Sorry I murdered everyone at your party, but as an introvert, I prefer one-on-one interactions to group gatherings.
I’m really sorry that everyone is dead. I prefer animals to people.
Sorry I killed everybody! I just really need my alone time.
Sorry that everyone is dead. They weren’t respecting my quiet power and inner strength. It’s a common misconception that introverts can’t lead; we’re just not always the first to speak up.
Sorry I butchered all of your friends in front of you. It’s just that I’d rather curl up at home with a good book than go to a party.
Some famous introverts include Albert Einstein, Audrey Hepburn, Alfred Hitchcock, and all of your friends are dead.
I apologize for coming to your house and killing everyone. I’m an INTJ!
I realize you didn’t expect me to subdue and strangle more than two dozen innocent partygoers, but you should never underestimate the power of an introvert.
Before they died, a lot of people at your party told me that I was a really good listener.
I shouldn’t have killed them, but at the same time, it’s not wrong for me to need space to reflect and recharge before I’m ready to interact with people.
I know it’s a party foul, and again I’m really sorry for bathing your house in blood, but sometimes it’s just easier for me to express myself in writing than in conversation. So I murdered everyone.
Making new friends is really hard for me. Now that everyone you wanted me to talk to tonight is dead, I’m feeling a lot less pressure to perform.
I’m so sorry I killed your friends. Making small talk is just really hard for me. It’s so stressful.
Sorry everybody’s dead! I guess it’s because I’m more “Ravenclaw” than “Gryffindor.”
Tags: humor, introverts, meyers-briggs, murder
The only way this could be better is if it was a Buzzfeed list that almost every single person I follow on Tumblr could share and tag with shit like #for real #totally me IRL #sorry I killed your friends but #¯_(ツ)_/¯ #superwholock
They still could.
Last night an extrovert barged into my room and demanded conversation at 3am
Ugh, I hate it when an extrovert invades my space. Not only do I have to kill them, I have to dispose of the body too.
They can go next to Mittenguts The Dog, it’s okay, we still have room in the collective yard.
And now he’s dead?
I’m an ambivert so YOU’LL NEVER KNOW
Ambiversion always gets elided in the false dichotomy between “introversion” and “extroversion.”
aka a person who has different reactions to socializing, depending
Ambiverts are also a majority of all people. Think of it as a normal distribution curve. Most people are in the middle, extroverts are those 2SD’s above the mean, introverts are those 2SDs below the mean. Most people are within that area though, and they are ambiverts, some may lean towards introversion or extroversion (1 sd below or above) but introversion and extroversion are only the extremes, and if you’re not at an extreme you’re an ambivert.
I think you mistyped STDs. Extroverts 2 STDS above the mean, introverts 2 STDS below. Everyone else in the middle.
i see what you did there
When you cut off an extrovert’s head, another two spring up in its place, both of them chattering incessantly.
On especially bad days, one of the new heads is also drunk and insists on singing “Anything Goes” at the top of their lungs.
An extrovert once befriended my entire family. I will have vengeance!
I SAID I WAS SORRY, GOD JAYA
Oh thank god, I’ve never been sure how to word these apologies, exactly.
Def using the Myers-Briggs/I’m an INTJ defense at my next murder trial.
“next”
I was about to post this on my FB feed, but then realized that all of the people on my timeline who constantly post the Introvert lists would read it as further confirmation of their specialness: “of course I would murder all of those extroverts if I could…”
UGGHGHGHHH the introvert lists. The bane of my current existence.
I am an introvert and those lists drive me crazy. Like, it’s not a fucking superpower, and it’s not a justification for misanthropy.
Right? It’s fuckin debilitating and embarrassing if you pair it with EVEN ONE disorder of the brain chemicals! “Yeah sorry I can’t go out tonight, I interacted with humans three days ago and I still feel like I drank a bottle of nyquil today.” Like, yeah, I know that was just the grocery store but THREE PEOPLE asked if I needed help. I know I am terrible. I know.
I do scheduling and customer service at work, so I have to not only talk to people on the phone, but I have to explain to them that no, they can’t get an appointment this week, we’re busy.
I’ve basically been sleeping all the time lately, it’s upsetting.
Today between 8:30 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. I had literally one half-hour when I was not in a room with at least 3 other people who expected me to talk to them. (Edit: i was in back-to-back-to-back-to-back meetings and I actually had to talk.) I have been melting into the couch all night.
But later, when you’ve recovered some, then you’ll have to murder a whole bunch of people. Just, like, all of the people. Murdered.
Yeah, it’s just a thing, and not an uncommon thing even? It was good for me to realize hating parties didn’t make me a bad person, but there’s no reason for anyone else to care.
I’ve met too many people lately who think that refusing to make small talk or being a downer at a party is a sign that they’re ~deep~, instead of a sign that they are unwilling to show basic respect for the people around them. And they’ll never be convinced otherwise, because the fucking internet keeps producing more of this stuff.
