Full disclosure: I did not take this picture (I would never accept such a small piece of cake into my reality.) What a perfect time to remind ourselves that these two things exist, and go together. Also, a good time for you to give me all your cake recipes. The easy ones. Or just talk about cake. And champagne. Or even prosecco! Or anything else, itโs an open thread after all!
Tags: cocktail hour, meta, open thread
Bartender, I hope you’re feeling better.
All I want to do is have a drink this evening, but I have $20 until next Friday, and I need that for food. Boooo.
I’M GOING TO NICOLE’S HOUSE
You guys should take a selfie and post it! And invite me.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH already training Amelia to say “i uv oo mallory” but she’s really not super tractable.
HOW IS BABBY
Field reportage! Field reportage!
I would be scared that she’d make me work out :-\
Mallory came to the gym with me OF HER OWN FREE WILL.
… and then almost threw up.
No, I threw up.
Cake! The best cake I have made comes from a box! Devils food cake mix but you add an evelope of instant chocolate pudding, 1 cup sour cream, 1 cup oil, and four eggs. This is magic cake! SO GOOD.
The best cake I’ve had is from the Swedish Bakery in Chicago. It’s just vanilla cake (I think?) covered in fresh fruit and glaze (lemon jello?) and almonds and whip cream and a little marzipan strip that they write your name on. SO GOOD.
It’s too long since I’ve been up to Andersonville. Time to return.
I’m going to Chicago after I go to Nicole’s house AND I’M SWEDISH. This is very serendipitous!
We get one of these for my mom’s birthday every year. And nobody but the two of us like it. SO WE GET TO EAT IT ALL.
Someone brought some chocolate chip cookies made with pudding to seminar a couple weeks ago and I was side-eyeing the idea pretty hard but they were great. I’m still kind of side-eyeing though.
HELLO! Oh man I have lurked in The Hairpin for YEARS and was only recently told about The Toast! I guess now’s as good a time as any to step out of the shadows and say hi. Hi everyone! Not to sound like a total creep or anything but I feel like I know some of you because, YEARS.
Hi! Welcome! Have some cake (BYO cake).
Hello! Welcome, it’s wonderful here ๐
This is what I did too (re: lurking forever)! Welcome!
Welcome to our silliness.
Earlier this week, I came across this thread: Older gay redditors, what was it like in the late 80’s/early 90’s? And I basically spent the afternoon trying not to cry at my desk.
I am not sure the link works? I want it to work! I want to read it!!
ah drat. it’s http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1ncfwi…
I just painted my nails orange and am watching Galaxy Quest.
I have completely abdicated on adulthood today, obviously.
I’m coming over to your house right now. GALAXY QUEST IS SO GOOD.
I KNOW. Everything about it is wonderful.
Bring Nicole! We can all do our nails.
Galaxy Quest slumber party? I WILL BE RIGHT OVER.
“Does the rolling help?”
IS THERE AIR? YOU DON’T KNOW
Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief!
The ship’s breaking apart and all that…. just FYI.
Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?
I have never actually seen Galaxy Quest. I AM THE WORST NERD.
You will have THE BEST TIME at the slumber party. Let’s watch it, then put on our pajamas and watch it again!
haha that GIF is TOO PERFECT
“By Grabthar’s hammar… what a savings.”
You are having the best and most VICTORIOUS DAY.
Can we talk about Rihanna’s new video here? Why do I find it gross and disappointing?
I watched it last night I was completely squicked out too, but I haven’t thought enough about it to articulate the reasons why. Someone explain my disgust to me!
I want to know why everyone’s all up in Miley’s face but no one says boo about Rihanna.
oh I think people are saying plenty.
I think I’m out of the loop.
Because waterbeds are comically gross?
Serious: Because it’s tacky. Like, I get that she’s owning her sexuality or pushing the envelope or whatever, but she’s doing it in the most boring, unimaginative way possible.
My aunt and her partner had a waterbed when I was a kid in the late 1980s, so I always associate waterbeds with progressive politics and lesbians and crawling into it Saturday morning to watch “Caddie Woodlawn” on a projector screen while unselfconsciously naked.
THEY MADE A CADDIE WOODLAWN MOVIE?!?!?!?
Mallory! MALLORY. How did you not…MALLORY.
I like Rihanna and I wanted to like this new video but… yeah. Ick. Not a fan.
In an interesting side note, there’s a long convo on my pole dancing studio’s facebook page about why Rhianna didn’t contact anyone from the studio about casting/pole lessons. But many in the pole-dancing-as-a-form-of-actual-dance world are sick of only being cast as strippers.
and yet I don’t really have a problem with strippers, so it’s kind of hard for me to put my finger on why I was like noooooo.
I think I just felt like I didn’t need to see her feeling herself up, or risking a yeast infection in that outfit.
ooo they are talking about this over at the Hairpin!
My office is being painted. This is incredibly stupid and I hate packing. That ancient coffee stain on the wall is hurting no one.
I want to hear more about this coffee stain on the wall. How? Why? Did it dry in a cool shape, like a Jesus?
My office is boring, and I’m intrigued about the potential of decorating with leftover coffee dredges.
Okay here it is, but promise me you won’t get too excited: http://imgur.com/bYZsA1m
It was there when I moved in to this office. I assume it is coffee and not, say, the thin liquid that remains uncirculating in zombie veins as the remnants of blood about a week after transformation.
It’s not bad! Kind of scary and ominous. Thanks!
Trying to buy a condo is like… trying to do some other scary, expensive thing that may or may not be a good idea.
I’m going to a friend’s birthday in about an hour but mostly I’m feeling regretful for having my fieldwork be next weekend instead of this weekend (although I get to go to the birthday I guess?)
[tumbles into the thread panting, hair hanging in face] Is there cake? I heard there was cake.
I just moved to Oslo from Boston, and am here for three months. Am dealing with my homesickness by mainlining Break Bad on Netflix.
Maybe it would salve your homesickness to tell us all about Oslo and how great it is and what your neighborhood is like and about the most surprising thing you’ve seen in the grocery store and then I would come over and live in your broom closet because OSLO!
WELL. Oslo is actually really beautiful, and everyone seems so pleased when I try out my approximately 20-word Norwegian vocabulary. And the floor of my bathroom has heated tiles! And I have a very generously-sized broom closet, so I’m sure it could accommodate visitors.
I knew it. Because OSLO.
(“Because OSLO” appears to be my newly coined version of YOLO.)
I will be using it as a catch-all henceforth. Well coined, madam.
OH MY GOD A WARM BATHROOM FLOOR can I move in with you?
It’s magical! My bathroom is like a little warm tile box. Feel free to drop in. I don’t have cake, but I do have strange Norwegian crispbread.
Hi! I’m Norwegian! Welcome! But also Oslo, that’s rough. As a good non-capital citizen, I bad mouth it every opportunity I get ๐
Norway I’d sink Oslo as that.
Oof.
Go see the Vigeland sculpture park, and his brother’s awesome, but creepier church/museum!
Oh hey Chicago, does anyone else want to see Samantha Irby on October 16, assuming this info is correct?
I don’t have a perfect recipe, but I have a nice story? Did anyone ever read the Brambly Hedge books about the mice who lived in hedges in England? They were beautifully illustrated, and there was a mother mouse who was an amazing baker and she made this beautiful pink and white cake for a spring festival and my mom, bless her, recreated it for me one year. Only years later, when I tried to frost a cake that had not completely cooled, did I understand how much time and effort must have gone into the damn thing. Thanks mom.
