ByIlana Masad

Ilana Masad is a queer Israeli-American writer living in New York. Unsurprisingly, she has two cats and tons of books. Less predictably, she is a columnist for McSweeney's. Follow her @ilanaslightly or at

  1. What do you like, he said in the dark after the first time and they said everything you do, I like everything you do. And I’m here, I’m right here, believe that. And what do you like, they said in the dark time after time, and he said, everything, really, and they said no, tell me something, what do you like, a fantasy or something, and he said I have a rape fantasy, and they…

  2. Previously in this series.

    You’re a Manhattanite, of course.

    Your mother and father are both alive, but you keep thinking of them in the past tense.

    You used to be married, but it seems you’re not anymore. No one, including you, knows whether you’re actually divorced.

    Your parents cry when they think of you taking the subway.

  3. Picture this: a world in which you must declare your preferred gender pronoun, or PGP, in every single sentence you utter. If you are someone who cares about the notion of gender, this may sound rather wonderful. No one would ever get confused. You’d always know how to address your fellow persons, and they would know how to address you.