I posted a bunch of those because they really spoke to me, you know? And now no one invites me to parties anymore. Yay…?
All this nonsense falls into my field, and the false dichotomy all these dumb quizzes/lists create is maddening. “Sometimes I like going to parties but sometimes I would rather watch Call the Midwife than go to parties WHAT AM IIIII??” It is scalar, people!!!
Ooops sorry I murdered the MBTI but I really did all of you a favor because it is garbage.
Everyone knows that you can’t sometimes enjoy social interaction but also sometimes really want to be alone and be like, one person trapped in one prison of flesh. Also, as an ENFJ, I can assure you that a test containing questions like “do you keep your desk organized” and “do you like crowds” was completely able to see into every part of my soul and determine not only how I identify myself but how I choose to relate to everyone around me. Anyway sorry typing in a comment box is exhausting for me as an MBTI indicated extrovert so I have to go outside and stand in the street while screaming hysterically for people to pay attention to me, brb.
Good idea, as the the MBTI is a painstakingly validated test with strong evidence of predictive validity. (Just kidding it pretty much has zero predictive validity and is effectively a Cosmo quiz, insofar as statistical rigor. ARE YOU AN EDWARD OR A JACOB?)
You know a personality test is quality when it somehow manages to take Jung’s theories and make them even LESS scientifically rigorous!
To be fair the moment people start Critiqueing the MBTI I instantly think it’s either one of the Heavily introverted Extraverts or a full on introvert. I’m an ENFP myself on the damn thing but intelligent enough to be MBTI skeptical and realize it’s not a good thing to base your entire life around. and there are better personality profiles around but of course I’m still not quiet certain which.
I’m pretty sure Introversion is real…, It’s just the Mier’s brigg test isn’t really objective in any sense. Not that that makes it useless for Self analysis.
I find that all the people who post those are the last people I would suspect of actually being introverts.
Oh dearest god, the SPECIALNESS! I feel like I’m in a bloody blizzard of oh-so-unique snowflakes.
(My favourite (in a deeply masochistic way)? When the most painfully average, mediocre, run-of-the-boringest-mill people post those oh-so-original memes about how they’re crazy and you know, they’re loving it ’cause normal is boring and they’re anything but.)
Ahaha:
http://www.clickhole.com/article/7-nihilistic-quo…
Oh god! Can you feel the annnnnngst! And their unfathomable depths. And the loneliest of lonesome lonelinesses…
More importantly, though, what does it say about me that I half expected/half hoped that the last line of this song will have a different verb (ride) and a different pronoun (you).
“Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you’re going my way
I want to drive it all night long”
Well, what does it say other than I happen to translate badly written erotica, or vamp porn as I lovingly/hatingly call it…
You mean that’s NOT the lyric? Mind. Blown.
Tell me about it! Still reeling! :-O
You know, I’m not a huge Clickhole fan, but every once in a while there’s something fantastic there.
My sister once made an intricate paper snowflake and wrote the word “introverts” on the inside and I wanted that FRAMED it was so beautiful.
Friends tag me in/send me those lists, assuming I’ll relate, I guess, but they just piss me off more because if my curmudgeonly ass can manage to function like an adult who lives in a society, then SO CAN YOU (not including people with actual problems with anxiety, and not just Special Snowflake Syndrome, of course). The whole Introvert Pride thing is so weird.
“Oh no, you see I don’t have to make an effort to communicate with other people ever, because it costs me ENERGY” You and me both sunshine, but we still have to try.
It also bugs me because it seems intwined with specifically feminine socialisation, that girls are trained to always be “on”, always agreeable, and given more tricks to get by socially, whereas boys are taught that they don’t need to bother, girls will smooth the way for them if they’re awkward and caring about other people’s reactions is weak. Fucks everyone up and means that when young men hear the word “introvert” for the first time they cling to it like a liferaft and wield it like a shield excusing them from putting effort into human interaction, whereas young women are told that they must be extroverts because their small-talk skills have been honed no matter how difficult a skill it is to actually use.
Oh yeah. I’ve been literally followed around at parties by male acquaintances who tried to pull the “I’m soooo socially awkward, so you’re going to hold my hand and do all the emotional work for me at this gathering, sacrificing your fun evening for my comfort, right?” NOPE.
YESSSS
I have been in multiple relationships where I was the social grease, so to speak. It’s EXHAUSTING. My current sweetie has social anxiety, but it is limited to certain situations, and he does not have a problem making and keeping his own friends. Huzzah!
+100, seriously. Nobody likes having awkward conversations or navigating social situations, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make an effort. And as with other forms of gender essentialism, the line that “you’re just naturally more social!” erases all the effort that my naturally quiet self puts towards being decent to people.
