Toasties! Look at that picture! Just look at it! Baguette with sweetened condensed milk and pumpkin-y beer on the side.
Heaven. Fall heaven!! Do you like fall? At which point do you decide it’s no longer sandal weather and put on the boots? I’m not ready yet. But I will drink all the pumpkin ale.
Tags: cocktail hour, meta, open thread
But the Shock-Top pumpkin is not a good one, even as much as I like wheat beers 🙁
when no other beer is around and someone brings you this one, you make lemonade out of lemons and drink it!
That’s fair! I’ve been known to grab the Shock Top pumpkin when ’tis the season and there are no other pumpkins in the bodega. (Or, worse, if the only other pumpkin is Harvest Moon.)
what are your top 3 fave pumpkin beers??
3. New Holland Ichabod Crane. I have never seen this in NYC, and my opinion is based on a memory of a visit to Michigan in 2008, but it was my first pumpkin beer and thus must be given its due.
2. Southern Tier Pumpking
1. WEYERBACHER IMPERIAL PUMPKIN ALE FOREVER AND EVER.
excellent choices! Pumpking is my personal favorite except for a local one that’s served at the pub and I can’t recall what it’s called because it’s 9% (or 90%) ABV and you can’t ever just have three and they put cinnamon on the rim of the glass. Now I’m getting more excited for the cold season.
Ah, yes, the honey/cinnamon or nutmeg rim is always enjoyable, but it makes my hands all sticky 🙁
I also have a possibly irrational hate for Dogfish Head Punkin Ale. Everyone raves about how great it is, and it’s really just a mediocre pumpkin ale. It’s not bad, but there are way better ones out there!
What makes a good pumpkin ale? I’m asking because I have drunk very few in my day and the last time I had one was years ago. I’m dying to try a nice one but my #1 problem is that I live in England where there isn’t much of pumpkin anything, let alone beers. SO, I want to make it myself. What, in y’alls’ opinion, makes a nice pumpkin ale?
Agreed! I like Schlafly Pumpkin Ale personally, but I can’t find it where I live. Woes upon woes.
WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME WHO THE BARTENDER IS?
oh shit I thought it was you. Is it the giant misandrist spider?
Think how many beers the giant misandrist spider could open at once! Think of the margaritas it could make! Think of the Cocktail-style shaker-tossing antics!
The Bartender is inside each and every one of us. The Bartender is the toast within.
I DON’T KNOW EITHER
i am everyone. i am no one. i know toast.
Ok, let’s play a game. Are you a man or a woman or a transgender?
1. there must be more options! three seems like so few (but not the giant misandrist spider one, that one’s out). 2. i am THE BARTENDER, why is that not enough?!
So long as you keep plying us with snacks and drinks, just being The Bartender is more than enough for me.
oh my God Nick this is why you’re not allowed to comment
I’m going to take a nap now.
I want to know but I don’t want to know. The Bartender is our The Stig.
That said, I think it’s Nicole, because she hasn’t responded, so. GUILTY.
in truth, i am not Nicole. though that would be marvelous. being Nicole, that is.
ARE YOU NICOLE’S CHILD
I know you’re only a toddler but I’m sure you’re very smart, you’re Nicole’s child I think
Should a toddler, even a very advanced toddler like Nicole’s, be drinking pumpkin beer though?
…blast.
If it was my toddler, every week would be a picture of a train and a demand for peanut buddddder.
It’s not! She or he is a different person. And a person who wears sandals, so definitely not me.
That picture changes everything I knew about ways to eat sweetened condensed milk.
i strive to change lives. seriously, it is Delicious. you don’t even have to toast the baguette, if you don’t want to.
Baguette with condensed milk? what the what?
I do like fall except for the part where you have to get rid of all the leaves so you’re not the one trashy-looking house on the street. The fall-specific flavors isn’t really a Thing in Australia so I think it’s sort of cute, and will be going to Krispy Kreme for pumpkin spice doughnuts ASAP.
Also not 100% sure of Halloween costume for the BBs, so far I am leaning towards Neapolitan Icecream which I plan to achieve via little sandwich-boards with a picture and a flavor name on them, which I will design and print. Other ideas included Three Little Pigs or the See/Hear/Speak No Evil Monkeys, but those would require matching pink or brown hoodies and [ants, which I’m not sure I care to spend that much money for one night.
OMG Neapolitan ice cream BBs!! *squee*
You could turn them into individual pieces of sushi, and when they stand together they could become a sushi roll!!! Or they could be individual pieces of nigiri like these ladies.
Here’s another example of a child being nigiri.
ETA: searching google images for “sushi roll costume for kids” is the best thing ever.
Hahaah that nigiri is GREAT!
All you have to do is make them wear colorful pillows! It’ll be great.
…
Maybe I’ll dress up as sushi this year, although I haven’t talked to Mr. Fire about being the Largest Harry Potter Ever.
