Previously: Bachelorette Party Emails.
To: Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Ali
Date: August 14, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Hey Ladies!!!
It has been WAYYYYY too long since we’ve had a girls brunch!!! I miss your pretty faces!!! Plus we have SO much to catch up!!!! AND I MET SOMEONE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
So ideas!!!
Lavo/Bagatelle Party Brunch — I think it’s like $200>
Pastis/Balthazar – Old school LOL!
I read in NY Mag that there are lots of cute restaurants in Williamsburg now!!! That might be fun????
What’s that place with the $1000 omelette??
Sarabeth’s of course! Right near my apt LOL
When should we do this?? Saturday?? Sunday??
XX Ali
—
“I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” – Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Katie
Date: August 14, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
HI LADIES!
Wait Ali, I am obsessed with Hunger Games!!! Love your quote!!! Such a good movie and I hear the book (books?) are good too.
Okay so brunch!!! Yes!!!!
Is Williamsburg cute? I feel like it’s all flannel wearing guys lol no offense just not my type. BUT Brooklyn might be fun and like cute for instagrams.
Any of these places sound good but I think Jen is still doing paleo (right J?) and I know I’m doing blueprint next weekend and of course, Morgan is gluten something.
Let’s find a good place I MISS YOU ALL SO MUCHHHHHH ahhhhhhhhhh okay I’ll google.
xoxoxo
Katie
To: Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Ali
Date: August 14, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Hiiii Ladies!!
Aww, Katie you are too cute with your Manhattan girl personality! I went to a concert in Prospect Park once and it was sooooo cute — like a mini Central Park! But I guess we’ll have to save our “Girls” adventures for another time LOL!
So many diet restrictions!! It might be easier if I pick a time and place? Let’s do this Sunday. I heard Bagatelle brunch is super fun, so let’s do that! It’s French food and French women are known for being tiny and smoky and not getting fat, so this should work for all of us! Plus it’s a party brunch (HELLO young Patrick Bateman types!) so we’ll have to wear tight ass dresses so we won’t really be able to eat too much anyway!
ALSO I WANT TO TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS GUY I JUST STARTED SEEING SWOONNNNNNNN HE’S LITERALLY TEXTING ME RIGHT NOW
I’m making the rez but have to put my card down, so speak now or forever hold your peace!!!!!!
SO EXCITED
XX Ali
—
“I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” – Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
To: Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ali; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Ashley
Date: August 14, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
LADIEZ!
This sounds so supes fun!! I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE EVERYONE AND HEAR ALL ABOUT YOUR BOY DRAMZ ALI!!!!!! AHHHHHH SO JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quick idea! Bagatelle brunch sounds awesome and Summer Fantasy 2013- but like, it’s supposed to be beautiful on Sunday, so what if we did a picnic in the park????? Like we could all bring different foods from Whole Foods in teeny cutesy portion sizes and lay out and stuff?? Might be fun! And I totally don’t mind spending a lot of money on brunches cause #YOLO and that’s the whole point of why we live in the city, but it might be fun to do something laid back and not spend so much???
Would anyone be down?? I can definitely help with organizing the picnic!!! 🙂 My coworkers said there are big concerts in the Park sometimes too – so who knows, maybe we’ll see Simon & Garfunkel or Jessie Ware or something!!
LMK!!!!!!!!!
-Ash
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Katie
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Girls!!!
Okay!! So loving the park idea but a few things: I woke up this am and it was like cold, so how many summer weekends do we really have left? Plus like, bugs. I know I am being a girl about it but why don’t we go lay out after bagatelle?? And we don’t have to go to the park. Soho House does day passes for guests and it’s less than $100 which is a good deal if we stay more than two hours!!!
Sound fun?
Wait Ali who is this guy?? I feel like you always have a guy. Not in a whore way! You’re just so social 🙂 love it. Tell us all!
Love ya babies,
Katie
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen
From: Katie
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Side note guys should I have a signature quote???
Debating:
‘Anything could happen.’ – Ellie Goulding
Or
‘Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya.’ – Miley
Katie
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Katie
From: Jen
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
YAY FOR BRUNCH!!! I’m down for either, but a picnic in the park and eating outside sounds SO HEAVY. I mean that’s cool if you like to eat like that, I just am in a really good place right now and would prefer to eat clean and holistically at Bagatelle.
