7. znfchick +3

      I was counselling at a camp, dreamed my camper needed me urgently, and (still asleep) LEAPED out of my upper bunk, catching my leg on the railing and coming down with a tremendous crash. No one even woke up. Except for me, I was very disoriented and spent the next three weeks with gorgeous rainbow bruising all over.

      Also I once tried to jump over a six-inch-high railing, tripped on it, and whacked mt elbow so hard on the sidewalk we thought it was fractured for a few hours.

  30. WallisWallyOlly +5

    Stack question! I went to sign up, and it was asking for my name, but I don’t want to use my real name, I want to use my toast user name. How does this work? This is the first time I’ve had this problem with signing up for an account because usually I’m just making up a pretend name, but I want to make it clear on stack that I’m this person on the toast, and I don’t want to use my real name at all because I don’t use my real name on things if it’s at all avoidable.

    1. snowqueene +3

      Yeah I just put in my username and that worked out fine? Others seem maybe to have entered real names, which appear on your profile, so it’s good to be aware of that.

    2. Es_Petal +2

      It made me put in my real name that shows on my profile, and then my username which appears on the posts I make.

      1. Crivens

        I edited my profile so only my first name appears. I guess I could still be identified, but I think after you create the account you can make it more anonymous. Could be wrong, am an oldish technonewb. Just ask my kids.

  31. parlato1973 +4

    Los Angeles & Environs: we are meeting at Clifton’s downtown, tonight at 5:30pm for Happy Hour & beyond!

  32. Briony_Fields +25

    Deanna Troi was totally my childhood inspiration to become a therapist. She made being sensitive to other people’s feelings seem cool, and unlike me NOBODY MADE FUN OF HER.

  33. 10secondsofmaryland +11

    My lawyer friend and I (a rom-com fan) have teamed up to do an Ally McBeal recap blog: https://theunisexbathroom.wordpress.com/. Since there have been Toast discussions about the joy of obsessive recaps, I figured I’d link it here. (We just started this week, but we’re hoping to update Wednesdays and Sundays, so the content should be pretty regular.)

    2. RandomCrouton +1

      I will definitely read this because I tried re-watching Ally McBeal and could not make it through a few episodes, but I kept trying!?

  34. BessieMaeMucho +11

    I’m going to see Dolly Parton tonight. I’m wearing my “God Save The Queen [Bee]” T-shirt. Caaaaan’t wait.

  35. therelativelyshittycook +13

    Are there Fallen Londoners here? I just got to a point where it wants me to participate in a torrid love affair in order to Make My Name, and now I feel that the world is pressuring not only me but my poor innocent avatar to stop being single, and I am extremely cranky about it grrrrrrrrrrr

    1. kayjayoh_ +3

      I’m Kayjayoh there, just like here (only without the stupid underscore at the end).

      I think I missed the torrid love affairs. I was involved in something with a artist of some sort way back? I hardly remember, though.

    2. ladyimogen +6

      Romance in FL is nicely vague! You can trade sharp gossip a few times and then go your separate ways, if i recall correctly, and retain your character’s pure and glorious solitude.

    3. Hannah Richards +1

      Hannah Claire Richards in FL (main char) and Zilphia (alt char)!
      I also seem to recall some such frustration. I’m heartened by ladyimogen’s comment, though! I do remember that it’s true that you can just share honey dreams, go on jewel heists, etc, with the normal Making Your Name love interests. Once you get to Court, you’ll eventually be kicked out (just like the Watchful Making Your Name storyline at University), and, er, having a sex scandal of sorts is one good way to do that, but you’ll be heartened to know you can choose to be kicked out for political reasons instead. I think there might be a third option I’m not remembering, too….
      Anyhow! If you’re not worried about spoilers, the FL wiki and FL forums are good places to check for info/questions/etc. You can hide/unhide the spoilers in the wiki (which is mostly just used for finding out the consequences for actions before you do them, item grinding guides and conversions, and figuring out what options are available in what places without having to go there in game and potentially waste a trip a zee).
      The forums are more conversational, of course, and there you can post questions like this and get it answered, like here, only by dozens and dozens of people, including the FL creators and mods.
      wiki: http://fallenlondon.wikia.com/wiki/Echo_Bazaar_Wi…
      forum: http://community.failbettergames.com/forum9-the-b…

