All I Want For The New Gilmore Girls Revival Is For Emily Gilmore To Become A Late-In-Life Lesbian -The Toast

All I Want For The New Gilmore Girls Revival Is For Emily Gilmore To Become A Late-In-Life Lesbian

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

on October 20, 2015 in LGBT

We have all heard at this point that there is going to be a Gilmore Girls revival on Netflix sometime in the next year or so. It may be good (WHAS reunion) or it may be embarrassing (Arrested Development reunion). I do not care. I have modest but specific hopes for it: namely that Amy Sherman-Palladino incorporates the passing of actor Edward Herrmann into the series by making Emily Gilmore a late-in-life lesbian.

After, of course, an appropriate mourning period; I do not mean to suggest that their love was not real and enduring. But it would suit her, I think, suit her exactly right down to the ground. Think of how much she would love getting the chance to shock Lorelai, for one thing!

“It’s called late-in-life lesbianism, Lorelai,” Emily would say sharply, “and I certainly would have thought you of all people had heard of it.”

“It’s not that I haven’t heard of it, Mom,” Lorelai would start. “I just never thought –”

“Never thought your boring old mother, reliable old Emily Gilmore, could do anything you couldn’t do? I know what you think of me, Lorelai. Well, it may interest you to know that you don’t know everything about me.”

“Mom, it’s not that, honest, you just took me by surprise, for a minute.”

“And she’s from a VERY good family, so I’d like it if you could at least wear gloves to dinner this Friday night.”

Think of the stunt casting! Julianne Moore! Angela Bassett! Michelle Pfeiffer! Jada Pinkett-Smith! Jane Seymour! Rosie Perez! Susan Sarandon! Ellen Barkin! Chita Rivera! Gina Torres! Diana Ross! Jessica Lange! Raquel Welch! Each one of them frostier and grande-dame-ier than the last!

“Lorelai, I would like you to meet Meredith Rolfe [played by Iman], of the Virginia Rolfes. She is my lesbian companion.”

“Mom, you can just say girlfriend.”

“I certainly can NOT. A Rolfe, of the Virginia Rolfes, my GIRLFRIEND? They’re descended from Pocahontas. They’re the closest thing this country has to royalty. Honestly, Lorelai.”

They met at the club/at the beauty salon/at the DAR’s annual lesbian orgy/use the same maid service/hired the same ice sculptor/dedicated the same wing of a hospital and they both reached for the christening bottle of champagne at the same time. Every week a new society girlfriend, every week a brilliant new guest star.

“And they aren’t matching pantsuits Doris and I are wearing, Lorelai,” Emily would say. “They’re color-coordinated. Matching is déclassé.”

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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+71 Vote up Vote down

shakespia 0p · 495 weeks ago

I am all for this. Also, casting-wise, would Diane Keaton be a possibility?

+20 Vote up Vote down

Emily · 495 weeks ago

Nothing has ever made me happier than this post.

+94 Vote up Vote down

filledelagrammaire 117p · 495 weeks ago

I haven't wanted anything this badly since the Rory/Paris Femslash Friday, and I've only watched a season and change of GG.

5 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

evah42 89p · 495 weeks ago

Yessssss

+145 Vote up Vote down

AllonsyAllonso 124p · 495 weeks ago

This is canon. This is the only version of New Gilmore Girls I will accept. Also can we retcon Lane's marriage and pregnancy. Ok thanks bye.

4 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

Ashley · 495 weeks ago

I hope you're getting your packet ready to send in for this revival. Your voice is desperately needed in this project.

+113 Vote up Vote down

lilsebastian01 151p · 495 weeks ago

Also Michel gets a boyfriend and Taylor gets a boyfriend but they are different boyfriends (and certainly not each other) and neither of them is dating Kirk.

17 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+105 Vote up Vote down

ppyajunebug 137p · 495 weeks ago

WHY AREN'T THE PEOPLE OF THE TOAST WRITING THIS SERIES.

OR AT LEAST CONSULTING.

ASP, WE PROMISE IT WON'T BE LIKE SEASON 7. WE WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT TO LANE.

Also, if it were up to us, Dean and Christopher would have been revealed to have been having a secret love affair and get taken out by a random act of a vengeful god because they are THE WORST.

13 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+64 Vote up Vote down

RLT · 495 weeks ago

Your tone was perfect, Mallory. I could hear Emily and Lorelei's voices. But I don't think Emily has ever requested gloves for dinner.