AND OF COURSE you should have a signature quote!!!! It’s a fun and sassy way to be on-brand and create a bit of added content!
Jen
—
“Start out by aiming high!” – Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In
“It’s difficult for me because I light up a room” – Tierra, The Bachelor
“There are no facts, only interpretations” – Friedrich Nietzsche
To: Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Ali
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Hello Lovelies!!!
OMG Katie you are too funny! See, I wish I got to actually be single!! I feel like every time I am for a sec- boom! I meet a guy and he’s obsessed with me! His name is Mike and he is PERFECT and has some boring complicated works long hours job and a SICK apartment, which I don’t even care about — it’s just cool cause he has an amazing view. You guys totally need to come over – we’ll prob be hosting a lot of game nights this fall in between apple picking!
OK so Bagatelle it is!! I am making the intern make the rez. I hate to be a beeyotch but LADIES YOU NEED TO BRING CASH. SERIOUSLY. We are not doing a million cards, it’s so embarrassing. Nicole, I know you are super in debt, but can you see if you can get a cash advance from AmEx or borrow from your roomie or something??
Cant wait!!!!!!!!
XX Ali
—
“I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” – Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Katie
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
HAHAH ALIIIII!
Just got your passive aggressive tweet telling me to answer your email, you are hilar.
Really looking forward to hearing about Matt (that’s his name right) and his view! Do you think he’s the one? Is he good at texting or no?? SEND A PIC, WOMAN! lol love it. I totally feel like I’m single because like, I want to be. I feel like some girls (obv not you) like guys just because they like them and they feel lonely and need someone. I think of myself as much more independent than that but like, neither is WRONG! Except I think what I do is healthier. But really, send a pic!
Bagatelle sounds really good but again, I’m juicing. Can I BYOJuice? Do you think I can take like one day off from the cleanse? It can’t be that bad right? LIke just one day can’t like, kill me lol. Right? Ugh cleansing makes me a betch. HA!
Also, Nicole, you still owe me $78 from bachelorette party for Jen so bring a little extra to cover that and we’ll be set.
CAN’T WAIT LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~K.
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Nicole
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Hiiiiii girls!!!!
CAN’T WAIT I AM SO IN UNLESS I GO TO THE HAMPS THIS WEEKEND WITH MY PR FRIENDS!!! COUNT ME IN!!!!
And if I can go, I will totally pay you guys back, I am so bad with money LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! OR wait, this might be fun!! I have store credits at Tory Burch and Intermix — can’t remember the amount, but would you guys want that instead??? Fun!!!!!
LUV2LUVUBABY,
Nicole
To: Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Ali
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
DROP EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I was on twitter randomly just now checking his page and MIKE IS TWEETING AT THIS BUZZFEED WRITER CHICK AND I AM DYING!!!!!!!!
He keeps replying to her and she never responds and I am embarrassed for him but also like, hey? Totally here on twitter with you I SEE EVERYTHING, you just snapped me this morning and I THINK you sent it to only me, and it’s like that means NOTHING to you???
F IT. I’m just gonna twitter flirt with his boss now.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Katie – I will totally send you a pic when I have one of us!! We are facebook friends but he has crazy private settings so I don’t have any actual pics of him. He’s too funny!!
ANYWAY BRUNCH LET’S DO THIS.
I’M DEAD.
XX Ali
—
“I’ve got that summertime, summertime sadness” – Lana Del Rey
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Nicole
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
the WAIT LIKE wait which Buzzfeed writer? The one who does the lists about millennials? Wait I love those, and they are so true!!! ALSO like yeah, kind of rude of him to snap you and then like tweet someone else. is he faving her tweets? do they follow each other? what does he do, again??????????
we will PLAN REVENGE AT BRUNCH!
do you guys want the tory burch gift card in exchange for brunch? super cute stuff there right now you can totally find something!!!
Nicole
To: Ali; Nicole; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Allison
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Should we reserve an Uber???? They prob book up a few days in advance, can someone research this????
