Hello, chums! I don’t often make corrections, but some lovely friends of the Toast have pointed out that SAD is several orders of magnitude more serious than this comes across, and I am sorry to have been insensitive and thoughtless about that. We can all hate winter without making anyone feel worse for experiencing depression. Okay, back to jokes.
You don’t like when it gets dark out at three in the afternoon.
You like it better when it’s summer, and not winter.
Being very cold, that’s not your favorite thing.
You enjoy sunshine.
Sometimes, you don’t feel very happy.
It’s comfortable to spend a lot of time in bed, wearing pajamas, and you would rather do that than go outside when it’s very cold and meet all of your responsibilities.
You like sitting on the porch watching the sun set, drinking wine and talking with friends while wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and it’s very difficult to do that when there’s five feet of snow outside your house.
You don’t like thinking about death very much.
Like most mammals, you enjoy and seek out warmth.
When trees have leaves on them, you like that.
If you had to live in a cave, or under the dirt, or something, forever in the darkness, you wouldn’t like that.
You’d rather be asleep in your warm, cozy bed than ride a train car through the dark on your way home after a long day of working in a building flooded with artificial fluorescent lights.
It’s nice to be warm, and no fun at all to be cold.
Tags: everyone hates winter, SAD, the seasons, this doesn’t mean it isn’t real and I hope you get treatment if you have a particularly bad case
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One year I gave myself SAD by becoming vegetarian in October and not knowing how to feed myself anything but carbs. I went back to meat when I was too tired and sad to stay awake after 4 pm and also the doctor said there was no iron in my blood.
I don’t have SAD, but I do eat a largely vegetarian diet, and last winter I decided to try experimenting by eating vitamin D rich foods during the low-light winter season and HEY DID YOU KNOW JANUARY IS JUST A MONTH LIKE ANY OTHER, and not the beginning of a long slog toward the illusion of light? Apparently, so long as I eat a bunch of shellfish, I do okay.
(Having mussels tonight!)
Do supplements help? I am useless at knowing what nutrients are in what food (beyond “vegetables = good”) but if I wrote myself a stern note on the bathroom mirror I would probably remember to take my vitamins.
I dunno how supplements work for others. I’d rather eat mussels as required and also ALL THE TIME. And that works for me. I’m afraid I don’t have any advice for you that doesn’t involve mussels in garlic broth.
What else has vitamin D in it besides shellfish?
Here’s an NIH chart of various foods with their Vitamin D content listed. I also tried fortified cereals (and I’ve always been a milk-drinker) but only the oysters/mussels/fatty fish made a noticeable difference in my outlook*, so I suspect for me it’s a mixture of low iron/low D/whatever else.
*I haven’t had bloodwork done to track a deficiency, though I might if my new insurance covers it. I decided to add some things I like to my diet and see if they made a difference and, hey, they did! I imagine everyone’s different.
It might be a Vit D + Fats issue- its fat soluble and easier to absorb in fatty foods. There have been differences recorded in the effectiveness of Vit D in whole versus skimmed milk, for example.
Helpful: http://ods.od.nih.gov/factsheets/VitaminD-HealthP…
Fish, whole milk, and full-fat yogurts are really good sources of Vitamin D.
Interestingly, and weirdly, I recently discovered that if mushrooms are exposed to light they develop vitamin D which then isn’t destroyed even if they are cooked. Some shops are selling “vitamin D mushrooms” now, but the supermarket ones that are sat on a lit shelf will probably help.
Yup, I learned the hard way that low iron can REALLY fuck you up!
I’m with you – I’ve made at least three failed attempts at vegetarianism/veganism with similar results in terms of constant fatigue. Yep, I was taking a good supplement the whole time, tried to eat ENOUGH, and I’m not anemic otherwise.
Other people don’t have this much trouble and I don’t think they’re micromanaging their diets. Just doesn’t work for some of us. I try to keep meat consumption to once a day. Sometimes I can skip a day and I’m OK, but then I better make sure I get some dairy/eggs in there.
Also, an edit:
It’s comfortable to spend a lot of time in bed, wearing pajamas, and you would rather do that than go outside when it’s very cold and meet all of your responsibilities.
Fixed that for me.
I get heavy periods and am generally low- to deficient-on-iron; it’s not exactly pseudoscience for me to treat them as related.
So, most of the time I try to eat lots of plants and moderate to few animals. Except when the Time of Bloodletting comes. Then, I must eat the biggest, reddest dead animal I can find, for one meal if not two.
I got a light box and I’m better this year than I have been before.
Hooray! (THE SUN SHOULD JUST SET AT 8PM EVERYWHERE, ALL THE TIME)
Huzzah!
So you’re saying its a worthwhile investment? I’ve been side eying them for years but SAD came on strong & early for me this year. So, maybe I’m open to new possibilities.
Yes, it’s working for me. YMMV, etc.
Thanks! And thanks to all of the other replies too! I’m going to look into getting one. Unless I can somehow convince my insurance to pay for trips to the equator. I doubt they will go for that. A woman can dream though.
Light boxes work better in the morning. So if you go for one, make sure to use it then. Have a cup of tea, cuddle your light box, get back to work.
Yes. I side-eyed them for years myself, and then I finally gave in and bought one and I’ve turned it on every morning in November so far. I should have bought one YEARS ago.
SUPER effective.
They seem unreasonably expensive, but imho they’re helpful.
My dad assembled one himself from some bulbs and a wiring fixture he bought at Home Depot. If you’re vaguely handy, this might be an option?
YES. Tho’ note that it’s the kind of thing that makes a much bigger difference if you do it regularly — you can’t just wait ’til a particularly horrible day and try for a quick fix. It makes a definite difference, though. And this year I started it before I was even feeling bad and my annual SAD cliffdive was more like a curbdrop. Which is huge for me.
Also highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend a wake up light alarm. Literally changed my life.
Yup, we got one of these recently, it makes waking up in the winter MUCH easier.
Yes. Mine definitely makes an enormous difference to waking up on time.
I love mine – I sleep better, I’m less gloomy, and people from all over the building come by to gawk and ask questions. 10/10, would strap it to my face if I could figure out how to do so.