Just be sure to prep him that he may be mistaken for some long-forgotten British-only Dr. Who incarnation. Maybe this is a thing that no longer makes Mr. Harry Potters sad, or maybe all Dr. Who’s are mainstream now? Anyhow, dark-haired dudes with specific scarves may not be the ticket to recognition you crave.
BRB, having a baby in order to dress them as nigiri.
You say sandwich boards and I’m picturing LITTLE TINY BB ICE CREAM SAMMICHES and I am dead now goodbye
Ooh that’s even better, I could totally make them into lil Klondike bars!!!
Could you possibly teach them the jingle? I’m picturing the BBs all trooping up to a door and chirping “What would you doooooooo for a Klondike Bar” in quasi-unison. Endgame: you get so much candy you can sell it and make a profit.
OMG THIS IS BETTER THAN BB SUSHI!
Sushi doesn’t come with a jingle!
BUT WHAT IF IT DID
What could it be? I’m terrible with music, so the first thing that comes to mind is “Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish with rice!”
^^;
oh my gee, the BBs love little songs, I could make one up!
That endgame is correct, and now I am sad I do not live in the BB’s neighbourhood because having that on my doorstep would MAKE MY LIFE. I would shower them with Kinder Surprises.
I was an iced vo vo in my Year 4 fancy dress parade.
You guys, I stayed up until 3am last night (er, this morning) reading Eleanor & Park thanks to the interview earlier this week. I have been useless all day at work, but it was WORTH IT. Oh my god, what an amazing book.
That’s good to hear! I was wondering about reading it and this might push me over the edge to go find it in the library.
I love fall. Best time of year, mostly because my birthday is in October. I don’t give up on summer shoes until the temperature is consistently in the 50s/60s.
I’m really feeling the change of seasons this year. I’m so excited to wear tights again and get out all my sweaters and scarves. I even got out my knitting and started back up on a couple projects. I’m waffling on whether to continue with a pair of leg warmers or change gears to make a scarf.
I know I’m probably lighting a powder keg here, but what’s the Toast’s stance on tights-as-pants?
I guess it depends on your definition of tights. Personally, I think of tights as too thin to work alone and usually only wear them with dresses.
Leggings are a whole other ballgame. I will proudly wear leggings as my primary bottom with a top that is long enough to cover my bits.
We do not speak of pantyhose for they are a blight upon humanity.
THE PROBLEM is not leggings but leggings worn as pants with shirts that ARE NOT long enough to cover your bits, which is super common now and also gross.
Also I keep seeing people wearing flesh colored pants that are the same color as that person’s flesh and it just looks like they (okay, she) forgot to put on pants. I don’t understand this trend. Stop it, teenagers.
I have seen flesh-colored leggings on grown women. It is shocking at first, to say the least.
Also, everything you have said is correct.
One time I was walking in my [hippie-filled, New England] town and I saw a man walking along, pushing his kid in a stroller, seemingly without any shoes. When I got closer, I realized he was wearing flesh-colored, suede shoes of the kind that have separate toe-spaces. That is a fashion choice I don’t quite get (then again, it’s probably a sub-category of “Dad fashion choices I don’t get”).
Ew! I submit that flesh-colored clothing be banned to the same nameless hell as pantyhose. Second?
Ew, no, terrible in every conceivable way, cover yo butt.
Ok, BUT what if my butt is covered by the bottom of a long top? And the tights aren’t quite tights, but more like leggings?
Leggings and tights are different. It is pretty easy to tell the difference between the two. Is it sheer? Does it cover your feet? Etc. But if they are leggings and your shirt covers your bits, then why not?
The Toast has no official statement to make at this time.
What are you hiding, Mallory
I swear I will get to the bottom of this. Pun not intended!
Rabbit: “Condensed milk, or honey on your bread?”
Pooh: “Both, but nevermind the bread.”
I bet in the non-bowlderized version Winnie could throw back a pumpkin beer with great appreciation. Rabbit, of course, was a teetotaler.
Rabbit SAID he was a teetotaler but had a secret stash of elderberry cordial for days when Tigger was especially bouncy.
A bear of very little brain. He definitely loved (loves?) the beer.
It is International Dopethrone Weekend, please join me in listening to Dopethrone and eating toasted almond butter and nutella sandwiches: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhh93TArmOQ
I’m on a new strength training regimen and I’m at the point where I look forward to lifting / my muscles* are kinda itching for it. Hopefully in a few weeks I will be Fitter. But I will never give up those sandwiches.
Also I have a crush and it’s confusing to me, moreso than most of my shameful crushes 🙁 also she lives in NY, so. OKCupid is not working out so well in Denver but I got a pep talk last nite from one of my fav writers. Speaking of shame, I’m rewriting my next pitch from scratch. I’ve been depressed all week and it’s motivated me to get things done.
*pronounced mus-culls
I hit a wall in my strength training last week, but when the Communists Leave the Funhouse, I’ll be back at the gym hard again. I feel you on that tingly muscle craving thing. It’s all awesome until you only want to eat pasta and sit on the couch watching relationship shows.
