Poems Summarizing Aliens Using Language From Orkin’s Field Mice Section -The Toast

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Home: The Toast

Kevin Sharp last treated The Toast to the morning utterances of Leonard Cohen.



“Ripley Is Found”



is not a short trip.


Capable of surviving for long periods

in warmth of a structure.


Areas that are dark and protected.




Temperatures outside drop.

Naked. Dependent.


Searching for a warmer place to live.



“Ripley Testifies Regarding the Alien & Learns the LV-426 Had Been Colonized”


Professionals commonly

do not recognize

until other signs appear.

Professionals likely

inquisitive in nature.


They are likely

to not recognize

anything new

or out of the ordinary.

There is no scientific evidence presented


There are no

government requirements


There is no magic.

Careful inspection — exclusion is the best choice.


A colony enters. Help.



“After Nightmares of the Alien, Ripley Agrees to go to the Colony”


Although more commonly active

in the evening.

(scurry along walls or running)


–explore their territories–


Teeth and gnaw marks.

During the evening hours, especially when it is dark and quiet.


When a home

is already infested,

prevention methods prove inefficient.


Humans are diet

in the evening. Dark and quiet.




“Ripley meets the space marines”


Properly identify:


Some are designed to kill.

Professional control should be sought for knowledge, training and expertise.

However, it should be noted:

populations grow rapidly.

Often require more extreme control measures.




“An Abandoned Colony and its Sole Survivor (Newt)”


Normally, the home.

(a readily available food source)

A structure, utility lines, pipe openings, gaps beneath doors.

(smell of food).


A single female. Young.

Living within walls.

Running from a normally undisturbed hiding place. Should be exposed

to fresh air and sunshine for a number of hours.



(functioning cartridges

must be cautiously attempted

before attempting extermination methods).




“Discovery of the Alien Nest”


Nesting habits:


The females

live and breed

in dark areas. build their nests from found objects.


— their offspring —


destruction is

only exhibited when under duress


typically may exhibit

chew marks.

have even been known

to consume humans.  Creating openings.





 “Barricaded After Their Rescue Ship Crashes”


Significant damage to humans

Rarely leave structure

At this time ineffective.

Ultimately they die.



“Face Huggers Released by Shady Corporation Guy”


Metal or glass containers

with tight lids.

Holes may allow entry.

may be dangerous for humans:

troublesome and dangerous.

The most efficient infestation  methods.



“Attacked by Aliens From the Ceiling” 


To prevent infestations

all holes should be sealed.


Excellent climbers.

Adept jumpers.

Capable of fitting through openings much smaller than

their bodies.


Black in color, weaned from their mother.

Known for their ability to chew.


These animals can often be heard gnawing and scratching within the walls, running across the ceiling.


Known for their ability to chew.


When infested, prevention methods prove inefficient. The most effective methods prove inefficient.



“The Rescue of Newt from the Hive”


In captivity, females may live

usually only one year due to predators, exposure to unfriendly environments

Some are even bred specifically.



Extermination requires

a great deal of work.

From setting traps to disposing of caught specimens, the process can be daunting, messy and disturbing.


However, humans are formidable foes. May cause severe damage.



“Ripley in Final Battle with Alien Queen”


Prior to engaging in any extermination entry points must be identified.


Extermination techniques vary.


An intimate knowledge of

habits and behavior is necessary.


(heightened risk)


To exterminate any infestation

It is advisable to take action

at the first sign.

Extremely difficult to eradicate.

It is best to target




“The Survivors Leave LV-426 and Enter Hyper-Sleep”


Following an infestation

it is important not to disturb.

Respirator should be worn.

Seal tightly. Newly clean area.

Safe and warm.

Safe and warm.




Kevin Sharp lives in Pittsburgh with his wife and two sons. He tweets @el_ksharp. His novel isn't writing itself.

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