Replying just to point out that the latter half of your comment is a spot on analysis of some socialization issues regarding the whole introvert/extrovert thing.
TIMELY
(meaning ambiguous)
Man, INTJs get such a bad rap. People always assume we’re villains and masterminds! But let me tell you something: INTJs are the people who help you plan your party. We calculate the minimum effort necessary for maximum enjoyment, and plan ahead to reduce the stresses of being in crowds. Accidentally slaughtering all of your guests? That’s sloppy. That’s some ISFP nonsense right there.
As an INFP I assure you we will deliberately slaughter all your guests.
Shhhhh no don’t release the secret plans.
No no P’s do not plan, we … spontaneously decide that slaughter would be the right thing to do. Right?
Yes, hello my people.
INTJ power! We’d poison your punch but mass murder is just too much manual labor.
The idea is plan it so everyone “inadvertently” poisons their own punch, and the planning can never come back to you. Shouldn’t be too hard to set up, honestly.
I’m so sick of getting “you are… this sociopath!” on character Meyer-Briggs lists.
Here you go, I made this for you! Well, actually I made this for me, since I too was discouraged by the list of fictional characters who purportedly share my personality type. I think my list is better. Please feel free to add to it.
You are amazing. I love this list.
oh did you also take the quiz that said you were Voldemort? Or Snape, sometimes I skew between J and P.
Look up the poster for Meyer Briggs personalities in LOTR. You get to be Elrond. 😉
I’ve always been curious to find out my Meyers-Briggs type/propensity for murder but I’ve never actually made it through one of the many internet tests I’ve started without saying, “Eh, fuck it.” I also think I might murder a few more people if I were less lazy, so I guess the test really works!
OH man I can so relate to the guy in that episode of Twilight Zone who just wanted everyone to just die already so he could read all he wanted. And then it’s like the apocalypse and he’s the only survivor and is like FINALLY, and then he steps on his glasses and breaks them and THE END.
Except haha I wear contacts so come at me bro. No don’t come please die so I can read.
But if you are nearsighted, in theory you could still read if you broke your glasses. I can still see things close up just fine, just don’t ask me to read anything much further than arm’s length away.
An arm’s length! Why you’re practically blessed with perfect vision! #myopiawars
I brandish my -12.75 (plus astigmatism) in your direction!
I bow humbly in defeat. I am merely in the midst of my humble progress toward -8.00 and the knowledge that my fuzzy left eye correction is, I quote, “as good as it’s ever going to get.”
every yea my opto reminds me to get my ass to emerg if I start seeing flashers or a veil, cuz extreme myopia like min is a big risk factor for your retinas flying off. thanks for the reminder doc, LIKE I COULD FORGET.
Hahaha! Once, after a whole day in the ER with neuro issues, I was sent home with the orders to come back immediately if any part of my body went numb, if half my face froze up, or if I had excruciating head pain like I was going to die. THANKS FOR THE TIP, DOC
You’d think it would be obvious when to get medical attention, and then you remember the unassisted births screenshots that Nicole did….
Fair point!
YES, PLEASE BE AWARE OF THIS. I’m super myopic (15.50ish) and I’ve had two retinal detachments (at age 10 and age 20) for no other reason than nearsightedness. Also, not all detachments have flashes / veils / floaters — my first one was just blurred / wavy vision. And the flashes are TINY and in the same place and happen when you move your eye, like the faintest of lightning streaks. For some reason, my doctors always made it seem like it would be a BIG FLASH OF LIGHT one-time-event, and it’s not.
This is good to know, thanks! I haven’t spoken with anyone that this actually happened to, but I once had building emergency medical security come and look in my eyes because I saw floaters and panicked. Super embarrassing but better than not doing anything and let your retina depart for lands unknown before the good doctors can glue it back on. (That’s what they do right, just some superglue applied by a medical professional?)
Whoa whoa whoa. I have extreme myopia- I nearly was not diagnosed with Extra Stupid Brain Condition because they couldn’t even see my optic discs properly- and I never get those warnings. Are my docs falling down on the job?
On second thought… Probably. Buggerit.
-18 with astigmatism checking in.
I can still read the large-print books!
::eyes fall out::
AUGH well, good thing I can read Braille!
::hands fall off::
My husband recently said, “but if you could read ALL the time, wouldn’t it become less fun? don’t you need time away to appreciate it more?”
I mean, I recognize that we are otherwise happy and have been together for 15 years, but I just don’t see how this thing is going to work out. You just don’t expect someone you THINK you know to say something like that.
My mother is bed bound in a nursing home and she has never been happier in her life. I bring her an endless supply of library books, people bring her three meals a day, she never has to leave her room. The nursing home people kept trying to get her to socialize. I told them to leave her alone, this has been her lifelong dream 😉
That was my grandmother in her decline. Bed. Books. Food — well, the food wasn’t even that important. It was the bed and books part that kept her happy.
