ByDaniel Rozier

Dan Rozier is a writer in Ohio. His work has been featured in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Splitsider, Trop, and Cincinnati Magazine. He tweets at @barf_city.

  1. The day we read the map was a Wednesday, I remember this because it was Lucy’s birthday and Wednesdays are an impossible day to celebrate one’s entrance into the world. The map was a gift from her grandmother, Penelope, who must’ve been in something of a mood because she was typically about as even-tempered as a hungry mongoose, and not the type to give gifts. We untied, unrolled, and stared for what must’ve been ten…