Other entries in the series can be found here. Most recently: Adventure Time, Come On, Grab Your Friends. This installment of Femslash Friday is dedicated to Friend of the Toast Rainbow Rowell.
I am going to make you want something that you may or may not have already known that you wanted. I am going to make you realize that the real love story at the heart of Gilmore Girls took place between two tightly-wound, highly-strung, overachieving rivals-turned-roommates who wore matching ties and skirts and engaged in sexually charged fencing sessions. The mutual respect, admiration, and trust that sprang up between Rory Gilmore and Paris Gellar was hard-fought and slowly earned; theirs was a friendship forged and refined slowly over the years. They grew into the shape of one another. Put aside your dreams of Jess, that human sneeze; let Logan sail away on his yacht of indifference into the sunset: Rory/Paris are endgame.
First, we must dispose of any obstacles: namely, the boyfriends. This will not be difficult. We begin with Rory.
Dean – Perfectly nice, as a first boyfriend. The exact kind of floppy-haired friendly grocer’s assistant you’d like to have your first kiss with. And he was lovely, for a time, until he got married and cheated on his wife with Rory, then blamed her for it and turned into a dragon made of jealousy wearing an obvious bowl-cut wig. This is why you must never revisit your first boyfriend. He belongs safely ensconced in the honeysuckle-draped gazebo of your high-school heart. You stay there, Dean. You stay in the past, where you belong, shelving apples.
Jess – Worthless. Worse than worthless. At the time, of course, we did not yet know that loving a man who enjoys Kerouac novels was morally wrong — the science wasn’t quite there yet — but we already knew that Jess’ busy wall-leaning schedule wasn’t leading anywhere good. I will not go so far as to accuse him of wearing leather bracelets, but he seems exactly the type of man who would do so, given half the chance at an 18+ concert. “Oh, I’m too consumed by my own inner pain to arrive to events on time.” “I invented record stores; guess how many cigarettes I can fit into my mouth.” “I love you so much I moved to California without telling you.” “How can you expect me to plan a date, I’m too full of smoldering emotions to know what day of the week it is.” He wrote a book called The Subsect. I will listen to nothing good about this jean-jacket-festooned wastrel. Begone, you gel-smeared, sneering fop. You are no Ryan Atwood. You have no heart of gold underneath those ill-fitting wifebeaters. Take your baby-boy-Pink act on the road. Your powers will not work here.
Logan – If you can think of a reason why Logan deserves more than a sentence, I’m perfectly willing to hear it.
Now for Paris. This will be even easier.
Jamie – A nice boy from D.C. Wears a lot of sweaters.
Asher Flemming – The oldest man in the world. I don’t care if he is Michael York, he is ten thousand years old and he dies from being so old. I will not see Paris married to the Cryptkeeper for dusty eternity. Anyhow, he’s dead, so we don’t have to worry about him.
Motherfucking Doyle – MOTHERFUCKING DOYLE. The only thing that Paris’ boyfriends have in common is that they are all deeply and congenitally unworthy of her. Doyle is the human version of a male anglerfish, a seriously stunted (this is not a height joke, I am referring to the state of his soul) parasitic creature that cannot survive on its own and must glom onto a healthy female in order to cheat death.
He was great on Buffy, though.
[Grandly sweeps aside a sea of unworthy male chaff] Fantastic. Now let the real work begin.
(An aside: I briefly entertained the idea of writing about Rory/Lane, but such a thing is impossible. To begin with, they are both too shy and reticent by half; as a couple they would only watch Netflix together and never have sex. More importantly, Lane is impossibly straight. There is not an ounce of gay in there. And I looked. Ditto Lorelai and Sookie. They’re just heterosexual to the core. Interestingly, I could very much see Emily taking a late-in-life lesbian turn, if anything were to happen to Richard [God forbid, but still]. End aside.)
The first time Rory and Paris meet, it’s…fraught. There’s a lot at stake. Who’s the smartest, who’s got the shiniest trophy, who’s getting attention from Tristan (which, make no mistake, is never about Tristan the person as much as it is about what Tristan represents: acceptance, popularity, safety), who’s getting into Harvard. Rory and Paris are the only two people on Gilmore Girls who share the same goals. They want the same things, but in different ways. When Paris wants something, she wants it so badly her entire body vibrates. As long as she sees Rory as someone who’s standing in the way of what she wants, instead of everything she’s ever wanted, she hates her. Until she doesn’t.