It is NOT any less fun. I have been reading ALL THE TIME since I was, like, four, and it has never stopped being fun. Maybe since I was younger, even. I seem to recall a huge number of baby/toddler photos where I was hauling around books.
I do hope you set him straight. Silly man.
Not that it’s exactly directly related but It illustrates my own frustrations when it comes to a culture that largely almost never reads I don’t read a whole lot I mean my life cycles through phases and obsession’s. I dabble in the Reading thing though. I’ll Confess..
One time when I was a lot younger like 14 or so I was in Class and I always lamented that they preselect what they put in the schools because I probably wouldn’t have gone for any of the stuff there, then again in some ways if they hadn’t I probably wouldn’t have read the half of To kill a mocking bird that i have but Picked up the Martian chronicles in class during a period where you’re supposed to be social and i mean I was still in that adolescent phase where I was kind of something of a Punk rock kid and I don’t know wanted the street cred for awhile until I realized just because they were into the same genre of music didn’t mean they weren’t vapid shallow cretin’s and and so this other kid who I had spotted Wearing a Blink 182 tshirt (who my first gut reaction to was to Think he was a poser but i better not alienate him because I didn’t exactly see anyone sporting anything more on the Hardcore side.) but before long oh God did he he Ever validate every terrible stereotype you’d ever expect of somebody who was a Fan of them. Now i’m not saying all Blink 182 fans are like this but he brought shammeeeee on them soooo bad.
I always thought Punk was Respectable because in some ways It wasn’t always about Rebellion without any particular cause and I’ve always kind of Respected the Political Sentiments of acts like NOFX and the like but I was sitting there and reading the book and he comes straight up to me like
“you’re reading? reading is for faggots.”
Needless to say everytime I hear about him I cling to my literacy a bit tighter. I don’t want to be like those people. They are the worst.
I’m not saying I single handedly became obsessed with reading and read everything i could get my hands on after but i was seriously not even offended as much as outright disgusted.
I mean to be offended by it it would have to actually outrage me but instead I just felt pity for this poor stupid fuck who was so stupid he wasn’t even aware of it and how unattractive his anti-intellectual attitude was.
There’s a reason I have some empathy for the Introverts in spite of being an ENFP.
As an ENFP I’m uniquely aware of how Terrible people can be and how much you sometimes have to bullshit them to get along…
the worst part is that kind of bolstering of anti-intellectual credentials actually works in some places and with some people.
Poor Mr.Bemis
BEST INTROVERT LIST
(Says the idgaf-vert married to an introvert.)
You know, I HAVE never been able to talk to men. They’ll ask me about my plans for the weekend and SPLASH. They’re already being dissolved by quicklime 🙁
I would still have you at my party, Mallory.
Hey, it’s a cheap source of cat food.
(insert joke about only feeding my cat the freshest vegans)
They’re locally sourced!
Misread that as “feeding my cat the freshest vagina” and was all set to make a pussy joke.
Me too.
THANK YOU for this.
Ban introverts.
I…assume all of that is satirical? I mean, it has to be, right?
(Edit: DAMMIT, I meant the Clickhole link Ethylbenzene posted above. Obviously Mallory’s piece is satirical/is completely serious/fuck you, that’s why, as always!)
It IS satire, thankfully. Clickhole is a brainchild of The Onion, aiming to lampoon Buzzfeed et alia.
I like the way they balance Clickbait!Onion and pure unfiltered surrealism.
I nearly posted this to fb, but 1. I went to a party at the weekend where I knew no one & successfully killed no one (despite there being fireworks!) so they don’t need to know and b) Briggs-Myer says I’m an extrovert. (HA. No.)
I love this because I had this whole ‘vert identity crisis where it seems like I’m an extrovert because I’m loud and have a lot of friends and opinions, but I also like to be alone a lot and I get irritable if I go a day or two being around people constantly, so maybe I was an introvert? (A therapist once told me I was.) It was only a few years ago that I realized “uh, you’re already bisexual, OF COURSE you’re also biverted.”
No, no, no. I am also loud. Many opinions. But I need lots of alone time. We are both introverts. It’s about energy, not about confidence or shyness. Introverts find social interaction draining. Extroverts find social interaction nourishing.
alone time and social time nourish different needs. If I ever spent a couple of days alone, the loneliness would be just as draining as being around people constantly for a couple of days.
Jaya up there said she was ambiverted too, so I’m not the only one!
I had a therapist tell me I was a shy extrovert b/c I enjoy being around people but never saying anything. I told him no, that makes me the token party vampire. I feed on your conversational energy.
BLESS THIS POST. -ENFJ
so we should just give this to our attorney and…everythings cool?
is that right?
i’m asking for a friend.
