Things Terry Richardson Looks Like -The Toast

“Just earlier this year, a former model came forward to claim that during a shoot, Richardson ‘licked her ass, had her squeeze his balls, and even ejaculated into her eye — making sure his assistant captured everything on film.’”

Syndrome from Disney’s The Incredibles but on a nine-day juice fast
Heroin Opie from the darkest timeline of Andy Griffith
Ginger Skeletor
Every villain in the “Are You Afraid of the Dark” carnival episode
Like a living Jack-O-Lantern that has fucked the Cryptkeeper
Morgan Spurlock after he’s been kept in a basement for fourteen years on a subsistence diet of gruel
Starving Matthew McConaughey crossed with all the melting dudes at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark
the human equivalent of a high-grade fever
Evil Mr. Peanut
A hoodie that has never been washed
Scarecrow from Batman Begins disguised as a lumberjack
A cross between the Pied Piper and Spring-Heeled Jack
Someone who would try to talk to you in line at 7/11 at 3 in the morning
Canadian Borat
A California Raisin that has scurvy
A Slim Jim that has been given human form by an evil djinn
Fred Astaire and Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lamb‘s love child
the red-headed bully from “Salute Your Shorts” with a vitamin-D deficiency
Dov Charney after being immersed in the evil “Dip” from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
A no-makeup Joker
White Jafar
Exactly like what someone with the soul of Terry Richardson should look like

[Image via @darth]

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+15 Vote up Vote down

dakimel 122p · 571 weeks ago

vomit

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+69 Vote up Vote down

sednarea51 128p · 571 weeks ago

a hissing, fetid rat-king smeared with Axe body spray

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+25 Vote up Vote down

oneclockworklemon 127p · 571 weeks ago

A skinny version of Clayface from that one horrifying episode of Batman the Animated Series

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3 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+22 Vote up Vote down

Charles · 571 weeks ago

A Scooby-Doo villain with his mask half-removed

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+68 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

The middle stage of an Animorphs cover of Freddy Kruger turning into a condom you'd find in a gutter.

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+40 Vote up Vote down

dclarkwithane 103p · 571 weeks ago

Incredible Twitter-->post turnaround time

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+7 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

Repressed memories.

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+22 Vote up Vote down

Bill · 571 weeks ago

a jizz sock that's been left under the bed and forgotten for a year.

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+13 Vote up Vote down

deleted9457019 106p · 571 weeks ago

so wait, was the "dip" from Roger Rabbit not just like regular dip like you set out at parties? it was some special dip? because I made too much dip for a party the other week and thought "well, at least I'm set if I need to off some toons" but maybe that was wrong?

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2 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+26 Vote up Vote down

anninyn 124p · 571 weeks ago

A match that has contracted some kind of leprosy.

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+32 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

A lumberjack cake topper swallowed by a worm.

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2 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+75 Vote up Vote down

EPWordsnatcher 126p · 571 weeks ago

NOT MEAN ENOUGH, ORTBERG

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+93 Vote up Vote down

ilikemints 122p · 571 weeks ago

Like the painting Dirtbag Dorian Gray keeps in his attic.

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+28 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

None of Julie Andrews favourite things.

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+49 Vote up Vote down

jhsaxena 136p · 571 weeks ago

Ok I do get him and Dov Charney confused A LOT

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4 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+18 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

Half melted bachelorette candle

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+3 Vote up Vote down

Jenny · 571 weeks ago

James Carville with a stupid mustache.

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+37 Vote up Vote down

icebergmama 113p · 571 weeks ago

Like a Sex Criminal from Central Casting

(much like the convicted sex offender that works in my building. Why do they all wear glasses?)

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2 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+22 Vote up Vote down

icebergmama 113p · 571 weeks ago

Like phlegm with a bad case of rising damp.

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+16 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

A skinned ferret

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+13 Vote up Vote down

Girl Named Jack 117p · 571 weeks ago

Not to re-direct any well deserved ragefire from Mr. Richardson, but did anyone else immediately think of the Thieves Guild quest from TES IV: Oblivion when they saw Spring-Heeled Jack on this list?

Yet another in a long line of misplaced references in my life. See also:
- The time I remarked aloud to friends how strange it was that the "Kamehameha" brand Hawaiian shirt I was buying was named after Dragonball Z.
- The time I almost expressed surprise aloud to friends that the 007 movie Casino Royale was named after an episode of Star Trek: TNG, except my boyfriend knew what I was going to say and stopped me from sounding like an idiot.

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3 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+37 Vote up Vote down

Ophelia · 571 weeks ago

I didn't know who Terry Richardson was until right now, and I think I was better off before. BUT, in the spirit of participation, I'm going with: Melting orange sea-slug meets Dia de los Muertos sugar-skull.

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+23 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

A skeazy trenchcoat in human form

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+31 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

The type of man who says 'panties'

Shudder

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3 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+9 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

Something I don't want to repeatedly picture while thinking up comments for an internet post.

Albeit an excellent post.

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+10 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 571 weeks ago

Something carnies fear.

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+67 Vote up Vote down

EPWordsnatcher 126p · 571 weeks ago

The dead rat wrapped in a bunch of coats from the Wayside Stories books.

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2 replies · active 571 weeks ago

+10 Vote up Vote down

tjdubya 93p · 571 weeks ago

Misogyny

[Edit: Of course I'm stating the obvious]

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+12 Vote up Vote down

vmartinipie 113p · 571 weeks ago

A Q-tip someone accidentally kicked behind the toilet post-use

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+5 Vote up Vote down

owlet 104p · 571 weeks ago

Feivel from American Tail + every creepy gym teacher

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+6 Vote up Vote down

mslizwatson 131p · 570 weeks ago

That kid in every class who would rip off younger kids who didn't know any better, trading them low-level Pokemon cards for their holographic Charizard and saying this was a "super-rare Abra, I got it from my cousin in Japan, I'm doing YOU a favor!"

That kid, but run through the Fegan Floop machine from 'Spy Kids.'

Things Terry Richardson Looks Like

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

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