I have to make sure I stretch and eat something protein-rich before I sit down after a workout, otherwise I will become one with the couch.
Also the lack of dearly beloved menstrual euphemisms is severely hampering my life without woman friends in Denver rn. Please keep them coming.
The benefit of Communists in the Funhouse is that you can use variations to denote which part you are in. Communists are Storming the Funhouse. Communists are Leaving the Funhouse. Communists are attempting to dismantle the Funhouse.
Wait, weren’t you dating someone recently?
heh, I’ll email you, but suffice to say we were on different pages and it didn’t work out.
WHY IS IT SO HOT OUT my poor snow tires.
I am currently sitting in a McDonald’s in Rochester, on day 1 of my twelve day trip across America! Which will end in BC, land of the free mountains.
As of day 1, my bike has not been stolen! VICTORY!
I usually love fall and all of my sweaters, but I’m worried that I won’t have anything wearable once I get more visibly pregnant. I just got a big load of clothes from a friend of a friend who’s my size and had her baby in March, so I have some things, but it’s annoying to have to purchase a whole new wardrobe. The bag ‘o clothes also included a lot of skinny jeans/pants which I will never, ever wear because they make my legs feel claustrophobic.
I think what I will end up doing is buying a ton of maternity tank tops and just wear my cardigans and open sweaters over them all winter. Any other suggestions for maternity wear that doesn’t cost a million dollars?
My coworker bought some stretchy sweater dresses when she was pregnant last winter and she has started to wear them again since they were standard sizes.
Target, Old Navy, and a place that I think was called Motherhood had reasonably priced stuff when I was knocked up. Try on in stores and see if they have better deals online too 🙂
I agreeeeeee. I am used to buying most of my wardrobe at consignment stores, and spending pennies on the dollar for good-quality clothes. Now, pregnancy clothes looks so flimsy and are expensive even second-hand. None of my friends have had babies yet, so I am without succor, and I just got outbid on a big lot on ebay. Alas!
Do you have an H&M in your area? The one by me always has clothes that I look at until realizing they’re maternity.
Well, it has been doing a strange torrential down poor thing here today, I guess this is as fall-y it gets here in Texas. I still have sandals on though. But, it is the first time I’ve used the lights in my office before sunset, so it feels more like a changed season. I like fall foods and fall colors the best. I made butternut squash “bread” (I think I should start calling it cake) last weekend. And last night I baked squash / sweet potato and apple and mixed it with pasta. Today has been filled with unease about my research project. Unease!
Ah, Texas. The torrential downpour came with such an awesome “cold” front though! My husband and I opened up all the windows last night to let the house air out until the weather got too crazy to prevent leaks. I can’t wait until we have weather that is regularly under 90 degrees. October? Maybe?
Tonight is my Lady Drinking night before the wedding in 2 weeks. I’m a fucking mess this week because my grandmother’s gift was delivered a week and a half ago and promptly stolen(?) from my building. Fedex won’t do anything or say where they actually left the packages. And, of the 2 packages that are missing, we don’t know who the second was from. My fiance is livid to the point of physical illness at Fedex who were total dicks to him on the phone.
I have never been looking forward to drinking more than right now, is basically what I’m saying.
I am really looking forward to it being actually fall because that will mean I can’t stress about the wedding anymore because it will be over or almost over. It’s almost the only thing I can think about, it’s just crippling stress.
Oof. Can you rally the troops on FB? Really hope yr grandma didn’t send an heirloom 🙁 folks are dicks
It was not an heirloom, but she was excited to give us the flatware from our registry. And, her husband, my Alzheimers grandfather just died 6 weeks ago, so she doesn’t need this to deal with along with losing her 60+ years partner.
Fucking people are shitty.
OH NO. I’m so sorry —- for all of that.
I miss bread and beer so much, you guys.
Why… Why can’t you have them? Allergy, or choice, or something else?
Celiac disease. And it’s good that I know now! But … bread.
:sniff:
There are an increasing number of very dense ciders, including a dry-hopped cider, which is apparently quite comparable to beer. I am going to try one or two tonight, actually. I’ll try to report back on their beer-ly-ness.
Ooh, please do. I LIKE cider, but it’s not beer.
Well, I could not find the dry-hopped cider, but I had two that were barrel aged that were more on the mellow malty side and less on the super sweet/crisp side. One was even called a Reposado. So, that’s my report!
If this is a gluten thing, get thee some Omission Pale Ale.
Thankee for the suggestion! (I have yet to find good GF beer … but the search is always on!)
ME TOO. I came on here to say this very thing. Stupid gluten sensitivity.
Do you ever stand outside of breakfast joints just to smell the pancakes?
Because that’s not a crazy thing I do. No.
Similarly, I don’t nearly faint every time the IHOP near my work is cooking bacon… *mutters* lousy vegetarian husband.
Oh man, I am so sorry. I pulled out a slice of Udi’s this morning and there was a giant hole in the middle that all but said, “Oh you wanted to put peanut butter on me? Hahahaha, fuck you!”