I love, love, love my lightbox. They’re also amazing at helping kill jetlag.
but what if we actually like winter more than summer with its stupid humidity?
(maybe i grew up in florida, what of it?)
Then there are only two of us. We’ll need to band together to face the onslaught of summer-pushers. I DON’T WANT YOUR INTENSE SUNLIGHT OK??
Three, there are three of us! (Well, most of us like winter more if we are counting people not bodies but that is very confusing so let us just count the body, three.) (Also we might change our minds if we lived somewhere with an actual winter featuring snow but we grew up with snow and we MISS IT.)
Also this reminds me of the bit in Watership Down (the book) where the author is saying ‘Humans like winter because humans like being warm and going nyah nyah nyah to the seasons!’ Except he said it somewhat more formally.
Three! My people moved to California for the glorious summer fog.
May I join your merry and intelligent band?
all are welcome!
Me too! I used to pine over the sweaters in the back to school issue of Seventeen (when I was 9). I pined!
Oh yes SWEATERS. I love sweaters.
It is supposed to rain here today and tomorrow and Saturday and the sky right now is grey and there is a lot of wind and I am physically happier than I have been in ages.
i adore winter weather (wind so harsh it burns? better than sun that does the same!). i hate winter light cycles.
hence, i shake out to being happiest in the fall.
you make a good point, fall is the best (spring is pretty good too)
spring reminds me that summer weather is coming and that thought actually makes me unhappy…
Six! This time last year I was in Southern China, finally, FINALLY basking in a brief spell of coolness after 6 months of 95-degree, 90% humidity days. I giggled and REVELED in first smelling snow on the air and feeling the chill again.
I soaked through a cotton t-shirt walking three blocks in Hangzhou in June. Worst climate EVER.
China in the summer is THE WORST. And Hangzhou is supposed to be one of the NICE places. Hong Kong/Guangdong in the summer is hell itself.
I love cold weather and having an excuse to wear sweaters and scarves, but I do not love it getting dark at 4:00.
me too, me too!
I live in Adelaide in South Australia, and we have absolutely brutally hot summers, and relatively mild winters, plus I’m a winter baby, so I’m 100% on board the winter train.
We’re heading into summer now, and I can feel the heat coming at me, it’s horrid (and sweaty!)
The secret to liking summers, is to summer in Seattle (seriously).
i had my first full summer in portland this year, & let me tell you: july was MAGICAL.
I believe Mark Twain said that summer in the Pacific Northwest were the best three months of winter he spent anywhere.
I’m inclined to agree–September in NW Washington is breathtaking in its beauty.
Spring and Fall are the way to go. Summer is too hot and humid (DC, represent) and the AC indoors is cranked too high. Winter is windy and cold and the sidewalks are treacherous, and the heat indoors is cranked too high. Spring and Fall are the Baby Bears of the seasons – just right.
(I prefer being cold and bundled up to being sweaty and sticky, but I hate getting dressed in the morning, so summer wins out a tiny bit by being the season of sandals and sundresses)
yes! my official ranking of seasons is something like this: fall, spring, winter, summer.
It’s like we’re twins.
Add me too! I grew up in New Jersey, went to school in Pennsylvania, and lived in DC for most of my adult life, and now live in southern Ontario. I hate humid summers. They give me migraines and generally bum me out. Humid East-Coast summer sun is like an interrogation spotlight or like a sauna you can’t get away from. The summer I lived in Finland with its glorious, non-humid, not-hot weather was the pinnacle of my summer experience. (22 hours of non-humid, non-oppressive sunlight!) If it were an immigrant country, I would immigrate just for that. My birthday is in summer, and my greatest birthday wish is to experience cool weather on my birthday. It never happens.
Though now that I have PPD, I also have a spot of normal fall/winter SAD for the first time in my life, which is most unfair!
Yes forever! The dark and cold season makes me giddy, whereas bright sunlight and heat fills me with despair that makes it hard to feel like anything is worth doing at all. I have SAD at the wrong time of year. (And grew up in Hawaii so make of this what you will. I’m dreading moving back and giving up the winters of my dreams.)
Hey, I grew up in the cold winters of Northwestern Ontario (Canada) and I prefer winter to summer. But that may have a lot to do with the fact that I loooooove wearing winter coats, mittens, and hats, while I’m pretty indifferent to shorts/tank tops etc.
You discover the Weather Service’s Past Weather webpage (http://www.nws.noaa.gov/climate/) and become obsessed with looking up its Average Sky Cover statistics for your area.
You realize that you reliably get depressed after 3+ days of Sky Cover = 1 (translation: science has recorded NO SUN FOR YOU TODAY).
HOLY SHIT THIS JUST BECAME MY NEW FAVORITE THING
So, I spent ten years in NW Washington. My last year there? It rained for 93 days.
No sun. Three months.
I’m amazed I didn’t jump off a bridge.
I don’t need sun and heat every single day of the year. I appreciate a rainy day. The best are those monsoon-like rains in Spring when you can hear the rain hit all the leaves and the colors seem more lush. But when the relentless grey presses against my very soul I begin to think that maybe man was foolish to migrate so far north.
“Sometimes, you don’t feel very happy.”
“You don’t like thinking about death very much.”
Oh god.
I knew I was sick.
AGREED.
ETA: Meant for Mallory.
I was just thinking this morning ‘Hm it’s been nice to see all these posts about SAD because they make me feel less alone but I feel by the time in February when it’s really bad nobody will really be posting about it anymore. Oh right, by February everyone who is writing about it now will be too sad to move their fingers’.
Seriously though, usually I’m good through Christmas but this early-November chill is really freaking me out. WHY IS IT DARK AT 4:30? WHY DOES IT HURT MY BODY TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND WHY AM I THE ONLY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO HAS NOBODY TO STAY HOME AND BE WARM WITH. OK done it was good to get that out.
You’re not the only one. Want to come over?
“Signs You Live in Northern Michigan and It’s After October 15”
YEP. Every time I’m there I think, “Well this is quite pleasant!” and then remember that people actually live there after Labor Day.
I love it here and would never choose to live anywhere else, all things taken into account, but sometimes, man, it is tough.