To: Ali; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Charlotte
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
I’m down for an Uber! LOLOLOL
Charlotte
To: Charlotte; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen
From: Ali
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Everyone needs to stop replying all ladies! Just email me and I will be the point person on this brunch.
xx Ali
—
“I’ve got that summertime, summertime sadness” – Lana Del Rey
To: Ali
From: Katie
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Ali,
Wanted to email you without the others. Can we chat just us? It’s about brunch.
Katie
To: Katie
From: Ali
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
um, what’s up? you’re scaring me lolllll
XX Ali
—
“I’ve got that summertime, summertime sadness” – Lana Del Rey
To: Ali
From: Katie
Date: August 15, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
OMG no sorry!!! Lol. I wanted to chat more about the juice cleanse?? I know Nicole said she might be in the hamptons but I feel like she’s avoiding me bc I said we should cleanse together and she said she couldn’t afford it and I MAY have said something like, ‘maybe it’s time to get ambitious about finding a better job’ which I totally meant as like a joke!!!! But now I feel like she doesn’t want to go bc of me??
I hate drama. Brunch is supposed to be fun.
Katie
To: Ali
From: Katie
Date: August 16, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Hey I feel weird that you didn’t respond to my email or my 9 texts and I also called you but no worries. If you think it’s best if I skip brunch I understand I didn’t realize Nicole and I would get in such a big fight.
Katie
To: Katie
From: Ali
Date: August 16, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Sorry for not writing you back, I’ve been insanely busy with researching chicks Mike has taken photos within Facebook graph. I’ve been thinking about it A LOT, and I think you should both attend brunch. I think it will be good for you two to patch things up and I will help facilitate that.
I just don’t want any dramz. I HATE drama.
Xoxoxoxo Ali
—
“I’ve got that summertime, summertime sadness” – Lana Del Rey
To: Ali; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen; Charlotte
From: Katie
Date: August 16, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
HEY LADIES!
Where did we leave these plans? Nicole do you know about the hamptons yet? So looking forward to it all. Literally need brunch with my girls like I need air.
So much love love love.
Katie
To: Katie; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen; Charlotte
From: Ali
Date: August 16, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
LADIEZ!
Brunch is on!! This Sunday. NOON. DON’T BE LATE.
Remember it’s a party brunch, so dress to impress! No last night’s eye make-up and Sunday morning walk-of-shame hoodies!!! Also, I’m wearing a neon peplum romper, so let’s try to coordinate!
It’s a boozy brunch – so I hope you ladies can handle yourselves. If you’ll be dancing on a banquette, you need to wear at least a Hanky Panky!! Most of us aren’t interns anymore! Keep it together girls. We are mature women of the world now. Also, what’s the Molly situation??
Nicole—you’re coming right?? It’s so cute how you want to like barter us for brunch money! You’re like Drizzy starting from the bottom!! 😉
BRUNCH. LET’S DO THIS.
Xoxoxoxo Ali
—
“I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” – Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
To: Katie; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Ali; Charlotte
From: Jen
Date: August 16, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
Note: Our insta/twitter hashtag will be: #BabesGoingHAMonBagatelleBrunch2013
Jen
—
“Start out by aiming high!” – Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In
“It’s difficult for me because I light up a room” – Tierra, The Bachelor
“There are no facts, only interpretations” – Friedrich Nietzsche
To: Katie; Nicole; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Katie; Morgan L.; Katie; Jen; Charlotte
From: Ali
Date: August 19, 2013
Subject: they see me brunchin’
BBs!!!!!!!
I’m SoooOooo sorry I couldn’t make it to brunch!!! My phone died and I ended up staying at Mike’s. It was so much fun!!!!!!! Hope you betches didn’t have too much fun without me!!
We need to plan a brunch soon!!!! Also—save the date guys: New Year’s Eve Weekend, 2014 aka my birthday weekend!! I’m thinking somewhere off the beaten path!
LOVE!
Ali
p.s. Random: does anyone know if you’re still vaccinated if you only have 1/3 of the Gardasil shots LOL??
—
“All adventurous women do.” – Lena Dunham, Girls
Tags: brunch, caroline moss, email signoffs, emails, michelle markowitz, staring into the abyss, the shudder of recognition
Jesus H. Are there really people like this? And I can’t help feeling bad for Nicole.
http://bagatellenyc.com/brunch/
Yikes.