Hola dudes! I got married two weeks ago (well, had a wedding. did the courthouse thing a while back), and it was basically a disaster, except my best friend did the ceremony & lifted it entirely from the collective works of bell hooks, so, could be worse. Also everyone got wasted and we ended the night at a grimy ass karaoke bar, so perhaps it was great.
Also give me all the pumpkin things. Every single rotten one.
Oh, man. Grimy-ass karaoke friendship sounds like the truest friendship, though.
Fall is the greatest time of year! Not only do we get to wear the cutest clothes (why are fall/winter clothes so much cuter than spring/summer? I do not even know, but it is fact), we also get root vegetable foods and roasts, which are my favorite foods. Om nom nom. Also, pumpkin spice things!
Speaking of pumpkin beer, and pumpkin-ish beers, my husband’s most recent homebrew was a pumpkin spice beer — no pumpkin flavor, but all the spices you’d put into a pumpkin pie are there, so it’s all nutmeggy and allspicey and smells great. Can’t wait to try it out.
Is anyone doing anything super fun this weekend? I’m going to… clean my apartment and try to finish Code Name Verity, and that’s really all I’ve got on my list of Things To Do this weekend. Which is actually kind of nice, I’m a bit burnt out on people right now so avoiding them is a thing I’m OK doing.
I don’t know if I’d agree that cold-weather clothes are cuter than winter. I just started wearing scarves again and while I love scarves because they keep my neck from freezing, it’s made me realize that I’m really vain about my neck/collar-bones and like to have them exposed.
I’ve heard so many good things about Code Name Verity. How are you enjoying it?
Have tissues ready.
I am getting taken to Kalamazoo for my birthday! Maybe Bell’s has pumpkin beer? I will report back.
After hearing so much about Tam Lin on here, I think I’m going to read it. Also maybe attend my book club (the book for which I have not read, but I like the people minus the constant mansplainer and can bullshit a little if necessary). Nothing “exciting,” but still things I’m excited about!
SERIOUSLY WE ARE NOT KIDDING ABOUT THE TISSUES.
I would like to thank whichever Toasties were discussing The Great British Bake-Off. I binge-watched all episodes out this far for this season and it was great, in the way “I need something relaxing and delicious and educational to take my mind off inescapable, incredible levels of pure real-life stress” can only be.
Favorite fall bakes, anyone?
I think that was me! I’m finishing up the 3rd series now. I’ll be very sad when I run out of episodes. It’s been encouraging me to bake (…and go to the bakery) a lot more!
I know, linking to Smitten Kitchen is the least original, but: apple and cheddar scones. THEY ARE AMAZING.
Also pumpkin bread!
This weekend, The Fella has some actual days off! This is pretty rare: even on days off from his day job, he’s writing against deadline. But not for the next two days! So he’s able to join us for my standing dinner-and-TV-series date with a friend tonight, and on Sunday, we’re hosting a videogaming brunch for a handful of friends.
I desperately want it to be boots-and-sweater weather, but after a brief stretch of brisk days and cold nights, we’re back into the 70s. I will cheerfully enjoy sundress-and-sandal weather for now.
43 days until I get married. Can it be honeymoon time now? Our stuff is under control, but a year engagement somehow seems like a decade.
I am on that page with you. But, soon it will be done and the vacation can begin!
Every week there is Cocktail Hour conversation that convinces me I should either live forever as a bachelorette or elope, because planning weddings sounds so awful.
I have had the “fuck it, let’s go to Vegas” moments during this whole thing, but they have been few and pretty short in duration. A good coordinator (even for fairly small and relatively cheap weddings like ours) makes a big difference.
General meta-Toast question: Is anyone else getting pop-up/pop-under ads when they click through on Toast articles?
Yup. I try not to let it bug me like it does on other sites, though, because (unlike with those other sites) I actually care whether or not the Toast makes money.
I’m totally fine with Toasty Advertising, but chasing around a pop-up is troublesome. Do we have any other options?
Me too! Only the first time I open the Toast each day, though. It’s always to a place called “3Interactive” or something like that, and they’re always pop-unders. It only happens to me at the Toast, not other websites.
Yes. Also, I would like to take this comment to say that I really, really dislike the (new?) pagination on posts and comments. If it’s a UX decision, I think it actively degrades the experience and adds zero value. If it’s a business decision… well, I won’t get into my opinions on pageview grabs as a sustainable business model. Also the implementation made me think it was a bug at first.
I don’t recall under which post this conversation happened BUT at some point this week in the comments our Toast Overlords chimed in to say it’s an unfortunate, but necessary (cash money!), business decision.
It seems to be a work in progress though, since they were experimenting with having the comments break over multiple pages when they got to a certain length, but that went away quickly.
Are you also getting the thing where all the text is mashed up against the left side of the browser window? Cuz that’s happening but maybe it is my computer ignorance and not directly related to the pagination.
I am. Not a fan.