    4. deoridhe +1

      I just joined Fallen London and need friends! Deoridhe here, Deoridhe there, Deoridhe, Deoridhe everywhere…

  36. jimmyjimjimjim +19

    Last two weeks:
    Pros:
    -Finally turned 30, after almost 5 years of telling people I was thirty
    -Saw my family (a year for my older brother, 8 years for my younger, three years for my sister mom and step dad)
    -Finally bench pressed a full three sets of eight with the 70lb dumbbells, which is 140 or 5 lbs more than an oly-bar and two 45 lb plates, a sort of aesthetic milestone because it means I can now start pressing with the bar if I feel like it and not feel like a goober (something about the massive bar and a pair of 25lb plates makes me feel sheepish). Though by tradition I’m not going to jump to the bar until I’m throwing up the hundos (god forgive me for constantly referring to them like that).

    Cons:
    -As mentioned my mom is now on dialysis.
    -I’m beginning to develop varicose veins in my left leg too, and it was such a gorgeous leg.
    -I got pretty drunk with my little brother and he got… pretty confessional there at the end of our second fifth of bourbon but I don’t know if he remembers, so thats always awkward.

  37. bocadelperro +30

    Last weekend, at her request, I went and visited my 90 year old great aunt. She and I are the only women on my dad’s side of the family (not counting marriages). She has always been very nice to me, but I never really knew her. Turns out she’s always been a badass. Here’s what I learned:
    1: In high school, she was captain of a champion volleyball team named after her. They had t-shirts with her name and portrait in it.
    2: in the 70s, she was in charge of all the correspondence and membership matters for the union my uncle was head of
    3: she is a fountain of sports statistics. She knows the batting averages for the Giants and As starting lineup off the top of her head
    4: she bets the ponies and regularly wins, and correctly bet first and second at Preakness this year.

    Anyway, considering that my whole family is freaky smart and outspoken, I know I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s awesome, but still.

    This thread is for discussing awesome older women.

    1. fiddlergirl +33

      Your great aunt sounds awesome!

      My awesome older lady story: my grandma grew up in Japan, and survived the bombing of Tokyo in WWII (she was a teenager at the time). She married my grandfather, an American soldier stationed in Japan in the 50s, and they moved to the States; he turned out to be a horrific abusive monster and tried his best to isolate her (among other things), meanwhile my grandma taught herself English by watching I Love Lucy, taught herself to drive (PUSHING THE CAR OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY AND DOWN THE STREET at night by herself so he wouldn’t hear), got a job as a seamstress, raised my mom and my uncle and eventually divorced her abuser and went on to be an awesome grandma and wonderful caring funny person and etc. When I lift weights I keep thinking about her pushing that car down the street by herself (she was a pretty small person!). She passed away in 2012 and now I have this fantasy in my mind being lifting partners and doing bench press and deadlifts with my grandma. <3

      1. bocadelperro +8

        Wow, your grandmother was a stone cold badass. My maternal grandmother was also a war bride, from Germany, but was not nearly that awesome.

    2. dreamingintrees +16

      Yay for wonderful older women! Yours sounds awesome.
      My grandmother recently died. She was 100 and a half, lived on her own until three years ago and loved to curse people in traditional southern Italian witch style. She didn’t really get that I’m bisexual but was supportive of me being a lesbian and kept trying to set me up with these “nice young ladies” she knew.
      Also she met my grandfather when she was HIS supervisor in the factory they worked at during WWII and she thought he was cute and proposition ed him. She had her definite opinions and always took action.

      1. bocadelperro +8

        AWESOME! Your grandmother sounds like my great-grandmother (the mother of this Aunt), at least from the stories I’ve heard.

        She was an immigrant from Sicily, and worked in a canning plant in San Jose. She started a riot on her first day. She was the forewoman of the whole plant by the time she retired (sometime in the 50s). She once attacked a burglar who broke into her home with a Statue of St. Francis of Assisi. She was in her 80s. The guy ran off.

    1. MopRocks +3

      HOW DID I NEVER MAKE THAT CONNECTION?! I’ve watched the BTS a million times! D’OH! Thank you!

