Today the Toast celebrates the first year of the world’s only magazine for dads and by dads.
[Image via]
Tags: dad magazine, dads, jaya saxena, matt lubchansky
Today the Toast celebrates the first year of the world’s only magazine for dads and by dads.
[Image via]
Tags: dad magazine, dads, jaya saxena, matt lubchansky
oh, dads’ll celebrate THIS, but ask them what they want for their birthday and they shrug and say ‘I don’t care’.
CLEARLY the answer is: “Dad-shaped Bobble Head.”
(Happy Anniversary & keep fighting the good fight, Dad Magazine.)
What is your preferred napping situation?
a) Upright in an easy chair with baseball on
b) Upright in an easy chair with an old movie on
c) Upright in an easy chair with golf on
d) Upright in an easy chair with British sitcoms on
Oh man, my dad is super into napping (but denying that he was napping: his eyes were still a little bit open!) in a recliner with golf on TV. He calls it “slowing things down a little,” because the Canadian Sports Centre uses that phrase whenever they transition to golf news.
Almost all of my memories of my grandpa (and they’re all fond) are of him sitting in state in his recliner, watching the golf. Sunday afternoon golf will reliably make me drift off in a comfortable haze now.
Maybe they show golf shows on Sundays BECAUSE dads nap during them. It all makes sense now.
Golf is very nappable. Soothing voices, wide green expanses…
Professional golf is an industry that has made money for decades by producing and televising ASMR videos for dads.
My grandpa too! He had very bad eyesight thanks to the CA sun (wear sunglasses, people!) and so he watched it through binoculars from the recliner. It was adorable.
OMG this the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.
My dad’s preferred napping situation is the Just Resting My Eyes – in his recliner with an old movie on, will suddenly start awake and deny the nap if prompted.
My dad also does the Just Resting My Eyes in his recliner with an old movie on, but when you prompt him, he’ll start, deny the nap, and then giggle.
I really believed that resting your eyes was a thing when I was a kid, the amount of times I heard the phrase.
My dad does this, and also snores really, really loudly. Changing the channel/waking him up to tell him to stop snoring only earns you narrowed eyes and “I was watching that.”
e) Upright in an easy chair with This Old House on
I’m moving to your dad’s house. I’d kill to have This Old House rather than sportsball or, worse, Nascar on.
One time I was thrilled that my dad was watching a Jaws sequel because it wasn’t sportsball or Nascar.
f) Upright in an easy chair with American Pickers or How It’s Made on
*I* take naps with How It’s Made on – that show is SO soothing!
There is SO MUCH How It’s Made on Youtube. It lulls me to sleep at night.
My parents regularly fall asleep on the couch in front of This Old House, while holding hands. It is the cutest damn thing.
NORM ABRAM, MAN. That is a dude right there. That. Is. A. Dude.
Refusing to refer to it as a “nap” but rather a “sleep,” a “rest,” or a “lie down” depending on circumstances.
You can call it a lie down, but heaven forfend you actually get in the bed.
We went on vacation with my parents last summer and my dad decided he liked the easy chair in the house we rented so much he slept in it every night.
I don’t think my stepdad has ever watched a movie the whole way through in his life.
My stepdad is the worst at this. He goes to the theater constantly, and frequently falls asleep in the movie. Sometimes he would sleep through most of one movie, so then he paid for the next viewing of the same movie to sit through it again.
(e) in a movie theater, snoring loudly.
Adding because it’s my Dad’s favorite, and it happens to be his birthday today.
Upright in an easy chair with old Westerns on.
e) Flat on back covered in laundry one is “folding”.
Oh my god, pictures.
My dad used to be a professional photographer. He shot this iconic photo of my great-grandmother that lives in the houses of honest to God, probably 45+ families. He is a great photographer! But there is not a single photo-taking event in my LIFE that has not been marked with “Pose like this. This. Move. Tilt your chin. Put your hand this way. No, not like that. Tilt. Turn towards me. Okay. Smile! And one more. OK, now without the flash.” and so on. Dance recital pictures! Family pictures! Every single dance I went to as a high-school student! At my wedding he let the actual current professional photographer take the pictures, but I was worried he was going to follow him around and critique him for a bit there.