When they finally meet outside of Chilton, Paris softens the slightest bit and shares part of her ambitions with Rory. Throughout the course of the entire series, Paris retreats into iciness and melts down into frustration plenty of times. She blows up and she freezes people out, but she never softens, she never gets quiet, she never openly displays her vulnerability and her fear and let down her hair and eat Chinese food on an old couch the way she does with Rory.
By the thirteenth episode of the first season, they’re going to Bangles concerts together. They still fight like they’re in Highlander together, but it only takes thirteen episodes’ worth of knowing Rory for Paris to finally flash a smile and say, “You know what? I think this is the best night I’ve ever had.”
It’s my completely unsubstantiated belief that the reason Jess was so popular among the rest of Rory’s boyfriends is because at the very least, he challenged her and drew her out of herself. Left to her own devices, Rory (while lovely in the way that an enchanted sleeping princess is lovely) can get a little overly sweet, a little precious, a little (whispers) boring.
Paris: [Rory and Paris are running inside to get out of the pouring rain] Out of the way! Move, move, move!
Girl in the dorm: Is it raining?
Paris: No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot!
Paris is never boring; Rory with Paris is never boring. Their chemistry is intense, and even as their relationship shifts from friendly rivals to permanent roommates, it never flags. The aforementioned sexually charged fencing scene is a perfect example.
This fight is nominally about a boy, but…just look at the two of them. Watching them hurt and forgive and betray and restore one another throughout their time at Chilton is one of the most hard-earned redemptive arcs on any show I’ve ever seen. Nobody can hurt Paris like Rory can when she’s not in her corner.
And yet, despite professing not to understand her in the slightest, Rory eternally tries to mend their friendship. She never gives up on Paris; never dismisses her as “crazy” or difficult or unlikeable or unattractive; never walks away. At one of her lowest points — publicly falling apart after learning she hasn’t gotten into Harvard — it’s Rory who picks Paris up, it’s Rory who looks out for her public image, it’s Rory who helps her find a way to bear with what she thought was unbearable.
They play Romeo and Juliet opposite one another. They play Romeo and Juliet. I would watch an entire episode dedicated to Rory and Paris arguing with one another. Nobody fights like the two of them do. It’s hot and intense and bewildering and full of wanting things and fraught and tense and the two of them belong to each other in a way that hurts my chest. Remember how Anne and Gilbert in Anne of Green Gables started out as enemies and ended up in love? And how competing with each other academically was still just as important to both of them as that love? Rory and Paris are the Anne and Gilbert of Stars Hollow.
You want a partner for Rory who gives her an edge? You want someone who pushes her, who makes her laugh, who will never go easy on her, who convinces her to go to Florida at the last minute, someone who will grab her when they kiss and not let go until she wakes up and kisses back? I give you Paris.
You want Paris to be able to calm down and sit still for five minutes, to smooth out her prickling insecurities long enough to have a real, human conversation, to relax the muscles in her jaw, to feel lovely and loved and like she doesn’t have to fight the entire world every second of the day? I give you Rory.
Their first kiss — which took place under less-than-ideal circumstances, in a bid for attention during spring break — was nevertheless the start of something good.
Paris: As a kisser, how was I?
Rory: [incredulous] Oh, man!
Paris: Well, I always wanted to know. You can’t really ask a guy that because it’s a sign of low self-esteem which I read in a magazine is really not sexy. So, be honest. How was I when I kissed you? Was I too stiff? Too forceful? Do I need to relax my lips a little, maybe open my mouth a little more? Make it more inviting?
Rory should never be kissed in public like that (just like Rory should never be proposed to in front of her grandparents, COME ON, Logan), but Paris is asking exactly the right questions. Try again. You’re already inviting plenty. Try again. When you find the right circumstance, and the right kiss, you’re going to melt each other.
Tags: femslash fridays, gilmore girls, making people lesbians by argument, sexually charged fencing, tightly wound overachievers
I only watched this show for a little while, but by the time I’d stopped, I really thought this was the direction this show was heading in canon. I’m genuinely surprised to find out that it didn’t.
I would have kept watching the show if it had been. I stopped watching around the time it became clear that the show was promoting Jess as A Really Great Boyfriend, Really, and I could never understand why. No, show, he’s not “misunderstood”; I understood him perfectly well. He was just an ass.
