Have hope. My permanent retainer finally broke after 32 years and the dentist took it off and polished away the detritus. Now I can't stop touching the smooth backs of my teeth with my tongue.

This is how I feel about doing the dishes. ALLLLLWAYS. T.S. Eliot can keep his coffee spoons - dish suds are the essence of mortality.

I am also having this day. Most because other people exist, but also these reasons:

- dinner plans
- carelessly running out of shampoo, especially when you're too pressed to buy more so you have to fill the bottle with water and shake it to create shampoo-water but you spend the rest of the day paranoid about your semi-greasy hair anyway
- the awareness you have while eating a brownie, that when the brownie ends nothing enjoyable will happen to you for the rest of the day, probably
- automatic updates to security software
- taxes

"The underside of my fingernails feel dirty but because I have nail polish on I cannot confirm this"

Why I cannot bear to wear nail polish. Ever.

All that hidden dirt. YOU KNOW IT'S THERE. Don't touch me.

Fun fact: your permanent retainers aren't actually meant to be permanent and one day when you are eating a hard food like popcorn or corn chips the bottom one will start to come off and you'll drive an hour to the orthodontist of your youth and he will charge you $80 just to pull it off and polish your teeth, and he will tell you that there is no need to replace it because you aren't a teenager anymore and you don't need super straight teeth, and you will consider how your parents scrimped and sacrificed to give you braces so you could have permanent teeth forever or, apparently, for seven years.
Then a few years later, your top permanent retainer will start to peel off when you are eating a soft food, like a burger at your best friend's destination 30th birthday party party which is peopled by strangers you would like to impress, and you will go into the bathroom and pull the wire out yourself and it will feel weird on your teeth and you will throw the wire away in the tiki bar bathroom and think about how that wire cost thousands of dollars and your teeth will never be as straight as they were when you were a teenager and your teeth were young and your braces were just removed.

I have way too many times when I get angry that people breathe. AUGH. THE NOISE.

The woman IMing me at work has "ASAP - Always say it with a prayer!" on her IM status and aside from feeling like religion has no place in a corporate environment, THAT IS NOT HOW ACRONYMS WORK.