ok before we start this prayer
everyone remember
you hate god
you hate food
you hate everyone in this room
hello, God
bet you didn’t expect to hear from me again
did you, fucko
these sons of bitches will never pray in this town again
I have prayed for a bigger hat for the last time
perhaps something more persuasive than prayer is necessary
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our lobster
“you can’t go walking into town with us, you have to finish your prayers”
ill show them
ill show all of them
i pray that town fucking explodes
it’s just you and me, God
you and me and this hankie against the world
dear
uh
God
I thank Thee on this afternoon for
mm
beds
and such
Sincerely, etc
This isn’t a decorative quarterstaff, ladies
I suggest you get to praying
maybe now they’ll think twice before they ask me to lead matins again
i cant read this shit
this book isnt even facing me
slow down, heaven dove
I SAID
I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW
I’ll get you for this, God
It might take a while
but I’ll wait until you’ve forgotten about me and then BAM
bam
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Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.