Jess on his own was terrible. TERRIBLE. But after seeing Logan, and seeing how Rory was WITH Logan, I softened towards Ol’Angsty just a little. Jess seemed like the kind of person so many of us get our hearts broken over in our late teens/early twenties – almost a rite of passage – but fucking Huntsberger was just an unrepentant douche.
I would vote for this post to be editor of The Franklin AND The Yale Daily News.
Everything about this is correct, except for maybe the Lane “impossibly straight” thing. Even if she did marry Terry Bellefleur.
Right? I really think that Lane could be understood as queer.
Also, can we talk about how mad I STILL am about the whole “gets pregnant with twins the first time she has sex and doesn’t like sex” thing? So mad.
In conclusion, BRING BACK DAVE.
What that show did to Lane is criminal.
TOTALLY.
Like, Lane, maybe you don’t like sex……because you’re having it with DUDES. you didn’t bang Adam Brody when you were dating him!!!
Dave is the only good answer to everything.
(And maaaaybe also Max. Maybe. Mostly Dave.)
Oh, hi, Only Other Max Liker in the World! I’ll come sit by you!
No, omg, I love Max. Unashamedly, unabashedly, love love love Max. Of course, I fell in love with Scott Cohen after the 10th Kingdom, but still. Now I’m trying to determine if I was hot for teacher before Max of because of him. Hmm.
Yes! Dave Rygalski=Best Boyfriend Ever.
Let me just cut and paste this whole paragraph:
Jess – Worthless. Worse than worthless. At the time, of course, we did not yet know that loving a man who enjoys Kerouac novels was morally wrong — the science wasn’t quite there yet — but we already knew that Jess’ busy wall-leaning schedule wasn’t leading anywhere good. I will not go so far as to accuse him of wearing leather bracelets, but he seems exactly the type of man who would do so, given half the chance at an 18+ concert. “Oh, I’m too consumed by my own inner pain to arrive to events on time.” “I invented record stores; guess how many cigarettes I can fit into my mouth.” “I love you so much I moved to California without telling you.” “How can you expect me to plan a date, I’m too full of smoldering emotions to know what day of the week it is.” He wrote a book called The Subsect. I will listen to nothing good about this jean-jacket-festooned wastrel. Begone, you gel-smeared, sneering fop. You are no Ryan Atwood. You have no heart of gold underneath those ill-fitting wifebeaters. Take your baby-boy-Pink act on the road. Your powers will not work here.
Oh please, Logan was worse. Logan, was the sort of privileged time-destroyer who would fake respect a girl’s choices and then SLOWLY and OVER TIME just burn her whole life, sense of self worth and job prospects to the ground, leaving her as nothing but a well dressed valium-soaked dead-eyed MaxMara jacket filled with regrets.
PROBABLY TRUE, but I was pretty checked out of the show by season 5, so my white-hot contempt is all saved for Jess.
But did you see when Paris locked herself into a cardboard bunker at the newspaper and only Rory could breach her defenses and break her down and love and accept her into recognizing her own craziness, such that when Rory herself took over Paris’s job, Paris was still able to work with her (after a freezing time, of course) and recognize that Rory was not just doing the job in her perfectly competent way, but also doing it as an unstated homage to Paris herself?
Because that was perfect.
When she made everyone wear the hats with their numbers on them and she gave Rory the #2 spot after her own #1. Which is really just proving Rory is her #1.
The only person who has good moments in Season 6 is Paris. When she foments revolution as a cater-waiter and when she reams out Logan on Rory’s behalf.
you really couldn’t have expressed it any better than this “Logan – If you can think of a reason why Logan deserves more than a sentence, I’m perfectly willing to hear it.” if you had religiously watched it to the end.
Maybe Logan could have done that to some other girl, but it didn’t work on Rory, because Jess was a more dangerously useless boyfriend for Rory than Logan was. Rory was able to cut Logan loose and go hop on that bus, whereas Jess was multiple seasons of shit.
I have a soft spot for Jess so I gotta say in his defense he did clean up pretty well. After he moved to Philly and wrote a book. He was the one who called out Rory for loosing herself in her relationship with Logan.
Still I would totally ship Rory/Paris!
Cutting, pasting, posting to tumblr.
Oh, how I hate Jess. If only smarm could be punched off a face.
Possibly the only scene I remember of Jess is when Paris and Rory and he are hanging out and Dean is butthurt about that and Paris tells Dean that she is SO IN LOVE with Jess in order to cover for Rory and it is a GREAT SCENE because, clearly, Paris loves Rory forever and will stick by her against terrible boys. BUT, it is ALSO great because Jess and Paris argue books thus leading me to believe that the most hilarious crack pairing ever for the show would be Jess/Paris and it would be called … Austen/Bukowski.