  39. craneyourneck +2

    Writing so many thank you notes this week.

    Tell me the thank you note you never wrote and always regretted, or the best one you received!

    1. cornpancake +4

      This is neither but a tip I was once given and try to follow is to start the note with the word “You.” I always had a tendency to start it with “I” (“I’m so happy you were able to come!”) or “Thank you for…” but starting with the focus on the other person will make them feel good!

  40. LindaHyphen +14

    If this is indeed the open thread…

    This week has been a roller coaster. I recently started a new blog (about bad classical music journalism–I’m a musicologist), and a major music critic Tweeted about it, so I suddenly have a larger audience! That’s awesome and exciting, though it does come with extra pressure, but that’s absolutely an acceptable trade-off.

    So, while awesome things are happening with some minor aspect of my career, it turns out that my friends’ marriage has been imploding. They’re a couple who are really close to me and my husband (my husband was the only witness at their wedding), so this hit us hard, and we’re doing the best to be supportive. I don’t think they’re getting divorced; I do believe they’ll work it out, but it’s not going to be easy.

    Then I found out that my dad has prostate cancer, literally moments before my own oncologist tells me that the tumors that had been in check for several months are growing again, so I have to up my chemo dosage to the point that used to give me severe anemia. When I was on this dose before, I was needing blood transfusions every few weeks. I don’t want to be weak and anemic again, especially not when I have good things going on with my work AND my friends and family need me.

    So, that’s my week. Internet strangers, I could use your anonymous good vibes. Actually, no — my loved ones could use your good vibes. I can generate my own off of the recent luck with my blog. But friends and family could certainly use some positivity.

    …If it’s NOT the open thread, then… I <3 Crusher, but I find that all my TNG watching as a kid has made Picard the voice of my conscience. WWJLPD?

    1. MopRocks +10

      Sending only the best vibes and internet hugs your way. Sorry that so much crazy came with the good.

    3. Heathered +6

      That’s a whole landslide of things to dig out from. Keeping good thoughts for you in the coming week and beyond.

    4. mysterybeast +5

      Love and hugs and vibes and good wishes and fist shaking at the universe and high fives because you’re awesome!

        1. SmrtCookie +4

          Awesome! I’m a musician and it turns out I have STRONG feelings about the future if classical music.

        2. Räven +4

          I love that it’s nine things that need to change in classical music, but the link is “ten things…”, so his editor clearly noped one of them out of existence. I will say that in NYC the contemporary pieces are 99% always scheduled before intermission so the oldsters can’t just walk out at the break and never come back; a Thomas Ades closing suite would probably play to a thin house….

  41. anecdata +18

    Dog-loving Toasties: I am just devastated. My wonderful and perfect lab had a huge and terrifying mast cell tumor come out of nowhere this week. So of course we did the surgery to remove it, plus all the diagnostic stuff (ultrasounds, x-rays, liver and spleen aspirates), and now I’m waiting on the pathology results and I’m so scared I’m going to lose her. I’ve had her nine years, since she was a puppy; she got me through a PhD and the end of an engagement, we go for long walks every day, she is objectively the sweetest and kindest dog who ever lived. Everything is the worst.

    1. snowqueene +5

      I am so sorry. Doggies are the best and yours sounds like a lovely soul. I am sending you toasthugs or fist bumps and all the good luck I can muster for your dear pitou.

    2. mkmorrow +4

      Fucking cancer.

      Big hugs for you and ear scritches and pats for your beautiful dog. I am so sorry. Dogs are the best and everything else is the worst.

    4. aintnothingtoit +3

      I’m so sorry. Dogs, and especially labs, are such life-lightening lovebugs and this is so scary. I’m wishing your pup good luck and thinking of you.

    6. whollyword +4

      Gentlest Toast hugs for you, and whatever pettins / scritches feel good to her, once she is up for them. She sounds so precious. I hope that you and she will still have good time together.

  42. Jessargh +20

    ok since this is our OT:
    Toasties, it is my birthday today & you can come here & say nice things to me?

    2. chiaroscuromom +4

      Happy birthday! Treat yourself to a hot fudge sundae at Dairy Queen – you deserve it!

