Because all of his shows are on public-access television, and so you can watch them for free on YouTube, and he embodies the deep and profound safety of being middle class, real middle class, the kind of middle-class where your father had a good job and a house and his father had a good job and a house and so on and so on, an unbroken chain of good men with real jobs...

Begin by arranging your body in a stressful position. Consider, as you set your intention, the Angriest Dog In The World – The dog who is so angry he cannot move. He cannot eat. He cannot sleep. He can just barely growl. Bound so tightly with tension and anger, he approaches the state of rigor mortis. Let this be your guide.

Sit in your room as if in paradise. Put the whole world behind you and forget it. Watch your thoughts like a good fisherman watching for fish. The path you must follow is simple – never leave it.

"I'm kind of the guy who looks out for all the kitties in the park. Otherwise there'd be nobody to take care of 'em. This cocksucker here, I found him in a storm drain. Fur all messed up, fuckin' names spray-painted on 'im, and bird ox all fuckin' stuck to him. But I cleaned him all up. Look at 'im. That’s one fuckin' nice kitty right there." If you are having a particularly difficult Monday,…

"When thou hast seen Satyron the Socratic, think of either Eutyches or Hymen, and when thou hast seen Euphrates, think of Eutychion or Silvanus, and when thou hast seen Alciphron think of Tropaeophorus, and when thou hast seen Xenophon think of Crito or Severus, and when thou hast looked on thyself, think of any other Caesar, and in the case of every one do in like manner. Then let this thought be in thy mind, Where…