And that is why I don’t loathe Jess. Because he and Paris arguing books is hilarious.
NGL though I find Rory’s boyfriends fascinating in their perfect tropiness. Boyscout, Rebel, Alpha Bastard. And she ends up with none of them, which is the best of the best of the best.
OMFG I have been waiting for this my entire life.
This is the greatest article about Gilmore Girls that has ever existed.
This is so very, very 100% correct and on point. Rory and Paris would have been the power couple to end all power couples. Madam President and First Lady, thank you very much (and either one of them could take either position, which makes it even better). Also, very much hoping to see the “sexually charged fencing” tag come up again.
For there to be a movie produced with this exact premise is now my #1 desire in life.
Right??? It would be amazing! I’m actually kind of proud of myself for having thought of it, not gonna lie.
That’s cute that you think there is any chance that Paris wouldn’t be the Madame President in that scenario. 😉
YES. YES THIS ALL OF IT. I didn’t know until this moment that I’ve been waiting for this piece all my life (or at least since October 2000) and now that I have it my life feels complete. My SOUL feels complete.
I knew I hated all of Rory’s boyfriends but I didn’t know it was because I shipped Rory and Paris. The Toast knows me better than I know myself.
Every time I read one of these, it’s like, “Oh yeah, that’s just what the truth is.” What I’m saying is, Anne and Leslie is now my personal head-canon and I expect Paris and Rory to join them.
This is the greatest thing. And I amen all the boyfriend analysis. Logan/Jess/Dean were so much filler. That show was about women and, now that Mallory has pointed it out to me, there obviously should have been a romance in there. Excellent job, as usual.
I retroactively like Logan more because I adore Cary Agos on the Good Wife so much, but during Gilmore Girls I didn’t have any use for him.
I love how this is basically an article version of Jae’s Boston Marriage that was recced last week. The only Gilmore Girls fic I will ever need.
This article completes me. I am inarticulate in the face of it but I have the following points to add
The way Paris looks at beautiful Rory when they get inducted into the Puffs
President-VP of Chilton
When Paris tells Rory she slept with Jamie and Rory is totally overwhelmed
Their reunion at Yale
Rory getting Paris out of her bunker at the Yale Daily News
Paris chewing out Logan
Rory getting Paris a job as a cater waiter
I just. Everything.
Replying to my own reply but I have more.
Paris in overalls at Habitat for Humanity and Rory with her femme hammer.
When Rory helps Paris get ready for her date with Jamie and brushes her hair.
When Rory helps Paris get out of bed after being rejected by Harvard.
Yep, pretty much.
I will confess that I have a fondness for Logan that is mostly based in my own desire to have a handsome, incredibly wealthy and charming man lend me his car service and buy me pretty dresses that fit perfectly, but his proposal was TERRIBLE and such a stupid choice, and if he’d really KNOWN and understood Rory, he wouldn’t have done that. Paris would never do such a thing to Rory.
(Also, why do so many of the actors from Gilmore Girls end up on Scandal?)
BUT HE PLAYED TUCKER MAX IN THAT MOVIE ABOUT TUCKER MAX
WHAT there was a TUCKER MAX MOVIE???? Oh my Goddess just burn it all down.
But I didn’t see that. He also played a not-so-great dude in an episode of Veronica Mars, IIRC.
That was when The CW was trying to capitalize on having two shows where the protagonists dated a rich n’er-do-well named Logan. When it happened, I said that Rory would better off with Charles Logan, then the president on 24, who while evil, at least did not have crippling daddy issues. I thought myself very witty at the time.
Wait, who besides Paris? I’m blanking.
Hollis Doyle is played by Gregg Henry, who played Mitchum Huntzberger.
Oh right! Skeezy all around, that guy is good at that.
Also Keiko Agena (aka Lane Kim) is in an episode (as Britta Kagan), Liz Torres (Miss Patty) shows up as a judge in an episode, and Melora Hardin was in one episode of Gilmore Girls (she played the therapist who comes to dinner at the Gilmores’ one night to be set up with someone) and she was a senator’s wife in Scandal.
Damn! I am impressed. I’m sure I recognized all those people as I saw them on the show, but never put it all together.
