How soon is too soon to begin introducing basic theory and Lacanian self-definition to an infant? A primer.

ME: what do we need to understand before we can understand post-structuralism
BABY: fnehhh
ME: very good
we need to understand structural linguistics
now what does “fnehhh” mediate between
BABY: fnehhh
ME: that’s right
it mediates between abstract ideas and reality
BABY: fnehhh
ME: you’ve made your point, don’t belabor it

 

ME: show me the red block
BABY: gehh
ME: show me the red block
BABY: [gnaws on blue block]
ME: good
interrogate the binary oppositions of the supposed system

 

ME: what do we say to critics who argue that post-structuralism is concomitant with nihilism
BABY: [spits up]
ME: that’s right

 

ME: wake up
wake up
BABY: [sleeps]
ME: HAVE YOU DESTABILIZED ANYTHING YET TODAY
BABY: [sleeps]
ME: PASSIVITY IS AN ACTIVE CHOICE IN ITSELF; YOU CANNOT ISOLATE YOURSELF FROM THE SYSTEM
BABY: [sleeps]
ME: i may disagree with you but i admire your commitment to this position

 

ME: what does this plate symbolize, baby
BABY: [picks up a single Cheerio]
ME: that’s right
HEGEMONY
what do we think of hegemony
BABY: [smashes chubby baby fist against Cheerios]
ME: thats right
WE SMASH IT

 

BABY: want book
ME: where is the book
show me where the book is
BABY: [points at book]
ME: very good
now show me where the author is
BABY: [puts finger in mouth]
ME: VERY GOOD
now i’ll read to you about sheep

 

BABY: want juice
bring juice
ME: the juice is here
this is your opportunity to synthesize something
BABY: give juice?
ME: use the means at hand
what are the instruments you find at your disposition?
BABY: [slowly grasps bottle]
ME: BRICOLEUR