It’s not a bathroom, it’s a PISS GRAVEYARD.

They’re not pants, they’re an ASS CAGE.

It’s not a vacuum cleaner, it’s a CHOKING ROBOT.

It’s not an alarm clock, it’s the METAL AWAKENING.

It’s not a door, it’s a WALL COFFIN.

It’s not a freezer, it’s a DINNER SARCOPHAGUS.

Those aren’t stairs, that’s a MUTILATED FLOOR.

That’s not a toothbrush, it’s a MOUTH INVADER.

That’s not a phone, it’s a VOICE PRISON.

That’s not a teakettle, that’s the LEAF COMMUNION.

That’s not a spice rack, that’s a FLAVOR CATACOMB.

Those aren’t Band-Aids, they’re SKIN LIES.

That’s not a sink, that’s a PIPE VOMITORIUM.

That’s not a comb, that’s a HAIR PIERCER.

That’s not a duvet, that’s a TAXIDERMIED BLANKET.

That’s not a litter box, it’s CAT SHIT JAIL.

They’re not boots, they’re FOOT CORSETS.

That cat isn’t fixed, he’s INTO HARDCORE CASTRATION BODY MODS.