Or, Signs You Live In Buffalo, NY (hullo polar vortex…)
Oof, yes. Man, you guys got socked.
It’s pretty bad, but also kind of fun? in a weird way. People help each other dig out, drink beer, compare notes on snowblower maintenance…
Sounds a lot like our winter last year. 22 feet at our house, which was a lot of feet and we don’t have a snowblower. PC had some rockin’ shoulder muscles, let me tell you, but also we definitely borrowed the neighbor’s snowblower on a couple of the bad storms. There’s a solidarity to it that’s sometimes tough to describe. 🙂
I told my husband last year we didn’t need a plow service.
“It’ll be too expensive,” I said.
“I could use the exercise,” I said.
I called a plow service in August this year.
the morning lightbox literally saved my life
“There is a terrible excitement that fills the New Englander at the idea of death, even one’s own—discussing my will, I always feel a tingle of excitement. Just as catastrophe makes us cozy, so does death warm up our insides like a crackling fire. Perhaps it is relief that the punishment we have so long awaited has finally befallen us, or the belief that death will resolve, at last, the tangled web of our emotions.”
Thank you for posting this; I both love and hate this SO MUCH! So many feelings all at once about the Four O’Clock Ladies Club!
Aaaaahhh I loved that article (was it really just from back in May? could have sworn it was longer ago), thank you for bringing it back into my life.
I was really hoping this was another Chris Kimball letter.
(not using my regular account because I want to be anonymous)
I called the suicide lifeline last night. I have a new job that ought to be going really well, and in fact everything about my life is going swimmingly except I’m afraid I’m not good enough to do the work. And a month ago I thought I was stable enough to go off antidepressants, which was not the right decision, and I sort of fell apart last night. I’ve started taking them again, but it’ll be another couple of weeks at least before they start helping again, and in the meantime I’m so worried that I’m not doing well at work that I feel like throwing up all the time and I keep skipping meals because I’m too stressed to want to eat.
I’m trying to logic myself out of all these feelings, but it’s not really working. I’m doing a little better after talking to the crisis operator: nowhere near happy or hopeful, but less desperate. I don’t know what I’m doing but talking it out helps.
I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and making the calls you need to. Good luck to you and you’ll be in my thoughts.
I’m working on taking care of myself. I have a mug of hot chocolate right now. Probably not much caloric or nutritional value there, but it’s better than nothing and I’ll try to eat the lunch I packed later this afternoon.
Sometimes the kindness-to-self value is more important than caloric or nutritional value! I’m glad you made that call last night and I’m glad that you have a good home to visit for Thanksgiving. It sounds like you’re doing a really good job of taking care of yourself even when that’s a really hard thing to do, so kudos to you on that.
I’m glad you made the call too, and that you are getting the medication you need. Keep talking, even if only online. We are here.
Somehow I’m finding it harder to wait for the antidepressants to kick in than to live without them. I just have to hang in for a couple more weeks. Going home for Thanksgiving will help, too.
That waiting is the worst. Good luck, and remember, every minute you wait is one minute more the little brain-pills are working on your behalf. They’ll get there soon.
keep the number saved in your phone and don’t be afraid to call it whenever you need to. remember that depression lies to you. as the quakers say, holding you in the light.
I saved it as “Help” in my contacts. And I know depression lies. Lies to me (these feelings are totally normal and rational), persuades me to lie to other people (no, I’m fine / everything’s great / just a little tired / maybe I’m coming down with something). It’s harder than I expected to face the lies, even though I’ve done this before.
I’ve never heard that saying before, “holding you in the light.” It’s beautiful. Thank you.
Aww hang in there. Keep calling that hotline too.
You are in my thoughts and I am sending lots of goodness your way.
They’re going to call me back tonight. I didn’t know they did that, but near the end of my call, when I’d stopped sobbing hysterically and had managed to dredge up some happier things to talk to the operator about, they set up a time to call and check on me.
I used to think “I can’t kill myself because it would destroy my mother.” Now I think “I can’t kill myself because I have a son to take care of.” I don’t know how bad this thought process is. I don’t know if I should be worried that I will kill myself when I am in my 60s and my parents are dead and my son is independent. Hopefully not.
What I’m trying to say is you’re not alone, people care, even random internet strangers like me.
I know people care, but sometimes it’s really hard to remember that that’s important, too. One time in college I told myself that if I went down this road, I would never ever get to finish reading whatever book I was in the middle of, and it was surprisingly helpful. I had a brief bout of guilt (shouldn’t I care about the effect I have on other people and not just myself?) but I got over it because hey, I lived and I finished that book. I don’t even remember what book it was.
Last week I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts and I wound up writing myself a note to carry in my pocket that said “Literally anything is better than being dead.” Just… giving myself permission to do whatever it took to not kill myself, even if it wasn’t the best/”right” decision. I feel you on questioning your own methods for staving those urges off.
Hold on, Daisy. I’ll be thinking of you.
I am so impressed with you: even in the grip of crisis, you did the best thing to take care of yourself in the moment by calling that helpline.
Your feelings sound so painful, and it can be hard to remember that they are transient, that once you get your medical needs balanced again, they will recede like a tide and leave you back in the sense of stability you felt so recently. But they will. You’ve done everything right* to get back on track, you’re on your way. You’ll be okay.
*And even if you hadn’t “done everything right,” you would still be deserving of compassion and wellness. No matter what, you deserve that. It’s just encouraging to see how well you’ve taken care of yourself, even in crisis.
Last night I got home from grocery shopping and just fell apart, and I needed to do something _right now_. I don’t remember how I hit on the idea of calling the helpline, but it turned out really well. As well as could be expected under the circumstances, I mean.
Like the operator on the line said, it’s a waiting game now. I just have to wait until the antidepressants start working again. I was lucky when I started taking them, because it was only two weeks or so until I noticed an improvement, and I know it can take months. I can wait this out for two weeks.
Please take care of yourself, daisy. I am sorry it is so hard right now. We are here listening!
I’ve seen other people come to the comments section here when they need support, and I always liked knowing that I had that option. I’m feeling more stable today, but this comment thread has helped even further. Thank you all.
