Posts tagged “scientists”

  1. Scientists on the tail end of a decades-long study have finally concluded that, for most humans, the act of falling asleep is in fact, physically and mentally impossible. "We were hoping to find if certain lifestyle changes corresponded with falling asleep faster," said Dr. Ellen Taccone, the leader of the study and head of the neurology department at Johns Hopkins, "such as avoiding use of laptops or smartphones in bed, drinking less alcohol, increased physical…

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  2. Scientists, who should know, would like to report after years of exhaustive study that all of the ice is fine and there's no need for you to come see for yourself. Don't come to where the ice is. Don't come to where the north ice is, don't come to where the south ice is. You can trust us. We'll tell you where the ice is: the same place it's always been, just like normal. What's…

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  3. Scientists using NASA's Hubble Space Telescope have discovered yet another dead and lifeless planet drifting around a silent, pulsing sun-like star over 100 light-years away. Members of the research team were able to muster enough false excitement and strained smiles to call a press conference. A representative from the team described the new planet as "startlingly similar to Earth in appearance, with a "deep blue" color and similar orbital pattern. "But," he added, "the daytime…

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