“And totally unrelated, I stumbled upon your tweet ‘Honestly, I don’t give a shit if I’m INTJ’. I was curious about the context (no need to explain what it means).” –my mother, a few months ago
Sent her this article, maybe she’ll get it now.
Better than being an ENTJ, destroyer of worlds: http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-an-entj-destr…
Remember that comic which was making the FB/Tumblr rounds about six months ago about how extroverts were BASICALLY VAMPIRES who fed off the energy/attention of others while introverts were these precious hothouse flowers who needed to preserve their valuable attention from being consumed by others?
I think it weirdly comes from the same place that the “FAKE GEEK GIRL” attitude does, which places a premium on a person’s attention/gaze as a kind of resource which both has value and is limited. It’s the idea that your attention is SO IMPORTANT and VALUABLE that others just want to suck it up like a milkshake (either by ‘unfairly’ earning it as a fake geek girl who is pretending to have expertise to gain attention, or as a filthy extrovert who consumes it all indiscriminately and maliciously) and you need to protect it from their plundering ways. For people who pride themselves on being introspective and intellectual, it’s an incredibly self-centered way of viewing the world.
*wraps extroverted self in Bela Lugosi-style cape and hisses, before vanishing into the night*
Yes! I agree with this. There’s also this weird idea that if you get an introvert to enjoy your company it is somehow “worth” the friendship of hundreds of extroverts because extroverts are basically just the emotional equivalent of massive sluts – they’ll talk to *anyone!* The whole thing is just ridiculous. Also don’t even get me started on the always tacit but sometimes explicitly stated assumption that all extroverts are doing shots at clubs 24/7 and all introverts are tea drinking intellectuals who possess unique and great gifts if only the extroverts would stop asking them to interact with society, dammit! After a certain point it feels like listening to star-bellied sneetches.
Things every extrovert knows to be true:
Pronounced widows peaks are awesome
Hissing for no reason while baring your fangs is a great way to make a first impression.
Human blood – SO DELICIOUS!
The sun: absolutely unnecessary!
Capes and Dracula pendants never go out of style.
Garlic: totally overrated. Right up there with truffle oil and kale.
Telling people they’re special is a foolproof way to get them to click on your website so you can get that sweet sweet ad money.
How long until there’s an article on how “fake introverts” are trying to co-opt the magic that is introversion?
I’ve been learning that in youtube marketing, apparentally truth doesn’t sell very well, telling people what they want to hear sells. I think that’s sad. Just look at all the Uprates on “meet your strawman” in spite of the video clearly being Completely debunked.
You just posted this to get attention. How striving. Why do anything, say anything, be anything, are you really that desperate for attention
I, the bored patrician the world’s play is presented for, give your efforts a thumbs down. Thought you should know!
It is a very weird commodification of humanity that I hate but which I suppose makes sense with the internet and all, suddenly (well not so suddenly) attention has become a commodity that people want to buy and so of course our attention is all Special and Important. Ugh.
Thiiiis has to go to Facebook, I just can’t take the “I AM SO DIFFERENT BECAUSE I LIKE NETFLIX MARATHONS AND MY BED, HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME AT A PARTY” crowd.
No you don’t get it I occasionally enjoy relaxing via solitary leisure pursuits and do not require a human being to be interacting with me 24/7 in order to feel whole! I”m really special!!!!! You guys, wait!!!!! I ALSO OWN A CAT WHICH I LOUDLY CLAIM TO LIKE BETTER THAN HUMANS!!!!!
“And sometimes I pretend to be sick in order to stay home and watch Netflix, bow before my dazzling perfection!”
How about: ‘I have to hear my voice 24/7 or I’ll feel like I don’t exist!!!!!’
Lol this was an awkward article to have up on screen when my coworker stopped by suddenly
On the plus side, they’re probably less likely to steal any of your office supplies!
See also Nine Things Introverts Do All the Time, perhaps my favorite Onion slideshow of all time.
nooo mark ruffalooooo
That’s perfect.
Hahaha oh my god that was amazing.
I laughed so hard the first time I read it, I had to stop for a minute and collect myself partway through.
Oh my gooooooooooodddddddddddd perfect.
FINALLY. Someone gets me. It’s just so hard to be around people who ALWAYS want to TALK TO ME and BE NICE TO ME, when I’d rather just sit on my bed, watch Netflix and pet cats. People just don’t understand how DIFFERENT I am. Wait, I saw this great cartoon on fb that explains it perfectly. I think there’s a buzzfeed list too. Let me send them to you, or else there’s no possible way you could understand. Look, it’s just a Briggs-Meyer thing okay?
Also those thousands of lists of “12 things every person with my hobby or interest is SICK of hearing! Please be considerate and do not try to make basic conversation with me! <gif of Real Housewife rolling her eyes>”
12 Things To NEVER Say To Girls Who Breathe Oxygen:
1. “So you breathe oxygen?” Oh, did the fact that I’m breathing right now tip you off?
