1. No. No. No. No. No no no. No. NO.
2. YES.
3. Full-body flashbacks and terror-driven night sweats.
4. The Season One hairstyles are as bad as you remember, but the wardrobes are even worse. It’s all mirrored sunglasses and peasant tops and dragon-print bandanas and Tevas (TEVAS!) and linen shirts with hummingbirds on them.
5. The secret villain of this show, I have concluded, is not the obvious Jenny, but TINA. Mealymouthed, passive-aggressive, “I’m straight now” TINA, who is an actual racist and reveals herself to be one less than forty minutes in and DOES NOT DESERVE BETTE, NONE OF US DESERVE BETTE, HER SKIN IS AS LUMINOUS AS THE MOON AND HER EYES ARE HUGE LIMPID POOLS OF PERFECT EYES AND ALL OF HER CUFFS EXTEND PAST HER WRISTS, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE.
6. Eric Mabius’ body is terrifying, and I hate it.
7. Pausing the party scene and telling the person you’re watching The L Word with who is seeing it for the first time that “That’s Melissa Etheridge’s ex, who wrote furious and inappropriate poetry about her on her blog after their divorce a few years ago,” then taking a twenty-minute break to go find and read said poetry.
8. There is so much telegraphing within the first four episodes that it feels like you’re standing in the middle of a Western Union.
9. I suddenly want to call every queer girl I knew from the years 2005-2009 and see what they’re doing on Sunday night.
10. I hate Ilene Chaiken, as do all right-thinking people, and yet I cannot do without her. Ilene Chaiken gives, and Ilene Chaiken takes away, and I cannot bring myself to bless the name of Ilene Chaiken. It will be at her hand that I finally perish, I know it.
11. HATING THAT THEME SONG IS THE PUREST FEELING I HAVE EVER KNOWN
12. I would love to be above loving Shane. Who wouldn’t? Shane is so OBVIOUS. Shane is for straight girls who wouldn’t know Helena from Paige. Being attracted to Shane is like thinking Marilyn Monroe is beautiful: there’s nothing interesting about it, and it does nothing to set you apart from the faceless and undeserving masses. Shane does that thing that certain Los Angelenos do where instead of answering a question they put their hands in front of them in a namaste position and sort of half-bow their head at you, which is an objectively awful thing to do, and yet I cannot resist her.
12. THUS SPAKE SARAH SCHUSTER ugh ugh ugh ugh somebody just drown Jenny five seasons early, please.
13. Dana is a JERK. Why didn’t I remember what a jerk Dana was? Can I count on my memory to tell the truth? Also, what happened to all the women I used to watch this show with? What happened to, like, the woman I used to be while watching this show, you know?
14. “Those bone-white button-down shirts whose cuffs extend past the wrist almost to the first knuckle” that Bette wears all the time is a valid sexual orientation.
15. I wish this show lasted for a thousand years. I wish it was on the air right now, and I could wake up angry about it every morning, and that Tasha was my girlfriend and she was waiting outside my apartment building on her motorcycle right now. This is the way; it’s the way that we live, and love.
Tags: CHAIKEN, television, the l word
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“She says she lives for ‘choking people out’”
Dana is a jerk! How did I not notice it the first time around?
On rewatches I don’t find myself hating Jenny until season 4… is there something wrong with me?
Yes. You are objectively wrong to not hate Jenny except that one time in Season 2 where she has that great speech taking down Mark the Most Awful Man Who’s Ever Existed.
I think it’s because we know we don’t really *have* to hate her early on. Or possibly because we know we must conserve our strength.
I think you’re right, in the early seasons the show was actively trying to sell her as the heroine and she was so awful it was impossible not to rebel as a viewer (for me anyway). But eventually they figured it out and let her just embrace being The Worst.
I love Jenny.
I mean, she’s terrible, but she’s a fun terrible. And everyone regards Jenny as their terrible, ridiculous friend who does terrible, entertaining things. You would absolutely want to meet Jenny for coffee and find out whose life she’s trying to destroy this week, and her hair was always very shiny and sleek.