Bagatelle Brunch is more than just food, it’s a lifestyle… Where the well-heeled come to feast, dance and mingle with the “who’s who” from New York City and around the world. With a nod to the lavish parties found in the south of France, Bagatelle Brunch transcends all expectations and provides an unforgettable experience every weekend for the lucky guests who gather there. As the afternoon goes on, the lights dim, the sparklers are lit, and champagne starts flowing…
I have never been so grateful for cold pizza eaten on the couch.
Never has the D: emoticon seemed so fitting.
BURN IT DOWN. THE REVOLUTION BEGINS TONIGHT.
“brunch at your own risk” WHY?!?!?
i live in new york city and I feel like I definitely dont live in THAT new york city. jesus christ.
Di Blasio is right about his two New Yorks.
This could basically have been lifted from my former coworker’s life, and probably is assuming all names have been changed. She is every girl in the group except poor Nicole.
Reading this is giving me PTSD flashbacks, I think I need to go have a lie-down and it’s only 8:22am.
You are not alone, I am closing the e-mail for the day, as soon as I passive-aggressively forward this to many, many people in a not even faintly subtle “I would like to not be invited along any more” gesture.
Yeah me too. *shivers*
For real. I suddenly have SO. MUCH. AGITA.
Oh my god this series is so good and true and cringe-worthy and I hope it NEVER STOPS. Also what is a party brunch?!?! I am pretty sure it has no place in my life.
Party brunch + neon peplum just makes me think of that scene in LA Story. Not that anybody was wearing neon, but they might as well have been.
“I’ll have a twist of lemon”
Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
Huh. Okay. The last one felt like it was making fun of all the ridiculousness that goes on with planning wedding-related activities, which I get. This one…I don’t know, it feels more like it’s making fun of young women? Something just feels off about this one.
The reason I like these is because I get into weird girly-talk mode with my friends and we sound a lot like this, and it’s weird, and stupid, and funny. I could write something just like this based entirely around real conversations, poking fun at myself and my friends, which is what I imagine is happening here (in an exaggerated way). I don’t think it’s mean-spirited.
I’m with you. While not everything in this email chain applies to myself and my friends, this is totally along the lines of the kinds of email exchanges we have, but an amped-up version.
Also I would wear a neon peplum romper, and ask my friends to coordinate. And they would coordinate.
I think it’s making fun of a particular kind of young woman who is ripe for being mocked.
I guess? I mostly just feel sad for women who feel pressured into living beyond their means and doing scary restrictive diets and wearing clothes they can’t eat in. I have friends and loved ones who weren’t exposed to feminist thought as early as I was (and I was pretty late to a lot of it myself), and while I definitely felt superior when I was younger, I don’t really have the heart to mock people like that now. We’re all living in a poisonous culture; some of us are just better equipped to rebel against it than others.
Thanks but no thanks for your pity!
/goes to google neon peplum romper
I understand where you are coming from; what I think this is poking fun at is a self-absorbed cluelessness. Inviting friends to events you know they can’t afford and refusing to consider more affordable options that would make it easier for them to participate isn’t good friendship. If it’s about seeing your friends and catching up, then a picnic in the park should be equally as acceptable as a $100 brunch; but it’s not about that, it’s about being seen at the “right” places.
Also, the whole “should I have a signature quote?” “yes, it makes you on-brand” is hilarious in the context of personal emails between friends.
The brunch hashtag is what did it for me. Amaze.
It’s still really satirical, and more subtle than the bachelorette party one because planning bachelorette parties/weddings are already coated with a thick veneer of absurd. I like this series because bachelorette parties and brunches have a lot of weird social pressure attached to them, and you wouldn’t go to All This Trouble if every single person involved wasn’t really close to you, right? RIGHT? Except of course you would, because not every person in your life can be your best friend who totally gets you- some are casual friends who you see and who remind you why you’re not closer to them, or why they don’t always want to hang out with you and, all at the same time, why you bother seeing them at all. And we coat all that in effusive diction and punctuation and pretend it’s not the case, buuuuut it kind of is, and that can seem even colder in text if we don’t dress it up with hearts and screams.