*gif of Jess from New Girl yelling*
2. “I breathe oxygen too! We should talk about it!” NO. JUST NO.
*gif of Disney princess dancing with GTFO written on it*
so nice to here that there are others like me out there. loved it!
I feel like this also relates to the people who post that they’re “practising self-care” tonight with their pajamas and couch and Netflix. I just call that “a night in.”
If you can’t watch tv without pretending you’re practicing something — i.e. achieving something super-valuable — then you do not know what “self-care” means. When your “self-care” is something you are putting on your list to be virtuously ticked off as completed, it’s just — no. You’re not doing it. You’re doing something else.
Right? I look at those people and say, “you mean, like, every Friday ever?”
I honestly thought I was an extrovert until I moved to NYC and apparently I am actually a hermit/shut-in/recluse. #okwithit
Season 3 Will Graham?
I’m still waiting for the episode that just consists of Will screaming and Alana staring into space/shooting guns, then glaring at people who try to talk to her.
it was good, but then the meyers-briggs lampoon made it GREAT.
As an INTJ, I dub thee Power Behind the Throne of the Queen of the INTJs.
This is so unfair, not all INTJs
This is excellent. I went to that party. We made out first. 😛
This is hilarious.
As an INFJ, the most special of snowflakes, I’m intuiting that Mallory might have some resentment toward introverts.
I am also an INFJudging you.
I’d like to point out that, just as it is incredibly annoying and horrible that introverts are stereotyped as being loner serial killers, it’s also annoying that people would cite “being an extrovert” as a reason someone might violate someone’s boundaries (ex. barging uninvited into their room and demanding a conversation, invading their space). Both introverts and extroverts violate boundaries, and they don’t do it because of their personality characteristics –they do it because they are failing to empathize and they lack respect for consent. Extroversion is frequently conflated with an inability to respect other people’s space –it’s not the same thing. The fact that lack of respect for consent is rampant in our society means that many extroverts DO violate boundaries, but not necessarily more often than introverts and not as a direct result of being extroverted. I grant you that when an extrovert does violate someone’s space, they may choose to do it differently than an introvert does –but being an extrovert doesn’t actually cause you to violate boundaries. You seem to be making a joke that actually undermines the point of the post –instead of critiquing the absurdity of stereotypes about personality traits like introversion/extroversion, you are perpetuating the stereotype that people who refuse to respect boundaries are axiomatically extroverts. A satirical post similar to this one could be written about that exact assumption (although, I grant you this assumption is less commonly acknowledged as existing) “Sorry I invaded your personal space, I’m an extrovert, which means I’m incapable of respecting boundaries.”
People who lack respect for consent often use their personality characteristics or emotions as an excuse for their behavior –joking that someone who violates boundaries does so because they are extroverted serves to uphold this narrative. Being extroverted is more socially acceptable than being introverted. Being extroverted can mean being privileged in certain ways, but it’s really only if you are extroverted AND ALSO look and act in normative ways. I am not trying to deny that extroverts get any privileges, what I am trying to do is point out that such jokes only feed into the ability of extroverts who do happen to also be assholes to believe that the reason their friend is upset is because that they have different personalities, not because people have a right to set their own boundaries and violating consent is wrong.
Also, not everyone is rewarded for being extroverted, nor are all extroverts rewarded equally. There can be a lot of pressure for members of marginalized groups to inhibit their extroversion and to not take up any social space. The cost of being perceived as chatting too much can be big, professionally, if you are a member of a marginalized group. Thus, the stereotype of introverts as loner serial killers is not the only problematic stereotype associated with personality traits and the relationship between being extroverted and being rewarded by society is not straightforward.
I really enjoyed Mallory’s post, but the humor in some of these comments bothered me. By the way, I’m an ambivert.
I think the real point of this piece is that pointing to an tenuously-defined, self-diagnosed aspect of your personality and using to to divorce yourself from any responsibility to social civility is stupid, no matter if you identify as an introvert OR an extrovert.
#NotAllExtroverts
I’m whatever label it is where you write Moby Dick-length essays about how put-upon you are when somebody talks to you
Apparently TVTropes uses Loki as an example of an INTJ.
Now I’m going to reread this in Tom Hiddleston’s voice. Huh. Yeah…yeah, I see it now.
I would listen to that man read a phone book
“What are you?”
I am always wary of people who self-identify as Ravenclaw, especially because most of them also self-identify Luna Lovegood and by all accounts a lot of Ravenclaws were just awful to her. She doesn’t have a single friend in that house!
(SLYTHERIN 4 LYFE. Hufflepuffs can come too, we’ll hide under staircases snacking on stolen cauldron cakes and swapping enchanted mixtapes.)