I am, too. I assumed it was a My Computer thing and not a Toast Thing but clearly I was wrong. It is a little irksome.
Personally I’m pretty interested about your pageview opinions if they include opinions about alternatives. Email me? halcrain at gmail
It’s 104 degrees today (whimper.) All the fall things I’m seeing aroung the webs are killing me. I want to wear my cute boots!!
I’m new and want to say hi! Hello.
Hello! Welcome to our demented little site.
Thank you! I’ve been lurking around and decided it was time to come out of the shadow realm.
Hi! Welcome!
Howdy!
Hurray! It’s nice here.
… so far, mwahahahaha.
Does anyone have good tips for dealing with a difficult boss?
Basically for the past year (about a month after I started my current job) I have been having “performance issues” that I’ve been working on with my boss. The issues are not following through, small errors, not prioritizing well, and forgetting about assignments. I’ve spent a lot of time working on this, with her and on my own, reading tons of askamanager posts and working on my skills but it has only gotten worse.
The problem is, the reason I have these issues is because I have no idea what she wants from me. I can’t prioritize, because she frequently changes her mind about what she wants done and when, typically without telling me about the change. She often decides that she wants me to do something (something that I wouldn’t be able to anticipate her wanting), forgets to tell me, and then is upset when I haven’t done it. She’ll also tell me not to do certain things, change her mind (without telling me), and then be upset that I haven’t done them. The small errors typically relate to phone and email, she’ll repeatedly interrupt me while I’m speaking (on the phone) to a client, not allow me to put them on hold to talk to her, and then be upset that I didn’t handle the call smoothly. She also expects me to do two things at once, in two different locations (like wondering why I haven’t finished the files in her office when I’m required to be at the front desk from when she told me about the files to when she reprimanded me for the files).
An example of something I had done incorrectly was when I was working on a contract for an event we were holding. I did everything by email so there was a paper trail, I created a folder on my computer for all of the contracts, and printed out each one as they arrived to me and kept them in a special folder in a shared drive for the office. I updated her frequently on how the contract was going, and how the payments for the event (deposit to hold the space, catering, etc.) were being processed. There were delays in submitting the contract, because she wouldn’t sign it for days. Finally, after it’s been sitting around on her desk for a while she brings it to me saying she can’t sign it because something is missing. She hands me a photocopy of a piece of paper I have never seen before, and says she can’t sign it until she has the original. I told her I’d never seen it before and asked what it was for, and she says I gave it to her and it’s for the contract (which I know is untrue, because I have been the only person communicating with the person who prepared and sent the contract. I searched my entire desk, my computer, I contact the billing department to see if they knew anything about it (I had to give them a copy of the contract so they could see what we were paying for), I contacted the event space and the person who sent me the contract and they didn’t know what it was. My boss is still insisting that I’ve just lost it until she realizes it’s not part of the contract at all, it’s for some other thing that has nothing to do with my job and that I shouldn’t know about.
Things like this happen constantly, and she only ever remembers the part where I messed up, but never the fact that I messed up because she gave me false information (or no information). I meet with her daily to discuss my daily responsibilities (to make sure I’m on track and to keep ahead of any changes she makes) but still she is constantly changing her mind about things, and forgets she even does it.
I’m her assistant, but I also help out other people in the department so 90% of my job is working for her. Over the past 2-3 months I’ve been so stressed about this that I’ve been getting sick every morning, and have started making small errors and forgetting things because I’m panicking. I made an appointment with a therapist to deal with the anxiety so I can eliminate these errors as it will hurt my credibility in the future. I’ve also begun (as of this week) keeping a notebook where I write down everything she says, every time she speaks to me (with date and time) to help when she insists that she told me something but I’m positive she wont believe me.
I’m really not sure what else to do. I’m terrified I’ll get fired, and I really don’t want to lose the health insurance this job has. I also don’t have many other references (I’m planning to start some volunteer work to help with that, but that will take a while) so I can’t apply to other jobs (especially since I definitely can’t use her as a reference). I’d also really prefer to stay at this job. She’s making me miserable but I love everyone else in the office and the work that I do, and on days when she’s out on vacation or sick or whatever I do great work that everyone is pleased with. But she’s there most of the time and so I need to know how to deal with her to keep my job. Any tips any of you have would be so so so appreciated, I’m at the end of my rope and running out of ideas.
Ahhh sorry that was so long!
TL;DR my boss tells me to do x and x only, and then reprimands me for not doing y. constantly. help!
This might be a good question for Ask A Manager. http://www.askamanager.org There’s a lot of good advice there; I think documenting things is an excellent start. Also, this totally sucks that you’re dealing with such ridiculousness; you deserve better!
That’s good advice! I had been using askamanager a lot for tips on managing my behavior (basically I took the assumption that this was 100% my fault and used her tips for managing bad employees to improve myself). It helped a little in that it made my boss feel I was working on my “performance issues” but didn’t solve much because it didn’t change her managing skills. I love the idea of writing to her with this issue, she may be able to give some advice on how I can manage, or at least deal with my boss’ behavior. Thanks so much!!
