I have never attempted to make a secret of my love for Airplane! There is a great deal that can be said of me, but not that I ever concealed or minimized my affection for this most excellent of films.
Last year at the Turner Classic Film festival at least two of the Zs in ZAZ and Robert Hays were on a panel discussing Airplane! before a late-night showing. I was there with my dad, as is proper; it is right and meet to watch Airplane! with a dad, your own whenever possible. I took away from it two things: Airplane! remains one of the greatest, most nearly-flawless comedies every made by human men, and that the Zucker brothers love giving Robert Hays endless shit. He’s a chatty dude, by all accounts, and his stories have a tendency to ramble, but come on, Zucks, you’re two of the wealthiest and most successful comedy filmmakers in America and he hasn’t acted since I was a kid, let him tell his stories.
So I guess I’ve always had a soft spot for Robert Hays. And my parents honeymooned in Door County, so Wisconsin’s good with me too.
Where is this going, I hear you ask yourself. Get to the point. Very well: Robert Hays and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar have reunited (non-canonically, as someone on Twitter pointed out to me, since they do not share screentime during the original film) to promote the Wisconsin Tourism Board. Why? I don’t know. Sometimes God sees fit to give gifts.
)
I was so excited when I saw this I called out for Nicole and my Midwestern accent came back. “NICOLE! THE GUYS FROM AIRPLANE ARE DOING AN AD ABOUT WISCAAAAANSIN!” It’s mesmerizing. First of all, all jokes aside, Wisconsin really is a lovely place in the summer. Second of all, Robert Hays brings roughly 400% more pathos than is strictly necessary, and I salute him for it.
“Stryker, you’re flying too low!”
“I know!” he calls plantively — his voice almost cracks — then his face softens and blurs — “But Wisconsin is so beautiful in the summer.”
This is the face of a man whose life has not gone quite the way he hoped he would. Success didn’t follow success, exactly; age came quicker than he thought it would. He made choices that closed doors only in retrospect, and woke up one day bewildered to find himself having never lived up to his early promise.
“There’s so much to do! Boating, fishing, biking! I wish I was down there.” The way his voice drops on “I wish I was down there” — he is a man who wants to go to Wisconsin, dammit. And I want him to get the chance to go.
A minor quibble: it is not appropriate for the autopilot to be given lines, as his character was non-speaking in the original film. But I will not look a gift horse in the mouth. I will look it squarely in the eye and whisper “Thank you.”
Tags: airplane, kareem abdul-jabbar, movies, robert hays, wisconsin
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A Wisconsin tag!
I am so homesick; I recognize that longing in his voice.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t read this. I don’t speak jive.
Well done (insert GIF of applauding Orson Welles)!
There’s an anecdote in Irwin Sherman’s “The Power of Plagues” about a 1992 flight on which 72 passengers contracted cholera. The outbreak was linked to contaminated fish.
It’s probably my favorite instance of life imitating art.
I love you. Please always post about Airplane!
I now want to go watch Airplane with my dad. (Or brother. Brothers feel like acceptable substitute viewing companions.) I will now watch Soupy Sales episodes on the internet while hearing my dad’s crappy impressions of characters. Or I could just call him and he’d likely just do that in conversation…
Kareem played for the Milwaukee Bucks when he went by Lew Alcindor, but Robert Hays…? Who cares! It’s awesome.
The Zuckers are from the Milwaukee area, there’s your connection. They’ve been making Wisconsin tourism commercials since last year.
I just watched this with my kids and it was a great time except I forgot about the part with boobs, but oh well.
When I was about ten my dad let me and my brother watch Kentucky Fried Movie, so, like, you could have done worse.
We just showed the kids (ages 8 and just 11) “Holy Grail” for the first time. Forgot how naughty things got in the Castle Anthrax.
Haha. How’d you explain what comes after the spanking?
My dad fast-forwarded through that scene when I was little. I survived the Black Knight scene, though, without being traumatized.
It was YEARS before I saw that movie en total. it was such habit I skipped it even when watching it alone!
When I was about ten my dad let me and my brother watch Kentucky Fried Movie, so, like, you could have done worse.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is going to be at the Texas Library Association confrence in April! And I will be there too! I am excited about Kareem almost as much as the library-ing. (Also Henry Winkler will be there)
Haha. How'd you explain what comes after the spanking?
“What was it we had for dinner tonight?”
“Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.”
“Oh, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.”
My absolute favorite movie of all time. And Kareem! My favorite Laker of all time! He’s such an amazing person — it’s still hard to believe such a reserved, serious guy agreed to this movie, but I am SO glad he did.
“Listen, kid, I’ve been hearing that crap since I was at UCLA. I’m out there busing my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!”
I’m sorry, I’ll stop before I do the whole thing. I JUST GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT AIRPLANE!
Who is the target audience for this ad? Wistful baby boomers, or their precocious children?