I’m so glad you reached out to them. If you ever want to chat, you can go to my username dot com and there is an email address there. Be well. I’ll be thinking of you.
I’d never even thought about calling the helpline before, but I’m glad I did. Before I was connected with an operator, I cried so hard that my cat jumped off my lap because I was disturbing her rest (cats, what is up with them, I don’t even know). The person I talked to was amazingly laid-back and I calmed down just talking to someone who wasn’t losing it like I was.
… I just realized that your username is a pun on lorem ipsum. I like it.
Daisy, you are amazing. You reached out for help. That was so hard for me when I felt as you describe. This internet stranger cares. I hope you feel better. And if you don’t, I hope to see you in Toast comments again. We’re here for you.
I’ll try to swing by the open thread on Friday. My work schedule doesn’t always line up with it, but I think I can find time to leave a quick comment. If I forget (I put a sticky note on my monitor to remind myself), it doesn’t mean that I’m in really bad shape again and you should be worried. I think I’m on the upswing now, slowly, but I’ll get there. Work is going better today, and that was the main thing I was so upset about last night.
Some folks (ok, at least me) stick around into the west-coast evening and sometimes into the weekend. I often come back and sort by last activity to see if anyone else is hanging out. So if you make it to the thread, I’ll probably see it even if late!
We’ve probably never met and maybe we never will but I’m really **really** glad you made that phone call. And I’m **really** glad you’re posting here.
That phone call was one of the better decisions I’ve made this month. I’ve been worse off, and I don’t want to be there ever again. Posting here is certainly the best decision I’ve made all day. I was feeling a little more stable this morning, and now after everyone here has been so supportive, I think I’m feeling slightly hopeful again. Not great by any means, but I feel like I can get through this.
I am incredibly proud of you, daisy. Please remember to take care of yourself as you wait for the antidepressants to kick in (set an alarm to remind yourself to eat and don’t give yourself a hard time if all you can manage are peanut butter sandwiches or whatever) and know that all of us Toasties are rooting for you. I have been there with going off antidepressants at the wrong time and it’s so hard but they will start helping again, and two weeks isn’t very long at all. Hugs if you want them. <3
I’m trying to frame the decision to stop taking my meds as “well, I’ve learned that this is a Superlatively Bad Idea and I’ll pick up the pieces and move on” rather than “I’m stupid and I did this to myself.” Talking to the helpline operator and people here in the comment section has been helpful there.
I’ll try to eat something tonight. There’s a small party happening, and I’m going to drag myself to it, no matter how lousy I feel, because I know I’d regret missing it, and I said I’d bring a pie. I’m sure I can manage to eat a piece of it, because pie is delicious. I could make French toast, too. I have extra egg yolks sitting in my fridge from an adventure in baking, and that’s where most of the protein is, right? I could even get into the bottle of maple syrup. If there was ever a time to eat expensive maple syrup, it’s this week. I think I just talked myself into being hungry.
Eat everything. Give yourself permission to eat all of the things you want, just because you want them. I know when I’m depressed to the point of self-harming ideation, it can be incredibly helpful to say to myself, “I am going to eat this pizza, and then eat this cake, because I want to. I can, in fact, eat whatever I like, for whatever reason I like, because I deserve nice things.” I think it’s partly that I’m having a serious talk with myself about being someone who deserves nice things, and partly that eating food that makes me feel good…makes me feel good. It’s an aspect of physical existence that doesn’t suck, and creates a tiny space in which I’m actively enjoying my life.
Also, I’m at a similar breaking point myself and this whole thread is actually making me feel better and less alone. So thank you for sharing your troubles with us; they’ve helped me.
Love to you, honey. Nolite non bastardes carborundorum.
Fortunately, I’m depersonalizing most of the time, rather than wanting to hurt myself. So that’s a fairly positive direction for that to go, all things considered.
I’m so grateful that you had a place to call to help you through the worst of it. Be proud of yourself for that, and remember that there are always people here for you. Seconded on my username @gmail.com if you ever want or need a different kind of talking (and that goes for anyone else who needs a friendly ear <3)
Oh, girl. Sending love to you.
Go you for taking care of yourself! Please hang on. Please keep caring for yourself.
Oh, sweetheart.
We’re all keeping an eye out for you, okay? Please hang on. You are inherently worthwhile, and this pain will pass.
We are here for you. Shit sucks right now, but you are going to come through it.
We are here for you. You are worthwhile.
*love and hugs and chocolate and more love*
things that might help you feel better a little sooner: fish oil, whatever amount you need to get 1000 mg of EPA (not combined, EPA specifically) daily; a B-complex vitamin daily; Vitamin D (pills are fine, 1,000 IU a day is fine, almost everyone north of Atlanta is chronically low).also, taking showers. negative ions (produced by running water) can help. do whatever the fuck you need to for food. Ensure, seriously, is fine: you’re very ill. therapy can help, too. This is all, obv, to assist meds. Am firm believer in the meds.
xooxox.
Mallory’s correction and relevant tweets are a huge reason I love the Toast. Thanks for that and just being aware and listening. And thanks to the people who provide pushback in firm loving ways.
I used to think that I might want to live in Boston or New York, but then I spent a winter in Poland and decided that I could never live somewhere where it is possible to go two weeks without seeing the sun. I literally turn into Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
I have SAD on top of actual depression, so of course I immediately moved my Texan ass to Chicago for law school.
I just moved to Chicago too, and though I’ve lived in the midwest my whole life, it doesn’t get any easier dealing with these winters!
“You haven’t seen sun for a week and it’s always cold but you can’t afford/don’t want to pay to turn up the heat and you have to write a 25 page paper by Friday but all you want to do is drink hot spiked cider on the couch with Gilmore Girls and your cats. All of this makes you want to drop out of school and become a drain on society. Or become a vestal virgin.”
Are you in my head? Minus the cats this is my life right now…
Solidarity my friend.
You don’t have to at all if you don’t want, but on Twitter there is a good, sound discussion going on of how to talk about winter shittiness without treating seasonal depression as a joke that goes into a bit more detail about why I changed this piece a bit!