I think you need because you’re in a unhealthy work environment. Seriously. It sounds like you’re trying really hard, but you have a manager who is constantly moving the goal posts on you and is irrational. I know you want to stay, but you spend at least 40 hours at this place and.. yeah. You shouldn’t be getting sick from anxiety every morning before work?
Is there anyone in your office that you trust and can commiserate with? Start with them as a reference. Potential references can also include past professors as well, if you’ve recently finished school. Maybe some coworker friends who have left recently?
Thanks for the response. Because I’m her assistant, there aren’t a lot of other people in the office that have a good understanding of what I do. I have one coworker who I worked on with some projects (and she was very pleased with the work I did on that) so I could probably use her. I did recently leave school but it was the type of university with one professor in a huge class so I can’t imagine any of my professors would remember me. I’m going to see if I can find some relevant volunteer work and do that for a few months, and then maybe transition to a temp job.
The only issue is that the health insurance at my current job is great, and I’m in treatment for a health issue (that isn’t affecting my work, it’s just a separate thing) and it should be taken care of but I do need 6 more months of checkups and scans and things before I can lower appointments to once a year, and then eventually once every other year. So I do need to find some way to manage at this job for 6 more months, but I’m hoping maybe therapy will help with that?
Even if they don’t understand what exactly you do and you have to deal with, they may be more cognizant of what you have to deal with just from watching how she interacts with you or she interacts with them or others. That being said, re. references: did you have a departmental adviser? or did you do any extracurriculars that had an academic advisers? That might work as well. in the mean time, I think the temp job/therapy/holding tight for six months is a good back up plan. I’ve been trying to leave my current position for 18 months now, and it’s always good to try to figure out how to make your current situation more palatable while you are trying to leave.
So, on that note: it sounds like you’re starting to write things down and make a paper trail already! Is there any way you can incorporate more of that? I mean, it’s sounding like you’re taking notes already, but maybe timestamping them for your own reference? also, is there a HR staff you can talk to? Has your boss had assitants in the past? If so, I can’t imagine that this is a new pattern of behavior.
I will look into contacting my old advisor! I only met with him twice but if he remembers me that’s something I could use. I also have an old boss who I may be able to contact (I actually have really good references, but they’re out of the country as I worked in fields that do a lot of international work before this and grew up outside of my home country. The only reason I had any references for this job is because it happened that two of my bosses were on vacation in the us when I was applying and one was finishing up a post in the US).
So my boss has had one assistant before (she’s only been here a little over 1.5 years) and then he was promoted which is why my position opened up and how I got in. She adores him and her relationship with him is very very different than the one she has with me. It’s part of a few things, one is that when she started she was new and he had been working here for a while (longer than any one in my sub-department) so he knew everything and could do anything and so she just trusted him and let him work. And very shortly after she started (maybe 6 months) he was promoted suddenly, so there was never much time for him to really be her assistant.
I think the problem is two things. One, before working here she was a consultant for 20-25 years, much of that time (especially towards the end) she was self employed. So I think she tries really hard but is out of practice with managing people. Two, she gets really stressed easily. I see it whenever a deadline is coming or when anything is happening. She’s also very forgetful (but wont accept it, so she can’t work around it) and I think that contributes to her stress because she leaves things (like that contract) till the last minute and then freaks out. I feel bad for her, but because of my position (and my reputation in her eyes) I can’t really offer her advice so it’s not something I can change. Three, up until this week we were split into sub departments in different buildings, so she never had to interact much with her supervisors (or anyone outside of our 10 person office). I’m hoping that now that we’re all in one big office others will see what’s she’s doing* and she’ll change. Oh and finally, I noticed that the only person she uses the same tone as she does with me (very harsh, critical, cutting people off mid sentence) is her son (I hear her when she’s on the phone with him). I’m about his age, and she’s always reprimanding him about how he needs to do this and that to get a job (he works as a waiter and is having trouble finding work) so I think she assumes I will do poorly because of my age, and then bases all her opinions of me on that.
*one person did notice already, which I think is a good sign. I’d never talked to her before but she pulled me aside to apologize after my boss reprimanded me in front of her entire department for something she (my boss) told me to do incorrectly (but wouldn’t admit). She even arranged a special meeting with me when my boss was out to brief me on the procedure, so that I would have the proper training and wouldn’t get in trouble for this again. I’m hoping that now we’re in a bigger office I can build better relations with the other staff and either gain references or have someone to go to if I have a bigger issue with my boss (I’m also hoping to make a good impression with my boss’ boss).
ANYWAY I want to say thank you so much for all your advice. I will definitely try and reach out to people who may be good references, I’ll also look into timestamping and keeping track of emails that show this type of behavior. I really appreciate your help with this, it gives me hope for the next 6 months.
First, realize that if you manager has been in her position for more than one assistant (and it sure sounds like she inspires high turn-over!), other managers KNOW about this. People in your office have a betting pool on how long you’ll last. You’ve already hung in there six months longer than the majority predicted.