That is AMAZING of your mother. Those books (and most other anthropomorphic British animal books) were my jam as a kid.
(I may have had a Redwall Feast a few months ago)
TELL US EVERYTHING (sorry for all the all caps in this week’s open thread guys)
ummm well, there was mint tea, obviously, and I made a cordial (with this recipe), and had a summer ale for my man who likes beer above all else. Then I made vegetable pasties topped with cheddar slices and cranberry scones. With a giant bowl of meadowcream, which turned out to be whipped cream with honey and almond extract mixed in? And I candied some rose petals and pecans, which turned out to be easier than expected.
Did you make pink pearls out of marzipan? (That was a thing that happened, right?). Also you need to skip that wedding and come to my house instead and make me meadowcream, because that sounds amazing and I want it.
I might do a cold-weather-foods (like Deeper’N’Ever Pie and whatnot) Redwall Feast for Thanksgiving and obviously you are invited.
OK, I like you. MEADOWCREAM.
WHY HAVE I NOT HAD A REDWALL FEAST
Gasped aloud at “Redwall Feast”. YES YES YES YES YES YES.
remember how like EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE on a verrrry special occasion they would eat, like, A FISH, and they’d have their big fish prayer and solemnly thank the fish for letting them eat it?? Cutest almost-vegetarians EVER.
“Silver fish whose life we take/Only for a meal to make.” I DOOOOO. And the mice would have to get in their tiny boat with their floppy sandals and fish it out of the pond!!!
I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS REDWALL FEAST!
Okay, so now I desperately want an enormous leek and mushroom pasty.
THAT BOOK IS AMAZING, and I still have mine.
Okay, real talk: for (probably-temporary and blessedly minor) medical reasons, I had to give up coffee cold-turkey last weekend.
It. Is. ROUGH. I’m pretty well past the withdrawal headaches, but it’s jolting how my usual sunniness and quick tongue disappeared along with my daily 4-shot cappuccino. Even my not-basic vocabulary and ability to string words together meaningfully is a bit submerged.
On the other hand, I’ve been sleeping like a rock.
I am so, so, so, so, so sorry for your loss.
Ugh. That’s dreadful. I’m not much of a coffee drinker, but I know if I had to give up black tea, I’d be devastated.
We have made it almost all the way through a spate of major projects here in the office without anyone screaming at each other, which is a nice change of pace (and one that I’d like to think I had something to do with). We’ll see how next Friday’s big meeting goes.
And I just dropped (for me) a chunk of change on a SAD lamp with the hope that I’ll feel less like hibernating all through the winter. I hope I didn’t just buy something that’s not going to work. (I don’t have a SAD diagnosis, but I’ve been on Paxil for eons and I tend to get really down in November- couple bad anniversaries around that time.)
SAD lamps are great! they are really good for your eyes if you use them to read. i used to use one to wake up in the mornings, but have been too lazy to replace the bulb… but when i had it, it would do a gradual sunrise and was the best thing ever for making me feel fully awake mornings, and not too unwilling to get out of bed! lots of great uses for them.
I made this chocolate cake last weekend and it was great! But it also makes a ton of cake, so halve the recipe or be ready to eat cake for days.
Other than that I have been bummin’ out this week, for not any one reason in particular.
Sorry you’ve been bummin’ ๐ I was bumming last week, but I feel better this week. Hope you get out of the slump soon!
Aw, I’m sorry you were bummin’. I was also bummin’, so maybe there was just something in the air. I’m determined to get myself out of my funk, though, and I’ve got high hopes for today. I hope you will soon be unfunked! Maybe you need more cake.
I used to make friends by making cake, but then I became That Girl Who’s Always Making Cake. So I stopped.
But now, I could use some friends, so this morning I attempted to buy those Famous Chocolate Wafers in order to make this shortcut icebox cake: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2007/01/wafer-wond…
There were none. I think the fame of these chocolate wafers has faded.
Famous Chocolate Wafers!!! We had a box or two of those sitting in the freezer for EONS when I was growing up- my mom had a recipe that used them and I think she’d just buy a bunch whenever she found them. If you’ve got a Wegman’s nearby, I think they sell them.
Oh Wegmans, how do I love thee?
Stockpiling in the freezer is a good idea, though! I will have to do this if I encounter any.
I’m currently studying abroad in France and despite that, I still occasionally pine for Wegman’s honey almond croissants. Ah, Wegmans!
Wait is it bad to be that girl who is always making cake? I am she!!
These days, I want to be That Girl Who Gets a Break from Making Cake and Just Enjoys Other People’s Cake, so thank goodness for you!
I just saw some famous wafers at my local discount grocery (which is actually awesome and not as sketchy as it sounds) but didn’t buy any because I have never had that cake before.
Now I’m going to go get some.
Well, we just got pizza for the office for lunch, so I guess things aren’t so bad.
I’ve been trying to cut back on ordering out recently, but goddamn now all I want is pizza.
There were whole roasted garlic cloves on my pizza it was the best day of my life.
why must you taunt me?!
Was it Amici’s?
Papa John’s actually! Not my first choice, but the whole roasted garlic cloves sealed the deal.
I mean, unless you burn the hell out of it, pizza is never bad (and we all know it’s even better while pantsless)–but Papa John’s is bottom of my list because “Papa John” said he would, if need be, take the cost of providing health insurance out of his employees’ wages. Capitalist pig.
I have exactly one goal for this weekend, which is to find a dress to wear to a wedding next weekend. I thought I’d found one, but it failed the Boogie Test.
I misread that as “it failed the Boobie Test” and I was like “Sheesh, don’t they all.” LOOK UPON MY BREASTS AND COWER, PUNY DRESSES.
Most dresses fail the Boobie Test for me, in that they fail to make my boobs do anything interesting. I want a dress that makes my boobs dance a jig or SOMETHING.
To be fair, it’s not just my knockers that trounce the puny dresses; also my massive shoulders and wide back and the whole butt/belly region. PUNY DRESSES, I AM TOO MIGHTY FOR YOUR FRAIL CAPACITIES.
Do you have TJMaxx? It’s where I’ve scored all my last-minute wedding dress needs.
RK roundup:
-anxiously awaiting either a job offer (hooray!) or a gentle decline (boo)
-going away for a camping weekend to celebrate second wedding anniversary/9th dating anniversary
-cannot focus at work, have done next to nothing today
-fixated on finding the perfect fair trade black flats for work
-feeling victorious from first fantasy football win last week, am hoping to repeat against husband
-continues to refer to fantasy football as “final fantasy”
-has started watching the anime “Attack on Titan,” may start reading the manga to continue updates on a young heroic man who is compelled to yell at everyone he talks to. I suppose his desire to kill Titans has destroyed his ability to control the volume of his voice.
..I am quietly hoping that another Toastie watches Attack on Titan so we can talk about how badass-but-one-note Mikasa seems to be in the first few episodes (I’m on episode 8!) and maybe which of the cadets are the most crushable. That’s all. Is that too much to ask?
If someone gave me a piece of cake that small, I could only assume that they disliked me intensely. I mean, really.
If someone gave me a piece of cake that small, I’d start looking around for the other flavors of cake because surely a piece this small means this is a tasting menu. Of cake.