I don’t have a Twitter account and don’t really want one, so I won’t be participating in that discussion. But I used this post as a jumping-off point to talk about my current bout of non-seasonal depression and even though I wasn’t bothered by the original form (mostly because I was rushing down to the comments) I really, really appreciate you being compassionate. <3
I got a lamp last February because it was such a horrible winter. It didn’t seem to do much good, but I’ve heard that it’s better when you start using it in fall. So I started a couple of weeks ago (taking D supplements too) but it’s already winter here now – dates mean nothing: there’s snow on the ground and it’s -18 C, so it’s fucking winter. However I’ve still been very-not-well, and maybe it’s not SAD at all, or not SAD treatable with vitamin D and light. Maybe I am just depressed that it hurts to be outside. Maybe that won’t go away. Maybe I will continue to be consistently unhappy for minimum five months in a row every year for the rest of my life. It’s terrible to contemplate.
Are you doing light moring, evening, or both? Morning is the usual suggestion, but I found it only helps me if I do it at night. I turn it on for about 45 minutes right as the sun starts to set.
I have it at work, as I’m there more often then I’m at home (I usually spend half the week at my girlfriend’s place.) And I turn it on in the morning and often leave it on pretty much all the time I’m at my desk. Maybe it would be better to stop in the middle of the day though. It certainly is dark before I leave work. Elsewhere in this thread was the suggestion that you should get really close to it and I think trying that may help. I had thought that it was about having the light in your field of vision, but maybe closeness works.
Definitely try different times with the light and see what works best for you. Consistency and length of time is usually what makes the biggest difference.
This is often a horrid time of year for a lot of us–is there a place inside that gets sunlight when it comes that you can sit in to soak it up?
You can get through this–I know it sucks, but please keep going. *love*
I actually am really spoiled in my office, it has big windows, so when the sun is out, I do see it. Thanks so much for your nice words.
One good thing about probably being unemployed starting 2 weeks from now is I won’t have to go outside for the rest of the winter! I can make my husband buy groceries and return my library books and get the dry-cleaning. There will be absolutely no reason for me to leave my cozy duvet burrow.
Also, before Mallory added the note at the top, I thought this piece was taking a shot at people who use the common human experience of Hating Winter to co-opt an actual mental health problem like SAD – like how people who are very neat joke about “being OCD.” I have a lot of symptoms of depression in the winter but I always hesitate to say I’m depressed because doesn’t everyone feel this way? How do you draw the line between a legitimate disorder and just feeling bummed out that it’s cold and dark all the time?
I wish! I’m afraid you’re giving me too much credit — I was just being thoughtless.
But you apologized and made up for it. Good on ya, lady, and thank you.
If only I knew. Bonus round: start a new birth control in the middle of the fall. Are those light depressive symptoms (a) a side effect of the BC, (b) a reaction to time changes + cold + the sun setting at frickin’ 3 p.m., or (c) the onset of SAD???
The world may never know but I am getting the heck off this kind of birth control as of tomorrow.
Ooooh, I did that once, switching birth control in November. Screaming crying matches with my mom at Christmas, like I was 17 again, were the result. I also attempted to make my way through Freedom at the same time. DO NOT RECOMMEND.
Re your second paragraph, that’s how I interpreted it too.
But cheers to The Toast for actually listening when someone says “that’s not OK.” It shouldn’t be such a rare occurrence, but sadly it is.
Nothing endears me to my fellow southerners like our annual ritual of being astonished that winter came back. It’s like nature is playing a generations-long game of peekaboo with us.
We’re always so shocked and horrified! Can you believe how cold it is? It’s so cold! It’s so cold it is as if the sun is further away or something due to the rotation of the earth that happens every year. It’s so weird though!
I was leaving a meeting yesterday and a woman in front of me zipped her coat up as she exited the building and bellowed “winter is BULLSHIT!” to no one in particular. I hear you, fellow southerner. I hear you.
HA HA I CAME BACK HA HA!
— Winter
The sun is actually closest in January, the cursed temptress! Her light is more diffuse in winter, though, so we in the northern hemisphere benefit not at all from the proximity. It’s terrible.
My parents live near Cleveland, and apparently people there are alternating between freaking out about the 1/2″ of snow on the ground, and making fun of the Southerners who can’t cope with winter.
I didn’t like living in San Diego because it felt like Groundhog Day (“another sunny day, just like yesterday and probably just like tomorrow…”). Then I moved back to the Mid-Atlantic… and I was happy with the seasons! But I think last year’s repetitive Arctic Vortices beat that out of me. So basically I want to live somewhere with seasons, but not too extreme; precipitation, but not too much. And no fire seasons. And no tornado seasons. And preferably not somewhere that would be consumed by rising water levels or a tsunami. I’ll be over here taking any suggestions you brilliant people may have… (yes, I’m aware the suggestions may just be “suck it up, you weather wimp”)
Portland? Maybe some parts of Idaho or Washington state. Places that are in the South but not too deep – like KY and TN.
My home in NorCal checks all your boxes but for fire season, which is terrifying.
I feel like portland would possibly be too rainy? but maybe not. I was thinking of seattle too, but was unsure because of the raininess of it.
I feel like NorCal would be pretty much spot on, but it does have a fire season?!? is it as bad as SoCal? In the 8 years that I lived in San Diego county, I lived through two really awful fires that had people evacuated to my house and friends losing homes, pets, and sanity.
Portland/Seattle is really tricky. It’s chilly (but not cold) and damp (sprinkles, but rarely out-and-out rain) and worst of all, solid gray overcast for about 9 months straight. Then it’s OUTSTANDINGLY GORGEOUS for about two-and-a-half months.
So if cold is your deciding factor? You’ll be safe there, *and* well-protected from the coming global climate changes. (Marine climate but well clear of the ocean itself)
If light is your deciding factor? Go with somewhere else.
portland is less rainy than seattle! and honestly, probably less rainy than you expect. that said, there are days when it grey and drizzling and that is kinda gross.
and about the greyness…well, it really makes you appreciate the sunshine.
Pittsburgh has the standard east coast four seasons, but without extreme heat, cold, droughts, rains, or snow (usually–last year they got socked by the polar vortex). You would get the occasional tornado warning, but all the little hills around western PA means tornadoes usually fizzle out, so it’s nowhere near as bad as living in tornado alley.
