"Jesus, everybody I know is teething this spring. When did just nubbling on things with your wet gums stop being enough, you know?" "There it is, right on time, just like clockwork. Everyone's developing spatial awareness at the same time, like a bunch of fascists." "If I have to go to one more bar mitzvah, hand to God, I will set something on fire. Turn thirteen, have a bar mitzvah, start the eighth grade. It's like zombie…