Exactly. The reason we had miniature cupcakes at our wedding was not so that people could eat LESS cake. It was so people could eat ALL THE KINDS of cake. (also there were normal-size cupcakes, and I ate like one of each of those, too) (there were 5 flavors, I think?) (I might actually have to bake myself cupcakes tonight)
Oh, see, now that (and a cake tasting) I would take as being caring and considerate! That’s basically saying, I like you so much I want you to experience not just cake, but the multitude of delights encompassed in many flavors of cake. That’s true affection.
I’d like to solicit some anonymous Toastie advice?
I’m working at my first job (woo!) after graduating college this spring. I like it and the work is interesting and my coworkers are nice. But I’m at least ~10 years younger than the rest of the office and this is the first time I’ve ever had to regularly interact with majority people not my own age. My friends in the area all have wildly different work schedules and it’s gotten hard to see each other frequently, so most of my human interaction is now with my coworkers. I don’t really know what to say, small talk, how much of myself I can be, if any of that makes sense. I really really really don’t want this to come off as “HOW DO I RELATE TO OLDS” because that isn’t my issue .. it’s more of not knowing how to relate to people who are not just older than me but more senior than I am in the job, all buddies with each other already, making chitchat about their spouses and/or kids while I just kind of nod and smile. I’m a bit shy by nature so that doesn’t help. I just get so NERVOUS and uncertain about how to interact or socialize, that I’ve just gotten more and more awkward/quiet and now it feels like I’m spending 8 hours every day not really having a personality because I don’t know whether my personality is ok here or how much of it to be expressing at all. Which is making me feel very lonely to spend so much time not feeling like myself or not feeling like anyone because I try to morph into neutral polite worker during the day.
What is wrong with me? Am I being paranoid and oversensitive? Has my anxiety just taken a nosedive and made me socially paralyzed? Is this actually normal? Aside from making more of an effort to see my friends more often (which I know I’m guilty of not trying as hard as I could), what do I do to feel like less of a chump?
At my first job, I was the youngest person by 10 years. At first I was nervous and intimidated, too. But I eventually started asking coworkers questions about themselves (even if I didn’t really care), about their kids, their spouses, their educations, etc. Asking questions will break the ice, and you may find you have some things in common with the older people.
This is good advice at all times. Ask questions about the other people. They will feel important and you will have information about them.
If you are a nice person, you can use this information to do nice things.
If you are an evil person (no judgement) you can hoard this information for future evildoing.
[I know this wasn’t really your question, but:] It’s TOTALLY FINE to not be buddy-buddy with your coworkers. Polite is important, able to make with the chit chat is good, but work can be a place where you, like, explore your interiority (you contain multitudes!), mentally draft your novel, shut the office door and do some floor stretching instead of eating lunch in the communal kitchen (don’t replace food with floor stretching, though. It will make you cranky).
That said: just ask people about themselves. People love to talk about themselves! And once you know a little bit about their horrible kids and boring spouses, you’ll feel more comfortable around them, and know a little bit about how and how much it’s appropriate to share in your office’s culture, and now that they’ve rattled on about themselves they’ll feel obligated to ask about you and before you know it you’ll be makin’ chat in each others’ cubicles. The American dream!
I definitely went through a “how much of my personality do I show at work?” phase at my first job out of college, and pretty much everyone I interacted with daily was within 5 years of my age. My boss was older, but he was offsite, so we only knew each other over the phone for the first several months.
At the office holiday party that year, I had half a glass of wine and everyone thought I was really drunk because I was acting so different. Really, the wine had just let me open up a little bit and be myself. Turns out they really liked me when I was myself, so I didn’t worry about it ever again.
I don’t know if that story helps, but I I do think that you’re totally normal. Age differences aside, you’re in a new environment and you want to put your best foot forward, especially because it’s a professional environment. I guess my advice would be to try to find one or two people you have something in common with and develop those relationships a little more. There will always, always be people you work with that you just smile and nod at while they talk about their spouse and kids. And that’s okay. That’s life. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the office, but if you do find one or two people you can be more yourself with, I think you’ll feel less like a personality-less phony for 8 hours a day.
I’m not sure this will help all that much, but it’s definitely not just you – I’ve been at my job for four years and am finally getting more comfortable having a real personality around the lawyers (I am but a lowly Staff, and they’re not condescending or anything, but they’re almost all older and there’s definitely a gap there). Just remember that a lot of them are probably as weird as you feel, and if you keep it professional, you’ll probably be fine.
Most of my coworkers are also a decade older than me, with mortgages and substantial 401ks and kids (some with kids OLDER than I). It was a bit awkward at first, but we’ve found common ground talking mostly about television shows and FOOD. Everyone loves food and talking about how they enjoy it- cooking, going to restaurants, etc. Also, if people are talking about their family, ask questions! Vacations are usually a great conversation starter. Get to know them (and they will get to know you as well).
I also don’t hide my personality or my age. For example, my coworkers know I have a twitter/tumblr and comment on “internet websites”. They tease me about it, sure, but they also think it’s fun. I’ve become the de facto explainer of Things on the Internet (which I find really entertaining).
Always be professional, engaged, and genuine! You spend 40+ hours a week with these people, might as well get comfortable. =)
are you me? I had this problem all the time at my old job, haven’t started the new job yet but it’s a concern that I have. Like, I don’t know how to make small talk with people about their spouses/kids when their kids are sometimes only like a few years younger than I am!
I know this is totally not a helpful response and instead an “omg me too” response, but idk? historically my solution has been to just keep up the nodding and smiling politely
I was (and still kind of am) in your situation since a year and a half ago when I started my job out of college. I’m 23, still pretty fresh out of school, and all of my co-workers are in the married with kids phase of their lives. I’m also pretty introverted and I had the same issues as you, so I can empathize! And I think it’s totally normal to feel that way. I’m still figuring it out, to be sure, but I would echo CatFoodParty’s advice to ask them questions about themselves. I would also say that you might try asking them for their advice or opinions on something – navigating the workplace, making decisions about the next step in your career, even dating/romance if you get to the point where you, and they, would be comfortable with that. It’s been my experience that they really like giving advice and hearing about what it’s like for a young person starting out today. And you might get some really valuable counsel as well!
I’d also say try not to spend time being overly self-conscious and deliberate in worrying about how much of your personality to express (which is definitely something I do a lot too!). I definitely get that feeling of wanting to be careful about how you present yourself, and you do need to be to a certain extent of course. But to get to know them, you have to let them get to know you. I find the best way to let go of that is just to focus on them more vs. being hyper-conscious of what you’re doing and saying every moment you interact with them. And just remember that being awkward or having awkward interactions with your coworkers won’t define your relationships with them from now on. Most people (unless they’re jerks) won’t just write you off as that awkward girl, so keep trying. If they see you’re interested in them, they’ll be interested in you. Good luck!
My best friends at work used to constantly talk about how they thought I didn’t like them because I didn’t talk to them for six months and next thing you know we were having lunch everyday, this is when I finally decided to try to participate in their conversations and stuff. Sometimes it was super awkward and/or boring (wedding planning, blahhhhh) but eventually we found some common ground and then I felt much more comfortable being the real me with certain people. Just be patient and try and act interested even if you’re bored! Plus, old people are truly interested in what young kids are out doing probably because they are jealous sometimes, so eventually if you feel comfortable you can entertain them with your tales of youth. Also, I am 31 and went so as far as to date a 22 yr old at my last job so you know, you can totally have stuff in common with the olds!
