“Red Pill, Blue Pill”: A Tale For MRA Children -The Toast

redpill1

Take the red pill
Unlock free will

This one opens up your mind
This one leaves the lies behind
Say! What a lot of truth to find

Yes some are red, and some are blue
The red will show you something new
If gender roles were flipped, do you
Think that’d be fair?
Now do you?

Females can be sad or glad
But females are all very bad
Why are they all sad, glad, bad?
Human nature. Ask your dad.

Some are thin
And some are fat
Neg them all
They asked for that

Manipulative
And illogical
Don’t blame me
It’s biological

There are some
Who’ll try to claim
That men and women
Are the same

They are wrong
So tell them so
Red pill red pill
Go! Go! Go!

Why are they like that?
I can’t say
Maybe they got
Their period that day

The beta males
Are almost worse
Spot them toting
A feminist’s purse

Look at these guys!
Falling for tricks
It’s almost like
They hate their dicks

They’re in the friendzone!
What a pity
Stuck in the orbit
Of a girl that’s pretty

One, two, three, four
Five and six
Play the game
And you’ll get chicks

Display your value!
Don’t be shy
Find some ways to show it’s high

Less is more
So shut your trap
To fuck the females
And avoid the fap

The choice is yours
Don’t be naive
Just think of what you can achieve

Take the red pill
Don’t be scared
Your mind is finally unimpaired

Jaya Saxena is a New Yorker who writes for lots of things. The Toast, Uncommon Courtesy, and New Amsterdam Mystery Company are some of them. Follow her on Twitter @jayasax. Matt Lubchansky makes comics and occasionally leaves his apartment in New York. His work includes Please Listen to Me and New Amsterdam Mystery Company. He's on Twitter, and doesn't expect you to get his name right.

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+57 Vote up Vote down

ughanothername 132p · 490 weeks ago

Why oh why have I not been visiting the Toast lately?! This is all beautifully perfect.

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+368 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 490 weeks ago

I would have paid Matt and Jaya LITERALLY ANY SUM they asked for.

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+374 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 490 weeks ago

Also, Matt's pitch email had the subject line:

*eliza voice* IIIII'm not sorry

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1 reply · active 490 weeks ago

+444 Vote up Vote down

TheAntiHumorEquation 140p · 490 weeks ago

She told you no?
Don't be a quitter
Just harass her on Twitter

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6 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+198 Vote up Vote down

malloryelis 142p · 490 weeks ago

I only learned about Red Pill like, THIS YEAR, and I still don't really understand it, but bless

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19 replies · active 489 weeks ago

+358 Vote up Vote down

ppyajunebug 137p · 490 weeks ago

THE DELETED COMMENTS ON THIS ARE GONNA BE

(also the best because this is amazing and there are gonna be so many butthurt MRAs COME AT US BROS)

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14 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+126 Vote up Vote down

kilks401 119p · 490 weeks ago

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4 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+113 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 490 weeks ago

I like to lurk on Red Pill and Red Pill Women on Reddit, and I have no regrets.

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15 replies · active 489 weeks ago

+140 Vote up Vote down

SarahDances 143p · 490 weeks ago

If she wants sex, she's a slut,
If not, then she's a tease.
Attraction is the only difference
Between romance and sleaze!

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1 reply · active 490 weeks ago

+260 Vote up Vote down

littlehuntingcreek 135p · 490 weeks ago

One pill
Two pills
Red Pill
Blue pill
What pill is best?
Try one and see

I do not red pills and man
I do not like them, Matt I Am
I do not like them with a goat
I do not like them in a boat
I do not like them with a neg
I do not like them with an egg
I do not like the MRA
I do not like them ANY WAY

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2 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+130 Vote up Vote down

Toft 126p · 490 weeks ago

Feminazis stole my ice cream. But I'm a nice guy! I am laid low by the matriarchy. Take the red pill like in the Matrix. The Matrix is a good movie.

