I’m really sorry that everyone is dead. I prefer animals to people.
Sorry I killed everybody! I just really need my alone time.
Sorry that everyone is dead. They weren’t respecting my quiet power and inner strength. It’s a common misconception that introverts can’t lead; we’re just not always the first to speak up.
Sorry I butchered all of your friends in front of you. It’s just that I’d rather curl up at home with a good book than go to a party.
Some famous introverts include Albert Einstein, Audrey Hepburn, Alfred Hitchcock, and all of your friends are dead.
I apologize for coming to your house and killing everyone. I’m an INTJ!
I realize you didn’t expect me to subdue and strangle more than two dozen innocent partygoers, but you should never underestimate the power of an introvert.
Before they died, a lot of people at your party told me that I was a really good listener.
I shouldn’t have killed them, but at the same time, it’s not wrong for me to need space to reflect and recharge before I’m ready to interact with people.
I know it’s a party foul, and again I’m really sorry for bathing your house in blood, but sometimes it’s just easier for me to express myself in writing than in conversation. So I murdered everyone.
Making new friends is really hard for me. Now that everyone you wanted me to talk to tonight is dead, I’m feeling a lot less pressure to perform.
I’m so sorry I killed your friends. Making small talk is just really hard for me. It’s so stressful.
Sorry everybody’s dead! I guess it’s because I’m more “Ravenclaw” than “Gryffindor.”
Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.