Oh, this is a great question. I work in an office where I am the youngest employee. I quickly realized that most of my coworkers wouldn’t be the people that I’m going to happy hour with or spending a lot of time with outside of work. But we definitely relate on a lot of levels. Generally, we talk about TV shows, movies, books, and working out. Occasionally I’ll ask about their kids and families, but I’m not terribly interested often, so I don’t try to fake it. Interestingly, they LOVE to hear about dating in my generation – what it’s like on Facebook, texting with guys, online dating, etc. It’s fascinating.
Also, it helps to bring food items in to the office to share. People with gardens are always bringing in extra fruit, herbs, and vegetables for whoever wants them. I’ll bake cookies or bring in chocolates for the break room, then send out a quick email offering them up. It is a little informal but can spark some conversation. Plus people love snacks.
You have so much good advice already, but I also want to add that asking them about what it was like to work in your office back when they started, or what previous jobs of theirs were like, is an excellent icebreaker. In my previous job/first “real” job, my coworkers were all twice my age, had started working there right out of high school, and were just very different from me in general, but I loved hearing about what it was like to work at the company back in the early 80s (it was in a different building, for one thing, and it was decades away from being bought by its current parent. Also, our jobs were 95% computerized, which was obviously not always the case), and they loved telling me about it.
As for how much of yourself you can be – as much as you’ve got. If “being yourself” means “being a giant drama queen” or something, maybe try to rein that in, but don’t be ashamed of, like, your weird interests. Feel free to put pictures and stuff up at your desk. You probably spend as much time at work as you do at home, minus sleep – it’s not reasonable to force yourself to be yourself only half the time. You might also find that your coworkers like knowing some things about you just by looking at your workstation, because it makes it easier for THEM to break the ice with you.
ah wow THANK YOU everyone. Reading these made me feel a lot better that other people have been in the same situation and that it’s not too too hard to break out of. thanks yall ๐
Guys I went a champagne tasting last night! (It was a present I bought for my lady because she was feeling down, because what is better than fizzy wine and canapรฉs when you are low?) It was pretty fun and also hilarious because it was mostly posh older people and a couple young pretenders (like us) sipping champagne and listening to this woman tell us all about her maison and how champagne is made, etc etc. The best part was when she was talking about their dessert wine and how much sugar went into it (45g/L) and literally half the room gave this huge theatre gasp of horror (we had had a lot of booze by this point, to be fair). My partner and I had to hide our laughter behind our fancy napkins.
Anyway, champagne is great and I would totally drink it way more often if it wasn’t so friggin’ expensive. Le sigh.
AWWWW I hope your lady knows how lucky she is!
Well I am pretty lucky to have her so it all works out!
WHY is it acceptable for men to curse but not for women? The men at my office curse constantly and make inappropriate jokes all the time, but yesterday I was reprimanded by my boss for saying “goddammit” in front of someone else in leadership who was “offended” by my language. HAHAHAHAHA ugh.
I got lectured once by a man AT A BAR for saying “fuck” because “it’s not ladylike.” FUCK YOU, GUY!
True story: I once had a dating profile. In it, I did not curse. I do, however, curse COPIOUSLY in the real world so I guess it’s a little misleading. I got this message from a guy saying he wrote to me because unlike all those other uncouth trollops, I did not curse in my profile and he found that ladylike and appealing because you know, women shouldn’t curse cause it makes us mannish and mustachioed or something. So I wrote back “Oh thank fucking god! I’m always trying to be ladylike as hell!”
And then I married him! Kidding, he never wrote back, but can you imagine.
To that guy:
But seriously, fuck double standards.
I’m skeptical of anyone, of any gender, who doesn’t let out an appropriate “goddamnit” or “such bullshit” every so often. Then again, I’m attracted to vulgarity.
Well, as a Religious Person I try to avoid the Deity-referencing curses, but I’m always happy to let loose with a well-placed “bullshit” or “fuck that noise.”
I highly recommend that everyone make these:
http://www.topwithcinnamon.com/2012/10/spiced-bro…
They are actually pretty easy, but everyone will think you’re a baking genius.
I opened that tab, and my eyebrows just kept going up until they were almost to my hair. I am grinning at my computer like a crazy person. THESE LOOK AWESOME
I have been looking at recipes all week in search of something, I didn’t know what. This is it.
OH MY GOD but those look amazing. Daaaaayum.
I just got back from a 3 week northern Europe vacation and this week has been ROUGH. I don’t really like my job but I’m stuck in it and normally that’s fine but I’m having so much trouble bringing myself back down from “there are endless possibilities! Maybe I should just move to Riga and go to the opera all the time and be wonderful and chic!”. Maybe cake will help? Prossecco would definitely help, but it’s too cold for that.
Oh, did you go to the opera when you were there? What did you see? (I love hearing about people’s opera trips.)
Tosca! I don’t get to see the opera very often, but there were two operas and two ballets just in the week and a half we were there! I haven’t seen Tosca before, and they made some…odd…directing choices that I’m not sure were the best idea (including changing the ending) but the woman playing Tosca was great and it was really neat to see how other countries do opera. I also went with a couple of professional classical musicians, which was an interesting experience, too.
Oo, what did they change the ending to?
According to the program, the director didn’t think it was realistic that no one noticed that she had killed Scarpia. So instead, she kills Scarpia, has a psychotic break, then hallucinates that she escapes with Cavaradossi and they marry and have a child. That hallucination dissolves into one with the traditional ending where his execution is real and she doesn’t realize it, and then that all fades to “reality” where she’s still standing in the dark room with Scarpia’s body and throws herself out the window just as Cavaradossi and Scarpia’s men come in from the fake execution. Some parts of it worked, other parts didn’t. The woman playing Tosca acted her heart out, though.
Of all the “unrealistic” things in operas, that one never bothered me. I really enjoy a good concept production now and then, though, even (especially?) when it’s ridiculous.
I saw Tosca back in May at the LA Opera — it was my time going to the opera! It was opening night, and when Scarpia died, he kind of let his arm flop down comically, and a lot of people giggled, which pleased me to no end. Does this kind of thing happen often in opera?
And the part where Tosca threw herself out the window was SO FREAKIN’ COOL.
CAAAAKE. I made an ice-cream cake for my best friend’s birthday last week, but some combination of putting the ice-cream in when it was freshly churned and not actually set yet and having more cake than I expected lead to a bottom layer of cake that was soaked with cream, with a 1mm-wide strip of ice-cream between the layers. It was still delicious, but not quite what I intended.
This weekend, I’ll start looking for Real Jobs (currently I have Student Jobs). How do y’all deal with the stress and uncertainty of job hunting? I tend to send out resumes and cover letters, then pretend that I didn’t send anyone anything and I will never hear back from anyone about anything, ever, to keep from being on pins and needles waiting for replies. It, uh, works for me, mostly?
I just bought a ticket for a trip to Portland, OR! What should I do while I’m there?
spend hours upon hours in powells!
Portlaaaand! Classics: Voodoo Donuts, Powells, food carts, the Japanese Gardens.
I recently moved here, so I’m not the most knowledgable of guides, but the Pearl District is fun to explore, as is NW 23rd street on the west side of the river for walking/shopping. The park/path on either side of the river is beautiful and gives nice views of the bridges, and the Saturday Market might still be going on on the western waterfront depending on when you’re coming.
On the east side, the Alberta Arts district, Mississippi Street, and the Clinton/Division areas have lots of fun things going on. Roadside Attraction is a really fun, quirky bar in that area.
Parks-wise, Forest Park, the Japanese Gardens, and Mt. Tabor are beautiful and easily accessibly. I hear the Multnomah Falls are beautiful too, but I’ve never been.
