Western Art History: 500 Years of Women Ignoring Men -The Toast

“I think she’s really into it. Another set?”

“Yeah, she’s definitely really into it. Let’s play another set.”

“Heyyyy.”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter.”

“Haha, yeah, I can see that, awesome, that’s awesome…who are you writing to?”

“My mother.”

“Right on, right on…” [stretches] “So what’s new?”

“I’m actually going to be busy for a while, writing this letter.”

“Sure, for sure.”

“Can’t really talk right now.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, I can wait.”

“Oh, my God, is he still there?”

“I don’t know, but — oh my God, don’t look up, don’t look at him, he’s going to start playing again. Christ.”

“Okay, but did you like, really hear the difference between the two versions?”

“No, I definitely did, I totally see what you mean –”

“I’ll play it again.”

“Oh, my God, Tess, don’t encourage him. You’re terrrrrible.”

“No, I’m serious! That was so good! Can you play another one? You’re, like, really good at this.”

maybe if I pretend to fall asleep he’ll get the hint

“What? No, I’m just — it’s really good flauting. I’m just so impressed by how good it is, your flauting. Flaut some more.”

“I would love to go out tonight but I’m…I’m dying.” [coughs weakly into handkerchief]

“Oh, my God.”

“Yeah. It’s consumption, so.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I will stay and nurse you.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Hi, I just wanted to tell you, I thought you looked really beautiful out there tonight.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you that before, but I really felt like there was a sadness to your performance that maybe not everyone noticed, but I noticed it.”

“Thank you!…Sorry, how did you get backstage?”

“I just wanted to tell you, in case you thought nobody had noticed.”

“Okay, well, thank you — sorry, I think that’s my dress — I have to go finish dancing now.”

“Right, of course.”

“So maybe you should go back to your seat.”

“Oh, I’m fine right here.”

“I’m so sorry, I no speak ze English.”

“Ah! That is no problem to me, I also speak French.”

“I speak no French.”

“But I just heard you –”

“I speak no French, monsieur. Good day to you.”

“Hey. Hey. Hi. Hey. Yellow. Girl in the yellow dress. Can you hear me? Hey. Hey. I’m talking to you.”

“Yes?”

“So do you come to court a lot or what”

“Hi, sorry, this is a women-only balcony.”

“Women’s balcony, sorry.”

“Male balcony’s over there, this balcony is all-women, sorry!”

okay just look like you’re listening and look at his eyebrows

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+475 Vote up Vote down

maccrocodile 144p · 563 weeks ago

Art history would be so much prettier if they smiled.

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4 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+158 Vote up Vote down

Owl Queen 124p · 563 weeks ago

So, men have been trying and failing to impress woman by playing instruments since the dawn of time.

You;d think they'd have caught on by now.

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2 replies · active 547 weeks ago

+117 Vote up Vote down

evieskye 118p · 563 weeks ago

I have never been serenaded with an instrument but a college bf sang to me. He was so earnest and it was so awkward I laughed in his face. Didn't mean to, just couldn't help it. We didn't last much longer after that. Maybe some of these ladies are just trying really, really hard not to bust out laughing.

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5 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+144 Vote up Vote down

anachronistique 115p · 563 weeks ago

"Yeah, it's consumption, so."

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3 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+192 Vote up Vote down

EPWordsnatcher 126p · 563 weeks ago

"So do you come to court a lot or what"

DEAD.

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

+35 Vote up Vote down

heartstillatwar 106p · 563 weeks ago

This post is perfection.

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+30 Vote up Vote down

deleted5647547 126p · 563 weeks ago

How do the monks feel about this?

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2 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+105 Vote up Vote down

GreenGrasses 121p · 563 weeks ago

Girl in picture #2 is obviously writing her queer feminist political lesbian manifesto.

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+220 Vote up Vote down

phlippin 120p · 563 weeks ago

Hey letter-writer-botherer, next step is to take a turn about the room so she can admire your figure while walking.

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

+38 Vote up Vote down

Amylou · 563 weeks ago

I would so much rather listen to an audio tour of this!

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+31 Vote up Vote down

ArsenioB_Ham 125p · 563 weeks ago

Oh man, I don't even want to think about what Top Hat Man is doing or trying to do to that ballerina.

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+68 Vote up Vote down

yrpretendfriend 99p · 563 weeks ago

straightwhiteboystexting.tumblr.com

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6 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+28 Vote up Vote down

vmartinipie 113p · 563 weeks ago

Has anyone else had like, a banner couple of weeks for having to do this shit out in public? I don't know what the fuck is in the air or emitting from my person but it has been really bad lately, which you'd think anyone with half a brain aware of the News would realize was a shit idea.

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2 replies · active 562 weeks ago

+206 Vote up Vote down

SaraClue · 563 weeks ago

Don't forget "The Irritating Gentleman"

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11 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+51 Vote up Vote down

avidbiologist · 563 weeks ago

yesss this reminds me of a painting that I saw once in a classroom and also circulated around tumblr for a bit where a young woman is traveling by herself in a carriage(?) type thing and there's this older guy leering and she's looking straight into the viewer's eyes, like "this is the absolute worst".

unfortunately even my inventive googling came up with nothing but I'm posting in the hopes that someone else actually knows what I'm talking about.

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2 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+34 Vote up Vote down

yrpretendfriend 99p · 563 weeks ago

"nudes plz?"
(n/a for first painting)

edit: this was supposed to be a reply to continue straightwhiteboystexting jokes my bad

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

Ellen W. · 563 weeks ago

Why is "I'll play it again" guy wearing leather leg warmers but no shoes? And is anyone else super amused by the lead-heavy symbolism of all the animal pairs?