WOW. THIS GOT CARRIED AWAY. I’M SORRY? I spend a lot of time thinking about brunch.
Maybe I just don’t get brunch as a thing? I’m not sure it’s so much a thing outside of New York. The idea of there being a lot of social pressure around it is just unfathomable to me. So I’m reading it as making fun of women, because I don’t think of brunch as an event, when really it’s not actually that different from the bachelorette party one that I did find funny.
Brunch is definitely A Thing outside of New York. Maybe it just depends on whether or not there’s a big restaurant scene wherever you are.
And I appreciate the sentiment of feeling sorry for this type of lady, but I also refuse to live in a world where 50% of the population is unmockable just because they have the same genitalia I do. Awful people are awful, hopefully will get over it one day, and deserve to be mocked in the meantime.
“I also refuse to live in a world where 50% of the population is unmockable just because they have the same genitalia I do.”
Yepyepyepyep
I think this piece spends a lot less time skewering the social dynamics/pressures of brunch and brunching than it does making easy cracks about “a particular kind of young woman.”
But can we agree that this “particular kind of young woman” is actually exhausting to be friends with? Especially the ones who insist that they “hate drama”.
I think this piece is pretty self-aware though. It doesn’t get become too much like the other end of the spectrum, the woman who dislikes this “type” and thinks shes better than them because they are soooo dumb. That woman is also exhausting.
Yes, and there’s definitely something about this that reminds me of my time living in New York. If they are all such GREAT FRIENDS, why does it take seven thousand emails to plan to get fucking brunch? It’s a perfect imitation of that mixture of self-important busy-ness and the idea that everything has to be a big production there. So in my time there I had these kind of nonsense planning rituals with acquaintances, and grabbed Sunday brunch all the other weekends hungover and greasy-haired at the corner diner with my real friends.
Sidenote – I love and miss New York every day, but there are things I don’t miss, and having to plan a meal two months in advance half the time is one of them.
This is actually really illuminating. Except that I feel like the whole cult of busy-ness and the necessity (?) of planning things weeks in advance has infected my real friendships, too, and it really depresses me.
It definitely is mocking *some* women, and we know for a fact that those women exist, and they are awful. Some of us have probably been some of these women at some point, and would also make fun of ourselves. I try to avoid these ladies, and have lots of laid back lady friends who prefer cheap entertainment and last minute plans.
neon peplum romper and young patrick bateman types
oh my
I’m getting hives??
For reals. I find this series so stressful, and so irresistible.
I’m pretty sure my blood pressure rose a good 10 points while reading this.
The very best, most excellent tidbit, tucked away in an email signature:
“Start out by aiming high!” – Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In
“It’s difficult for me because I light up a room” – Tierra, The Bachelor
“There are no facts, only interpretations” – Friedrich Nietzsche
Poetry.
I love these, they are perfect, please never stop writing them.
Had to look up Bagatelle to get the full scope of the humor here, and the Yelp reviews read like a seamless continuation of this piece. Some highlights:
“Obsessed. We definitely need one in San Francisco… The food is amazing I had the Nutella French Toast (foodgasm)… Our waiters were so much fun. It must be a requirement for them to flirt, and boy are they good at it. Definitely be prepared to drop a pretty penny if you drink a lot. We spent a little under a grand for four of us. Oh we’ll it’s vacation!”
“High heels, Euro trash, Arab money… Clicquot everywhere… My bronzino should’ve come with an instruction manual on how to debone a fish, considering the waiter had no idea how do it.”
“When they blow the whistle, watch out! That means they are going to spray the fire extinguisher. Which meant I like dropped to the floor, I could’ve gone without that.”
Oh god, these are real people. That’s terrifying.
I could spend the rest of the afternoon copying-and-pasting horrifying (even for Yelp) Yelp reviews of this place.
*shudder*
(My original comment was too long, so I had to edit it down. There are just so many gems on that Yelp page, though!)
“Modern, hipster atmosphere – the food was solid, nothing amazing. Ordered the eggs bagatelle (caviar wasn’t flavorful enough… but what do you expect for a $21 dish) – would highly recommend the lobster mac & cheese. It was a little TOO cheesy, but nicely made and flagrant.”
