Other Discoveries by Christopher Columbus -The Toast

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phish-food-detailAmy Collier’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.

His roommate, Evan’s ice cream

His classmate’s answers to the test

His roommate’s Wheaties, tucked on the shelf behind his roommate’s note about not eating his food or I’m going to fucking come after you Chris

This really cute golden lab puppy someone tied to a post outside of a cafe

Some CDs at Best Buy

Thirteen works of art at the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, including Rembrandt’s Storm on the Sea of Galilee (1633), Vermeer’s The Concert (1658–1660), and a rare Chinese vase

His co-worker’s cookies

The perfect essay to submit for the Art History of the Western World 301A final

Second base during the baseball game

His co-worker’s idea to market to a new demographic and thus increase revenue by 20% every future quarter, and the ensuing promotion

Evan’s room

The payroll of the Pleasant Valley Coal Company

A red Ferrari in the sports arena parking lot

Evan’s parking space

Several major credit card company databases

Evan’s social security number

The Hope Diamond

A note with Evan’s girlfriend’s ring size on it

Evan’s girlfriend’s dad’s blessing

Evan’s girlfriend

A Nihon Shintaku Ginko Bank car, transporting 300 million Yen

$4 million dollars cash secured in a locked money cart within a heavily guarded vault, in the second basement of the Chicago First National Bank

John Travolta’s face

Several thousand dollars worth of Bitcoins

Roughly 3000 cattle intended to feed Union Troops

Evan’s favorite joke

Evan’s thunder at dinner parties

A priceless 22-karat gold cross embedded with sparkling green emeralds which was was found in the debris of the 1594 San Pedro shipwreck and displayed at the Bermuda Museum of Art

Fire from the gods

The family heirlooms in Evan’s hope chest

15 puppies sired by London Dalmatians Pongo and Perdita, as well as 86 other Dalmatian puppies of unknown origin, for a total of 101 Dalmatians

The rest of Evan’s hope chest

The scientific inventions of Nikola Tesla

Muzio Clementi’s Sonata in B-flat major

Evan’s poems

Christmas in Whoville

The Medal of Honor buried with Evan

Amy Collier once saw Fabio at an airport. Fabio is an Italian model who has appeared on many classic romance novels, such as Love Me with Fury, Lovestorm, and More Than a Feeling. He is 6’3” barefoot; usually in cowboy boots.

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