OK, so this advice depends on your company’s culture, but I basically act as mediator for a lot of employee/supervisor relationships in my large department of a very large company, and this is how it would work for us. You should approach her manager, if possible, or another manager in the department, or failing that, HR. Be very, very polite and not at all accusatory, but describe a “communication problem” that you are having with your manager and ask for advice. Earnestly nod and thank them when they tell you to document everything (which you are already doing.) If this is, as I suspect, an ongoing problem, this is a performance issue for your manager. Her boss should know, and may send her to “Management for Dummies” classes, if your company is big enough to offer them. (Note that the person you are reporting to will not agree with you or back you up in any way. Nor will they ever tell you if they have taken action. Keep the interview short and sweet and as unemotional as possible. Make a note about it in your CYA diary.)
Second, go ahead and look for jobs, including an internal transfer, which would help you keep your health insurance uninterrupted. 12 months is long enough at this particular job to show that you aren’t job hopping. If your boss really is considering firing you, she will give you a decent (not glowing) reference–if you leave voluntarily it spares her a giant headache and also bad karma points. Ask the places where you interview not to contact your supervisor unless you are the final candidate for the position, and ask for warning so you can tell her first. This is standard, and no one will bat an eyelash.
Third, take heart. If you work for a large company, they are big, fat litigation targets, and consequently they are very cautious about firing anyone. Firing someone for performance issues at my workplace takes at least 3 months and REAMS of documentation. If your boss approaches HR about firing you, the first thing they will have her do is document in writing all her instructions to you, which will solve your problems, since pinning down her instructions is your main goal.
One caveat–firing someone for performance is hard, firing someone for behavior is easy. Do not be late or tardy. If you are getting sick enough to miss work of be late, see your doctor and apply for intermittent FMLA.
Good luck!
Thanks so much! This is super helpful. My boss’s boss is pretty new (2 months maybe?) but I think I’ve made a good impression with her so far so that should help. It’s a smaller non-profit, but support staff (like me) are union so I don’t really know how that affects firing. I will absolutely take all of your tips though and start working on them. I’m also thinking of coming in about 15 minutes early (usually I arrive right on time or a minute or two early) both to make a good impression and also to give me a little time to get settled and relax and focus on what I need to do for the day before my boss gets into the office. Thanks so much for all of your advice.
This sounds like a really sucky situation, and one that you’re trying really hard to work with, so first just props for doin’ all you’re doin’!
I don’t have any major suggestions, but one little change that might make your every-day stuff run more smoothly is to start sending her an email every morning, maybe after your meeting with her, where you write out your current understanding of your tasks, the priority level of those tasks, and the deadlines for those tasks. You can email those to her, ask her to please let you know if she has any corrections, and update it as needed. This way not only do you have your written record of what she’s requested, but she has that record also if she forgets what she told you, and YOU have a record of giving her the opportunity to correct you. If she tells you in-person that something has changed or you have a new task, you could send an updated Task List, with updated tasks and priorities, and again give her the chance to correct it if there’s something wrong. Some of it might be a communication issue as well as a memory issue (especially if she’s been working solo for a long time and isn’t used to communicating what she wants to other people), so either way, having a clear, written record of what your understanding of what you’re supposed to be working on, and giving her the chance to correct you BEFORE you spend three hours getting something ready that she doesn’t want anymore, should only help.
ooooh this is really smart! I will definitely do that thanks!
you are a genius.
Uuuuuuugh long week of anxiety bombing all over the place, fucked up my foot somehow, and my annual review at work is on Monday, ugh ugh ugh.
BUT my new roommate has arrived from Florida and I think things are gonna go well? We were internet friends and had met once, but it seems like we will be pretty chill about stuff and things like hanging out in separate rooms instead of constantly talking. So that’s neat. And tomorrow we are meeting other friends for brunch and going to Ikea.
So I found out today I’m insulin resistant! Boo. Anyway, I was told that if I start exercising and eating a low carb diet I should be able to manage it without medication which is nice (drugs are expensive!) buuuuut I cannot handle the low carb thing. I eat loads of veggies and some meat so that’s fine but I can’t have it without rice or pasta or bread (I love baking bread!) I know that I don’t actually need to cut it out, but right now I can’t have it without having a lot (I was told that carb cravings are common with insulin resistance, as your body wants what it isn’t getting) so I do have to work on it. Bleh.
On the upside, fixing my insulin resistance is supposed to seriously help with the brain crushing fatigue I experience daily so that’s nice!
Maybe this is the time to start playing with whole grains?I know a carb is a carb, but as much as I love bread, I’m starting to like barley, farro, quinoa, millet, all that shit. Brown rice and wild rice are delicious. Steel cut oats hit that carby spot in the morning, but they’re better for me than bread and I need less to satisfy me. Trader Joe’s sells this “European Dark Bread” that’s, well, I’m not sure what’s in it but it’s lots of seeds n’stuff, rye flour, that sort of thing. It’s super dark, and comes in a very small/dense loaf, very thinly sliced. Once slice of that in the morning, with an egg or some cheese, actually does keep me full for a while and scratches the same itch that regular bread does.