A) “What do you expect for a $21 dish?”
B) I don’t like my mac and cheese TOO cheesy, but as long as it’s flagrant…
C) Everything else omg omg
out of the 83 reviews on yelp, I was most aghast at Vickey T.’s assertion that the lobster mac and cheese was “a little TOO cheesy.”
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO CHEESY WHO ARE THESE MONSTERS
“We spent a little under a grand for four of us”
O.o
“Oh well it’s vacation!” Is it wrong that I kind of want to befriend these people, if only to make them spend money on me?
For BRUNCH? Brunch is supposed to be CHEAPER! How? How. I am lost
Also, one upcoming brunch is this:
D:
neon peplum romper
aka, I loved this one, never stop.
oh lawd
OMG IT’S REAL??
Thank you, I had a really hard time picturing it. Probably because it’s absurd.
Just… mouth agape, the entire time.
I am having shuddery all over PTSD-type flashbacks. Hold me I’m scared.
Awwwww, Ash. Hiding a plea for financial sanity amid one million exclamation points was a valiant effort.
Do people like this really exist? Do they really use the word “cute” in this same horrifying yet fascinating way?
Yes.
My favorite part about this are the people who NEVER REPLY.
Nicole is in debt, but she is undaunted. She will barter credit at Tory Burch for brunch.
#BabesGoingHAMonBagatelleBrunch2013
Women*! So stupid, amiright?
*Not OUR kind of women. We’ve READ The Hunger Games, and we have nuanced discussions about Girls and we’re very self-aware about our relationship with Buzzfeed.
*And we recognize that triple-digit brunches are ridiculous and that the passive-aggressive bullying and self-absorbtion displayed here is vaguely destructive and we would never bail on our friends after 20 emails in which we advocate meeting up.
I’m really supportive of mocking the rich and judgemental. I was friends with girls like this and they were absolutely toxic, but we were also all about 22 at the time.
mocking the rich and judgemental:
It’s what Lucille Bluth was invented for, honestly.
If it is wrong to mock absurd and selfish women, then I don’t want to be right.
“maybe we’ll see Simon & Garfunkel or Jessie Ware or something!!”
MAYBE!
Ugh this totally had me at YOUNG PATRICK BATEMAN TYPE because, yes, I REALLY want to take a post-mimosa dip into the pool of serial murderer future husbands.
Also the popular song subject line and the people who never reply and all of the email signature quotes and NICOLE I’LL COVER YOU IT’S OKAY YOU CAN GET ME LATER
but is williamsburg cute or not i can’t tell
Nothing makes me happier to be an old lady than this series.
I was laughing along joyfully until I got to the part where ALI DIDN’T EVEN GO TO THE BRUNCH. I can’t even. I know that friend. I’m experiencing a rage stroke.
“we’ll prob be hosting a lot of game nights this fall in between apple picking!”
Straight up chortled with glee at this.
APPLE PICKING IS BULLSHIT.
You shut your whore mouth! Apple picking is GREAT.
…for 10 minutes. Then you go eat donuts & drink cider.
Well, yeah, those are the great part. Also: fresh-made kettle corn.
This post was so amazing from start to finish that I am still chortling hours later. However, thanks to you guys I now know that party brunch is a thing, and I’M ANGRY
I am legitimately angry about the ending. Nicole should have bailed, not Ali! Nicole you cannot afford these friends!!
(jk this series is perfection)
…for 10 minutes. Then you go eat donuts & drink cider.
Haha I have been Nicole and I have been to brunch at Bagatelle. Many years ago! Party brunch doesn’t do it justice, I don’t know why they even bother serving food…everyone is there for the champagne and the cocaine (maybe the molly now that it is 2013)
I don’t care how many rage strokes it induces, NEVER STOP WRITING THIS PERFECT SERIES.
i live in new york city and I feel like I definitely dont live in THAT new york city. jesus christ.
Di Blasio is right about his two New Yorks.
My bestie and I have started a new game in honor of these posts titled “Passive Aggressive Almost 30-Year-Olds.” It’s scary how easy it is to slip into character!
when Ali’s signature quote changes from Hunger Games to Lana Del Rey and then back again… exquisite, hyperventilating detail.