Song Lyrics Improved By Cats -The Toast

Almost certainly one of the silliest things I have ever done.

our house
is a very very very fine house
with two cats in the yard
with three cats in the yard
no
with nine cats in the yard
wait the ca

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X_pmHr7zW8

cats know what cats want
cats know what cats like
cats know what cats want
cats want
cats want cats

cat’s in the cradle and the silver cat
little cat boy and the cat on the moon
when you coming home cat
i don’t know, cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ARuoSFflc

is this cat real life
is this cat fantasy?
cat in a landslide
no catscape from reality

plenty of cats at the hotel catifornia
any time of year
you can find cats here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtD3cPn-5eE

got cats
in pocket
gonna make cats, make cats, make cats
make cats notice

And I was standing on the side of the road
cats falling on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Cats knows I’ve paid some dues getting back
Tangled up in cats

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ph0aELhsQoc

Oh, cats going on
Cats going on
Yeah, cats going on
Ah, cats going on

okay that’s it there’s no more of this post to read, please share the songs you think would be improved by the liberal addition of “cats” in the lyrics below, in the comments.

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+47 Vote up Vote down

MalloryOrtberg 121p · 595 weeks ago

there is no earthly reason that this should exist

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5 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+54 Vote up Vote down

jhsaxena 136p · 595 weeks ago

You down with C-A-T?
YEAH YOU KNOW ME

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6 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+13 Vote up Vote down

itsinthetrees 68p · 595 weeks ago

there's a lady who knows
all that glitters is cats
and she's buying a cat-cat to cats

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+39 Vote up Vote down

Ben · 595 weeks ago

"Lose Yourself" - Eminem / "Lose Your Cats"

His cats are sweaty, cats weak, cats are heavy
There's cats on his sweater already, cat's spaghetti

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2 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+58 Vote up Vote down

mattielubchansky 127p · 595 weeks ago

Take a cat off, fanny
take a cat, for free
take a cat off, fanny
and, (and) put the cat (put the cat) right on me

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+8 Vote up Vote down

ipomoea 117p · 595 weeks ago

I came in like a kitty cat
I never catted so hard in love
all I wanted was to pet your cat
all you ever did was cat me

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+35 Vote up Vote down

Ben · 595 weeks ago

Now, this is a story all about how
My cat got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how he became the prince of a town called Cat Air

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+46 Vote up Vote down

Ben · 595 weeks ago

Once I had a love and it was a gas
Soon turned out had a heart of cats

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2 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+15 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

If you leave, don't leave meow
Please don't take my cat away

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+19 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!
Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!

My cat is purring
It starts to meow
Scritches're comin'
It starts to growl

Here I am! Rock you like a hurricat!

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+4 Vote up Vote down

noodge4lyfe 109p · 595 weeks ago

Oh there you go again, you say, you want your cat back...
well who am I to keep a cat?

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+4 Vote up Vote down

thejcar 126p · 595 weeks ago

Here on these cliffs of Dover
So many cats, you can't see over
And while the seagulls are flying
Cats fall and chase them crying

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+44 Vote up Vote down

melmuu 86p · 595 weeks ago

I've been looking so long at these pictures of cats
that I almost believe that they're real
I've been living so long with these pictures of cats
that I almost believe that the caaats
are all I...
*crying pretty hard*
cat... feel.

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1 reply · active 595 weeks ago

+13 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

This one doesn't require any changes: it seems obvious to me that "Perfect Day" is written from the perspective of a cat whose human continually yanks the object-on-string out of reach, never allowing that satisfying moment of complete capture.

Oh, it's such a purrrrrrrrrrrrfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you
Oh, such a purrrrrrrrrrrrfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow

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2 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+28 Vote up Vote down

Sugar&Snails · 595 weeks ago

I once had a cat
or should I say she once had me
she showed me her cat
isn't it good
Norwegian cat

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+29 Vote up Vote down

Big Rig and Jesse 86p · 595 weeks ago

Everybody rock your kitty
Everybody rock your kitty right
Backstreet's cats, alright?

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4 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+27 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

More than a feline (more than a feline)
When I see that old cat and we play
More than a feline (more than a feline)
When I see Merricat* stalk away

*With Shirley Jackson bonus.

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+8 Vote up Vote down

MrsHuntingCreek · 595 weeks ago

Bad bad Big Cat Brown,
Baddest cat in the whole damn town

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+16 Vote up Vote down

S. Pebbletush 97p · 595 weeks ago

She's a BABY CAT, BABY CAT and she's miiiiinneeee.