Yeah, I live in San Diego (moved from Maryland about 4 years ago) and I seriously hate this time of year the most here because it has been sunny and hot out for like 10 months in a row now and that is TOO DAMN LONG!!! I really, really miss fall.
I would actually think the mid-Atlantic would fit your requirements, but then again, I haven’t lived there for a few years so I might have forgotten how cold it gets.
I would move to San Francisco in a heartbeat. I love cool weather. I even love fog. Never very cold (to someone who spent decades in the northeast). Never very hot. Perfect for me.
Sounds like where I grew up – East Tennessee. I mean, if you like things like jobs and urban living, I can’t help you, but the weather is good!
Tokyo’s good for that!
SE PA, DE, MD and VA have much milder winters than the NE proper while escaping the worst of the summer heat in the South.
Another vote for the light box and I actually do it TWICE a day as soon as daylight saving time starts, once in the morning, once when I get home at 5:30 in pitch black, half an hour both times. I avoided them for years until my mother finally bought me one for my (December) birthday after YEARS of me saying things like “I don’t have SAD, I am just more tuned in to the true, horrible nature of life on this planet than other people! Now let me finish this loaf of bread so I can sleep for another 12 hours!” Saved me; seriously.
Last winter was absolutely brutal for me because I was at a job I really hated, and would make me cry every night because it was so awful, AND winter was like 2315492458 days long so I was like “THERE IS NO WARMTH IN THE WORLD OR IN MY SOUL”.
I have a bunch of friends who complain about heat and humid summers, but we live in CANADA, how many of those do we even have? I love humidity. I’m like a lizard, I can just lie there all day.
I’ve actually wondered if I DO have SAD, because I seem to get way more bummed out by winter than most people do, like to the point where it becomes hard to get out of bed when it’s cold and dark out? How does one know if it’s general “winter is shitty-itis” or SAD?
RIGHT? People bitch on two weeks of humidity we get every summer and I’m like “we have FIVE TO SIX MONTHS OF THE YEAR WHERE THE AIR WILL FREEZERBURN YOUR FACE OFF enjoy the heat while you can.”
Also, this summer just past? There was not nearly enough summer in that summer. And right after a winter that had s much winter. And now we’re embarking on what looks like another Ice Hell Nighttime of the Soul until next May.
Over the years, I’ve started referring to the grey area between “winter sucks” and full-blown SAD as my seasonal affective blargh, because it’s hard to tell where “fuck this cold and dark” ends and actual depression begins, particularly when I’m in the thick of it and think that it would be overdramatic to say that I’m facing a “real” mental illness. I’ve learned to expect a certain drop in my energy and optimism starting in November and cratering in mid- to late January, and I’ve found tactics (structured schedules, lots of exercise, forcing myself to socialize, going outside regularly) that help me stay more or less balanced. But there are specific mental patterns I know to look out for, bad thoughts that start seeming familiar and comforting, and when those crop up I know it’s not a bad day or being sick of having frozen toes, it’s a legitimate problem and I need to get proper help.
Unfortunately, it’s taken about two decades to get here. If you’re not sure you’ve got SAD, I’d advocate pursuing treatment options as though you do, and amp up the self-care even if your jerkbrain says it’s not really necessary.
[ETA: I love this video about Icelandic winters very much.]
The next 3 times you get a sunny day, invent a medical appointment and leave your job for an hour to sit in the sun. If that makes you feel better, you were experiencing SAD.
Girl I love you, but I know you live in Toronto so I KNOW you have first-hand experience with Ontario humidity and that shit is not normal. This year, pretty medium, but summer heatwaves past have been like clamping a damp sock over your mouth.
Yeah, it gets real goddamn gross sometimes. It’s like someone is pointing a smelly hair dryer in your face!
I just have a crazy high tolerance to it I guess? One summer I went for a run in 35C humidity. Conversely, if the heat drops under 15C I am cold forever.
Oh, I’m sure it’s tolerance, because I am the exact opposite! I can be still be happy as a clam until around -20C (provided I’m dressed appropriately) but more than 1 hour of direct, hot sunlight and above 30 humidity and I am the most goddamn miserable human in the world. I carry some extra weight and that definitely contributes to my ability to enjoy hot weather too.
TWO WEEKS, we never have more than two weeks of heatwave (Often split, 1 in July, 1 in August) and it’s just an excuse to go to the Island for naked swimming. (I need very little excuse to Hanlon’s it up, granted.)
Lies! I spent one summer in Ontario and it was horrible and way too hot and humid and it smelled funny and it was like living in an armpit. It was horrible and I’m never doing it again. That being said, I have literally complained about the heat while I was at the Arctic Circle, so I might fall a little outside the “normal” range.
I’m curious to see how this winter goes, because my last winter was similar–the weather was unusually brutal and I was working one job that I hated, one job that was a stressful mess, and I had an unsteady and unreliable income. I kind of like winter (New England blood? Anything compares favorably to the winters I spent in Boston?), so now that I have an okay life, it’ll be interesting to see if winter can actually be…fun?
You live in Canada. It’s worth getting Vitamin D supplements to start with, and if those help, get a light box and use the hell out of it.
Driving on roadways that are relatively dry or ice-free and crowded with drivers who are less terrifyingly bad at driving is preferable.
I remember one winter morning when my dad was so worried over the icy roads that he decided to drive me to school rather than risk me taking the bus. We hit a stop sign at the top of a not-steep-at-all little hill and the car started rolling backwards, there was so little traction to be had.
The principal still yelled at me for being late. >_>
This is true. So far this year, though, it seems like no one up here has done the traditional Annual Forgetting How to Drive In Weather because it honestly hasn’t been all that long since we were doing it last winter, and people have been remarkable sane about it. Nice change of pace really.
It rained for the first time in 800 years the other day in the bay area and people went dangerously bonkers. (and by rain I mean light drizzle)
When trees have leaves on them, you like that.
I totally do like that. Trees with leaves > trees without leaves.