I’m not sure what it says about me that I laughed along with all the “Ugh, INTROVERTS” jokes, despite extreme introversion, yet this post made me go “NO! What’s wrong with Ravenclaws?!”
We Ravenclaws are terrible snobs. We love to think we are deeper than everybody else (though sometimes, perhaps there is some truth to that :P).
It’s kinda weird all her friends are Gryffindors though. Gryffindors tend to stand out more; Ravenclaws tend to be more accepting to nerds. But I guess Rowling didn’t plan in detail at the time.
That’s the thing, though. We have very little canonical evidence that Ravenclaws like nerds or weirdos. We have a lot more evidence of Ravenclaws as unfriendly, smart hotties (Roger Davies, Padma Patil, Marietta Edgecomb who straight-up sells out the DA to Umbridge) than of them being these kind, intellectual, accepting people.
OH and Gilderoy Lockhart was a Ravenclaw! Not exactly king of the nerds.
Ravenclaw is supposed to be the “intellectual house,” which implies a certain degree of acceptance of nerds, provided they are intellectual enough. Gryffindor is supposed to be the house of the brave and daring, and associated traits that would be applauded would be assertiveness and attractiveness. Certain traits tend to go with certain traits. But it’s weird that the Ravenclaws we see on the whole seem superficial and dumb, whereas the famous intellectual characters mentioned in the book tend to be Gryffindors. It’s kinda frustrating. Ravenclaw seems to be portrayed kinda like a lesser Slytherin. Also, where are the nice Hufflepuffs?? I get the impression they’re portrayed as dumb, even though they have a reputation for being nice and hardworking.
I definitely hear you there. One of the problems with JKR is that she is SO GOOD at creating these richly-textured universes that you want EVERYTHING in the franchise to be as well-thought out as the major plot details. I would have loved some more complex characterization of the houses.
I always assumed Hufflepuff was where the Hat put all the morons. “Bless her heart, she’s dumb as a box of Blast-Ended Skrewts, but she sure is loyal!”
Lockhart was definitely all about wearing that mantle though, I mean, all those people whose experiences and expertise he stole? Clearly he VALUED learning and intellect, he just…wasn’t interested in integrity or, you know, doing the actual work.
What an awful dude. Ugh, LOCKHART.
SLYTHERIN FOR LIIIIIIIIIFE o/
Ooh can we do one about people who brag about how honest they are but are really just assholes?
You would probably appreciate this post.
I’m not drunk I’m a bold journalistic voice telling it like it is to this thanksgiving dinner
I used to shampoo hair at a salon, and this extremely unpleasant regular client used to tote around books about introvert pride. She would do things like ask her stylist questions and keep a conversation going, then bark “Less talking, more blowdrying!” at the exact moment she was bored with the conversation. She had awful hair, too.
As a fairly quiet person who works in a couple of talky-chatty industries (hair and coffee/food), it’s weird and annoying to be a focus for Internet Introvert Tears, too. I get it, you would rather cut your own hair with a jagged clamshell you foraged outside of your hermit shack and all, but sometimes you have to speak to humans, and you won’t die. If I won’t die, then you won’t.
When I started cutting hair myself, it always astounded me how rude some people could be.
I’m an introvert and I LOVE my extroverted hair stylist. I have the best conversations with her. Two introverts trying to have a conversation is a nightmare. One on one interaction is not a problem for me if one person is an extrovert. It’s crowds I can’t do. That lady is rude and giving us a bad name.
I’ve always identified as an introvert, and I think the complaints about talking to your hairdresser are *the worst*. It’s the most low-stakes conversation possible – why would you need to impress your hairdresser so much?! Just show interest, learn something about someone else’s life, be human!
I use it as practice for Having Conversations Without Saying Anything. Pretty much any potentially intrusive question a stylist (or dental hygenist) asks can be answered with a totally meaningless personal detail. “Got any good plans for the weekend?” “Gonna knit somethin’, mebbe. Or just hang out, y’know.” Total low-stakes convo.
I love the Ravenclaw one! Cheers from a Ravenclaw 🙂 (Honestly I get annoyed with the Gryffindor worship in Harry Potter and the lack of Ravenclaw participation)
Beautiful. Crying. Thank you.
I’m a little confused as to why everyone is so absolutely positive about what this piece means. It’s intentionally ambiguous, and seems to be making fun of all the people who believe so firmly in the introvert/extrovert binary at the same time as it is calling introverts bad/crazy/homocidal. So I’m a little curious, I guess, why so many people, who clearly claim to be introverts, are so in love with what’s being said here. Any thoughts?
The whole introverts-as-special-flowers thing is awful clickbait garbage.