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5 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+280 Vote up Vote down

m98widow 112p · 490 weeks ago

"Women shouldn't have short hair, it makes disgusting bigoted reductionist horroshows like me not want to have sex with them!"

It's a feature, not a bug, dude. Working exactly as planned.

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3 replies · active 490 weeks ago

+190 Vote up Vote down

Cat · 490 weeks ago

OH, the places you'll go
You'll go your own way
That girl didn't like you
(She's probably gay)

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1 reply · active 489 weeks ago

+22 Vote up Vote down

rapunzel · 490 weeks ago

I AM IN LOVE. Sending this to David Futrelle STAT.

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1 reply · active 490 weeks ago

+87 Vote up Vote down

valentine · 490 weeks ago

I do not trust chicks with dyed hair.
I hate to see them anywhere.
Their made-up bullshit they call 'theory'
Causes them to act quite queerly

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+28 Vote up Vote down

LacaunaKale 128p · 490 weeks ago

She said no
He hears go
Women love it when you have an ego
Freud was righto
All she needs is your tiny little pole-o

I feel dirty

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+108 Vote up Vote down

logicbutton 128p · 490 weeks ago

For real, though, this is some impressive Seussian artwork. Nice job, Matt.

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+32 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 490 weeks ago

Related: feminazi brainwashing through lady-butter

Read part II as well. It's amazing.

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11 replies · active 489 weeks ago

+42 Vote up Vote down

ipomoea 117p · 490 weeks ago

Between this and Mallory's horrifying takes on classic children's literature, I have to restrain myself almost daily from spamming my fellow children's librarians at work with links to The Toast.

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+107 Vote up Vote down

chaarulatha 131p · 490 weeks ago

These whores, they say
Equality is their mission
But why do they ignore
The pain of my circumcision?

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1 reply · active 487 weeks ago

+8 Vote up Vote down

floridagal1 102p · 490 weeks ago

AHHHHHH this is amazing

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+27 Vote up Vote down

alamuzmo · 490 weeks ago

I was waiting for the" so excited to see reddit hate matt even more after this" tag as the capper at the end.

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+31 Vote up Vote down

Orla 114p · 490 weeks ago

<3 You beautiful geniuses.
We appear to have an MRA somewhere in our office. And he thinks he's very clever / funny.
At the start of 2013, a colleague put up this sign to stop the guys at work using our (clean) bathroom and making it less so:

All of about 2 weeks ago, this appeared on the door of the gents:

Um, dude, none of us *wants* to use your skanky jacks?

I kind of want to print this article out and hang it up under the sign.

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1 reply · active 489 weeks ago

+47 Vote up Vote down

alula_auburn 106p · 490 weeks ago

OMG the picture of the guy who hates his dick is AMAZING.

/have still not seen The Matrix

Honestly, I tried reading. . .Dr. NerdLove, I think? and some of the commenters there were depressing enough, pill-wise, that I think the actually Reddit might break something in my brain. My brain I use to thwart men by a) not having sex with them and b) being fat.

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2 replies · active 489 weeks ago

+25 Vote up Vote down

bonncat 127p · 490 weeks ago

"It’s almost like/They hate their dicks"

Okay, you've got my number there.

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+76 Vote up Vote down

littleinfinity 108p · 490 weeks ago

auto-fellatio is fun
but women have a world to run
we've swapped the reds with cyanide
so take your pills and step aside

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+60 Vote up Vote down

SI Rosenbaum · 489 weeks ago

It continues to delight me that this term is derived from a film made by a trans woman and her brother

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+9 Vote up Vote down

Norsie · 487 weeks ago

Women cry: "Oh, woe is me"
Say they're treated unfairly
But who gets the custody?

Laments from gay, bi and trans
Make me do the angry dance
Of cognitive dissonance

True pain stems, it's plain to see
From systemic misandry
In the oppressive matriarchy

“Red Pill, Blue Pill”: A Tale For MRA Children

ByJaya Saxena and Matt Lubchansky

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