There’s no reason to hang out with Tina except proximity to Bette.
SHE KILLED A DOG.
Remember her weird thing about the “soup chef”? That’s all, I have nothing else to say about Dana.
it’s really too bad about tasha because now when i fall in love with a strong and beautiful lady soldier i will have to think about the l word all the time
i have been considering trying to rewatch this, though i only ever saw maybe the first season? or two? i honestly don’t remember. all i remember is how hot shane was.
I like Jenny. She was the most entertaining part of the show. Come at me, haters.
Also, Shane is terrible, Alice would probably stab you in the back for $5, and I can’t remember now why I hated Helena. (But for real, f that theme song.)
Remember when she adopted a dying elderly dog as part of a scheme to get closer to the veterinarian girlfriend of Heather Matarazzo after Heather Matarazzo gave her a bad review? And that was in, like, a single episode.
JENNY.
No one is above loving Shane. No one.
I actually liked Helena. She was like a even more bonkers and self-absorbed Jenny, except she wasn’t pulling any tricks.
Really, the entire show is just a string of “no. no. NO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. no.” interspersed with an occasional yes.
I continually had the feeling that the show was trying to sell me on the “no, really, lesbians *are* this dysfunctional” narrative, which annoyed me.
Accurate.
DAMNIT, TINA.
I have sat at the same table as Alice from the L Word. She asked me to pass her the napkin dispenser. It was glorious.
The entire napkin dispenser? What, one or two napkins weren’t enough for her? Goddamn greedy bisexuals.
Except for mirrored sunglasses, I own and have recently worn all of those clothing items in number 4. Tevas are practical, goldarnit.
My Tevas fell apart last summer and I mourned them. I still have them and entertain fantasies of gluing the sole back on.
I had them for 10 years and they were given to me by my grandmother after they didn’t fit her feet right.
I haven’t seen it but I’m somewhat familiar with the show and I thought the Shane problem might just be *me*.
I already told you all about me and soft butches.
You know when Space Ghost gets defensive with Eartha Kitt and says “quit workin’ it!” and then caves a moment later?
Space Ghost, Eartha Kitt, soft butches
These are a few of my favorite things
And why I will be a Toasty for life
Does anyone else remember the episode where Alice dated a vampire, or was that a fever dream I had in college?
No but I remember when Brian Krakow was a lesbian.
YEAH I JUST REWATCHED THAT EPISODE it was somethin’ else
YOUR USER NAME IS AMAZING. That’s all.
THAT WAS A REAL THING THAT REALLY HAPPENED I love how the show like…almost veered off in a supernatural direction but like couldn’t commit to it?? there were a few moments of “omg this is an actual vampire” and then they just dropped it entirely WHY DID I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH
I tried to rewatch this a few months ago and didn’t get very far. It was just ridiculous.
It was wonderful in college when I was only in the baby stages of becoming hugely queer, but I was super disappointed at my inability to get through a rewatch.
Everyone on that show was terrible for at least a few episodes, that’s part of the drama. I mean, yes, Bette is luminous and her outfits are on point and I would happily let her use me as a footstool, but she is not without sin.
damn it, now I’m thinking about Bette using me as a footstool and having pants feelings.
She closed out the first season by cheating on her girlfriend who just had a miscarriage! Bette is an ASSHOLE.
Although all is forgiven just for the scene where she reads Jenny’s book. THAT’S NOT EVEN GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT, YOU IDIOT.
Thank you! Bette is emotionally stunted and terrible. Yes, she is beautiful but she and Tina are both awful. Everyone in the show is awful!
Now when i think about the L Word I’m convinced that some bisexual woman broke Ilene’s heart in a terrible way when she was, like, 24. And now Ilene blames that heartbreak on bisexuality and not that woman being terrible. EVERY bisexual woman on that show embodies all the negative, false, stereotypes of bisexuality. Mostly, though, they are revealed to be straight or gay, not really bisexual.
