Most recently in this series: Halloween Planning.
To: Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Morgan L.; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Katie
Date: November 4, 2013
Subject: LADIES it’s November
Hey ladies,
Halloween success? I think so. I thought Orange is the New Black was a great choice at the end. I’m sorry for being bitchy about it that night and the 30 days prior to Halloween but the holidays always stress me out 🙂 You know how it is!
Oh also as a side note: I ended up taking the new position!! The one that pays more money (ahhh). So maybs we can pull together a brunch or drinks? Will someone send that email (there’s something really desp about sending your own email for this kind of thing).
So this may sound super weird but I noticed that book clubs are trending, and I think we should start one.
We can like pick a book, read it, and then like hang out and drink wine and talk about it??
IDEAS FOR BOOKS:
Something Borrowed (the movie is so good!!)
Tuesdays With Morrie (sad and I hear it’s a classic)
Catch-22 (????)
On The Road (always reminds me of that guy I dated that moved to Wyoming to start a hemp farm so maybe not </3)
Anything by Jodi Picoult??????
BOOKS BY STRONG WOMEN ARE REALLY TRENDING RIGHT NOW:
Lean In (forget who wrote it but she’s friends with the Facebook CEO)
A Place Of Yes by Bethenny Frankel!! She also wrote Skinnydipping which I read but would read again (so so so good, who knew she could write)
Okay so when we pick (send your votes!) we can figure out a schedule (a chapter a week or whatever) and then figure out a place to meet and talk about it and then also pick who brings what (would be cute to do like mimosas and croissants?)
EMAIL ME BACK ASAP want to do this before Hanukkah starts.
x’s and o’s for days,
Katie
To: Ali; Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen; Gracie (work)
From: Morgan
Date: November 4, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hey girlies!
I love this idea!! Tuesdays and Sunday afternoons work best for me. But I can also make Mondays work if we do it after 10:30p. Might be able to make Wednesdays work too depending on my therapist’s schedule. Saturday and Thursday and Friday might work also, depending on the week.
Those are great book suggestions!! My faves of them are either Lean In or Tuesdays with Morrie!! I can do some research and see if Oprah has any recent picks via O Magazine or OWN.
Some other ideas too off the top of my head:
Eat Pray Love
The Joy Luck Club (would be cool to have a multicultural perspective)
The Four Hour Work Week
He’s Just Not That Into You – I mean. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
Or what about something gearing up for the holidays?? Like the screenplay of Love, Actually??
Can’t wait!!!
Morgan
To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: Gracie (work)
Date: November 6, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hey all,
This is actually a really good idea. At my old job, we had a monthly book club and it was a really great way to not only force yourself to commit to a book but also to get to know the people you work with. Would love to start doing this as a group.
I have NW by Zadie Smith on my list as well as a few others. I’d rather stay away from Lean In 🙂 but let me know if any of those titles sound appealing. I have NW on my kindle and can share the book with anyone who has a kindle or the kindle app on their phone, if cost is at all a concern!
Thanks for including me 🙂
Gracie
To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen
From: Nicole
Date: November 8, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hiiii girls!
Aww, thanks for offering to share NW with all of us, but I gotta be honest. I read her essay on The Social Network and while she does possess a unique perspective of attending Harvard during the Golden Age of Natalie Portman/Zuckerberg/
I think we should read A People’s History of the United States. Or Dave Barry Does Japan.
Luv,
Nicole
To: Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen
From: Katie
Date: November 9, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hi ladies,
Nicole where did you lift that first sentence from, like, Wikipedia?
Okay everyone has such amazing ideas but I think we should either do:
Lean In or Love, Actually screenplay (seasonal is fun!!!!!!! Plus there are so many levels in that movie because it’s literally about like 8 different love stories)
What about Angela’s Ashes?????????
Wait has anyone read The Carrie Diaries????
Also wherever we get together can we make sure the place is completely gluten free???????
Ali are you reading these???? Lol
Xoxoxoxoox
Katie
To: Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Jen
From: Ali
Date: November 11, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hey BETCHES,
All these ideas sound great!! Katie is such an AMAZING planner, can’t wait to see how it all turns out!!