    3. RamekinRamekin +4

      Happy birthday! I hope it’s full of your favorite things and that the year ahead is full of wonder and delight. 🙂

    5. dashitall +4

      Happy Birthday! Your hair is very nice. You probably tell really funny stories. You are really great, and I hope that you have a wonderful day and some good cake to top it all off!

    7. mkmorrow +4

      Happy birthday! May traffic be magically light. May the radio play only your favorite songs. May the weather be exactly the perfect temperature for you to bask in the sun or wrap up in a blanket, as you wish.

    9. Hannah Richards +1

      <gasp!> HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May all your toast be served just the way you like it. :3 Oh, and many happy returns of the day! (as Winnie the Pooh would say)
      I hope I’m not too late to wish you well on the anniversary of your birth!

    10. whollyword +2

      Happy belated birthday! I hope you are properly celebrated by the people around you. May the year to come treat you well. May you learn new things that excite you. May you have good experiments. May you have jubilant successes. May you have kind and loving people in your life. May you be excellent to yourself.

  43. OoTheHumanities +14

    Someone is burning Nag Champa in the common areas of my office building, I have no idea who or why, but it is giving me college flashbacks.

    The highlight of my today was buying three of those great salad plates linked in the comments on the bargain bin! 20% off! http://www.westelm.com/products/dapper-animal-pla…

    1. Heathered +3

      So jealous! (Of the plate, I was burning nag champa myself yesterday because the heat amplifies all the ghostly smells embedded in these apartment walls).

      1. OoTheHumanities +4

        I burn it at home from time to time! It’s just so strange in a corporate setting! I got one each of the lobster and the bikini shark plates, too. My husband will probably think they are weird as hell.

  44. damanoid +25

    AAUGH this is the clip from that one episode where they introduce the sentient mind-puppeting tapeworms! And then Dr. Crusher falls in love with a tapeworm, because it is living in a sexy man’s colon, and then it has to be transplanted into Riker’s colon for some reason, and then it puppets his mind into being sexy with Dr. Crusher, and then it goes to live in a woman’s colon and welp, that’s the end of that relationship, because it’s impossible for a woman to love a tapeworm if it is infecting the colon of another woman instead of a man colon.

    I suppose this episode could be viewed as progressive, in that it contains a generally positive depiction of human-tapeworm romance. But dear lord, they could have handled this material so much better.

    Then again, things could have been worse, too. “It turns out that the only suitable host on the ship for your tapeworm sex partner is… your own son, Wesley. Wow, even here in the future, that still seems incredibly awkward. On the other hand, over time the tapeworm will subsume your son’s identity and replace it with a mosaic personality, so there’s also a silver lining.”

    ETA: I would bet any amount of Federation non-monetary credits that there are fanfics out there with this exact premise, which I trust nobody here will link to if you have any shred of decency left in you.

    1. nobledonna +7

      Yeah this episode bothers me for that reason. Also because the tapeworm sex seems…dubiously consensual. Like did Riker give them permission to use his body for sex?

    2. AmyEntropy +12

      Yep, the sexual dynamics were definitely pre-21st century. And I remember, when it aired, a male friend of mine squicking over the female host kissing Crusher’s hand – that was too gay for him. There’s also the issue of the ambassador using Riker’s body for sex and whether he would have been okay with that (he would have, it’s Riker, but the point is he didn’t ASK.)

      1. Unreadaethel +9

        I remember being disappointed in the sexual politics of Beverly’s speech at the end. Man, it’s the 24th century, humanity hasn’t evolved into broader notions of love yet?

        I would at this point like to note that I was 12, and couldn’t articulate my views on this very well, but I was still less weirded out by gay stuff than Gene Roddenberry was.

