The Cattiest Lines From Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations -The Toast

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marcus“When thou hast seen Satyron the Socratic, think of either Eutyches or Hymen, and when thou hast seen Euphrates, think of Eutychion or Silvanus, and when thou hast seen Alciphron think of Tropaeophorus, and when thou hast seen Xenophon think of Crito or Severus, and when thou hast looked on thyself, think of any other Caesar, and in the case of every one do in like manner. Then let this thought be in thy mind, Where then are those men? Nowhere, or nobody knows where.”

oh, ur faves? pretty much nobody remembers them

“There is no man so fortunate that there shall not be by him when he is dying some who are pleased with what is going to happen.”

i just feel like if youre going to be really honest with yourself you have to accept that probably some people are going to be REALLY happy at your funeral 
also ahh how are you feeling?? are you feeling better? better than from before, or still dying, which will probably make some people pretty happy or at least relieved

“His dress came from Lorium, his villa on the coast, and from Lanuvium generally.”

i guess the nicest things you could say about him is that he makes his own clothes
oh, was that not very nice?

“Further, I am thankful to the gods that I was not longer brought up with my grandfather’s concubine, and that I preserved the flower of my youth, and that I did not make proof of my virility before the proper season, but even deferred the time.”

just really grateful to god that i didn’t have to grow up around that slut and that i lost my virginity at a really healthy, really normal age, not like some people, not like some people who lost it way too early because they were anxious about their manliness instead of secure about it, like me, like how i did it

“Begin the morning by saying to thyself, I shall meet with the busy-body, the ungrateful, arrogant, deceitful, envious, unsocial.”

you should probably just start your day by dealing with the fact that all of your friends are kind of shitty

“But as to those who live not so, always bear in mind what kind of men they are both at home and from home, both by night and by day, and what they are, and with what men they live an impure life. Accordingly, do not value at all the praise which comes from such men, since they are not even satisfied with themselves.”

mm but why do you even CARE what your friends think of you because even if they liked you it wouldn’t mean anything because they’re so shitty themselves

“Thou hast existed as a part. Thou shalt disappear in that which produced thee.”

wow its kind of like you’re going to die without ever having been a real person at all
so it’s kind of like you were never really alive

“Take away thy opinion, and then there is taken away the complaint. “I have been harmed.” Take away the complaint, “I have been harmed,” and the harm itself is taken away.”

hi did you know that if you stopped complaining you wouldn’t have anything to complain about, you should try it

“Hast thou reason? I have. -Why then dost not thou use it?”

ok your brain is not there for like, decoration babe, it’s not just there to weigh your head down

“A black-hearted character, a womanish character, a stubborn character, bestial, childish, animal, stupid, counterfeit, scurrilous, fraudulent, tyrannical.”


“Why do unskilled and ignorant souls disturb him who has skill and knowledge?”

hey so quick question why are you asking ME this

“The best way of avenging thyself is not to become like the wrong doer.”

honestly youre just as bad as he is

“Consider then what Crates says of Xenocrates himself.”

ahhhh did you HEAR what crates said about xenocrates???
no i swear he said it, i heard him himself

“Thou art not dissatisfied, I suppose, because thou weighest only so many litrae and not three hundred. Be not dissatisfied then that thou must live only so many years and not more; for as thou art satisfied with the amount of substance which has been assigned to thee, so be content with the time.”

i honestly barely understand this is supposed to mean but i think the gist is: just because you’re skinny doesn’t mean you’re a good person so stop congratulating yourself

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