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“The latter inserted fluid into the former; some of which was absorbed into the softer tissues and membranes, the remainder left to seep back into the open air.”
“One of them allowed a set of fingers, nails and all, to enter its most vulnerable hollow.”
“The integrity of both cavities was breached.”
“The larger of the two thoroughly excavated the other.”
“One generated, and the other absorbed, friction.”
“The partner perched on top began to claim it was performing certain acts that were physically impossible. The other, far from contradicting the first, appeared to consent to, and even encourage, the fiction.”
“The two became suddenly and inexplicably ungentle with one another’s frail and mortal bodies.”
“Externalities became, briefly, internalities, and vice versa.”
“She commenced biting, unaccompanied by chewing.”
“Both of them in turn pantomimed the act of nursing without drawing forth any actual fluid.”
“Together, they generated new smells, then put their clothes back on and rejoined society.”
Pretty sure I’ve read one or two of these in actual erotica. I think I need to go read something else now….
Nothing about this is good. Nothing about this is okay.
Counterpoint: Everything about this is GREAT.
I must concur: these are fantastic.
HEY GIRL
I THINK YOU AND I COULD GENERATE SOME WONDERFUL NEW SMELLS TOGETHER
Alternately,
Hey Girl,
Let’s generate and absorb some friction.
OH
WHAT A WONDERFUL NEW SMELL YOU’VE DISCOVERED
THIS IS GREAT
Alternate title: “Erotica written by Benedict Cumberbatch while he was getting over a bad breakup”
I thought he *was* an alien.
I read it all as BBC’s Sherlock, complaining to Mycroft of something he could not unsee.
Wow, I think it’s time to add a new character to my sexual role-playing cast list…
There has be to a word for “laughing uproariously while simultaneously experiencing Cronenberg-eque body horror”. Maybe something German.
Horrorlaritiy?
I like it!
Körperangstfilmengesichtherzhaftlachen
EEEWWWWW WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS
That picture on the front page is absolutely terrifying and now I’m going to have nightmares.
It’s a goddamn aye aye hand.
Goddamn aye ayes and their goddamn nasty single finger. Goddamn evolution for making it so.
I’m getting a very large Under The Skin vibe from this alien’s take on sex and I’m liking it.
This is truly a red-letter day. First I found out that I passed my comprehensive exams, and now a new installment of my very favoritest Toast feature!
Well, I should definitely have read that right before trying to write a sex scene. YEP. 😉
“Both of them in turn pantomimed the act of nursing without drawing forth any actual fluid.”
🙁 i’m so upset
it says something about me that my response was “but having someone’s hand inside you is amazing”
Would an alien even know what nursing is, though? I mean, it really depends on whether it’s mammalian or not. I think the alien would probably go into a Tolkein-esque description of what nursing is, so long that you forget what they were even describing in the first place, before getting to the point.
…did someone download my brain the last time I attempted to get smooth?
once again, i’m just really happy that this one merits a recurring series. let us generate and absorb new fluids, smells, and frictions
part 2 remains my favorite part
I’m continually astounded by the ability of each installment to be more hilarifying* than the one before it.
*hilarious/terrifying, the true Toast OTP.
I feel icky now.
I read it all as BBC's Sherlock, complaining to Mycroft of something he could not unsee.
Dear Alien,
Thank you for your kind invitation. I regret that I cannot accompany you to the mating pits, as I am viviparous.