I’ve watched Gilmore Girls a LOT (it’s one of my comfort shows) and we binge-watched the first two seasons of Scandal. And then I went to IMDB to look it up b/c I know I’d seen several familiar faces.
Same! It is my #1 comfort show in fact. It is the only movie/tv show I have downloaded onto my laptop, for emergencies.
Without the Life and Death Brigade induction ep, Logan would be nothing to me. But glamping? Lunatic rich people playing word games and shooting each other with paintballs? In formalwear? That dress? Rory jumping off the platform? Swoon. For a while.
(This article, however, is gospel truth. Rory + Paris = 4EVA)
I have loved all of the Femslash Fridays and I can absolutely declare with truth and authority that THIS IS THE BEST OF ALL FEMSLASH.
Go home, Mallory, you will never be able to top yourself.
Also, I hate Jess, but I hated Dean exponentially more. I hate him so much that I have refused to ever watch Supernatural.
“Also, I hate Jess, but I hated Dean exponentially more. I hate him so much that I have refused to ever watch Supernatural.” YES.
There is so much Dean on my Tumblr dash thanks to Supernatural and I won’t have it.
Aw, but he’s so delightfully bitchy/earnest on Supernatural! And also ENORMOUS.
I stopped watching after season five (the show’s creator had a five-season story arc planned and completed it and then backed away from the show, at least a bit, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s live fanfic after that point). But I love the first five seasons.
It’s super-confusing to talk about Supernatural alongside Gilmore Girls, though, because the same actor is in both and there’s a character named Dean in both, but the Deans are played by different actors.
I should’ve quite after 5 but for some reason I stuck with it and now I feel like I need to see it through to the end. I figure, if nothing else there’s always hot guy eye candy, an bitchin’ car, and stellar classic rock to keep me entertained.
MOOSE
I feel like the Dean –> Sam transformation is due to some Captain America-esque super-soldier serum.
I have never seen Gilmore Girls (I KNOW) but the anglerfish metaphor has made my life more complete. I love you, Mallory.
“[Grandly sweeps aside a sea of unworthy male chaff] Fantastic. Now let the real work begin.”
This NEEDS to be the next Toast shirt.
CORRECT.
Oh my god yes Mallory. This post made me cry real tears. The scene when Paris tries to make Lorelai into her Rory-replacement after Rory goes off the deep end? Paris says “Rory’s my only friend. She stays in the room until I’m completely done saying something.” That is the most beautiful and romantic thing anyone has ever said about anyone else!
“She stays in the room until I’m completely done saying something.”
In that moment, I went from loathing Paris to feeling an almost complete kinship with her.
It pleased me more than I knew I could be pleased that at the very end of the show, Rory was not dating anybody. Because I hate all of her boyfriends. They were the worst. And they each brought out some really shitty things in Rory, and generally held her back.
Dean was possessive and controlling from the very beginning, he had no redeeming qualities even in high school.
Jess was that guy that I could see a ton of brainy 17-year-old girls falling for because ~omg he’s so deep and reads a lot~ but when you look back as an adult he’s obnoxious and ridiculous. But I can see why Rory fell for him so hard. I also loved him the first time I watched this show back when I was young and silly. Also I am here to affirm that he was the most likeable of her boyfriends because he did actually challenge her and didn’t develop some stupid complex about how smart she was (DEAN) or treat her like a child (LOGAN).
Logan is the worst. The absolute, absolute worst. But he also made Rory the worst, because for whatever reason the writers decided that when it came to Logan, Rory lost all her autonomy and listening skills and logic and somehow his dad was able to shake beautiful Rory’s entire foundation with ONE STUPID REMARK and she DROPPED OUT OF YALE AlkahnlaksnALKHWELKTNW so everything about that whole era was wrong. Logan was the worst. The worst. You know that word “affluenza” that is getting thrown around right now? He’s that word embodied.
SO ANYWAY that’s not even the point of this article. I LOVE RORY/PARIS. I don’t read a lot of fic generally these days but Rory/Paris is just made of everything right and good. They have great chemistry for any facet of interpretation. Friendship, romance, general existence… those two are yin and yang or something, they are perfection. PERFECTION. I love everything about them. They are the greatest thing to ever happen in that show.
LOGAN WAS THE WORST. HE IS STILL THE WORST. WORST WORST WORST. I’m just going to park myself in this thread all day and write about how Logan was the worst.
Cosigned on the “liking Jess when I first watched the show because I was young” thing. Also he is the most attractive of all of them. Dark-haired brooding men remain a weakness for me, alas.