RAAAAGE
Being reminded of that theme song just made me flash back to watching that opening, an din true horror fashion, I couldn’t turn off the flashback or fast forward–the whole song played in my head in actual time, a trauma from which I shall never recover.
Remember season 1, when there was no theme song at all?
omg really? I watched it about four years ago on netflix, and I think they might have added the theme song in, then.
I watched it less than a year ago, and season 1 had no idiotic theme music, just a word cloud. But then season 2 came along, and we all got to hear about our Favorite Queer Things.
Helas, i must be misremembering.
The theme song does sort of rewrite your memory like that. It’s evil.
I have no memory of this theme song, so you must be right.
It was elegant and simple and clean and perfect, that opening. I loved it. And I respect the role that Betty played in historical lesbionicity, and am glad they had some gainful employment in a big lesbian thing. But dear god, my ears. Barking meowing baaing mooing or whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing, ugh.
The positive view of all of this is that queer media is aging incredibly badly because society has improved a great deal in a very short span of time.
Exactly.
…Admittedly I had a crush on Mia Kirshner, which may have translated to tolerance for Jenny. What can I say? Good hair + destroys lives is a very attractive combo. (I make awesome dating decisions, thank you for asking.)
Hi. Me, too.
Side note, I saw Jenny just walking down the street a while ago. I was like THAT’S JENNY*. And then did/said nothing because what else could I say?
*Mia Kirschner, yeah, but we all know her as Jenny.
Once in a great, great while, that WRETCHED theme song somehow pops into my head and it makes me want to find a way to tear my brain out through my ears as punishment for remembering.
Sometimes I think about Bette and Tasha and Alice and I miss the show.
Sometimes I think about Max and I’m glad that he’s in another place now. YOU’RE FREE FROM ILENE MAX: GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE BEAUTIFULLY.
Oh god, Max. Everything about that storyline was terrible.
Can we talk about how the people in the opening credits changed each season to accommodate comings/goings/deaths/disappearances of characters?
I liked that! It took me a while to notice, possibly due to the seizures brought on my the song, but that was a nice touch. (On a related note I’m watching “Weeds” for the first time now and they do a neat switch when the show leaves the town it’s set in and resettles close to the US/Mexico border). It feels like a kindness to the viewer somehow.
I can’t try and rewatch The L Word ever again. It hurts too much! It’s so bad! My re-watch made me realize I hated actually everyone?* My dear sweet Dana where have you gone and who replaced you with this jerk? Tina what are you even doing/saying? Why doesn’t Helena’s life/story/personality stay the same? THE SONG
*except Tasha and Bette
Dana was seduced by Fame.
Back in 2009, my co-worker at Whole Foods invited me over to watch the final season with her and her friends and I accepted because I love nothing more than people reacting strongly to TV in groups. I was the only straight girl there and was immediately greeted by 10 lesbians with “Ugh, I bet you’ll love Shane.” (Which was true). Everyone was very patient with me explaining the back stories and In return for their kindness, I accidentally got all of them into the reboot of American Gladiators featuring Gina Carano as “Crush.” (“YEAH SHE IS!”)
I never actually watched it when it was on (because I like shows with more violence and less lattes. or maybe it was because I knew it would inspire bi rage.) and then I hosted a storytelling night themed on the “L Word” (really it was just an all queer lady lineup) so I watched the first season – and only the first.
Thoughts: Jenny’s terrible – mostly at writing, my god that Sarah Shuster shit was total drivel – but it was Marina pursuing her, and then trying to hit on the new girl she tried to date (Anne Ramsay! who must actually be a lesbian, right? So hot.) and inviting her over for a dinner so she and Francesca could torment her.
Shane: What can you do? I fell that time she walked past Bette and Tina on their stoop and she was still up from partying the night before dressed in this ridiculous tiny leather strap on top and leather pants. In my memory they were gold leather, but I may just be transferring how dazzled I was. I was pretty disappointed, though, that this was their half-assed attempt at a butch. I’ve been told there are butchier characters introduced in later season but I can’t bear to watch more.
