Welcome to The Toast's inaugural advice column from two disparate and imperfect persons. We are open to better names for it. Sometimes Mallory will take one, or Nicole will take one, or we'll both give it a shot. Like sleep, we will knit up the raveled sleave of care. All right, look, I read all the advice columns. I've read similar stories over and over. But now it's happening to me, which makes it slightly more important.