I have the hugest urge to rewatch the first few seasons of this show. The first season in particular was the sweetest, best, most lovely, awesome thing.
THIS about Dean. Everybody always seemed so concerned about Rory and Jess, but after re-watching the first two seasons, Dean is AWFUL and controlling and short tempered, and breaks up with her and bullies because she’s not ready to tell him she loves him. I hate him and his stupid hair so much.
The thing I just realized about all of them: they were already fully formed. You knew exactly who they were going to be, and they were never going to change. Rory and Paris and Lane were always wanting and striving and growing, like actual people! And all three of them were going to keep being their different shitty dudetypes until they died, old and without hair and with women they felt were beneath them. When looking at a sweet, smart girl’s romantic prospects, that’s horrifying; when considering writing a tv show, it’s perplexing. It would have been nice if someone got to date a person, ever.
I loathed Jess, even the first time through the show. Who borrows someone’s book AND THEN WRITES IN IT.
I also think Jess had the greatest capacity to learn from the mistakes he made with Rory and, with a proper amount of self-reflection and luck, avoid making them in the future. Of course, it would have to be with some other woman, because it only works if Rory never gets back together with him.
Logan really was the worst. How much must he have misjudged Rory and their relationship to believe that a) she would be happy about a surprise proposal in front of her family and a bunch of other people; or b) she wouldn’t mind if he waited until they were engaged to tell her that they would have to move to the other side of the country? Plus he never stopped calling her by that condescending nickname. Oh, the glee I felt when she ditched his ass.
I have sadly never seen the episode where Rory ditches Logan. I’m tempted to seek it out, but I’m also wary; I don’t see how it can possibly make up for the rage inducing garbage that led up to it.
I love seeing the very thoughtful analysis that went into this in the aside parenthetical paragraph. I would love to see Emily take a late-in-life lesbian turn. Either she would get so much enjoyment out of shocking the DAR ladies or she’d take Gran’s stance and be all shy about it.
I also enjoyed the mention of Ryan Atwood and would like to place a nomination for Taylor/Summer. Not Marissa. Never Marissa anything, she does not deserve it. (Plus she already did the lesbian thing and seriously, never Marissa.)
Yes, please to OC femslash! Although I think I would go Summer/Anna. Also maaayyybbeeee Julie/Hayley
I thought about Summer/Anna as well! I just love Taylor’s thoroughness and meticulousness and how she would probably like, research everything she could find about being a good lesbian girlfriend. Also she wrote Summer’s poemmmmm in 6th grade about the mermaid!
Hayley/anyone, no matter their gender?
Maybe you’re right, I haven’t watched in awhile so my memory is probably tainted by how much I liked Anna and how much I didn’t get Ryan/Taylor. I just want Anna to be happy!
ANNA/SUMMER ANNA/SUMMER ANNA/SUMMER
it’s okay
“Rory and Paris are the Anne and Gilbert of Stars Hollow.”
Shit, I never watched a full episode of this show but this is verifiably and demonstrably true.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME and so is the question of what episodes should I, a previously Gilmore-intolerant and perpetually dudes-allergic human who now ships Rory/Paris with the intensity of earth’s sun, watch?
Watch the finale of season 2 and all of seasons 3 and 4. If you enjoy then there are some key episodes in season 5 and 6, but after season 4 the Paris goodness sadly diminishes.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME and so is the now-burning question of which episodes I, previously uncharmed by Gilmore Girls’s whole Gilmore thing, should watch for my new job of shipping Rory/Paris? Thank you for the hire it was unexpected but rewarding.
There are many great ones from the early seasons, but I always really love Season 6 Episode 5, “We’ve Got Magic to Do.” I think it’s one of the funniest episodes in the entire series, and Kelly Bishop has a really wonderful scathing moment too.
From the high school years, I’d recommend the Bangles episode mentioned in the post (1.13, “Concert Interruptus”) and the sleepover episode (2.16, “There’s the Rub”–also a great episode for the mother/daughter relationship between Emily and Lorelai). And maybe the season 3 episodes where Francie tries to break them up–around 3.11-3.12.
I’m sorry about my double post. I’m so, so, so sorry.
Love all of this! When Rory and Paris indulgence in Bill Moyers’ The Power of Myth while on spring break? When the only person who could save Paris from herself as editor of the Yale Daily News was Rory? My heart.
