Ganondorf’s Breakup Playlist -The Toast

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Screen Shot 2014-03-26 at 12.11.09 PMGanon is first given a back story in A Link to the Past. It was revealed that Ganon had not always been the boar-like demon introduced in The Legend of Zelda. He was revealed to once have been a human by the name of Ganondorf and leader of a group of thieves. With the help of his followers, he became the first to enter the Sacred Realm in ages. He claimed the Triforce, turning the Sacred Realm into the Dark World and himself into a vastly powerful being. However, he was trapped within the Sacred Realm by the combined efforts of the Knights of Hyrule and the Sages.

Ganondorf uses his position, the trust of the King of Hyrule, as well as a great deal of cunning, manipulation, and mystical power, to gain entrance to the Sacred Realm, the abode of the Triforce. However, he does not obtain the full Triforce but is left with only the Triforce of Power, which he uses to great effect in his conquest of Hyrule. It is made clear that his desire to conquer Hyrule stems from the arduous life he and his people are subjected to living in the harsh Gerudo Desert, a wasteland plagued by sandstorms and an unstable climate, which he compares to the verdant landscape of Hyrule Field, and the amenable life lived by the Hylians.

Screen Shot 2014-03-26 at 12.17.13 PMWith all the luxury and power of the subdued kingdom at his disposal, the Evil King is able to wait for the moment when the two remaining Triforce keepers, Link and Zelda, would reveal themselves. Eventually, he finds them in the Temple of Time where he kidnaps Princess Zelda, who had evaded his pursuit for seven years, and challenges Link to come rescue her. When Link reaches the top of the Tower, Ganondorf taunts the young hero and engages him in battle, where Link is able to defeat the tyrant with the aid of the Light Arrows and the Master Sword. Using the last of his power, Ganondorf tries to make his castle collapse, but Link and Zelda manage to escape safely.

However, the revived and enraged Ganondorf uses the essence of the Triforce of Power to transform into a bestial monstrosity called Ganon. Despite his behemoth height and clever tactics, Link manages to defeat him using the Master Sword and assistance from the power of the Seven Sages. Ganon is then sealed into the void of the Evil Realm where he cannot harm Hyrule or lay his hands on the remaining pieces of the Triforce. As he is sealed in the Sacred Realm, Ganondorf claims that when he breaks the seal, he will kill Link’s descendants.

“Let Her Go,” Passenger

He’d kept her prison crystal in the high tower because it had the best view of Hyrule Field in the whole castle. He’d hauled it up what seemed like fifteen goddamn flights of velvet-covered stairs just so she could watch the sunset over Death Mountain. “You only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low,” he sang softly to himself. “Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go. And you let her go.”

“Someone Like You,” Adele

I had hoped you’d see my face and that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over. “It isn’t over,” he whispered, then knocked over the empty bottle of Romani Milk.

“Behind Blue Eyes,” The Who

She’d said she understood what it was like to be the bad man. To be the sad man. But she lied. She had to have been lying. Why else would she have helped Link  retrieve his Light Arrows during the battle in the courtyard?

You realize he’s still mentally a ten-year-old, he’d told her. He’s been asleep in the Temple of Time for seven years. He has the mind of a child.

She hadn’t said anything to that, and he thought he’d finally gotten through to her. Now he wasn’t so sure.

“It’s My Party,” Leslie Gore

What did the two of them have to talk about. Did they hold hands with their matching Triforce arms? Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to. 

“When I Was Your Man,” Bruno Mars

“Take you to every party, because I remember how much you love to dance.” What princess wants to live in a pink crystal, no matter how nice the view from the window? Stupid. Stupid. “Do all the things I should have done…when I was your man.”

Where could they have even gone dancing? There was that ridiculous twirling couple in Kakariko Village — “Honey” and “Darling.” And the insane little music-box keeper in the old Windmill. What kind of a party would that have been?

“Story of My Life,” One Direction

He couldn’t get the words to this one out. “Story of my life,” he sobbed. “Story of my life.”

“If You See Her, Say Hello,” Jeff Buckley

If you get close to her kiss her once for me
I always have respected her for doing what she did and getting free
Oh, whatever makes her happy I won’t stay in the way
Though the bitter taste still lingers on from the night I tried to make her stay

Did Link kiss her. Did they wait, that happy pair, wait for him to grow up a second time in mind as well as body, or did they decide the rules of time didn’t apply to them either?

“Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” Bob Dylan

She wouldn’t think twice either, he knew that. Every time he took her, it was the same. The feigned shock — “Who are you? What do you want with me? Aieee!” — the easy intimacy, the quick escape out the back door. And she always forgot. Pretended to forget who Link was, who she was, what Hyrule was. It made him want to shake her until her eyes went black.

Loving her didn’t make him good. It just meant he loved her. He had the Triforce of Power, not the Triforce of Niceness or the Triforce of How Was Your Day, Darling. He loved her caged and chained and thirsty and exhausted, just as she was.

“It Ain’t Me, Babe,” Johnny Cash

Fine. If she wanted a ten-year-old in a seventeen-year-old body with a pretty mouth and a girl’s haircut, he wasn’t going to stand in her way. “I’m the King of Thieves, baby,” he said to no one in particular. “If she doesn’t appreciate that, someone will.”

An army of Gerudos couldn’t compare to her. “Who said that,” he shouted wildly, his own voice echoing around in the Chamber of Sages. “I’m the Goddamn King of Thieves, and she’s a nobody. She’s a nobody. She’s…she’s perfect.”

“Dust In The Wind,” Kansas

Same old song. Always the same old song. Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky.

“Elegy of Emptiness,” Majora’s Mask

She hated that song. “It makes me shiver,” she said. “I’ll make you shiver,” he had told her, and she laughed and shook her head. “I’ll make you shiver,” he said again, and when he pulled her close to him she gave out a little scream of delight.

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