("She's a Maniac")

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+33 Vote up Vote down

MR · 595 weeks ago

So it ain't no use in callin' out my name, cat

Like you never did before

And it ain't no use meowing out my name, cat

I can't hear you anymore.

I'm thinkin and wonderin, walking down the road

I once loved a cat, a kitten I'm told

I gave her my heart, but she wanted some Sole

But don't think twice, it's all cats.

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2 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+39 Vote up Vote down

icebergmama 113p · 595 weeks ago

Black cat yowling in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and leave them on my bed
All bloodied
You were only waiting for the pillow to be free

Black cat yowl
Under the glare of the yellow streetlights

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2 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+11 Vote up Vote down

Ben · 595 weeks ago

And so he spoke, and so he spoke,
that lord of Catsamere,
But now the cats meow o'er his hall,
with no one there to hear.

Wow that was more depressing than I intended. Also +1 already has cats in it, I suppose.

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+13 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

Kitty's got a squeeze ball
She likes it the best
When Mama lays down
She never gets no rest

'Cause she's playing all night
And the squeakin's all right
Kitty's got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night

Well the kittens don't eat
And the dog can't sleep
There's no escape from the squeakin'
In the whole damn street

'Cause she's playing all night
And the squeakin's all right
Kitty's got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night

She goes SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK and SQUEEEK and SQUAWK

'Cause she's playing all night
And the squeakin's all right
Kitty's got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night

She goes SQUEEEEEEEEEEEZE ME, don't bother to feeeeeeeed me, go on and sqeeeeeeeeze me like you do, I'm going to squeeeeeeze on you

'Cause she's playing all night
And the squeakin's all right
Kitty's got a squeeze ball
Mama never sleeps at night

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+17 Vote up Vote down

icebergmama 113p · 595 weeks ago

Oh kitty kitty
Oh kitty kitty
How was I supposed to know
That your food bowl was empty
Oh kitty kitty
I shouldn't have let you go
Hungry - now you're pukin' in my shoe yeah

(with apologies to Britney Spears)

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+3 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

I was playing with the cat
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control

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+17 Vote up Vote down

angryporcupine 113p · 595 weeks ago

Cause I can't maaaaake you love cats, if you don't!

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+45 Vote up Vote down

CatfoodHairnets 109p · 595 weeks ago

Psycho Kitty, qu'est que c'est?
meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,meow, meow

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1 reply · active 594 weeks ago

+7 Vote up Vote down

queenofbithynia 137p · 595 weeks ago

Standing at the door of the Pink Flamingo, crying in the rain
you were a kind of so-so cat, and I want to make sure that never happens again

what about me, well, I'll find some cat
who's not going cheap in the sales
a nice little house cat will give me a steady life,
and won't keep going off the rails

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4 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+15 Vote up Vote down

cuminafterall 108p · 595 weeks ago

Half past twelve
And I'm binge-watching Netflix in my flat all alone
How I hate to spend the evening on my own
Autumn winds
Blowing outside the window as I look around the house
And it makes me so depressed not to hear meows

I need to find a cat
One who'll sit on my lap...

Gimme gimme gimme a cat after midnight
Won't some feline help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a cat after midnight
Meow at me through darkness to the break of the day

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1 reply · active 595 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

YLemonnier 117p · 595 weeks ago

Just a cat boy
Born and raised in Cat Detroit
He took the midnight train
Goin' anywhere

Ca-ats waiting
Up and down the boulevard
Cat shadows searching
In the night

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1 reply · active 595 weeks ago

+9 Vote up Vote down

abyssiniahenry 66p · 595 weeks ago

(to the tune of Clementine)
oh the stretchy
oh the stretchy
oh the stretchy, stretchy cat

Stretchycat is a cat I've looked after in Germany a bunch of times. I have many Stretchycat songs. The Stretchycat Macarena deserves a mention also.

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+50 Vote up Vote down

msjinxie 106p · 595 weeks ago

I like big cats and I cannot lie
You other tabbies can't deny
That when a cat walks in with an fat fuzzy face
And gets fur all over your place
You get hung - up on how cute it is
'Cause you notice that cat is fluffed
...
...
Baby got cats!
(Maru face with a Garfield belly)
Baby got cats!

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3 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+11 Vote up Vote down

angryporcupine 113p · 595 weeks ago

Whooooa, we're halfway cat,
WHOA-OH! Livin' on a cat!
Take my cat, we'll make it I swear!