When will you be here? Are you the concert-going type?
Lots of quirky bars and endless delicious restaurants. If you’re into shopping, Hawthorne st in SE has a bunch of cute shops and I always spend forever in House of Vintage and the Red Light if you like vintage stuff. Also if you like concerts, pc-pdx.com has an awesome event calendar. I usually spend time on the east side of the river because downtown is stressful and there are more corporate type businesses there, but still some good stuff. Yes to food carts everywhere, lots of vegan food if you’re into that as well. And books and records and art.
Everything kind of sucks? But then it sort of doesn’t? I don’t know. I got a new job internally for immediately after my current contract is up, so that’s good. I have some nice travel plans coming up. But still I brood over a guy who broke up w/ me 5 months ago. By brood I mean every day, think about him too much, get alternately furious with him and so, so sad. What is up with that? How long does heartbreak last, toasters?
it lasts and lasts and lasts and then suddenly you realize it doesn’t have to and then thing start looking up. meanwhile, there’s cake. and Coupling (the british version).
Like… you make a decision that it doesn’t have to?
Or, you just realize that it gets better slowly over time?
Or, somehow, both?
Cake. Sigh. I need cake!
Both, I guess? Unfortunately I think it’s just one of those things you can’t control. I have a lot of experience getting over heartbreak (siiiiigh) so I am a little better now about “self care” post-breakup – I know what sorts of things tend to distract me, cheer me up, make me feel normal, etc. Plus, I have proof that as bad as it hurts now it will, eventually, get better and knowing that helps speed up the healing process somewhat.
Basically, it sucks until it doesn’t and that’s OK! You are allowed to feel sad as long as you feel sad, so don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t gotten better by some arbitrary deadline. [Though, obviously, if after months it’s still having a huge and serious impact on your day-to-day life, like you can’t function at all normally, that’s possibly worrisome.] Do try to give yourself some distractions, in the meantime, and unfriend/unfollow him from any social media if you haven’t already; basically, coddle yourself for a little while. And if it helps, I’ve been right there with you these last few months and I would give you Toasties Hug of Commiseration if I could!
So sorry you’re going through it too! has it gotten better for you?
It’s gotten somewhat better for me, in that I am functional, but most days there is some serious sadness or serious anger. I think I was in shock for a long time, didn’t believe it. Then found out he moved on, and that broke the shock a bit. But not entirely. I still expect him to come back, although it is abundantly clear he doesn’t give an eff about me anymore. Don’t know why I’m having trouble accepting that basic fact.
Remember how I told you that my husband had been let go? Well, his last day is tuesday.
He (fortunately) has a conditional offer of temporary employment from another company, and will be looking for full time work in that time.
The irritating thing is if his last day had been *today* the rendundancy payoff would have been in this paycheque. As is, next month.
Oof, mine’s been unemployed for just coming up on 2 months now, and the job prospects are not looking so great, so I’m starting to have to get out of the “it’s temporary, we’ll be fine” to “we’ll be fine, but I need to look into adding him to my insurance and also find lots of rice-and-beans based recipes.” Good luck to both of you!
The redundancy should cover us for about 5-6 months if we’re sensible with the money, and if he walks into this temporary position even longer, plus we have 2 months on the credit card if it really comes to it.
His skills are in high demand right now, so he shouldn’t be out of work long. We hope.
If he is, we’ll have to sell the house and find a flat that allows pets to rent in. That simple.
Sorry to hear this, you guys! Keeping my fingers crossed for your husbands, because having a spouse out of work is really crappy and stressful.
My brother-in-law got laid off in the whole U.S. Government Nonsense, and my sister-in-law sends me chirpy emails like, “Good thing the family likes 10-for-$10 mac & cheese!” It breaks my heart, and makes me want to go down to D.C. and punch a lot of old white guys in the face.
Maaaan, you guys, I thought my elbow tendonitis was back, and then I thought I just had a really bad bruise, but no, it’s back. How will I negotiate the careful middle ground between “Being an adult and not training through my injury” and “Being an adult and not retiring to my couch with cheeseburgers and wine until I am whole again”? (Hint: probably not very well)
Hahaha, alternate the cheeseburgers and wine? It’s a tough journey!
My horse is so good right now. Like, this will not sound like a big thing but she just keeps cantering at the speed I request unless I compress or extend it, and it’s like magic and then her nose is so softtttttt.
Hooray! I horse with a good rate is such a pleasure. Now, my guy, he has but one canter speed: Frantic scrambly upside down trollop (trot-gallop). On the other hand, his nose is soooo soft.
I had a weirdly specific and nostalgic dream about horseback riding the other night and now I’m missing it, so love love love the horsey stories!
your description of a horse makes me want a horse, for the first time since I was 9.
Does anyone have advice on where to buy good quality tights? Preferably cotton or wool, so they breathe a little, and on the big side – both because I am a large person and because tights are better when they’re a size too large. It’s getting cold, and I wore out my tights from last year.
Hue makes decent wool tights that fit my “generous” thighs well. I get mine from a local store, so I can’t advise where to actually get them, but they’re a pretty common brand I think, and reasonable in price.
I’ve had surprisingly good luck with H&M–especially their thick, woolly-ish tights (I’ve had a grey pair for…three years, maybe?). Also, what kind of monster DOESN’T up-size her tights???
Monsters at the top end of the size range. ๐
We Love Colors has a jillion colors, larger sizes, and they wear pretty well. More expensive than, say, F21 but better quality and really opaque colors.
Yes, Hue! I have ones that are a wool blend. Easy to find at Macy’s.
Sock Dreams is my go-to for socks, tights, leggings, etc. They carry a range of sizes, have a lot of variety, and their cotton-lined wool tights are warmer than most pants.
I really like Wolford tights. They’re a bit pricey, but great quality. Gilt occasionally has them on sale.
Definitely Hue, from Macy’s! They’re really good quality and they last forever…and they’re the only tights I’ve found that go up over my belly and actually hit my natural waistline, which is weirdly high, apparently. Which means they don’t roll down all the time! And I just figured out the going up a size thing like last year, and…yeah, that took me way too long.
Ah! Thank you all! I will check these things out and report back.
I’m on my second day back at work after maternity leave! It’s going okay! Truly, I Have It All. Except for an understanding of analemmatic sundials, which I need for what I’m working on now. Any sundial nerds out there, by any chance? Yeah I thought not.
Ugh I have a date tonight, and I’d really rather stay home and watch Shakespeare on PBS.
This is why I don’t have dates more often, isn’t it.
You can always dvr Tom Hiddleston, real life awaits!
I’ve been really liking the Hollow Crown so far, Ben Whishaw killed it in Richard II.
EDIT: If people are interested, there are great pop critiques and discussions going on at AV Club. http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/tvshow/hollow-crown,…
but he’s wearing leather paannnttts
girl don’t even get me started
ohmyguh
goodness.
Whoa I’d never seen a mouth-frame I really liked but it does woonders for the bottom half of his face, good lord.
Checking back in to say . . . it was so good! I hope your date was spectacular, but if not, you can comfort yourself with the Henry IV.2 replay. Only I had to watch it with the volume way up because, it turns out, Jeremy Irons kind of mutters.
The date was … passable. And the whole Hollow Crown is on iTunes, so that that’s the rest of my weekend sorted. And there’s closed captioning for King Mumbles!
also, have a Dunkaroos cake.
this.is.so.great.
SO GREAT
Prince called. He totally wants the recipe.