I would love to read whatever book you choose. My only teeny tiny request is that we lock down a time ASAP. My calendar is booking up what with all the holiday parties and benefits and galas I’lll be attending as Mike’s +1. You can email my intern some times and she should be able to help you out. Also, it would be really fun to eat clean and holistically while coordinating with the theme of whatever book we choose. I’m reading this really fun book right now that I “borrowed” from Mike hahaha he’s gonna have to see me soon to get it back hahha. Anyway, it’s by Sun Tzu and I HIGHLY recommend it.
X Ali
—-
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” – Sun Tzu, The Art of War
To: Ali; Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Jen
From: Ashley
Date: November 12, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Ladies,
Can we do a Tuesday in December???????? I’m trying to do yoga everyday before and after work so I can just let go on thanksgiving day hahah (Ahhh I’m so fat).
Ash
To: Ashley; Ali; Katie; Nicole; Gracie (work); Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Jen
From: Morgan
Date: November 13, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Yeah!!!! Tuesdays in November works great for me!!!!!!
Let’s make cute flans!!!!!!!
LUV,
Morgan
To: Morgan; Ashley; Ali; Katie; Gracie (work); Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Jen
From: Nicole
Date: November 13, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Tuesdays in November!!!! WOOT!!!
Should we do it at someone’s apartment?? Who has more than two chairs???
xo,
Nicole
To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: Gracie (work)
Date: November 15, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hey guys,
Seems like we have to work out some scheduling kinks. But any more ideas on books?
I was thinking – beautiful ruins by Jess Walter is supposedly great. Anyone read any good reviews? Open to trying something off the beaten path.
Gracie
To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: Gracie (work)
Date: November 15, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Ladies,
Renting furniture…….should I? I can get a chaise lounge brought in if we do it at my apartment.
Katie
PS thanks so so SOOOO much for saying i am a good planner ali!! means the world to hear it from you!!!!!
To: Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: charlotte.smith857@
Date: November 15, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
WAIT!!!! HOLD. EVERYTHING.
NEW YEAR’S EVE.
What are we doing?????????
Write back,
Charlotte
To: Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen; charlotte.smith857@gmail.
From: Ali
Date: November 17, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hello ladies!!
hahha, been working on New Year’s Eve plans for MONTHS silly!!!! This is my signature event and you girls will NOT be disappointed!!! Start saving and getting vaccinated now!!!
In the meanwhile, for the “book club event” — I think renting furniture is a great idea! Where do we stand on sushi rollers and smoothie artists to man the blender? And is there a final book yet? A true leader knows when to be decisive, right Katie?
We busy ladies will need time to read it of course. I’ll prob do all my reading during squats at the gym. I do so many and get down really low, so the book will practically read itself.
Loves!
Ali
—
“We’re bigger than we ever dreamed,
And I’m in love with being queen.”
– Lorde
To: Ali; Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; Caitlin; Nicole S; Jen; charlotte.smith857@gmail.
From: Ashley
Date: November 20, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Hi Ladies!
Do we know if The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was based on a book???
Can someone do a google??
Love!
Ash
To: Katie; Gracie (work); Morgan L; Allison; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen; charlotte.smith857@gmail.
From: Ali
Date: November 21, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Ladies,
Where do we stand on November’s book club? Should we just forget about it, and start focusing on New Years?? Katie — no worries if you wanna just forget about this months. It’s so hard to plan these things, no one would blame you for not being able to handle coordinating all the details. Like Jack Nicholson said in The Departed, heavy lies the crown, you know?
Besos.
Ali!
To: Morgan L; Ali; Katie; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: Gracie (work)
Date: November 21, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
So I started reading The Circle on my Kindle. Anyone wanna borrow? We can be more casual about it, no need for a big thing.
Gracie
To: Gracie (work); Morgan L; Ali; Allison; [email protected]; Caitlin; Ashley; Nicole S; Jen
From: Katie
Date: November 23, 2013
Subject: RE: LADIES it’s november
Yeah…so…I think we are def over the book club idea.
So yes. New Years!!!!! Okay. I wanna do something good this year and that does not mean the LES (like I’m sorry, but LITTTERALLY no).
Thoughts???? Wouldn’t mind paying a lot for a GOOD party.
xoxoox 2014 is going to be our best year yet!
Katie
Tags: book club, caroline moss, hey ladies, michelle markowitz, the shudder of recognition
Cute flans!!!
That was where I lost it.
As did I.
Got to first email from Gracie, rushed down to comments to say FREE GRACIE!!!!
I know, right? I was like, “I WILL READ ZADIE SMITH WITH YOU” and then glared evilly at the following email.