Since you brought it up, I think some sort of Emily slash would be terrific! But who with? Ms. Celine, the personal stylist?
What about Emily slash Jason “Digger”‘s mother. Remember when they had that reunion dinner? Thought it ended badly Emily and Jason’s mom (Carol?) were super happy to see each other!
Love all of this! When Rory and Paris indulge in Bill Moyers’ The Power of Myth while on spring break? When the only person who could save Paris from herself as editor of the Yale Daily News was Rory? My heart.
Since you brought it up, I think some sort of Emily slash would be terrific! But who with? Ms. Celine, the personal stylist?
Ms. Celine would not be Emily’s type. Not sure who would, but not her. I just can’t see it.
No, you’re absolutely right. Ms. Celine is way too much for Emily. But a poster below suggested Mrs. Kim. That might work, in some sort of apocalyptic situation in which Mrs. Kim actually allows herself to act on her feelings? I feel like their mutual commitment to dignity and tradition would really bring them together.
Wow, I am really going down the rabbit hole at this point.
Yes, Rory and Paris should have happened! Also, that second picture where Rory is yelling at Paris in their Chilton uniforms is from an episode where Paris gets RIGHT UP IN RORY’S FACE and quotes all of Sonnet 116. SONNET 116, for God’s sake!
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! It is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Re: Logan: I have said this before, but: I thought he was completely irredeemable the first time I saw the show, but when I rewatched it as an adult who had finally had acceptable sex (not even good sex; I didn’t have good sex until I was 25 and slept with a guy who had erectile dysfunction. I didn’t have great sex until I started sleeping with women. Apparently penises make people useless at sex. Anyway) I realized that he and Rory had chemistry. Like, he’s awful still, but the sex was probably great. Rory had absolutely no chemistry with Dean and very little with Jess even though Alexis Bledel was dating Milo Ventimiglia. She did have chemistry with Logan.
Rory/Paris should still have happened, though.
*tosses undergarments at you FOR SHAKESPEARE* YES.
Rory and Logan definitely have great sex. And first time great sex will make people stay in relationships longer than they should.
Yeah, a huge part of the Logan/Rory thing I think was that Logan was exciting and there was chemistry and he was a sexual person and saw her as such. I am sure the sex that she had with Dean was lousy, even if you discount the terrible guilt/shame/angst that accompanied sleeping with your now-married ex-boyfriend (which should not be discounted as it poisons everything). She had no logical reason to want to date Logan and all kinds of reasons to not want to date him, and poor Marty was just sitting there trying to be sweet. He’s awful in many ways, but in some ways he is a step up from Jess and Dean, AND in some ways he is her rebellion (b/c that is not a boy that Lorelai would approve of).
Thank you Mallory. This is perfect.
I have loved this pairing since I first watched this show, read every tiny scrappy piece of Rory/Paris on the internet, constantly rewatch hoping that THIS TIME THEY’LL MAKE OUT (they never do). This article speaks to my SOUL. I am so relieved not to be alone any more!
I thought Logan was OK though. At least from time to time they worked on their relationship using words.
I am going to go ahead and say it would be an extremely worthwhile use of your time to write a ~30k fanfiction epic about Paris and Rory’s true love, re-writing the series from whenever point they finally make out. I’m aware now, you’ve shown me the light: there’s a void in the world, and you are perhaps the only one who can fill it satisfactorily. I’d go so far to say that you are DESTINED TO DO SO. Oh my gosh.
Agreed! The world needs more great femslash and if anyone should be writing it, it’s Mallory!
This is amazing. Seriously, the most astute writing on Gilmore Girls I’ve ever seen.
I’m just in pieces on the floor right now. Yes to everything. Oh, and Emily and Mrs. Kim could probably work something out, being snowed in among all those antiques one night. Lorelai’s unbending heterosity is one of my life’s defining tragedies, but this is healing.
“This fight is nominally about a boy, but…just look at the two of them.”
One thing I love about femslash friday is how you just take the exact Sedgwicky “oh look, more patriarchy” version of dude homosociality and make it lady-centric. Though I do worry what will become of men after the revolution.
I saw the title and was sceptical. But damnit Mallory. Now I need to go rewatch the whole show with this in mind.
MALLORY! I have been DYING for you to write about Rory/Paris for Femslash Friday ever since this series started! Thank you!!!!!!