Last fall, a series of happy accidents led to a couple of tomato plants growing in mini-greenhouses on my bedroom dresser. I credit those untimely little plants with easing me through winter much more gently than usual. When I woke up, I saw green; when I watered them, rustling their leaves released a distinct summery smell. They got quite tall and grew little yellow flowers and eventually, during a snowy March, little red fruits. I’ve got a few more plants growing now, hoping to trick myself out of winter doldrums again.
Your tomato plants are a blessing. I finally put a plant in my bathroom like I’ve been wanting to for years. Edna (Krabappel) has made such a difference in my mood, especially as the days are shortening.
I really want it to be a crabapple tree in your bathroom but I guess logistically that might be tricky.
Yeah, the tree logistics just don’t work in my current bathroom. I had to put Edna in a hanging basket as it was, there is so little space.
But once upon a time I had a huge bathroom and we did grow a small tree in it. When we left that house, we could not move the tree and putting her out on the curb was just too heartbreaking to consider. So I left a big city-issued bag folded next to her with a note for the new owners of the house: “This tree’s name is Damascus. She loves living here. I think she makes a lovely housewarming gift, but if you do not agree, put her in this bag and set her on the curb early Thursday morning for the trash pickup.”
I hope she lived a long happy life in that huge bathroom. That was, BTW, the most beautiful house we will ever own. We miss it.
I once stayed at a house where the residents had lined the shower stall with those dark, raw-cork tiles that were all the rage in the 70’s, and then they stuck a piece of moss onto one tile, where it began to grow until all of the cork tiles were covered in thick green moss. With the air filled with the smell of that green moss it was the best place to take a shower, ever.
What makes me sad (not SAD, just sad) is that I went to buy hand warmers at CVS, and they sold out yesterday! YESTERDAY!
PS: I wanted them for my feet.
When I was too poor for hand warmers or for heating my apartment, I put spoons in boiling water for several minutes, then put the hot spoons in my slippers. My wool socks kept my skin from burning and it felt sooooo good.
I am so sorry. Starting a new job seems like it would be shiny and exciting but it’s also extremely stressful. I hope your meds starting working again very quickly and that you feel light again soon.
It’s comfortable to spend a lot of time in bed, wearing pajamas, and you would rather do that than go outside when it’s very cold and meet all of your responsibilities.
This is pretty much my life, regardless of season.
This piece made me start crying at my desk, which probably means it’s time for me to get the lamps and Vitamin D supplements and try to figure things out.
I keep wondering how I survived two years in Minnesota. When it gets below 45 here in Texas, I just want to curl up and never go outside again.
On lightboxes, I might advise you to put your face right up in that thing. I’ve had one for a few years, but always felt rather, “eh, I guess it’s helping, maybe?” This fall has brought the worst recurrance of depression I’ve experienced. When I burst into tears in class last week, my dance teacher said I need to make sure to put the light box close enough to my face, as in, 8-10 inches. I’ve been getting real close with Mr. Lightbox this week, and I think it might really make a difference. I feel ridiculously better and so much more normal. So get real friendly with those lightboxes, Toasties.
ooooooh… maybe this would help. Thank you. I am currently cuddling my lamp. It is dark and snowing outside my office window.
I can actually handle a Wisconsin winter better than I handled FOUR DAMN MONTHS without seeing the sun in Seattle. The first day the sun was out on my walk to work, I cried like a baby.
I’m from Saskatchewan, and lived in Victoria, BC, for seven years. I very much understand.
yeah, I much prefer bitter cold and sun to 40s and 30s but no sun.
I lived in Lynden for ten years.
I will never leave Southern California and its blessed, blessed sunshine again.
1. I am really impressed by (edit: I hate typos) Mallory’s ability and willingness to accept criticism and to respond proactively. Something I try to emulate.
2. The url for me now says, “signs-you-have-winter/” which is pretty great. The clearest sign I have winter is the obnoxiously large winter coat sitting next to my chair at work.
re: lightboxes and the horrible expensiveness thereof: while this is not CHEAP, it’s cheapER than many and I can vouch for it working well (as can many hundreds of folks on Amazon), so let’s call it a good value. It’s $80 and has lasted me 3 years and counting.
Plus has a cool negative ions generator thing, which is the same reason (apparently) that we feel happy when we’re sitting by a body of water with the wind blowing over the water before we breathe it in.
http://www.amazon.com/NatureBright-SunTouch-Plus-…
(Will the commenting system let me link this? If not, it’s on Amazon as Nature Bright SunTouch Plus Light Therapy: the one marked as the #1 bestseller in Light Therapy Products.)
This is the one I have; co-signed; it works! (The ion thing smells weird to me, though, so I don’t use it.)
The one star review of that light box by Amazon user JonTechie and the ensuing comment thread are really, really entertaining.
Oh, my.
Has anybody else read L.M. Montgomery’s journals (The Toast is the only place I would venture that query in such confidence, <3 The Toast)? Her descriptions of what has to be SAD when the snows set in are…yikes.
Winter doesn’t bother me too too much but upon reflection I think I’ve been a little bit of a jerk about that fact, lording my hearty-northeasterner status over my Florida native spouse. Winter resolution: compassion toward self AND others!
Oh, my, goodness, yes. And she had to deal with Maritimes winters with no electricity.
Why doesn’t some genius incorporate a lightbox into a laptop screen and make one kajillion dollars in the first week it’s on the market? (Please do not explain to me the technological limitations of this kajillion-dollar idea.)
Oh hey, semi-related question: Do people use humidifiers in winters? Does it help with dry skin/heater-induced general dryness? Can you recommend a good one?
It just this morning like, floated into my brain that humidifiers are a Thing and maybe they’re a thing that will mean I don’t have to wake up every morning feeling like I’ve been sucked dry by a vampire all winter.
Yes, they help, a lot. Get a humidifier that is, above all else, easy to clean. You want parts you can put in a sink of hot soapy water or parts you can easily wipe down. Then commit to cleaning it every week. Otherwise, you’ll be growing and vaporizing your next respiratory infection.
Yes and yes! I just got a boring Vicks-branded one from Target and it works fine. I still have to use lotion but I feel less like my entire body is a withered husk, and I don’t get nearly as many nosebleeds. I just fill it up and run it overnight.