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2 replies · active 563 weeks ago

+85 Vote up Vote down

neptunemars 113p · 563 weeks ago

"Why aren't you paying attention to me? I'm a Nice Guy!"

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+48 Vote up Vote down

lilymhudson 96p · 563 weeks ago

I love this series, but my heart cries out for proper attribution!

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9 replies · active 563 weeks ago

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hergart 98p · 563 weeks ago

Dude with the wig in picture 8: Paul Rudd or Josh Radnor?

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

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spectralbovine 140p · 563 weeks ago

I am going to print these out and paste them all over the Louvre when I go.

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+14 Vote up Vote down

grumblyqueer 139p · 563 weeks ago

Asshole Number Seven isn't even fluting in the right DIRECTION (and the only people who say "flautist" are assholes).

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

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paddyk 52p · 563 weeks ago

Excellent. And that "grumblyqueer" person is an asshole.

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+8 Vote up Vote down

Emma · 563 weeks ago

Such a fun list! It's funny how a lot of those are Manet who also happens to be the painter of the most awkward painting of women ignoring men... while naked... while the men are fully clothed... and also ignoring the women!
http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_d%C3%A9jeuner_sur...

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CleverManka 143p · 563 weeks ago

This just made my kinda-shitty day SO MUCH BETTER.

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+38 Vote up Vote down

mamacitaconpistoles 82p · 563 weeks ago

"goawaygoawaygoawayomgomgomgomgomggoawaygoawaygoaway"

"just one more thing"

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+34 Vote up Vote down

Ad Lib · 563 weeks ago

These are funny... Except number one I think is incorrect. There are two naked women there and those two guys only have eyes for each other. It'd be more like: "You come to these often?"
"Mmm. My mother makes me. She thinks it's 'healthy'".
"And is it? Healthy?"
"It can be... just what kind of flute DO you play?"
"Oh...? Same as yours would be my guess. Are we on the same song sheet? Wanna get out of here?"

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+48 Vote up Vote down

huntuckian 84p · 563 weeks ago

In case someone wanted to know the list of artists and titles, I came up with the following:

1. Titian or Giorgione: Pastoral Concert, c. 1509

2. Gabriel Metsu: The Letter Writer Surprised, c. 1662

3. Giorgione: Youth with a Guitar and Two Girls on a River Bank

4. Abraham Bloemart: Pastoral Scene with a Herdsman's Family in Front of a Landscape

5. Eugène de Blaas: The Serenade

6. Gustave Dutailly: A Young Man Serenading A Woman Who Reclines Asleep Upon A Bench

7. François Boucher: Shepherd Piping to a Shepherdess, 1744

8. Federico Andreotti: The Persistent Suitor

9. Jean-Louis Forain: Behind the Scenes, c. 1880

10. Édouard Manet: In the Conservatory, 1879

11. Jean-Louis Forain: Tribunal Scene, 1906

12. Édouard Manet: The Balcony, 1868

13. Édouard Manet: At Father Lathuille, 1879

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1 reply · active 563 weeks ago

+29 Vote up Vote down

Bob · 563 weeks ago

I have felt like this Manet times...

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+7 Vote up Vote down

Alan · 563 weeks ago

I will never look at a painting of people in the same manner ever again.

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+15 Vote up Vote down

ckylum 0p · 563 weeks ago

Mallory, your articles are awesome. I hope your writing makes you piles of monies, you deserve a solid gold goose.

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+7 Vote up Vote down

kingred06 · 562 weeks ago

“I’m so sorry, I no speak ze English.”

“Ah! That is no problem to me, I also speak French.”

“I speak no French.”

“But I just heard you –”

“I speak no French, monsieur. Good day to you.”

died

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+2 Vote up Vote down

arthipstory 2p · 561 weeks ago

Dear Mallory, Still currently and always obsessed with this style of writing. I'm going to be bulking up my "please write on my blog" begging to include cookies and brownies.

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fantasyharper 13p · 540 weeks ago

Googling on a sleepless night brought me to this post - it did not cure my insomnia, but it did make me LOL! I was reminded of that statue of Afrodite being so annoyed by a leering satyr that she takes off her slipper - to bash him over the head with: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Aphrodite_... Thanks for making me laugh!

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joe Polacco · 528 weeks ago

Well, sexual selection must have something to do with this behavior because the trait IS passed on. Or, is it encoded by the Y-chomosome centromere (the self-CENTered ROguish ME-heRE gene)

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al3ab-banat01 87p · 460 weeks ago

عرفت مؤخرا العاب بنات جديدة انتشارا كبيرة وكما انها اكتسبت جماهير كتيرة واغلبها البنات فهن يلعبن اكتر من الاولاد لهذا نجد ان هذا النوع هو المشهور والمنتشر اكتر في مواقع الالعاب وكما ان هذا النوع بدوره يشمل اصناف كتيرة سنتعرف عليها الان ومن بينها العاب الطبخ الدي يملك معجبين كتر جدا ويعتبر هو الاول تم يليه العاب التلبيس وهذا الآخر ممتع ويحبه الكتير لان التلبيس تعشقه البنات اكتر من الاولاد وهذا امر بديهي ومعروف وبعده بالتتابع يوجد العاب المكياج او الميك اب نوع جميل ومحبوب عند الصغار والكبار ويبقى في الاخير نوع قص الشعر وهو الاقل اهتماما سواء من الاولاد او البنات وكانت هذه جميعها اصناف العاب بنات .

Western Art History: 500 Years of Women Ignoring Men

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

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