Some more Rory/Paris recs to add to “Boston Marriage” from last week:
The Power of the Power of Myth
Whatever our souls are made of (Edward Cullen tries to woo Rory Gilmore. Paris strenuously objects. I swear it’s better than it sounds.
thus with(out) a kiss
Enjoy!
The voice in that second story is so, so good. It’s Paris to a T. Great recs!
P.S. “Ruminant mammals” OMFG
Guys, Paris (Liza Weil) played a lesbian therapist on a short-lived, not very good web series called Anyone But Me a few years ago. Clearly she was Paris, grown up, mellowed out, and married to a woman.
http://www.anyonebutmeseries.com/
DEAN WAS THE WORST, END OF STORY (why the fuck haven’t I been coming here every day, this was perfect)
MALLORYYYY YOU MAKE ME BELIEVE
FEMSLASH FRIDAY IS EVERYTHING TO ME. please write lesbian ship manifestos forever. I’m currently halfway through True Blood season 5 and PAM/TARA, PAM TARA, I think it’s gonna actually happen and I’m in a state about it.
(I know this comment isn’t really related but I’ve never seen Gilmore Girls and I wanted to draw attention to PAM/TARA as a thing)
I second Pam/Tara! But may I also suggest Emma/Regina from Once Upon a Time? The two of them have a terrifying amount of chemistry. Actually, if I put my mind to it I bet I could think of enough possible pairings to keep Femslash Fridays going for the next five years. 😀
It is absolutely true that 99% of boyfriends are unworthy, useless chaff. How many awesome boyfriends can any of us name? Not very many.
Oh, Mallory, knowing you’re a Jess hater somehow makes me love you even more!
Oh, hi, Only Other Max Liker in the World! I'll come sit by you!
This is perfection. But I’m still waiting for Katniss/Johanna!
PARIS IS THE BEST THING EVER, I am not sure Rory deserves her.
Logan is a figment of the audience’s imagination in order to make Rori in college remotely tolerable. He is also the catalyst for Friendzone Marty, a fedora-ed misandrist if I’ve ever seen one.
Rory even says “I’m not sure there’s an exact definition for what we are.” !!!!
I don’t mean to be that guy, and maybe I’m misremembering, but wasn’t the fencing fight about Francine manipulating Rory and making Paris paranoid, not about a boy? I only raise the question because Rory and Paris fighting over the machinations of ANOTHER girl adds something to your position.
Season 3, episode 1; Rory and Paris are in DC for the summer and Paris mutters in her sleep: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” as Rory sits at the desk next to her.
Have…have we mentioned the kiss on Spring Break? Or when Rory tells Lane she’s saving experimenting with girls for her junior year? (Also I can’t help it, I love Jess and Logan. Love love love, spend twenty minutes watching gifs of Jess with that smirk kind of love.) (This is my outlet now, for when I drink too much wine and watch too much Netflix, so…sorry for that.)
I agree with this 100%. EXCEPT YOU’RE TOO NICE TO DEAN. DEAN IS THE WORST WORST WORST. There are so many things wrong with Dean. He’s dumb, he’s boring. He broke up with Rory because she wouldn’t say “I love you” He annoyed me during the episode, “That Damn Donna Reed”, too. He gets all pissed because she doesn’t want have to sit around and wait for her husband and cook him dinner. Also he cheats on his wife and acts like Rory was an evil temptress and he was faultless. Gross. Everybody is way too nice to Dean. DEAN IS EVIL
Paris is not evil. Paris is perfect. Paris challenges Rory. But not in a “you’re a woman, cook me dinner” sorta way. If she said I love you and Rory wasn’t ready, she would not break up with Rory. She would encourage Rory to fully evaluate the situation, make a list detailing the pros and cons of the “I love you” saying decision, especially on the ways in which it may impact Rory’s future. If she cheated on someone by sleeping with Rory, she would take full responsibility. She might even shout to the world on CSPAN that it was her fault. Who knows.
I hate Dean. So much. I hate Jess less, because even though he also treated Rory terribly sometimes, people at least acknowledge how he was terrible. No one acknowledges Dean’s terribleness. The “I love you” incident is tilted so that it looks like Rory was in the wrong. Ugh I want to vomit.
And yes, Logan is hardly worth a sentence.
I definitely got lesbians vibes from Paris the whole time I was watching the show, not from Rory. But I'm inclined to think that Rory would give up the hetero-land just for Paris. It is worth it!
Oh, and dito to Emily and Mrs Kim. I think Emily and Paris have a lot in common.
somehow i never read this and it’s perfect