I’m having kind of an emotions-hangover today, but trying to get pumped about the weekend to shake it off. Baking cake and drinking (probs hot toddies, because my body’s decided to revisit the cold I’d thought I’d conquered) sounds like just the thing!
Buuut just to rant about this one more time, because I need to constantly remind myself it’s ok to set firm boundaries: I ended a friendship with someone over Facebook drama yesterday, which is not something I ever thought I’d do. To be fair, we weren’t super close, but still. Things escalated insanely quickly from normal debate to him making some super hurtful values judgements about me, my life, and my family, which is Not Ok. I told him that privately and said I can’t be friends with someone who thinks that little of me and has that little regard for my feelings, which I stand by. I’m really working on setting boundaries and not dismissing my own emotions, but GEEZ the societal conditioning to be “nice” is so strong! A weasely little voice in the back of my head keeps saying, “Make nice! It wasn’t THAT bad! You must be overreacting. Think about his feelings!”
It’s a little rough in my brain right now, Toasties. How did you learn to stand up for yourselves and trust in your own experiences? Tips/tricks/inspiring and/or horror stories?
I went through a friend breakup a couple of months ago; while the situation wasn’t exactly the same, I stood up for myself and cut off a friend who just wasn’t any fun to hang out with and who wasn’t a very nice person. (There is more to this story but I am reluctant to give specific details online for fear of her figuring out it’s me.)
I felt terrible about it for a week or two. She wasn’t 100% awful; no one is, right? She was very insecure and I could see where the things that bothered me about her (and about hanging out with her) came from, and I had sympathy for those things.
But, ultimately, I basically realized I was happier not hanging out with her, again, for reasons not stated here.
I say, good for you for standing up for yourself. See if you feel happier for not speaking to this person in a little while, or if you are still concerned that you were overreacting. For what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound like you are, but I also second-guess everything I do, so I understand where you’re coming from.
Second guessing 4 LYFE. But seriously, the not 100% awful thing resonated a lot with me – that’s been a big part of my questioning my decision. He’s definitely got some good qualities, but the good was definitely outweighed by the bad at the end there, and that’s what ends up mattering.
And thanks for the support! This is the first time I’ve ever flat out said that’s unacceptable and we’re not friends, so having people (even internet people) reaffirm that that’s sometimes a thing you have to do is reassuring. Way to go to you too for standing up for your own sense of well being! Friend break ups are no fun but it sounds like you made a good choice for you as well.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head… If the bad outweighs the good, you have your answer. Think of all the awesome-sauce people you know; they’re not perfect; neither are we. But we forgive or have patience with the bad if the good outweighs it.
For me it’s also about – is this person putting their shit on someone else? Or are they conscious and self aware of their shit, and actively trying not to let it hurt other people? Do they take responsibility for their shit, examine it, work on it? Are they willing to do that often very hard work?
Ps, is there a way we can pm on here?
Tips/Tricks: Ask yourself: WWATWMD? What would a tall white man do? He would give a quick “not cool” response and never give the former friend or the situation another thought. Of course, it’s because tall white men have traditional privileges, do not carry the burden taught to every little girl, to be “nice”. We all want to be without that burden, but unlearning it is hard! Oh, and promise the universe you will *not* perpetuate the problem, will *not* teach the “nice” burden to any girl-children you have influence with.
Hahaha YES. So much truth. I’m working hard on unlearning it, and doing my best not to perpetuate it with anyone, young or old. I’ll try and channel some of that TWM feeling in the future (the belief that your experience is as important as anyone else’s, I mean, not the equally traditional dismissal of the lesser privileged – which was one of my major issues with this WM in particular).
I am a person who, I think my friends would say, is very good at holding boundaries and calling people out on their bullshit, but I still CONSTANTLY second guess how hard I come at people (and whether I should come at them at all) when they act shitty. Even if I intellectually completely believe I’m right, I am usually left with the kind of “emotional hangover” that you are talking about (great term, by the way). I actually think it’s kind of food for me (for me! maybe not for you!) because it helps me pick my battles, knowing the emotional energy it’s going to take to maintain boundaries and hold my own line once I say something.
Anyway, you’re right to act how you did and I definitely support you in asserting your boundaries! Way to go you!
I got laid off a few weeks ago and am having a hard time because I’m also depressed. I’m not depressed as a result of unemploymentโthe condition long preceded it. I don’t feel capable of handling an interview, of doing most jobs, of starting over at a new job with new people. And that’s not the half if it, but I don’t want to drone on and complain. I guess I’m hoping to hear from those of you who have been in this situation about what it was like for you and how you overcame it.
I quit a job a couple years ago because I was Too Sad For Employment (or getting out of bed, being sober, putting away laundry, etc.). I think it’s important to be gentle with yourself. Set realistic goals to avoid the shame-guilt-failure spiral (Writing cover letters is hard. If writing cover letters AND getting dressed is TOO HARD, write cover letters in your jammies). Make plans, and have a routine. Reach out to your friends. Go see a matinee! Abuse your local happy hours! Take walks in the sunlight! It is going to be hard, and it is going to be okay.
I’m so sorry to hear about all this. It’s a pile of suck, and I wish you didn’t have it on your plate right now.
The closest I got to that was when I moved back East after my divorce and had to find a job in the midst of that mind fuck. Honestly, in hind sight, the best things I did was 1.) join a local meditation group (I’m a buddhist, and the Shambhala center near my new home was FANTASTIC) and 2.) do things that I knew I loved, even though I didn’t feel that deep love for it at the moment. Eventually, doing these things helped me haul myself out of it. I also didn’t have insurance, so therapy and medication wasn’t an option. Is that an option for you?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My best wishes for your health and finding a new job. And feel free to complain as much as you need to!
I’ve not been exactly in your position but I do have depression, and was once fired from a student job in college because of depression-related issues. I second snaxstax’s advice to be gentle to yourself and set realistic goals. I would also add that it’s good to let yourself be proud and celebrate whenever you achieve a goal, no matter how small. One of the roughest things about depression (at least in my experience) is that you take every bad thing that happens or mistake you make, big or small, as a sign that it’s always going to be this bad and will only get worse. So I’ve found that celebrating small achievements (even just paying a bill or sending out one resume) is a way to counteract that feeling to a certain extent, even if it can feel a little silly sometimes.
Have we considered the possibility that it’s not a small piece of cake but an enormous glass of champagne?
Also, this beet cake with dried cherries and cream cheese frosting is the best possible cake. (Ignore that it came from the Globe and Mail; ignore the recommendation to use golden beets, or don’t. Best of all possible cakes).
that cake looks like a winner. a glass of champagne that size deserves more cake.
Do you prefer Toasties, Toastrons, or Toastites? Or ______?
Crumbs?
My vote is for Toasties. Crumbs is just rude.
TOASTRONS
well, I like Toasters. but that’s just me.
Frakking toasters.
I do prefer Toasties, but Toastrons makes me think that we’re all Toast Molecules Floating Around in Space and that idea is entertainingly absurd to me so….
Toastroids, like Randrioids but for the Toast
Tostadas?
Toastie, because:
“I make myself a cheese and tommy-toe toastie, sometimes two toasties, and a lovely old muggles of tea and I snudget down in time for the Roadshow. I love Sunday afternoonies.”
Mr Burmie by Fry & Laurie
Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more, you go and quote this sketch.
Cancy-wancy?
Aww, thanks! I was unhealthily obessed for a while. I still screech “TOMMYTOES! TOMMYTOES!” whenever my sister says the word tomato. I don’t know how she loves me…
Toasters 4 lyfe
Toast-its.