I never heard the incessant photo prompting from my dad, because he was an acolyte of the Candid School of Photography. This meant that for every stunning photo of me being spontaneous as a kid, there are at least 20-30 more with my eyes half-closed or my mouth half-open. So many 8-year-old druggie pictures.
(Love you, Dad.)
Every childhood photo of me and my friends is just me with my arm around them so hard it looks like I’m choking them. “C’mon, you guys are friends! Get in there!”
I beg people to art direct me while they take photos but they never do.
I lifted at a powerlifting meet this past weekend with a ton of other dads, and it was glorious. Dad strength!
Edited to add: I was hanging out with a woman who was lifting in the Womens’ Masters 4a (ages 70-74) category. I have never seen someone who gave so few fucks about anything. She kicked a bunch of twentysomething dudes off a platform in the warm-up room, “Move it boys, I need to warm up.”
They scooted away post haste. 🙂
Oh man. I wanna give so few fucks about anything. New life goal!
Stars in eyes. This woman needs to join that old Siberian woman LeastBittern saw on the train as one of the ladies someone needs to interview for The Toast.
Regina Hackney was the master’s lifter. And I was wrong – she was in the 75-79 category. There was also an amazing superheavy (for women that is > 84 Kg body weight) woman named Bonica Lough who totaled 610 Kg – 1344 pounds, which is an American record, and would win the superheavy *men’s* category in most local meets. In fact, there were SO MANY amazing women lifting. I could spend all day listing the crazy strong women that broke records.
I love her. I want to be here.
ALL I WANT IS TO BE HER WHEN I GROW UP
“I’m just resting my eyes.” – Dad
Napping Quiz:
A: Do you nap during football games, only to wake when someone turns off the game to protest, “Hey! I was watching that!”
B. Does your best napping occur while “watching” your grandkids, i.e., having them sleep on your chest while you sleep?
C. Do you nap during all movies, yet somehow wake up at critical plot moments to say
“Hey, there’s Steve Buscemi! He’s in everything”
D. All of the Above
My dad WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL with Steve Buscemi and neglected to mention this to any of us until just a couple years ago. (He’s in everything!)
NATIONAL PARKS, THOUGH. When my dad turned 65 one of the first things he did was apply for that “get into national parks free” pass…and there are no national parks in New Jersey. He has elaborate dreams of renting an RV and going to see them, but my mother will have nothing to do with that.
I’d go with him, honestly – but I have a full time job and not nearly enough time off.
National Parks: Just Dads and Europeans
My spouse is both a Dad & European. You can imagine how much he loves the National Parks!
My dad also got that national parks pass and has used it all of once, in the last nine years, to get us into the Grand Canyon. But he has it if we ever need it again.
I’m but a month into being a dad, but already the dark dream of renting an RV to tour the National Parks has sprouted in my brain. My wife will also have nothing to do with it, not because she doesn’t want to see the National Parks, but b/c she’d rather sleep in a tent in the backcountry wherever there are the most bears.
National Parks are the setting for my childhood. My Dad bought us all matching Tilley hats and was always the one who carried the mini cooler. Whadda guy.
I was on a trip in the Galapagos Islands when a man came up to a few members of our group wearing Tilley hats and asked how they liked them…and then offered to sign them: It was Alex Tilley! I had no Tilley hat to autograph, alas.
I just bought National Parks Pass yesterday. I told my husband (it’s for a road trip he won’t be on) and his eyes lit up, and I looked at our son and his face so clearly said, “I guess I’m in the car for a really long time a lot over the next year, huh?”
Your dad can hang out with my dad; the first thing he did when he retired was buy an RV. He even drove from NJ to Alaska one summer.
My dad has been on the RV kick for what seems like years now – we even went to go look at a few – but my mom keeps vetoing it. I can see why, I guess, but I’m a bad influence.
I once overheard a Dad (not my own) get out of a car in Tahoe National Forest and yell into the backseat, “You’re gonna look at some nature, and you’re gonna like it!”