In the past couple of years (or maybe less), there’s been a proliferation of articles about what introverts are like. Some (if not most) have this serious tone of elitism to them, like, “Introverts are just so much DEEPER and they process things so much MORE. But don’t interrupt them ever and don’t ask to make conversation with them or even make unwanted eye contact because that crushes their perfect souls.” I just saw one linked to on facebook today called “10 ways introverts interact differently with the world.” So this article isn’t satirizing the existence of introversion/extroversion in general, it’s satirizing all those other articles. And it absolutely nails the tone.
(I’m actually fascinated with the differences between introversion and extroversion, so I read like all of these articles, but I realize that my interest in it is 100% self-centered)
It’s not like extroverts don’t get enough praise from uh .. literally EVERYONE!!
I guess I just took this completely differently than everyone else apparently did. the whole time I read the list I was thinking of how (mostly white male) murderers/serial killers/mass shooters are almost excused of their actions all the fucking time by media and others because they were bullied for being “different” or they were outcasts, or how people who are interviewed afterwards always supposedly say they were “so nice and quiet and shy”. and the list is pointing out that that’s bullshit, and that it gives introverts a bad name.
I didn’t think the list was supposed to be making fun of introverts or criticizing them in any way. Am I wrong?
No, that’s exactly how I read it too. Everyone else is just applying weird internet facebook grievances they have, while actually piling on some fairly gross stereotypes of their own.
I personally thought this article was more a jab at the woeful “219382398 Habits of Intro-Extroverts and their Sensitive/Sociopathic/Geeky/Niche Friends”
I’m an introvert. This is fucking hilarious. That is all.
Sooo, I should come armed to the next Toasties meetup? Or if I identify myself as a fellow introvert am I exempt from the slaughter?
But later, when you've recovered some, then you'll have to murder a whole bunch of people. Just, like, all of the people. Murdered.
Lockhart was definitely all about wearing that mantle though, I mean, all those people whose experiences and expertise he stole? Clearly he VALUED learning and intellect, he just…wasn't interested in integrity or, you know, doing the actual work.
What an awful dude. Ugh, LOCKHART.
Tell me about it! Still reeling! :-O
Well, that or just say “Sorry, I’ve had a long day and don’t really feel like talking,” or obviously be reading. Most of the hairdressers I’ve had have been totally respectful of that; the ones who aren’t won’t get my business again.
Like, I don’t think socialization should be mandatory (and do not get me started about either work parties or people who try to “make friends” on public transportation) but in certain situations, you need to take some responsibility for opting out. Like an adult.
Oh my god, I used to be SO into MBTI (I’m an INFP, so I’m a SPECIAL SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE), and in my socially awkward adolescence, I definitely used it as an excuse to not grow up or develop other skills (like, you know, social skills). While I know MBTI, scientifically questionable as it is, wasn’t meant to be used that way, I do think certain folks at certain times in their lives can use the whole “I’m introverted and perceptive and intuitive! I’m never going to be social and organized and competent, so why bother?” as a crutch.
Introversion is a preference not an excuse to not engage with other people or develop other, useful, life skills. Ugh, these damn “Introversion Special Snowflake” lists and articles are starting to drive me bonkers.
I’m INTJ (really, I am) and I deeply resent this post. It doesn’t reflect us INTJs at all. I would never leave anyone alive to apologize TO.
I’ve never heard of Mark Ruffalo so I think I’m missing part of the joke.
That sounds more “Slytherin” than “Ravenclaw” to me.
I wish other people were as self-aware and introspective as me; it’s hard being nothing special. : ( Contrary to popular belief, did you know that those who feel unhappy think they are special, and those who feel special think they are happy? I have as much reason to be proud as all the megalomaniacs combined, but I remember none of it. So never mistake my vanity starving for my vanity talking.
Delightfully, that comment is a reply to a comment directing people to this the-toast.net post.
I have murdered
the guests
who were at
your party
and who
you were probably
really quite fond of
Forgive me
they were so chatty
and I am an introvert.
This comment is pure brilliance.
“I apologize for coming to your house and killing everyone. I’m an INTJ!”
Isn’t this stereotyping?
I’m an INTJ and I haven’t killed anyone.
Well, no-one that mattered.
Well, if you’re going to be all sarcastic about it, maybe I’m not sorry.
Well, if you're going to be all sarcastic about it, maybe I'm not sorry.
I can totally identify with this!!
It’s like this: http://instagram.com/p/weOK7ZFO-_/?modal=true
oh did you also take the quiz that said you were Voldemort? Or Snape, sometimes I skew between J and P.
Haha! As an INFP mass murdering the guests doesn't seem far fetched. I prefer voodoo doll style as I hide in their closet during the party.
Unlike INFJ’s, we INFP’s would NEVER kill everyone at a party…we’re not that organized…and besides, we don’t crave closure. {giggle}
Obviously you are an extrovert… you killed no one at the party
I still feel a little bad about liking this so much. But not bad enough to stop hiccup-laughing.
I still feel a little bad about liking this so much. But not bad enough to stop hiccup-laughing.