That “lesbian in a man’s body” that Alice tried to date smacked of transphobia, really.
I would kill it at a Dinah Shore weekend if they’re really like that.
That “lesbian in a man’s body” that Alice tried to date smacked of transphobia, really.
YES, I watched a season or two recently, and it had me cringing SO hard. I think the way they wrote Lisa was HELLA transphobic. Like, she exists to be mocked. She tries to set sexual boundaries, and Alice tramples all over them, and we’re supposed to be on Alice’s side? I feel like they made a straw trans* person to make fun of.
I feel like they made a straw trans* person to make fun of.
So almost every trans* character, really.
*sigh*
I have real hope for Tony on Orphan Black – he’s not played by a transman but that’s because Maslany has to play them all, no way around that. And of course Sophia Burset.
Tony! I hope we’ll see more of him.
I think we have to! those writers are too good at plot to pop him up, have the adorable (if semi incestuous) flirtation with Felix, give him a clone phone and then never bring him back again.
Oh, thank you for reminding me about Anne Ramsay! Every second she appeared onscreen in “Mad About You” is etched somewhere on my psyche, so when she popped up on TLW I felt more than a little vindicated.
Fun fact: when Jenny first starts talking about her weird short story about manatees, you see her watching one swim around at an aquarium.
Except in the scene it’s not a manatee. It’s a beluga whale. This is my biggest takeaway of Jenny as a character.
yes!! My then-spouse and I just lost it at that scene: IT’S A BELUGA WHALE, AND THAT’S THE VANCOUVER AQUARIUM, WE’VE BEEN THERE! ANOTHER STEALTH CANADIAN ON THIS SUPPOSEDLY SET-IN-LOS-ANGELES SHOW! (Did you notice how all the extras have Canadian accents?)
This bothered me so much. Why am I using the past tense? This bothers me intensely whenever I think about it. Why couldn’t they just change the animal in the story? Why not just say beluga whales?
I need to go get a cup of tea. It really frickin’ bothers me.
I have had every single one of these thoughts before. Every one. Mallory you speak to my soul. My only additional thought is that every time I watch the L word I forget that Pam Grier is in it as the token straight character and then I cannot believe that I forgot that. That and her really hot boyfriend Ivan and her really ugly boyfriend that man I can’t remember who’s meant to be shockingly young but is in fact just shockingly less hot than her.
MANGUS
of course. mangus. always playing his guitar at people that manny was
HAHAHAHA…I *LOVE* that you call him “Mangus” too! His real name is Angus, but my roommate and I never call him that.
I can’t rewatch the L Word, just can’t. I can never forgive Chaiken for the last season, the existence of Jenny (I loved Mia Kirshner from Exotica and the show made me want to run screaming when she showed up), the webisodes (please let me forget they ever existed), and for screwing over the one writer who tried to give Shane some character development (by ignoring it completely).
Chaiken now seems to have taken to writing about bipolar disorder (first with Black Box, now with Empire) and is every bit as bad at it as she was at writing about queer women. If it were not for Taraji P. Henson and the marvel that is Cookie, I would have ditched Empire at the first mention of someone being off his meds. I knew what was coming, and sadly, I wasn’t wrong. Feh.
My first comment here on the Toast was a rant about her (plus ça change). I don’t hold grudges normally (takes too much energy) but I am steadfast in my extreme distaste for Chaiken’s work.
No no no please don’t tell me Chaiken is involved with Empire that’s been on my to-watch list for so long and I was so excited for it NO
I have to get my wisdom teeth out soon, and was ruminating on what I would watch while I’m down. Well, question answered.
Please forward to 2:15 for what is still my favorite moment in The L Word. (It’s where Monet calls Jenny and Alice.)
Am i the only one who hated Bette? Could she have been any more self-sufficient and hypocrite?