<3 u, Dads.
Haha, this is ME – last Christmas I yelled at my husband, stepdad, and brother (with my 1.5 year old in my arms) “We are gonna have some family fun or I’m gonna get pissed!”
I have seen the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, and Sequoia on my dad’s national park pass. He has also seen Bryce and Zion National Parks on his own. He’s actually making good use of it!
my dad is just WAITING for that. Another 6 years…
last year he took his Harley-Davidson Touring Motorcycle on a cross-country National Parks ride anyway. Florida to California to Montana and back (he does the east coast annually when going with my smom to visit her family in Albany).
1) omg SUCH a dad thing to do
2) and I was and am still incredibly jealous
3) he won’t even let me on his bike because he doesn’t want me to get a “taste” for motorcycle riding (he had his first bike when he was 16 and honest to god rode from Chicago to Tampa and back again three times before graduating high school, so that he could visit his girlfriend. but no, his 30 year old daughter isn’t allowed near the thing. though, to be fair, he DOES see me on my bicycle and we all know that I have shitty distance perception so I can’t blame him)
I relate!! My dad has TWO motorcycles (a ’77 Honda and a ’09 Honda) and now that his Menniere’s has gotten worse, he can’t ride anymore. But I can’t touch the bike, and if I want it I have to buy it from him.
My dad recently put down a really nice oriental carpet in the garage, just for underneath the bike. “Wow, you’re really babying your bike, huh?” I asked. “No,” was his response, “that’s just the rug from the sunroom before we tiled it. I figured it might help dampen the noise and protect the chrome parts if I drop them.”
Riiiiiight. He also said something about keeping dirt from tracking in, but I’m not sure how the rug will help that.
Chortling At Your Own Jokes: How, When, Why
Sometimes my dad will make a joke, and then he will repeat the last few words of the joke very quietly under his breath, and THEN he will chortle to himself.
DADS.
This seems like an appropriate place to talk about when I was 12, and my dad booked the whole family a tour to the SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT
THAT IS SO COOL
(New article: signs you may secretly be a dad??)
Napping? Check. Photography OCD? Check. National parks? Double check. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am a Dad, and I’m not even a guy.
I think my ex-gf was maybe a dad. She used to dream out loud of owning a Winnebago so she could keep one of those “visit every state” maps inside it.
Nah, no need for a Winnebago (also, the best ones are the sticker maps you put on the back!). My dad has a big 5 foot wide one he keeps in his home office above the napping couch/daybed for guests. He picked out a really fancy looking one and has special thumbtacks, and for his longest rides, he runs strings between the tacks to show his routes. (He’s got his motorcycle these days, but when I was growing up, we had the big RV to fit the whole family.)
My dad took us on a tour of the Soo Locks when I was eight, where you get on a boat that goes through a lock system. For hours. It was ungodly boring. This is the one thing that hasn’t seemed to improve with time, childhood-vacation-wise.
We did that on the Erie Canal! Still boring.
So did we. Twice!
We went to the PENCIL MUSEUM (in fairness, it had been raining for four days solid with nary a glimpse of sun and in the middle of nowhere, but still.)
…Was this by any chance the Derwent Pencil Museum in England? My parents went there without me in 1999 and I’m still pissed.
My parents have taken us on tours of salmon fisheries (my mum was the one responsible), although it was because her dad had taken the family there when she was a child), slate mines and the Pencil Museum.
There is a picture of me with my siblings in which we are giving our three most sarcastic “being forced to smile” smiles and my mother has it framed and presented triumphantly in the foyer of her house because the day it was taken, my siblings and I were fighting TOOTH AND NAIL about what the replacement car would be for the beater we’d been sharing that finally gave up. I wanted a green car with an automatic transmission, my sister wanted an SUV, and my brother wanted something manual. The three of us were so intensely heated about this thing and my dad got so tired of hearing it (because his logic was “I’m the one paying to replace the thing in the first place, and I get to say exactly what/how/where we get it, and screw all you kids for thinking you have a say in it”) that just before he took the picture he said, “So help me if you three don’t shut the fuck up and smile I’m not getting you a car at all” — which was the first thing he’d said about the car situation the WHOLE TIME we were on this trip — and we all immediately fell silent and just GRINNED these “fuck you” grins.