GRACIE NOOOO
NOOO GRACIE RUNNNN
Gracie we are reading Middlemarch on the internet it’s even in the public domain :(((((((((((((((
Do you think we should write some fan fic in which the Toasties kick down the wall of this email exchange, sweep Gracie up into our arms, burn the whole thing to the ground and walk off into the sunset with her?
WHEN WILL SOMEONE SAVE GRACIE? Where can she find better friends? Toast T-Shirts that say “Save Gracie” on them?
I freaking need that T-Shirt.
me tooooooooo. I’m too chickenshit to wear the new “Kill all men” t-shirt, but I would totally wear a Toast-tee with “Save Gracie!” on it.
We promise to create shirts that do not endorse gynocide in the future.
She’s got work friends now! Surely the work book club will parlay to some after-work stuff, then she and her coworkers roommate will totally hit it off and they’ll go to, like, readings and have stupid fun together?
Poor Gracie. RUN GRACIE RUN!
…….. oh my god. The art of war thing. This is _priceless_.
“really fun book” by Sun Tzu. DYING. DYING. Although it sounds like Ali has really absorbed the techniques in “The Underminer,” more than The Art of War.
Ali’s signature quote combined with the first line of her email made me squeak and clap with joy. Perfection.
These posts make me sad for Gracie. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER, GIRL.
This series gives me such joy, fury and anxiety in equal parts. I think I hate Ali more than I have ever hated anyone, real or imaginary.
But…but…she is so good at squats.
Ohh Gracie I’ll be in your book club! Or you should just read Middlemarch with the Toasties. Oh wait, you’re not real.
P.S. WINKLEVII
It makes me so glad that the only reasonable one in these entries has my name.
“Start saving and getting vaccinated now.”
Oh my god I somehow missed this line entirely on the first read-through. AHAHAHAHAHA.
exactly what I came down here to paste and say D: to.
now that’s what i call a party!
“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting” is basically the motto of this series. Also, “Like Jack Nicholson said in The Departed, heavy lies the crown, you know?” made me giggle in a highly unseemly manner.
RUN GRACIE RUN
I copied ““The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” – Sun Tzu, The Art of War” with the hope that no one else commented it like you expertly did…but it’s too good to not paste–redundancies be damned.
This has been some great late night reading for me, even knowing I cannot attend the club’s meetings :'(((
It is too good, isn’t it? I’d never heard that quote before but it immediately occurred to me that it was a good description of how a lot of women “wage war” (or are socialized to wage war) – in a more indirect, never quite overtly confrontational way. Basically, the supreme art of war is passive aggression, is what I’m getting. Also that I definitely need to add The Art of War to my already absurdly long “To Read” list.
It’s actually a pretty good outlook on how people engage in social environments all the way up to the concept of international war. Pretty much the theme of the book is a treatise on how war itself is ultimately pointless- quotes like “The supreme art of war” and “There is no instance of a country having benefited from prolonged warfare” abound throughout the book…
Anyway, yes. Read it. Good for cultural context and all that.
I am increasingly intrigued. I think I’ll suggest it for the DC Toastie book club I’m trying to start…
Gaaaahhhh this is exactly how my book club’s last book-picking session went, and I cannot handle it. I’m skipping next month’s meeting in silent protest.
Do we know if The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet was based on a book???
Can someone do a google??
I don’t know, that just killed me.
I would not have been able to resist the temptation to send them a link to lmgtfy.com.
That reminds me of sooo many people that I work with. Hurmph.
These always make me feel very smug and morally superior, which is the best feeling.
… but did she rent the chaise lounge?
Ali’s last condescending email is my favorite thing. Heavy lies the crown INDEED. “Pls, girls, have all your vaccinations done by the 31st! XOXO”
This is my favorite/least favorite feature on the Toast.
“Who has more than two chairs???” – this is basically how I get out of hosting anything! It’s kind of the best.
THE SCREENPLAY OF “LOVE ACTUALLY” I CANNOT
There are so many levels!
Literally!
So do we think that Nicole actually lifted that line from Wikipedia, or has she just been hiding secret depths this whole time? I like to think the latter.
AND YES GRACIE I WILL TALK SHIT ABOUT LEAN IN WITH YOU
“Lean In (forget who wrote it but she’s friends with the Facebook CEO)” absolutely DESTROYED me.