(Well, i didn’t like Jenny either, but that’s another story…)
p.s. Point 15. – So true!
You’re not alone, but you and I might be the only ones in the world. I NEVER saw the appeal of sniveling, humorless Bette. She has all the sexual charisma of a disapproving third grade teacher.
I really like Bette but I think you are onto something here.
She was definitely the feudal lord in the Bette-Tina relationship.
I’m Abraxas the demon of lies and deceit! Time for the L Word stream of consciousness rant I have been waiting to share for all these years.
-Remember how Bette-Tina fans called them Tibette? And then some of them would say ‘Free Tibette’ but they were serious.
-The episode commentary for the cruise ship episode is marvellous; it’s Leisha, Kate and the one who plays Dana and they make fun of Betty and your heart sings because THEY KNOW TOO. IIRC this was the last commentary they did, probably because they were too honest.
-Dana WAS an ass and the most biphobic of all.
-Marina is my favourite European of all time. Also, I like to pretend she has no specific nationality. She hails from the WHOLE CONTINENT.
-I WANT TO SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF MANATEES.
-I still text lines from Jenny Schecter’s organ poem for Tim to friends and you should too.
OH LORD the cruise ship commentary. I lolled forever and wanted to be all of their besties.
“11. HATING THAT THEME SONG IS THE PUREST FEELING I HAVE EVER KNOWN”
I’m watching the show for the first time now, and yes. Yes. What a bad, bad, bad song.
Oh God. I also never made it past the first season. I couldn’t handle all of the drama and I was too annoyed/disappointed/traumatised.
– Dana! What is wrong with you, we all want Lara to be our girlfriend! God! I seriously enjoyed Dana’s backstory tho. Lara come baaaaack.
– Bette I love you forever. OMG. I have to say part of my love for Bette comes from how absolutely kickarse she is at her job.
– Tina, srsly no. No. No to quitting your job. No to your reaction to Bette. Just no.
– Consider me among Shane’s many victims, who number everyone, everywhere, of all time. I am A Straight who is a tad bendy. Shane was created for people like me to have crushes on. I would say call me Shane but I know my heart is already broken.
– I was most irritated by Jenny, probably because of straightness. I admit it, I was irritated she had a super lovely boyfriend who wanted the white picket fence and she wanted to faff about being completely irritating to me and irresistible to others. I was watching the series with a (crappy now long ex) boyfriend at the time and I predicted the story arc from their first appearance. He couldn’t work out how I knew. I just knew.
– Alice. Just fucking stop it Alice.
If you watch it on DVD, there’s one commentary track in the first season where the actors playing I think Shane and Alice and…maybe Dana? are just cracking on that song all through the title sequence. It ends with one of them singing “We’re so getting fired, fired, fired, fired, fired.” It’s the best thing in the whole damned series.
Except Alice’s chart. Alice’s chart is to die for.
I will admit that the shirts with the sleeves that Bette always wore were fantastic, however, by definition they prevented me from enjoying what is one of my favorite L word things: Bette Porter’s arms.
I always hated Tina, and I said so at the time! Also Bette is intense but what a dumbass.
Helena’s cellmate from Season 5, played by Lucia Rijker? … Anyone? Just me? Swoon.
Sometimes I ring up my friends from 2006 and just leave a message for them, humming the theme tune. It’s the best revenge I know.
(they are still my friends, amazingly)
Every couple of months or so I randomly think about “Thus Spake Sarah Schuster” and have myself a good chortle. So thanks for that L Word, I guess that is my takeaway from your six seasons of varying degrees of amusement, titillation, and frustration.
‘nipple confidence’
I loved Dana. I still do in my heart.
If anyone needs an alternate Shane fix, Girltrash the webseries and it’s prequel on Netflix are pretty enjoyable and Michelle Lombardo as Tyler does a good variant on the Shane thing. Apparently it’s been around since 2007, but I guess I’m slow…
Webseries: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw-r2HbmPbs
Trailer for full-length: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aR4zXRdh73I
Ugh, now I’m going to have to watch and disabuse myself of the notion that Dana is the best. Is she really a jerk? Are you sure? Ughhh.
