Every Canadian Novel Ever -The Toast

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url-1Previously in this series: Every Irish Novel Ever. This post was brought to you by @askmullan.

1. Will the Cod Return, Or Must We Move to Toronto?

2. Only the Jews Know Montreal

3. The Next Three Chapters Are Set in the 1830s Bush For No Reason But Then We’ll Be Back to This 1970s University Women’s Studies Department

4. She Briefly Considers Moving to the States For Her Career But Then Realizes She Must Stay With Her People

5. O Cabbagetown!

6. I Remember When There Was LOADS of Cod and We Played Scottish Reels to Entertain Ourselves

7. In Which Blondes From Westmount Fail to Sleep With You

8. This Children’s Toy That Holds Great Meaning For You Will Be Broken Like Your Spirit

9. You Thought It Was Me Talking To You, But It’s Been My Sister All Along, I Am Dead Because of a Man

10. Magical Realism But It’s Just Gothic Southern Ontario Having, Like, Two Magical Elements

11. Things Are Kind of English Here But Not For Everyone

220px-Davies12. The Hero Has a Thousand Faces But They All Look a LOT Like Robertson Davies

13. Sex Farm Woman: All of These Albertan Crops Are Metaphors For My Empty, Yearning Vagina

14. We Forgot to Include an Incestuous Backstory But That’s What the Second 1200 Pages Are For

15. Will the Grasshoppers Move On, Or Must We Move to Toronto?

16. You Have Stolen My Heart and Will Now Steal the Deed to Our Land While I Sleep, Handsome American

17. You Think You Could Have Toughed It Out In the Bush? You Can’t Even Make Butter Tarts From Scratch

18. This Novel Has Been Specifically Written to Prove That Canadian Literature Is Worthy of Your Attention Now Give It To Me

19. Arctic Foxes and Prairie Dogs I Have Met Or At Least Read About

20. I’m Going to Reform These Sex Workers and It’s Not Going to Make Me Question My Own Convictions In the Slightest

21. Things Get Worse and Then You Have an Illegitimate Child With a Man From Outremont Who Doesn’t Really Love You

22. It Doesn’t Really Matter, You Can Tell By the Emily Carr Painting on the Cover That This Novel Is Important

23. A Woman Has Sex With a Bear or a Unicorn And No One Thinks This Is Particularly Odd

24. The Cry of the Loon Echoes the Cry of My Heart Which Is as Stony as the Land I Attempt to Till

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