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1 reply · active 595 weeks ago

+19 Vote up Vote down

corfay 102p · 595 weeks ago

Took this cat and I took it down
Climbed a cat mountain and I turned around
And I saw my catflection in the snow covered hills
Till the catslide brought me down

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2 replies · active 595 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

ilikemints 122p · 595 weeks ago

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you

(You don't need to change the lyrics if you imagine an older cat showing a new kitten how to get on top of the bookcase)

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+7 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

I'm not content to play with you in the nighttime
Girl I want to play with you in the daytime
The only time you want to play is at bedtime
Girl I cannot play with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night

I believe that you and me last forever
Oh yea, all day and nighttime yours, leave me never
The only time you want to play is my bedtime
Girl I cannot play with you all of the time
All day and all of the night
All day and all of the night
Oh, come on...

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+25 Vote up Vote down

lizardjellybean 112p · 595 weeks ago

Ooh Kitty, you so fine
You so fine, here's a ball of twine
HEY KITTY

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3 replies · active 594 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

ilikemints 122p · 595 weeks ago

Also:
Take me out to the cat game
Take me out to the cat
Buy me some catnip and catker jacks
I don't care if I never get cat

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+8 Vote up Vote down

angryporcupine 113p · 595 weeks ago

Another night another dream about always cats
It's like a vision of cats that seem to be cats
Another night another dream about always cats
In the night I dream of cats so cat

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1 reply · active 595 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

Katyola · 595 weeks ago

But you're a good caaaat!
(I know you want food, I know you want food)
But you're a good caaat!
Blurred cats! (I know you want food, I know you want food)
But you're a good caaat!
The way you snag me, must wanna eat kibbles, go ahead, get cat me
You're the hottest cat in this place!

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+5 Vote up Vote down

steve_holt 71p · 595 weeks ago

this is the best thing I have ever seen.

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+4 Vote up Vote down

combledore 103p · 595 weeks ago

He's a kitten!
He's fat and furry
He's very friendly
Talk about being fluffy
He licks his butt!

(Um, this is to "Blurred Lines," but I cannot link at work. And I have problems.)

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+14 Vote up Vote down

Big Rig and Jesse 86p · 595 weeks ago

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the cat does go on
Once more you open the cat
And you're here in my cat
And my cat will go on and cat
---
Cat it up. cat it in
Let me begin
I cat to win, battle me that's a sin
I won't tear the cat up
Cat you better back up
Try and play the cat and the whole crew will cat up

(I can't stop and think I have a problem.)

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+3 Vote up Vote down

thesarahgirl 116p · 595 weeks ago

I will be singing all these to my cats tonight and driving them CRAZY.

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+1 Vote up Vote down

elisbradshaw 98p · 595 weeks ago

This is *exactly* how I sing my cats to sleep.

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+2 Vote up Vote down

cuminafterall 108p · 595 weeks ago

Kitty you know that
I've got you on my mind
Your secret admirer
I've been watching cats

At night I dream of cats
Oh, won't you be my kitty baby
If your fur is soft, give me a call, boo
If your claws are sharp, gonna make sure they get groomed

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+5 Vote up Vote down

elisbradshaw 98p · 595 weeks ago

Keep your head up, ooooh cat,
Things are gonna get easier,
Keep your head up, oooooh cat
Got your dinner right here (oh oh oh)...

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+1 Vote up Vote down

Hannah Stephenson · 595 weeks ago

In a bit kitty
dreams stay with you
like a kitty's voice
down a kitty's side.....

(In a Big Country, of course...add "meows" as necessary in place of the guitar riff).

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+12 Vote up Vote down

lizardjellybean 112p · 595 weeks ago

EVERYBOOODDDY (yeeeeaaah)
RUB A TUMMY (yeeeeaaah)
EVERYBOOOODDY
RUB A TUMMY TONIGHT
THAT SWEET CAT'S ALL RIIIGHT

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+8 Vote up Vote down

Elsa is Emily 121p · 595 weeks ago

Spotted me a tender thing
There you are, come on, lady
Don't you wanna scritch with me?
Can you handle, handle me?

You gotta do much better
If you're gonna scritch with me tonight
You gotta work my belly
If you're gonna scritch with me tonight

Read my paws carefully, if you like what you see
Pet, pause, prove you can scritch with me
By the looks I got you shook up and scared of me
Buckle your seatbelt, it's time for takeoff

I don't think you're ready for this belly
I don't think you're ready for this belly
I don't think you're ready for this
'Cause my claw're too kittylicious for ya, babe

Song Lyrics Improved By Cats

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

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