Anyhoo, I was going to argue that I know Emily loves the D but then I realized I was being totally 2005 about my attitude and letting bisexuals be invisible, which is Wrong.

1 reply · active 495 weeks ago

+74 Vote up Vote down

corvinafish 142p · 495 weeks ago

MICHEL IS SUPPOSED TO BE STRAIGHT??

2 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+47 Vote up Vote down

coloredlights 102p · 495 weeks ago

Jane Seymour.

Now I need Jane Seymour to be SOMEONE'S late-in-life-lesbian revelation, even if it's not Emily Gilmore. But it should be Emily Gilmore.

3 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+96 Vote up Vote down

catweazlol 142p · 495 weeks ago

I know we all dream of Paris and Rory but given Paris's predilection for older lovers I could completely board the Paris/Emily ship.

2 replies · active 494 weeks ago

+48 Vote up Vote down

SmrtCookie 122p · 495 weeks ago

All I want is for all three Gilmore Girls to be single and dating at once. Preferably at least one of them non-heteronormatively and one non-monogamously. Friday night dinners would be so much more enjoyable if they could all weigh in on each other's Tindr swiping. Rory could to explain to Emily that what she and Virginia are doing is what the kids today call Netflix and Chill. Lorelei could be in a tizzy trying to untangle the verbage surrounding poly relationships.

1 reply · active 495 weeks ago

+31 Vote up Vote down

lulu · 495 weeks ago

I am here simply to add Rita Moreno's name to the casting suggestions. Thank you.

+28 Vote up Vote down

Demi · 495 weeks ago

SHE DATES A THIRD CHARACTER PLAYED BY MARION ROSS

1 reply · active 495 weeks ago

+36 Vote up Vote down

mollyshalgos 105p · 495 weeks ago

JANE SEYMOUR AND KELLY BISHOP

OH MY GOD

WORLD'S FIRST CASE OF ACTUAL PHYSICAL MEDICALLY DOCUMENTED HEART EYES RIGHT HERE THANKS

+48 Vote up Vote down

celtadri 122p · 495 weeks ago

Wait, but PLEASE can we also have a dalliance between her & Mrs. Kim? Think of the GRUDGING SEXUAL RESPECT they would have for one another.

4 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+14 Vote up Vote down

lemonadefish 112p · 495 weeks ago

Mallory every day I love you just a little bit more.

+59 Vote up Vote down

Fluffernutter 111p · 495 weeks ago

Hahaha but maybe you inadvertently just came up with the best coupling ever - Emily Gilmore and Lucille Bluth! At first they are sworn enemies, vying to be queen of Hartford's social elite. But the heat and chemistry between them can only be denied for so long...

+21 Vote up Vote down

champagneghost 128p · 495 weeks ago

this is CLEARLY the only logical conclusion yet i did not realise that until today

+88 Vote up Vote down

queenofbithynia 137p · 495 weeks ago

can the revival also include the "reveal" (not really a reveal if everybody knows it I guess) of why all Rory's boyfriends are terrible, which is because you have to plant a new boyfriend every year under the lintel of every Stars Hollow woman-owned business to keep the quaintness from flaking and chipping and to keep your SBA business designation current. Nobody knows from year to year whose boyfriend will be chosen for the sacred duty so it is important to choose a terrible one just in case it's you, so you don't feel too bad.

this is also why Lorelai put off dating Luke for so long but then just said fuck it, let him in the lottery why not. you can also take it as the explanation for nearly every female character's tepid gestures at heterosexuality and in particular Lane's and Sookie's otherwise inexplicable choices.

5 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+99 Vote up Vote down

otrivianewtonjohn 121p · 495 weeks ago

Miss Patty would inevitably hear of Emily's newfound lesbianism and regularly regail her with tales of "sapphic dalliances" involving everyone from Marlene Dietrich to Lauren Bacall.

Emily would not discourage her.

4 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+26 Vote up Vote down

celtadri 122p · 495 weeks ago

Also I assume Mallory's completely accurate, absolutely canonical Rory/Paris pairing will be included in these episodes.

3 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+94 Vote up Vote down

aberkoff 103p · 495 weeks ago

Emily Gilmore went to Smith College. I feel like this should be taken advantage of for her coming out story. Maybe she attends her 50th reunion and reconnects with an old friend she'd lost touch with. It turns out this friend is a lesbian and distanced herself from her old life after college when she came out. She's now a U.S. Senator.