I’ve been thinking of making cake for a month, so this seems like a good time to break out the baking supplies! I was considering making a pie, but effort. Cake seems so much more accessible at this point on a Friday. Maybe a Weekend Pie.
In life news, I just de-friended an old high school friend on Facebook, which completes the process of severing him from my social media life (we haven’t seen each other in real life in about a year). It’s sad, but I don’t have room in my life to process his posts about “Loving The Government Shutdown hashtag iloverepublicans”
maybe it’s because it’s fall. or maybe it’s because I finally succumbed to my growing stress/anxiety from my crazy work/school/life schedule and decided to start antidepressants. But I just want to cozy up to my couch and have a crazy long romantic movie marathon with my cats. And my favorite quilt.
too bad I’ll be doing a clinical rotation in the hospital not one but two days this weekend instead :-/
I hear there are people out there who consider red velvet to be a base and worthless cake. Please identify yourselves, so that I might sit you in the corner and provoke contemplation over your life choices.
Also my second piece was published on the Hairpin on Monday! If you’d told me 3 years ago that I’d end up writing for the site whose meetup my best friend had randomly roped me into attending, I probably would not have believed it, because I suck at writing. But here we are! And now both of my previous editors are twitter friends so by any sane metric, I’m living a good life rn http://thehairpin.com/2013/09/music-stimming
Red velvet is a ONDERFULcake that I didn’t even know existed until I moved to the Southern USA. Unnnggghhh cream cheese frosting! The only bad part is if you get some in your teeth it looks like a really bad gum disease.
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Blac…
This is The Birthday Cake for my family. Chocolate Ginger Wasabi Truffle Cake (I leave out the sesame seeds, because I did it that way the first time, and it was great). I have guests coming next weekend, and I’d love to make this recipe, but some of them are not adventurous eaters. Seriously, I made strawberry shortcake with blasalmic strawberries for that crowd, and one of them didn’t like strawberries, another didn’t like balsalmic, and a third claimed it was “too late” to eat dessert. So they do not get this cake.
…but doesn’t that just mean more cake for you?
I’m glad you didn’t identify said guests as “friends,” because clearly these are deficient human beings not worthy of friendship.
Too late for dessert? How is that possible?
I realised this week that more people will have read my (old, bad!) fanfiction than will ever even look at my phd thesis. Maybe more than will read my published articles! I’m wasting my liiiife! ๐
Haha I published something on the Hairpin & in Cell Reports (well, like 4th author but still) on the same day last week & had the same thought process. I prefer to think of it as “I am probably the only person who has ever published on occult sandwiches and Holliday junction resolution at the same time, I am COOL AND UNIQUE SO THERE.”
That sounds really awesome, congrats! ๐
Holliday junctions make my brain melt and always have. I salute you!
TBH I still can’t really visualize what they must look like outside of, like, stick people-level diagrams. Whatever, I mostly work on replication, no weird DNA intermediates there……. right……? shit.
I just skip the DNA and work on chromatin – it’s safer there ๐
Could you possibly sneak bits of your thesis into fanfic? “Spock whispered tenderly: “However, the symbolic dimension of Bourdieu’s economic matrix cannot be overestimated”.”
If it helps, I deleted all my old fanfiction off FF.net when I turned, like, seventeen, and I regret that decision EVERY DAY.
Feeling depressed, underappreciated, and completely unmotivated in my academic research job. BUT! Just went to a big science job fair and they had cookies and free stuff! Still not sure I’m ever going to find a new job, but hey! I got a free multitool out of it! And a SLINKY! Woohoo!
I stopped going to science things where there are vendors because when I moved out of the apartment I lived in all through grad school I had to throw out approximately one million flimsy totes filled with weird squeezy-toys and shitty mints.
1. I bought myself CLOTHES today, dammit!
2. I am finally throwing out everything I own that doesn’t fit, has holes in it, is a remnant from high school, or doesn’t make me feel good while wearing it.
3. WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM SHOULD I MAKE?
1) AWESOME
2) DOUBLE-AWESOME
3) SALTED CARAMEL
FUCK YEAH
WINE ice cream???
I CHANGE MY VOTE THIS IS THE CORRECT ANSWER
I HAVE BEEN SEEING THAT AND I AM INTRIGUED
Beauty question: do I need to get a spa facial thingy before my wedding? If so, how far out? What are those things for, anyway?
Also, BREAKING: it takes a lot of money and time to be acceptably pretty! (Please put derisive air quotes around as many words in this post as feel appropriate.)
You don’t need to do anything! Only do it if you’re really curious about them and have the time to drop the dough. I’ve never done one, but maybe they’re really relaxing and therein lies the appeal?
My friend had one before her wedding for the relaxation reason – I think unless you’re getting the kind where they go in with an instrument to Deal With Acne then it’s just a nice, soothing experience with pretty music and smells that will make your skin feel maybe a bit softer. If that appeals, go for it. If not, no need.
Careful! If your skin is as sensitive/reactionary as mine, you could end up with irritated blotches from any one of the numerous good-smelling stuff they use at a spa. Leading up to a wedding, I would avoid anything new on my face.
First post ahoy! Long-time Hairpin lurker until The Change, and I was so happy to find this place I could cry. I have spent most of this evening (I am in England and it is 10:45ish) drinking wine and lifting dumbbells. Balanced lifestyle and all that. Did I say how much I love this place? OSCAR WILDE AND WALT WHITMAN OH MY GOODNESS. [/late to the party]
Hello fellow Toastie in England! This is a haven above havens (we do not speak of The Change..or do we?). Wine drinking and weights is totally a balanced Friday night pursuit. I should probably get on that.
Welcome Ellie. We are happy you are here.
I’m able to participate in an open thread! Up late and at home recovering from wisdom tooth removal with an overload of knitting and Gilmore Girls. Despite all the prestige drama on my to-watch list, I keep just revisiting old favorites. Halfway into the third season, I’m realizing that 1. I always glossed over the awfulness of the Dean breakup because I find Jess intensely cute and 2. Despite trying with all my heart to be gothy-goth in high school, all I really wanted was to be Rory Gilmore
I just made a sweet potato & rum bundt cake tonight. It was originally with bourbon, but I was nearly out (WOOPSIES) so dark rum had to suffice. I haven’t tried it yet, but it’ll make good morning coffee cake right? Surely all the booze has baked out and I won’t be trashed by 10 am? Ummm I’ll let you know.
That actually sounds amazing. People think I’m playing mean tricks when I put things like sweet potato or chickpeas into cakes but it is always delicious, I swear. I read somewhere once that the whole ‘alcohol disappears when you cook it off’ thing is a lie, but I refuse to believe anything other than that baking is the respectable face of rum consumption. Naturally I look forward to your scientific report at 10am…
Reporting live from the scene: The cake is supremely stodgy, but my cheeks are feeling nice and toasty as a result of the heavy rumming ๐ 75% successful, I’d say.
I dislike cake. Except cheesecake! Cheesecake is delicious.
I’m sitting at work waiting on a fucking server reboot that is taking forever and seriously all I have to do is push ONE BUTTON and it’ll be my weekend, but the fuckers rebooting the server apparantly don’t have lives and would love to stay here all night.
I’ve always considered cheesecake more of a pie, based on the whole crust + filling thing. (And cheesecake is a lot more delicious than other cakes, honestly.)
