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Home: The Toast

Lorelai Gilmore (Phil Gordon)

LORELAIPHIL

“Philippa was a lively personage, infamous for her indecision, and loved wherever she went due to her extreme beauty, mirth and comicality.” Sounds about right.

Rory Gilmore (Anne of Green Gables)

RORYANNE

A weakness for reading and braids and hypersensitivity.

Paris Gellar (Gilbert Blythe)

PARISBLYTHE

I should not have to remind you that Paris and Rory are canon.

Emily Gilmore (Miss Josephine Barry)

EMILYBARRY

She’s not Marilla, that’s for certain. She warms up to her Anne, but that doesn’t set off a chain reaction of warmth and character development. She stays rich, and old, and mostly mean.

Richard Gilmore (Matthew Cuthbert)

MATTHEWRICHARD

MATTHEW.

Luke Danes (Marilla Cuthbert)

MARILLUKE

HERE is your Marilla. A crusty exterior that belies a gooey, gushing heart? Check. A propensity for womanish reading glasses in later seasons? Check. Talks a big game about NO CELL PHONES and GET OUT FROM BEHIND MY COUNTER SOOKIE but ready to build you a chuppah for your wedding at a moment’s notice? Check, check, and check.

Dean Forester (Diana Barry)

DIANADEAN

Simple! Simple, pretty, and a little bit of a drip.

Lane Kim (Ruby Gillis)

LANE

Both killed off before their time. “Mallory, are you suggesting that early marriage and parenthood is the same thing as dying of consumption?” IT WAS FOR LANE. LANE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN AN ABORTION AND GONE ON TOUR TO EUROPE. I’M SORRY FOR WHAT THEY DID TO YOU, LANE.

Jess Mariano (Josie Pye)

JESSIE

“A classmate generally disliked by the other girls. Josie is vain, dishonest and jealous of Anne’s popularity.”

Sounds.
About.
Right.

Tristan DuGrey (Jen Pringle)

TRISTANPRINGLE

Garden-variety bitches.

Sookie St. James (Muriel Stacey)

SOOKIESTACEY

Their smiles! Their smiles could turn on the sun, and I love them both, and there is no meanness in either of their hearts.

Taylor Doose (Rachel Lynde)

RACHELTAYLOR

YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT

Kirk Gleason (I CANNOT FIGURE KIRK OUT, PLEASE HELP)

kirk

Christopher Hayden (Royal Gardner/Morgan Harris)

CHRISTOPHER

Sort of charming, but as human beings go, unnecessary.

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