It’s one of those books where I’m like, “This is definitely flawed, but dammit if it isn’t a reassuring read during my first job.” Then again, I felt the same reading Quiet by Susan Cain: I relate to this so much on so many levels, but only because I can appreciate that it’s not the only voice on the topic.
Word.
Hello my fellow book clubbers, thank you for not being These People.
You know what? This is a slightly more ridiculous version of every email convo I’ve had in the past year or so trying to get people together for table top role playing. Where should we host? Who has more than two chairs? Oh, ok, let’s everyone spout a bunch of new game options. Oh, your schedule is already full? Huh. Ok. Well then.
That said, anyone in the Chicago area interested in trying to get together for table top gaming or board gaming around January?
Mine too. I tried to wrangle friends back home (which I visit maybe twice a year) for a Thanksgiving get-together. But then one girl would only do it if we went to her place 50 miles away, one only if it was somewhere kid-friendly like Chuck E Cheese, and one couldn’t come because she and her husband were (husband) spending (husband) time (husband) with husband’s family (husband). We didn’t end up getting together.
YES.
I live in Chicago. Would love to hang out with some Toast folk. If we meet out somewhere, I’ll bring my Toast rack so we can recognize each other.
Oh man, I’m in. I’ve never played Settlers but I’ve always wanted to. If there’s an email list going, add me in at aderynrising at gmail.com!
Say goodnight, Gracie.
Good night, Gracie!
Did anyone watch Teen Girl Squad on Homestar Runner back in the day? Because I’m pretty sure those girls grew up to be these ladies.
I have a crush on every boy!
WHAT TIME IS IT? IT’S VALENTIMES! I mean, yes. So is Gracie So-and-So? Since they’re both the only ones with any sense?
In that case, maybe she can save herself and make a date with (thetotallynotimaginary!) Brett Bretterson for New Year’s Eve.
…SO GOOD!
“I Met A Possum: Hey Ladies Go To The Zoo”
😀
YEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!
Where were you guys???
We got jealous.
Let’s get yogurt!!
I got jimmies.
Mike Mikerson isn’t real. You made him up in the third grade.
ARROWED.
oh god it’s so real
ARROWED
When I get an e-mail asking me to Google something, I immediately burst into flames.
that is a correct response. or when you get an email asking for a very easily google-able address/email address/phone number.
I work with my dad. Welcome to my life.
GRACIE, COME HANG OUT ON THE TOAST. SAVE YOURSELF.
On a related note, any DC area Toasties interested in forming a book club? I promise to be slightly less passive aggressive about it than Katie! (slightly) (no but really)
yes!
Yissssss!
Yes please! I can’t promise to be any of these people, but I do own multiple chairs!
Yes!
Excellent! E-mail me at [email protected]. I know the holiday season isn’t the best time to start something like this, but maybe we can shoot for something in late Jan/early Feb. Any book suggestions? (I just bought The Goldfinch…)
You should also take a look at the DC Hairpin facebook page. They have a great bookclub and I bet most of their members read the toast as well.
“LITTTERALLY”
Genius.
And – Charlotte.smith857 speaks! She has a voice! A voice completely off topic and maybe deliberately shit-stirring? NYE? Sure, it’s this group, better to start talking about it sooner rather than later (not that Ali will show up whatever she plans), but lady? It’s not even Thanksgiving – back the hell off.
I started choking when I got to “Like the screenplay of Love, Actually??”
This series makes me cringe so hard. It’s not funny to me (though I recognize how someone could, theoretically, find it funny), it’s just infuriating.
I hear you. I read with horrified fascination, but no laughter.
These ladies just really stress me out.
Oh God, I actually shuddered when they brought up New Year’s Eve. I want to know what Ali would’ve charged the other girls for all the rentals though. What monsters.
Well, apart from being generally irredeemable monsters, at least I can agree with the laaaaaadies that I do not care to read more Zadie Smith. So, common ground is good!
Unless that means that our common ground is that we are all irredeemable monsters :O
Can I ask why you’re not interested to read more Zadie Smith? I’ve been really enjoying her essays at the New York Review of Books. Though I haven’t read NW, even though I own it–it’s so heavy and literary compared to her past books! It’s like JK Rowling’s Casual Vacancy compared to the Harry Potter series of White Teeth and On Beauty.
I read NW and I thought it was a great disappointment. It seemed to be trying very hard to be shocking or edgy, without achieving either. Like- SHOCKING SEX! CONFUSING TIMELINE! MYSTERIOUS REFERENCES TO NUMBERS! What does it all mean!?!? Answer: Nothing.