I’m working the Internet wrong. Someone teach me how to make all the comments appear at once, please? Every time I open this thread, replies are all collapsed, not showing. What am I doing wrong? Thanks.
Are you viewing it from your tablet or smartphone any chance?
nope. laptop. same from work desktop. browsing with latest firefox and chrome, and I use windows 7 on both. thanks.
Once it gets to a high number of comments it just starts doing that, I think it’s just what the site does.
i highly recommend smitten kitchen’s piรฑa colada cake recipe, because it’s super moist and you can also drink the rum as you make it and then by the time it’s done baking you’re totally ready to just binge watch 90s sitcoms in your pajamas while eating cake right out of the pan.
in summary, i just moved halfway across the country from chicago to the bay area, i’m unemployed, and i’m clearly not enough of a real person right now for champagne.
But you deserve champagne. I would buy you a bottle if I were anywhere near the bay area. Moving is soooo stressful. And unemployment is soooo stressful. Just getting out of bed under those challenges is noteworthy, in my book. I’ll be thinking good thoughts in your direction all weekend.
this. you have no idea how helpful this is! ๐
Welcome to the Bay! Can I ask whereabouts you are, or would that be too nosey? Maybe we should instigate a fizzy wine-drinking Bay Area ToastUp? ๐
yes! i’m in oakland, and i am so SO into that idea.
The best cake I have ever made: Betty Crocker SuperMoist Triple Chocolate Fudge cake mix with butterscotch schnapps mixed into the batter (it doesn’t change the taste, but it makes the cake unbelievably moist), this chocolate glaze recipe for the top and sides (I used semisweet baking chocolate and scaled it up to 8 ounces of chocolate and 1 1/3 cups of cream), and caramel topping for the filling and to drizzle on top.
Embarrassing story. So I work in an isolated room with one other woman with whom I’m friends. We both have OkC experience, so I started telling her about this ridiculous guy who messaged me. The main point of contention was that his username was Bonerlicious Bob. “BONERLICIOUS!” I yelled over our dividing wall. “REALLY? BONERLICIOUS!” I would have yelled it again, but then I heard a soft cough and turned around to see a man from office services with a delivery staring at me. I told him that I was sorry and that it must have been an odd conversation to walk into, and he told me that it was Friday and that it was okay.
Never living it down. Bonerlicious forever.
The last cake I made was in a mug. In the microwave. I threw some peanut butter in there too and it wasn’t horrible. It was really late and I was also really desperate for chocolate, so I didn’t exactly have high standards.
I am also quite surely losing my mind. You know? I think there a lot of things at the root of my crazy and I can not possibly tackle them all. I’m really goddamn sick and tired of it.
When I was living in a dorm and cooking for myself this summer, I would occasionally get baked-good-desperate and try to figure out what I could cobble together from what I had. I once made a terrible mug chocolate chip cake. I also once made hot chocolate by melting some baking chocolate I happened to have and adding a lot of sugar. It was not terrible?
Toasties! Henna is in my hair right now. Since I did not do a strand test as directed, I’ll have a surprise for myself in a few hours!
Update: Not a huge change ๐ I didn’t leave it in long enough because I got the WORST headache from the smell/weight of having all my henna’d hair piled on my head.
Hello
I too am a longtime ‘Pin reader but since the open thread is pretty desert-like around this time lately, I thought I’d ask for your advice here. To cut a very long story as short as possible, i was offered a marketing job with a very new, very small company which I thought would be full time and no experience necessary. However, it soon transpired that it’s part time, with not great pay, from home and to do the tasks I’ve been charged with, you DO need experience (eg getting coverage in major mags of the sector).
Expressed concerns to boss that I basically couldn’t do the job, he said he had to leave the country for a few weeks anyway and would try to find someone more experienced to help out while he was away. Well, he’s supposed to be back in a couple of weeks, so I emailed to find out if any help had been found, and none has.
So I don’t know what to do. I really want something full time and in an office because I struggle with my mood (understatement) and I really need structure. On the pay offered, I wouldn’t be able to move out of my mum’s (and I’ve been here for a year after uni, struggling more and more with mood because of it, which came to a really really horrible point a couple of week ago where I ended up in A&E). I’m not sure I can do this job without guidance, it would just be stabs in the dark, really. After being left danging for a good few weeks, I’m not mad about the company, and I’m not sure I want to work in marketing. I can see myself being really unhappy in the job and maybe slipping really far down again, but maybe that is just my brain playing its dark little fortune-telling tricks again.
But having said all that, I’ve been looking for a year and haven’t been able to find permanent full time work. Who the fuck am I to be turning down work, in this economy, just out of uni?! etc etc. And I guess any good marketing I did for the company, I’d be able to take the credit fully, as it’s just me in the department, so that would be good for my CV?
I have no idea what to do. Any advice?
Ugh, what a terrible situation. Here are some things I’d think about in your position:
1. Generally, be careful of impostor syndrome. One part of what you said jumped out at me: “eg getting coverage in major mags of the sector” I’m entirely unqualified in your field, so ymmv, but I do know that a lot of similar sounding stuff in my sector would involve, you know, calling people up and asking them. Like, you think that all these big publications are so above you, but maybe they’re not.
2. That bit of sunshine out of the way, you’re describing a job where you need to be completely independent right out of the door, including not even having an initial couple weeks in the office to learn the ropes? This sounds like a recipe for disaster. There are two main routes from here:
a) They are super amazing and offer you a whole ton of explicit support remotely! They’re really interested in helping you learn and grow and will give you a plan and lots of discussion up front!
b) They expect you to learn to do it yourself with minimal supervision. You have no one you feel comfortable asking questions of, or if you do, they aren’t consistently available. The only feedback you get is getting yelled at when you don’t complete tasks on time, which will happen regularly since they never explained what you need to do or gave you the toolset to do it.
My guess is that it’s option b. I’ve seen people right out of school being expected to do everything independently without proper mentorship or resources and it’s a terrible head trip – especially at very small very new companies! You’ll feel stupid because you can’t do what they expect you to _even though it’s not your fault_ because no one’s given you what you need to do your job.
Extra concerning is the fact that they’re not paying you well, you won’t be in physical proximity to your coworkers/mentors, you won’t be working in a structured environment which is what you’re looking for, and you’re already depressed… This sounds like a bad deal.
If you’re set on giving them a chance to prove that they want to get useful work out of you, ask them to describe exactly how they plan on getting you up to speed: what training will they offer? How often will they check in with you? What kind of reporting will you send them and what kind of feedback will they give you? How will they decide what assignments to give you, and what support you’ll need to do them? And perhaps, what kind of structure can they offer, at least to start up, so that you understand what is expected?
Pragmatically, this isn’t even about them doing right by you, it’s about them doing the things they need to to actually get value out of paying you…
I hope I’m wrong. But please don’t feel like you are Morally Wrong for turning down a job when you feel it’s all red flags.
Good luck!
also I saw Willy Cartier buying a wheel of cheese in Whole Foods. Honestly. (Google him and hold your ovaries because I don’t know how to do pictures! I had to take a walk around the block to calm down.)
So, speaking on fandom as we do sometimes-
a Pretty Big Thing every winter is the rare fandom fic challenge yuletide, which focuses on rare fandoms and pairings. This year’s nominated fandoms are up and if you expand Other Media and scroll down- THE RAGE OF JONATHAN FRANZEN (BLOGPOST) IS A FANDOM! With stories potentially written about Grandmother, Jonathan Franzen, Old German Woman, and Salman Rushdie. I hope someone fills a story for it!