        1. Hannah Richards +6

          Yeah, I was super disappointed, even disgusted, that they showed her, a 24th century progressive, familiar with hundreds of alien cultures and anatomies, being actually DISGUSTED with the concept of even non-sexual not-quite homoromantic love, esp with the first person she’s really loved since her late husband, esp ESP with someone she’s already been willing to make love to through/with her totally platonic pal of many years and superior officer/coworker, Will Riker! It was totally uncharacteristic, considering the progressiveness of the series otherwise, and the especially progressive values of Bev Crusher in particular! Just a slap in the face for all queer and trans (esp non-binary trans and genderfluid) people. Just a huge slap in the face. Willing to have possibly non-consensual threeway sex with an old platonic friend/coworker, but suddenly sees the logistical problems of the relationship when a more stable host who happens to be female comes along?? That’s “unworkable”? She literally gets so, so upset, disgusted, even horrified by the whole concept! Of homosexuality/homoromance! In the 24th century! As a woman progressive even for her progressive society! Didn’t make sense. Hated that.
          Loved this scene though! The early scenes in this episode were lovely. The potential sexual assault of Riker was not, and the rejection at the end <shudder>
          I’ve been rewatching the whole series, and I so this blow was recent. I was, and am, still fairly upset about it. haha obviously!
          Anyway, I’m agender and pansexual, so this rejection of her lover *because* of them being transgender/transsexual, possibly either gender fluid or bigender, and probably pansexual – I mean, *because* of their gender, sex, and sexuality! I just. It hit close to home.
          Star Trek is great generally, and TNG in particular, but the way they handled LGB+ sexualities, and trans/third gender identities, was truly pretty much just as bad as the way any other show treats them, which is to say, terrible. I mean, they sometimes included them! In alien societies and only alien societies. And usually as straw men. And usually as just fun-house mirror reflections on the gender and sexual oppression of our own societies, which is ok! But not ok when it’s every single time. Like those agender aliens! Literally the only time I’ve seen canon agender characters on any screen, tv or movie, and they’re just the fun-house-mirror reflrections of “us” real human culture (cuz being agender is quintessentially alien to humans <eye roll into oblivion>) enforcing a strict set of artificial sex and gender definitions onto everyone in their society. It’s good to show that that’s what sex and gender truly are! Enforced social concepts! But could we also include other agender characters and yes, even societies, in the show? Otherwise, the only agender people on the show, the only agender screen characters I’ve ever seen and most people have ever seen, are villains, intent on erasing all gender labels for everyone everywhere. And you know what? That is the idea people have about agender people. IF they’ve ever heard of us at all, that’s what they think about us. The stories you tell matter, man. They really do.
          Anyhow, sorry not sorry for the tangent! Recent TNG feels
          Also coincidentally I only discovered I was agender last summer (not till 26! guesss why – its cuz i’d never heard of it or seen it before [i’d only watched a handful of disconnected TNG episodes growing up, whenever they were on at my dad’s house or my anty nan’s house, so hadn’t caught this ep]) and I’m still not “out” to anyone irl, mostly cuz I’m afraid that my bf might do *exactly* what Crusher did to her lover! So that hit a real nerve, too.

    3. Swales +6

      On the other hand, the introduction of the Trill in this episode paved the way for a joined-Trill character on DS9, Jadzia Dax. And she got an episode where she met up with the current (female) host of the symbiont who used to be joined with Dax’s wife, back when Dax was a dude a couple lifetimes ago, and they reignite their love for one another and get to have (I think?) the only gay kiss on Star Trek. And it’s glorious.

  45. bookwormV +10

    As I said I was going to do earlier this week, I had my hair cut yesterday! It is more than three years since my last haircut and this is the first time I have had a proper one (that didn’t involve me being a child or just popping up the road to someone who did hairdressing out of her kitchen and charged under £10). My hair is now shorter than I think I have ever had it, a little shorter than planned (hairdressers: maybe don’t ask customers to make decisions on length when they don’t have their glasses on?) and while it is a bit strange (it’s not halfway down my back anymore! How will I put it into a ponytail to get away with not washing it?), I like it; it bounces excitingly when I turn my head and I feel more grown up. And having someone else wash, dry and style my hair was surprisingly pleasant. I can see why people blow dry their hair, having seen how nice mine looked immediately afterwards, but am pretty sure that I am still not going to bother, even if I look a bit of a mess. But, yay, achievement!

  46. rosemarybush +3

    So… this Slack thing… can I get in on that? Or is it too late for me? Am I just too old because I am in the middle of googling what Slack is?

    1. dashitall +1

      Slack is hoppin! You should definitely get in on it! Just email ppyajunebug at gmail dot com for an invite, create an account, and let the chatting commence.

