The Creation of the Human Neck 

“…And to finish, let’s just put this hollow, damp, easily-infected tube right there, in the middle of the neck. That should do it.”

“Just one?”

“Just the one.”

“For breathing and for eating, both?”

“Yep. Two functions for the price of one.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“Oh, almost certainly.”

“What if you accidentally used it for one function when you meant to use it for the other?”

“Oh, something terrible would likely happen.”

“Wouldn’t it feel awful 100% of the time if it did get infected, given that they’ll be both eating and breathing out of it?”

“Oh, my, yes.”

“But you’re sure about just using one.”

“Absolutely. One’s good enough.”

“Okay. What should we do in the way of protection?”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“Well, this is the only scrap of flesh connecting the head to — to anything else, really.

It’s got all the most important bits in it, for breathing and for eating and for controlling the rest of the body. Should we put some more ribs in the neck, or something?”

“It’s fine. Just leave it.”

“With just — just regular skin on? Just leave it, as-is? So just…just anything could crush it, or fill it with germs, or food, or anything?”

“It’s fine.”

“And you’re still sold on keeping the inside warm and wet all of the time, like a swamp-nest perfectly designed for incubating disease.”

“Yes.” “Seems awfully dangerous.”

“Look, I want to get out of here in time for happy hour. It’s fine. Just leave it.”

The Creation of the Stupid Useless Human Neck