This kind of reminds me of that scene we just saw on The Sopranos where Tony has a two-second fantasy of nailing the female mob boss from behind while he’s dressed like a Gladiator.

You’re the hottest bitch in this place.

Ronald Reagan once told a reporter he liked having sex in the afternoon best, just after showering.

Italian restaurants really need to cool it with the almond extract in all the desserts. You don’t need to taste almond extract for the next five hours. I wonder what cyanide tastes like? I mean, “bitter almonds,” but what does that mean?

Adderall makes having sex feel like the good parts of Flowers For Algernon before he starts getting dumb again.

I keep hearin’ you’re concerned about my happiness / but all that thought you’re givin’ me is conscience I guess…did people decide that band-aid on the back of his head was where his soul was taken out, and that’s what’s in the suitcase?

I’m going to write a pilot about gay ladies on the LPGA tour who compete by day and exchange witty barbs and fuck by night, and even men will watch it because golf and gay ladies.

It’s great that everyone’s sharing this spoon tip for women in arranged marriages, but aren’t men going to start looking for the spoons now?

Would we have to show golf every episode? Probably.

Alec Baldwin looks so much better with salt-and-pepper hair than with that weird red tint.

Satin pillowcases are supposed to be better for your skin, but I bet they get sweaty.

Which of the castmembers of That 70s Show are Scientologists? It’s that one and My Name is Earl which are all Scientologist, right?

After he got rid of the weird red tint, it was way, way too dark for a while. Why is he such a monster when we all want to love him?

Everything is “Berkshire” now. Peas, bacon. You could sell “Berkshire gummi bears” and make a killing. I should tweet that.

I did not know how cute Cord Jefferson was until he did that roots of white violence thing on TV.

You know the network would want to call it something about roughs or belly putts or holes in one or shafted or double eagles or something, though. Ugh.