  47. iwouldwalk500giles +3

    PHILLY TOASTS! To any locals who aren’t part of the Google Group or haven’t checked up on it lately, I’ve been trying to arrange a #toastwake meet-up!
    There’s a free screening of National Treasure at Penn’s Landing on June 30th, and I’m also looking for a potentially more intimate setting (i.e. a picnic or restaurant?) on July 1. Feedback is welcome!

  48. Heathered +7

    OK, if we’re just going to Open Thread wherever we like as if propriety counts for nothing: I had two sessions of counseling/therapy, and after the second it was clear we weren’t a good fit and things have ended. I won’t have much latitude for shopping around further, and the irony of being to some extent rejected by a professional I was hoping could help me address the pain of frequent rejections is…kind of bumming me out right now. Also it’s 100 degrees out and I’m worried my heart monitor is going to fall off again, or migrate so far that it ends up monitoring my kidneys. I am filing this week under, “Phbblt.”

    1. aintnothingtoit +5

      Phbblt, indeed. I hope things improve! I’m glad your time won’t be wasted with a therapist who wouldn’t have been a comfortable fit, but it (understandably) sounds like an extra layer of hurt and difficulty has been added to your Crappy Week Cake. Just know that you are worthy of love and good things, and we Toasties have your back.

      Also, 100 degrees??? MURDER.

      1. Heathered +9

        Oh, thank you, this was so nice to hear. I learned today that if you tie four knots in a wet kerchief and wear it on your head while in front of a fan it both keeps you cool and makes you look like John Cleese, so today wasn’t a total loss after all.

  49. Räven +22

    I have to admit, the resentment and fury I feel at the absence of two open threads in the same week…. has helped me learn something about how I handle relationships and the endings thereof. (How can you just Abandon us I see now it’s like you Never cared At All!)

    1. aintnothingtoit +10

      I feel this. I don’t want to be upset, but it hurts that there’s been no explanation. I hope this doesn’t mean OTs are over, I was pacing myself for a bunch of things I wanted to ask you all.

    2. Unreadaethel +13

      I mean, we had Open Threads in place of several Link Roundups last week, so the rules don’t mean anything anymore.

      (I apparently alternate between How Could You Abandon Us and Fine, Whatever, Nothing Matters Anyway, I Totally Don’t Care)

      1. Räven +6

        I figured it actually takes at least half an hour to set up a link roundup from one’s Twitter feed highlights, and only two minutes tops to say “uh, open thread!” so last week was just negligence, like when the babysitter lets you have ice cream for dinner instead of making sandwiches. Not taking the time to post any post at all, it’s like forgetting to feed the cat NO RLY HOW COULD YOU.

        1. Unreadaethel +7

          It’ll be ok, we’ll just Open Thread when we feel like it, and Link Roundup when we feel like it, whether or not we’ve been given permission.

          1. Räven +11

            You’re a younger sibling, aren’t you. I can’t handle this kind of anarchy.

          2. Unreadaethel +6

            Nope, eldest. I’ve learned to embrace the Chaos Muppet within (see aforementioned It’s Fine, Whatever, IDEK Anymore, It’s Fine).

  50. Bridge +9

    that time my childhood hero could have lezzed out so hard and possibly hastened my coming out by a good five years.

    come on, beverly!! you can stomach the fact that your lover is a glistening spine slug living in an abdominal cavity and even BANG RIKER, but nooooo this attractive female trill host is where you draw the line? do you even know how desperately 12 year old me cleaved to that moment when she took your hand? do you? no. go back to your camel toe calisthenics class and wearing stupid pink bows in your hair when you go to bed in your itchy-looking 24th century sheets.

  51. GayerEveryday +6

    I made her a triple nonfat extra dry nonfat cappuccino once. She had on a big sunhat, and was beautiful and effervescent. She said it was perfect. I died. I am a ghost.

  52. NeuroticChihuahua

    I'm pretty sure my mom read The Mouse That Roared to me as a kid, too! I should read it myself sometime….

  53. NeuroticChihuahua

    esp since good ole Wodehouse really was raised by a bevy of aunts.

    That makes…so much sense.