Erotica Written By An Alien Pretending Not To Be Horrified By The Human Body -The Toast

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penPart One here.

“Certain damp crevices were of great interest to them; other damp crevices were carefully avoided. There appeared to be little logic behind the distinction, but there it was all the same.”

“Hands that had very recently been used to pet a cat were now inserted inside another human being’s vulnerabilities.”

“Although both parties were close enough to one another to be heard using only a very quiet voice, they both insisted on speaking to one another quite loudly, preferring vague and meaningless vocalizations over specific words. Had they used words familiar to the both of them, things might not have become so confusing.”

“Fluid was produced in three chief areas, but consumed in only one.”

“They sat upon one another, like stackable chairs.”

“The warmth and movement produced in the appendage in question was the direct result of the blood lying just underneath the skin; blood that would cover the floor and the other party were there even the slightest breach of skin integrity. Later, the blood would retreat; eventually the blood would cease to circulate entirely, evaporate upon decomposition, and return its components to the greater ecosystem.”

“One of them left a great deal of residue on the other, which under normal circumstances would be considered littering.”

“His genitals snuck inside of hers, as if in hiding from a passing predator.”

“The hair on their lower bodies met, as if two eyeless friends found one another after a long and unexpected absence.”

“They put their mouths upon, but did not consume, one another’s flimsiest parts, as if they had forgotten what the process of eating looked like, and could only remember the very beginning of the act.”

“One of them spasmed a great deal sooner than the other, which appeared to cause a great deal of consternation. The other, when they did spasm, spasmed in such a way that suggested all was forgiven. Later they ceased to move at all, and lay prone for several hours without talking to one another or even opening their eyes, as if in hiding from a passing predator.”

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