Emily thinks back to their constant companionship and late night study sessions, and how that all seemed to end without her meaning it to, once she started dating that handsome Richard boy from Yale her junior year, and she sees it all in a new light.

Maybe there's a scene where she attends a tea for LGBT alumnae and is appalled by the variety of facial piercings and hairstyles sported by the younger generations. And, goodness, the manners. They ate the baked brie with their bare hands!

1 reply · active 495 weeks ago

+24 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 495 weeks ago

Jane Fonda, in full Grace-and-Frankie style. Plus there could be a hilarious crossover where Frankie got to make jokes about being the only one not to have a sexual revelation later in life, and how you totally would have thought she would, if anybody would.

+6 Vote up Vote down

testingwithfire 98p · 495 weeks ago

I didn't even like the show but I might make an exception for this plot development.

Was just thinking fondly last night of Edward Herrmann's guest appearance on M*A*S*H.

+10 Vote up Vote down

squeakychrissie 75p · 495 weeks ago

This might be a bridge too far, baby steps, but I could see Paris finally being diagnosed with gender dysmorphia. He wouldn't have to change his name, and could live with his older lover, Eduardo.

They'd refuse to marry until the entire world accepts gay marriage and trans rights, and Paris would lecture people at parties about how marriage is an outdated concept that is ultimately meaningless in an enlightened society.

2 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+22 Vote up Vote down

daisymerolling 120p · 495 weeks ago

I walked into the common room today and my girlfriend was wearing the same color sweater. and black leggings.
After this followed long refrains of "They're not MATCHING, they're COLOR-COORDINATED"

+48 Vote up Vote down

Charlotte · 495 weeks ago

LORELEI, THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN.

3 replies · active 495 weeks ago

+12 Vote up Vote down

sevanetta · 495 weeks ago

Oh Christ, Mallory, you've skewered it so perfectly, it's just ... canon. Whenever I watch it, if this does not happen, I'll just be like nup don't believe it lala Emily and her lesbian companion lala

+4 Vote up Vote down

late night reader · 495 weeks ago

Would also be amazing if Lisa Weil's character from How to Get Away with Murder meshed with her character as Paris, and came back to Stars Hollows to recuperate after a "messy" career as a lawyer.

+20 Vote up Vote down

Räven 125p · 495 weeks ago

Emily would take to the Boston Marriage like a duck to water, and she would never call it that but all her friends would.

+13 Vote up Vote down

j_bird 122p · 495 weeks ago

Christ, I think just reading the list of possible co-stars (Julianne Moore, etc) made me 10% less straight.

+6 Vote up Vote down

Elizabeth · 495 weeks ago

Jada Pinkett Smith? That's effing BRILLIANT.

+6 Vote up Vote down

Siana720 136p · 495 weeks ago

You need to submit this to A S-P right this minute. Tell her the Toasties are behind it and I'm sure she will get the importance. I heard Emily's voice PERFECTLY reading your dialogue and now this must happen

+4 Vote up Vote down

Gemma · 495 weeks ago

' Think of the stunt casting! Julianne Moore! Angela Bassett! Michelle Pfeiffer! Jada Pinkett-Smith! Jane Seymour! Rosie Perez! Susan Sarandon! Ellen Barkin! Chita Rivera! Gina Torres! Diana Ross! Jessica Lange! Raquel Welch! Each one of them frostier and grande-dame-ier than the last! '

Almost all of the women on this list are Lorelai's age, not Emily's. Emily Gilmore would NEVER date out of her age bracket.

Also, can we talk about the fact that Keiko Agena was 27 years old playing a high school student when Gilmore Girls premiered in 2000? She's 42, now...and sadly, both evidently straight and married to a man. All the good ones...

1 reply · active 495 weeks ago

+4 Vote up Vote down

careangels21 70p · 495 weeks ago

Jane Seymour.

Now I need Jane Seymour to be SOMEONE'S late-in-life-lesbian revelation, even if it's not Emily Gilmore. But it should be Emily Gilmore.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Lies L. · 495 weeks ago

I've never watched Gilmore Girls; this has made me want to do so.

Also, can it be Jessica Lange pls?

+2 Vote up Vote down

scifisiren · 495 weeks ago

I had no idea how much I wanted this until now.

+7 Vote up Vote down

bambeaux · 495 weeks ago

Freaking Toast is the best. Why are you all not in charge? WHY???

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