Sure! I think part of the problem was that I read White Teeth with a lot of expectation built up around it as The Postcolonial Novel, and so after all the hype I was disappointed by what I felt was an okay story with okay writing. The plot was entertaining. Themes of globalization and postcolonialism and multiculturalism are interesting to me for sure, but the treatment of those themes was, in my opinion, heavy-handed, and overshadowed the story instead of amplifying it. I thought the characters were more or less sympathetic, but I didn’t find them nuanced or complex enough for them to feel like people, which isn’t what I *need* from a book, but if it’s a parable with obvious characters then why make it 450 pages. I finished the book feeling that it was sort of here nor there, yet at the same time way too on-the-nose.
To be fair, though, I wouldn’t have gravitated toward the book at all if I hadn’t heard a bunch of glowing recommendations from friends, so maybe it just wasn’t to my taste to begin with? I’m rereading what I wrote above and I feel kind of bad–I really do wish I’d liked it more. I’d welcome your thoughts (or anyone else’s). 🙂
How come Jen doesn’t have a last initial? I know so many Jennifers…
Also, I HATE the term “eat clean” SO MUCH. The degree of judgement about other peoples’ choices just makes me want to spit gluten on the speaker
I am a dirty, potato-chip eating heathen, and I like it that way!
Also annoying: “toxins.” We don’t consume toxins. If we did, we’d be poisoned and sick. Very sick. My bread is not “toxic,” thankyouverymuch. Hmmph.
Ok, ok, but who wants to read Dave Barry Does Japan with me after we finish Middlemarch?
Gracie would fit in really well with my book club. Alas, we are two ships passing in the night, stuck on opposite sides of the fourth wall. 🙁
Hahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa it makes me cry a little how lifelike this is.
(I’m looking at you, book club friend who didn’t respond to any of the emails that had suggestions and then, after a book was picked, suggested in person to another book clubber that we “all just bring a book we’ve read recently and talk about it!” Sigh.)
But real talk: Beautiful Ruins is really good.
Hell yes. One of my favorite reads this year!
Oh, it’s amazing – AND AND AND if you haven’t read it yet & go for that sort of thing, the audiobook is STUNNING. Won the big Audies award last year.
(Hi, I’m Mel, and I avidly follow audiobook industry awards news.)
That is precious. I love audiobooks as well, but not as much as you apparently.
I own my obsessions.
Do not even care that this is late: I also love that they are continuously e-mailing poor Gracie at work. Only her. At work.
And the terrible Lorde quote. TOO ON POINT KTHX.
……… re-reading these is terrible and rewarding.
Probably because she was smart enough not to share her personal email with these people.
This is furthering my conviction that Gracie is one of these monsters’ work friends who is playing along just to be nice.
hahahaha oh god
\_(ツ)_/
That was perfect.
_(ツ)_/
What is this thing between the parentheses?
ツ
How do I make this thing?
That’s a Japanese katakana script character called Tsu. It looks like a face, because it totally looks like a face. If you want to make it by hitting a key, you have to change your keyboard’s language to katakana- but I will put even odds on her copying that from a “facebook emoticon website”, which is worthy of the following face:
[ヰロヰ]/
If you want to find ridiculous and funny symbols, use sites like graphemica.com. srsly. סּ_סּ
Is it weird that I’ve crafted this whole headcanon around Gracie? In my brain, she’s Asian, an only child, and studied poli sci at a medium-sized liberal arts college in New England. Her Netflix queue is mostly documentaries. She wears cardigans a lot, and Ali is always negging on them in an attempt to get Gracie to buy some trendier clothes. Gracie mostly ignores this. She kind of wants to get a dog, but it’s not really a viable option right now so instead she has a lot of plants.
This is why I’m not in a book club any more.
Also: chaise lounge.
me tooooooooo. I'm too chickenshit to wear the new "Kill all men" t-shirt, but I would totally wear a Toast-tee with "Save Gracie!" on it.
Ali's signature quote combined with the first line of her email made me squeak and clap with joy. Perfection.
I would read an entire book of Hey Ladies and clamor for more
i honestly find these a little bit too smug. 😐
I had to stop reading this not because i’m at work (which I am) but because they’re giving me serious anxiety. Well done. Very well done.
AHAHAHAHA I can’t stop reading these they are so amazing