I looooove weird grains. I’m basically a carb addict : ). I think I’ll focus on mostly quinoa and bulgur (I loove bulgur especially cooked in chicken broth) and things like that because they are less craving inducing for me than white rice, and then in a few weeks I can taper it down so I’m just having small portions of whichever carb with my meal. The dark bread idea sounds good! I like baking my own, so I’m going to see if I can find a recipe for something similar. I think it will let me still enjoy baking without like…binging on focaccia.
Oh and the upside is that my doctor told me that hummus and avocado are both good things to eat that wont mess with my insulin problems so maybe I can take sliced veggies and dip away. THat way I still get the cozy comfort food feeling without eating a pasta sandwich.
Also, if you’re looking for replacement sweeteners, the absolute best out there is blackstrap molasses – doesn’t spike blood sugar and has very little fructose, if any; so great for both weight management and blood sugar stabilisation.
Also, I personally think it tastes better than refined sugar – it’s more caramel-tasting (yumyumyumyum).
+1 for dark bread, that shit is delicious.
Oh thanks! I don’t usually use sugar or sweetener in my everyday food but this will be really good for if I want to make desert or sweet tea or something. I also heard agave doesn’t spike blood sugar so much so that’s good too.
I’m siiiiiiick. I had a million things I wanted/needed to get done this week and this stupid cold knocked me on my ass. I thought I was over the hump, but then I coughed so hard & so long this morning that I had to take a nap to recover. This SUCKS.
Oh no! This might seem like bullshit advice but you know how they talk about liquids when you’re sick? It really does help. See if you can make some tea and soup (or have a friend/roommate do it for you?) and just take some time off this weekend to rest.
i’m sick too!! i highly recommend zicam. in fact, today’s was going to be a post of zicam paired with lemon/honey tea, but then i thought it’d be too depressing. Feel better!
Protip: HOT TODDIES. Come winter, when err’body is getting sick, we will need a hot toddy cocktail hour. Grandma Jinx swore by them, and she lived to be 97, hale and hearty until very near the end. The ideal accompaniment is, of course, good (reasonably hearty) white bread, toasted, with a smear of salty butter.
Oh, and feel better!
Thank you! And I’m all about hot toddies! usually with bagel chips. but toasted bread with salty butter is always a winner!
Hydration is key! Usually when I feel a cold coming on I stock up on herbal teas and sorbet, but this one hit too fast for me to do that, sadly.Hopefully my husband will be able to watch our daughter and let me nap tomorrow, but he’s been sick too. Of course the kid, who gave us all the cold in the first place, is fully recovered and raring to go.
Fall!! I love fall. I used to love it before because it makes me think of snuggling with my now husband (we started dating in the fall) but now other good fall things include:
-yes, I’m the obnoxious person who likes spiced everything, although I don’t necessarily insist on “pumpkin” spice. any combo of nutmeg and cinnamon and allspice (and notes of coriander and cardamom) will make me love it.
-football! watching football on golden afternoons while curling up with heaping bowls of chili!
-baseball AND football in September! this is glorious, even though it’s a bit nerve wracking . Hopefully the Os will allow me to continue this suspenseful and exciting phase into October
-boots and tights and ponte shift dresses (with or without shrugs/cardigans) have become my work wardrobe, so now I feel like I’m rocking the full ensemble
I’m feeling pretty good right now because snuck away from working at home to lift and exercise for an hour and a half. Got to workout at a relatively quiet and peaceful gym and finally got some conditioning in.. i think I’m running on endorphins at this point. I also have some almond meal-breaded chicken nuggets in the oven.. if only I can get the bastards to get crispy.
I took the GRE this morning (and kicked it’s ass, thank you very much!) and then returned to the zoo I interned at over the summer to say goodbye to my boss (who has taken a position created for him, very exciting!) and visit the animals I spent all summer observing. The babies are SO. BIG. It was a wonderful day.
congrats! this sounds like an excellent beginning to a weekend!
My boyfriend proposed on Friday evening! It was an adorable, Portal-themed proposal. (There was a note on the front door instructing me to proceed to the Testing Chamber, and then right inside, the plush, talking, motion activated turret we bought at PAX was standing over a little companion cube. The turret had a note instructing me to retrieve the cube, and the box underneath the cube had a note telling me to open it and indicate if I would be his lifetime companion. He had a note he handed me that said “Now there will be cake!”) 😀
“Now there will be cake!” <3 <3 <3
That’s wonderful! Congratulations/ I wish you joy! Enjoy all your cake!
That is adorable and awesome. <3
OMG if he filmed this and put it on youtube I would have watched the shit out of it!
Congratulations!
Dear lord that is pretty much the cutest proposal *ever*. Congratulations!!!