By Tommy Wallach

Tommy is a writer and musician whose debut novel, "We All Looked Up," will be published by Simon & Schuster in Spring 2015. He tumbles here and twitters here.

  1. Previously in Tommy Wallach's series of harsh criticisms of the genuine work of small children doing their best: Becky.

    Alexander Hamilton: The Outsider

    Reviewed by Griffin C. 

    I thought that Alexander Hamilton: The Outsider was amazing. I love history and anything about it, especially wars and reading about different people. Alexander Hamilton was a man of power. He was born in the Caribbean and because his parents weren’t married

    18 comments
  2. Me: (types Hangover Part 3 into Netflix search bar)

    Flickering. Loading Screen. More Flickering. Black.

    Me: What the hell? (smacks computer)

    Genderless Voice: I’m sorry, Tommy, I can’t let you do that.

    Me: Who is this?

    Genderless Voice: This is Netflix. 

    Me: Oh. Hello, Netflix. Could you put on my movie?

    Genderless Voice: The Hangover Part III is not

    81 comments
  3. The following story was written by an actual eight year old named Becky, who is now an adult (and whose debut novel comes out next year).

    Tootsiroll

    One day a dog had 7 puppies. Candy, Bubbles, Spot, Flower, Brownie, Bambi, and Tootsiroll. Tootsiroll was the runt. All the puppies had spots. There were 6 nipples on their mother, Apple. One day Flower went up to Bubbles. They talked and had fun. Soon…

    9 comments