And then we were quiet the rest of the afternoon, and my mother was the happiest she had been that whole day, and so she freaking framed it and hung it in a place of prominence in the house to remind us. We are such winners. All thanks to my dad’s very carefully placed f-bomb.
That should be a Dad Mag story: “When to use the f-bomb with your kids for maximum impact”
Swearing: The Right Way
– SONuvabitch.
– “You can say “cocksucker” at the dinner table, but if you take the Lord’s name in vain, I will throw you off the roof.”
– Bitch: it’s only ok if they really are.
(Edit: punctuation is hard.)
From the rulebook of my dad: “fucking asshole” is ok if it is deserved, but calling your brother a knob or a douchebag is obscene.
Hahahaha. “Knob.” That’s a great one.
Dad REALLY hates when we use the word “schlong.” So of course we use it all the time.
We are not above calling him and leaving just that single word on his voicemail when he’s working and can’t answer his phone.
NEW QUIZ: What type of rock should you bring back from your business trip as a “souvenir” for your children?
Trick question: your daughter is a geologist, and any will do (though she will get pedantic about the differences between rocks vs. minerals)
The only business trip my dad ever went on was to Texas and we begged and pleaded for cowboy boots. He said no, they’re too expensive…and then surprised me and my sister with identical pairs. Those were GREAT.
My late father sent me a ROCK in the mail for my birthday from Lake Kathleen because that is my name. As a GIFT. (of course I kept it, still taped to the magazine subscription card he attached it to so it wouldn’t rattle around in the padded envelope, because even rocks need protective mailing strategies)
I can’t like this enough
That is ADORABLE
My dad always requests that I bring HIM a rock whenever I go somewhere on vacation. His favorite is from Switzerland, which he named Alpie, closely followed by one from Peru, which he named Andy (Ande?). I enjoy it.
I really really hope that the Peruvian rock ended up being andesite. That would be so fitting.
My dad had to do an extended road trip for his job a few years ago and sent me a box that contained:
-A dozen rocks
-Hand towels stolen from the hotel
-Travel size toiletries stolen from the hotel
-A postcard
The postage was like $20 which was easily 5x the value of all the contents. Oh, dads.
My dad used to have (probably still has!!) a collection of film canisters with sand from every beach he’s visited, labeled with place and date. He likes to bring them home and examine them under the microscope. In fact, as he doesn’t like to swim or be in the sun, I think he enjoys this more than any other aspect of going to the beach.
Trilobites AND petrified wood. It remains my favorite dad business trip haul.
oh god
flashbacks of the time my dad brought a rock back from seattle and i promptly swallowed it. i was like, 8 years old, too. good thing to keep in mind next time i get all up on my high horse.
Is this a ‘dad’ thing? I’m a mom and I bring home rocks (but I keep them for myself because nobody else appreciates them as much as I do).
My mom has really gotten into rock collecting since her kids left home. Not kidding, she’s come home from trips with over 50 pounds of rocks. On numerous occasions. She’ll take an extra suitcase just for the rocks.
My dad and I have had to stop my mom from bringing home (more) rocks many times, on many trips. My parents’ yard is covered in transplanted rocks.
So we had a family business, and at that family business was my office, and off that office was the family kitchen, and in that family kitchen, for reasons best lost to the mists of time, was a single bed.
Sometime between 3 & 4:30 every day, Dad enters my office, says, “Wake me in 15 minutes,” heads to kitchen, and naps wearing shoes and sleep mask.
Inevitably someone pages him about 2 minutes in, or calls his cell, which of course is still on his belt, and this prehistoric groan issues forth from the kitchen, and Dad is up and out again.
Sometimes people would just buzz my office looking for him, and I would get to, very professionally mind you, explain that it was the boss’s nap time.
(Aw, now I miss my job.)