I loved Jenny and frequently identified with how she reacted to things, which, granted, is 100% because of how wonderfully Mia Kirshner played her. Anyway, I too am a raw nerve and awful writer, fear me. I want to read ‘Some of her Parts’ (LOL oh dear).
I hated that intro song and any and all appearances of that band (Bettie? Debbie??? however they were called) on the show and how they’d have all the characters go wild over them, like, oh great it’s them with the lady with the dreads and the voice and the terrible songs! So awkward.
Hah clearly i have severe issues, because i hate Shane on every level and my two favorite characters were Jenny and Tina. Well, i loved Jenny at first because she was dark and twisty and screwed Marina A LOT which is worth fifty points from me. Then she went psycho and i loved her for the comedy/drama. Tina, on the other hand, i never really liked, but was just always mildly attracted to. I also found her annoying though. And WTF WAS UP WITH THAT WEBISODE AFTERWARDS where it turns out she’s totally out of her gourd and considers her first time with a woman when she was molested by her sister????? So ok yeah actually Tina was totally annoying. AS WAS THAT FUCKING THEME SONG. Ugh Betty, GTFO. I’m still angry.
The thing about the Power of Shane:
No other character could ever treat Carmen like that and still be completely worshiped and adored. Carmen is a flawless angel. Shane is untouchable. Ugh now I am sad WHY CAN’T I DRINK BOURBON AT WORK?
My husband recently woke up from a bad dream and was telling me how awful he felt for hurting my feeling (in the dream mind you ) and said “It’s like when Shane flew away with the Cheriei Jaffe Bird”- and I totally understood what he meant.
I rewatched it for Helena.I can’t get enough Rachel shelly she’s a goddess 😀
the 2nd time I didn’t get why I liked marina that much though. she was way cooler in my memory.
My favorite thing about that show was Bette's flash back to when she was a kid and she's dressed like Jennifer Beals from Flashdance.
CARMEN IS A FLAWLESS ANGEL. #correct
I realize this thread is dead but I’m doing a rewatch and I’m still in love with this show. I’ve rewatched it at least once a year since like, 2010? I have a lot of beef with it:
Ivan was the perfect opportunity to explore sexual fluidity, same with Papi; Kit is literally the perfect character for this to happen to!
Nobody is capable of having a normal functioning relationship, Angus was totally obsessed with Kit, I just don’t see him cheating, especially with a skinny white girl irl. Everytime someone is happy something has to mess it up.
Danas death is one of the biggest injustices to a character I’ve ever seen, it just didn’t make sense. You have like an 89% chance of surviving breast cancer. I’ve seen women in my family beat it in their 80s! Dana is an ass to Alice, and to Laura, she’s super transphobic…but she’s also been pretty sheltered. She’s relatable. To kill her off and then give us a crappy hazy image of her floating in a waterfall? Bye. I can’t.
Bette is a perfect angel and i don’t care about what happened with Candice. I think Tina would have eventually cheated worth with a man, had Bette not discovered the messages. She’s no better, I stand by the fact they’re made for one another.
Jenny. I just can’t stand her from the get go. She cries all the time. Over everything without ever really explaining why. If it’s up for interpretation, cool, but it’s not always obvious. All the flashbacks and voice overs of her writing is so annoying. The giving Tim her organs poem is literally the worst.
Also I’m totally in love with Marina, i really wish her character had suck around more and been pay off the group. Imagine her and Helena??? Ugh.
I also hate that the show implies the main cast are main characters, but refuses to flesh everyone out the same way. We get to know so much about Bette. We know her sister from the beginning,we meet and watch her father die, we even know enough about her mother! We breifly meet Danas parents and brother. Same with Shane (just enough to break your heart.) We know nothing about Tina and Alice. It’s like they trick you into thinking they’re main characters when really they’re just devices to help the plot along.