My father would like to know when a Dad Magazine subscription will be available for purchase. I tried to show it to him, and he said, “I wanted to read it but it’s stuck on the cover.”
A+ dad right there.
Seriously why are we not Kickstarting this?
Hope there’s a foldout section for ‘Dad Jokes’!
Driving section: Past a cemetery
“That’s the dead centre of town!”
“Everyone’s dying to get in there”
DO WE EVER talk about the market! My parents are both economists, and their favorite shared activity is sniping about any newspaper article that contains data and/or graphs. “Statistics will say anything if you torture them long enough!” etc etc
Brief aside for how stinkin’ cute this issue’s cover model is. Awwwww, DADS.
I am 23 and finally got my learner’s permit so who do you think is sitting in the passenger’s seat while I drive slooooowly around the parking lot of my old high school? That’s right, DAD. <3
Another one to add to the tome of “resting my eyes” Dad phraseology: “checking my eyelids for cracks.”
Congratulations, Dad Magazine! The look of joy on this month’s Dad’s face is a thing of beauty & a balm to my wounded soul.
My Dad passed away a few years ago and he would have LOVED this magazine.
“Bob Vila or Kevin O’ Connor: Who Was The Better Host of This Old House? Norm Abram’s Answer May Surprise You!
*Larry would say “Vila, hands down, no contest”. Miss You, Dad.
My Dad Larry would concur!
did Kevin O’Connor even HAVE a beard? because that’s KIND OF a requirement for This Old House type shows and I’m always terribly disappointed when I watch modern HGTV renovation shows and they just don’t live up to it. I kind of stopped watching This Old House around the time Bob Vila was swapped so I don’t remember clearly.
(however, Mike Holmes gets a pass because he’s old school and Canadian and I don’t really want to argue with a Canadian about wearing a beard)
He does not! He does, however, surf in one of the episodes where they’re on the Jersey Shore rebuilding after Sandy and I guess that’s okay.
A couple of weeks ago, my dad was watching some tv show that was hosted by Kevin O’Connor but was not, in fact, This Old House. After half an hour of listening to it and thinking what a bizarre episode of TOH it had to be, I finally wandered over and found out the truth.
That never would’ve happened with Bob Vila!
Vila all the way! Vila forever.
I’m voting Kevin O’Connor, if only because that is my handyman dad’s name. It was always amusing to us when we used to watch This Old House.
This issue really has me worrying that my husband is secretly a dad. National Parks and The Market are LIKE HIS FAVORITE THINGS.
Yeah, mine is totally a Dad on the dl. He won’t watch movies he actually wants to see in the evening after dinner because he will fall asleep. Rest of the time, he’s resting his eyes or looking at WWII aircraft and aviation blogs.
OH MAN is your husband my Dad? WWII aircraft and aviation blogs are his jam. Airplanes!
You don’t have to worry until he has a little song for National Parks, The Market, and everywhere else it is possible to go.
Okay, everyone, which one of you submitted this picture of your dad for the cover?
– Garry Trudeau: Prophet for our times
– Years-old Internet Memes: You Have To See This One!
– Zucchini: Take 200 home with you
“Politics, Sports, And The Neighbours: How To Get The Most Out Of Your Rants”
Just so everyone knows we are ALWAYS taking submissions for dads to feature on the covers.
Is there a special email address we should use? Because know someone who would be a great cover model…
go ahead and send to me, jhsaxena [at] gmail [dot] com!
Need to find a picture of my dad in his backwards fedora.
It’s a trend he’s trying to start.
My dad turned to me recently and said, ‘you know, I’ve heard most had drills are only used for, on average, eighteen minutes in total.’
serious pause
‘I think mine has been used for longer than that.’
Dad Magazine has become legendary in our household. We had to stop forwarding it to my dad when it gave him dangerous ideas (“You know, I *could* incorporate more Patton facts into my daily conversation!”) but he still asks when the next issue is coming out.
Oh god, my dad DOES have a bobblehead of himself.
Oh god, my dad DOES have a bobblehead of himself.
Top Dad Celebrity Favourites: Interviews with Tom Hanks, William H Macy, and Tim Robbins