They really do help! I have sinus issues and an asthmatic cat who gets an asthma attack when it’s too dry, so I have one running from October-June (the heat in my building is on far too late into the year).
I have, however, had terrible luck with them, in that I’ve had to buy a new one every year because they keep breaking, so I’m interested in recommendations for a good one, too.
I have a really old humidifier my mom gave me and it smells like wet wool so I never use it. I may have to splurge on a new one because it is gross waking up with blood sticking to the inside of my nose because the skin in there is so dry (TMI?)
UGHH that is terrible. I can handle the dry skin but somehow the dry inside-of-nose is THE WORST thing ever and I hate it. And yet it never occurred to me to get a humidifier…
http://thesweethome.com/reviews/the-best-humidifi…
This shouldn’t replace a consultation with your doctor, but if anyone is considering light therapy, they should check out the University of British Columbia’s Mood Disorder Clinic’s SAD information. They do clinical testing on light boxes and have some helpful information about picking one out. (10,000 lux and white light is the main thing.)
And I’m so glad that this post has opened up an opportunity for an honest discussion about mental health.
I was unrepentantly pro-winter when I could walk to work and didn’t have a car (or a driveway). Like YASSS CROSS-COUNTRY SKIING BRING IT OOOON pro-winter. But snow is so HEAVY and commutes are so easily snarled 🙁
Does anyone know a product/have a trick for really, really dry hands in the winter? An ex-girlfriend in Sweden used to fill those oversized disposable gloves with a bit of olive oil, jam her mitts in there, and lightly rubberband the gloves on while we watched a movie. It seemed to work, but… yeah, I never quite gave it a shot myself. Should I have? Are there any non-greasy, semi-gentle moisturizers anyone’s had luck with? After a few weeks of the dry, cold winds, I look like I spend my evenings in an underground boxing club. Well, just my hands. My hands look like they enjoy some bareknuckle boxing. The rest of me looks like he enjoys a good taco or two (or six) while watching the News Hour on PBS.
Your Swedish ex has the right technique. Your best products are greasy, so use some gloves to contain that mess. Gloves also keep your skin warm, pores open to absorb the product. I got the best recommendations from the geriatrics wing at a VA hospital. They were using a Eucerin product, but that was decades ago. I know that petroleum jelly does not moisturize. But it’s good for two reasons: 1) it’s cheap, and 2) it makes an excellent barrier. So, slather on your product of choice, wait a minute, then apply a film of petroleum jelly, then don your gloves. Now sit still and let your hands get warm.
Thank you, Rose. I think in one post you may have untangled why the weak attempts at moisturizing my hands have failed this past decade or so.
Looks like I am getting some plastic gloves and petroleum jelly at the pharmacy soon! Will be interesting to see what kinds of looks I receive from the employees, especially when I tell them how excited I am to use these products on myself that very evening. 🙂
Agreed that your Swedish ex was on the right track. I usually go for coconut oil slathered all over, and then I’ll put some socks on my hands, either while watching tv or sleeping. It’s not particularly glamorous, but it is effective. Olive oil would be good, too.
Oooh. I really like coconut oil and have some laying around the house. Thank you!
i used to do this when i was working at an ice cream store and was constantly putting my hands into freezers, carrying frozen buckets, and washing my hands every 2 minutes. plus winter!
i used neutrogena’s norwegian formula hand cream (which is pretty thick/greasy) and then i’d throw on some regular ol’ medical rubber disposable gloves over them. and then i’d sleep! i thought it would be weird to sleep with them on but it was actually okay.
I think I have some of this still under the sink. I’d abandoned it because of the greasiness, but I’d never considered using it at night and wearing gloves. Thank you!
My new obsession is Nova Scotia Fisherman hand and body cream. It’s fast-absorbing and non-greasy and softens, soothes, and doesn’t give me a smell headache (it has a very faint, ocean-y scent). I realize I sound like an infomercial, but it really is a good “I need to actually use my hands right now” hand cream. I’m not sure if it’s available outside of Canada, though?
I find for winter skin you need to have a full arsenal of tricks – straight-up oil for when you’re just sitting there, thick cream for before bedtime, and then a good non-greasy cream for during the day.
As I wore a peacoat and wool hat to work today, anything with the word “fisherman” in it gets my full attention. Hopefully there is a seller on Amazon or something that smuggles this stuff south of the border! Thank you!
I’ve found two products immensely helpful when I can’t go around in mittens or gloves! (There is, unfortunately, only so much time you can spend inside pretending to be the Invisible Man – and your hands can’t always wait for intensive treatment.)
They’re both products I’ve found through gardening shops. One is Awakening Hands MINERALmoisture therapy. It’s tagline is “renew your mangled mitts” so I was sold pretty immediately. It has cinnamon and myrrh oils and it smells great! The other product is Hawaiian Moon Aloe Vera. They’re a very eco-friendly company and the product is super good for sensitive skin- super soothing. Neither of these is “greasy” but they soak right in and let you go about your day (or evening of taco feasting). I highly recommend both of these, just depends on what your fancy is.
These mitts definitely will need to be unmangled soon, and I do like the sound of being able to taco feast with soft hands! I’ll check these products out. Thank you!
My partner is also a sun-worshipper. Last winter she said to me “I hate winter; YOU have a disorder.” It was nice to hear it confirmed.
I actually like winter. I walked out of the gym last night and it was dark and snow was whipping into my face and I thought “yesssss, this is perfect”. Come talk to be in April, though, and I will probably sob about how I really need it to go away now.
Oh, that sounds glorious. I just moved from Alaska to France and I am missing both the snow and the gym like crazy right now.
I’m entering my first winter in Russia. I’ve spent all but one of my past winters living in Michigan and Boston so I know what it’s like to have to walk to work even if it’s snowing and below zero out, but I’m still going to assume that this will be the winteriest winter yet.
My one non-snow winter was in Scotland. It got dark at 4 and rained every day but there was no snow all winter and it felt like a cold wet spring. Then summer came and that felt like a cold wet spring too, so.
“I really, really miss fall.”
Could you please elaborate on what you miss about fall? Because I live in San Diego, too — and I hear a lot of this type of romanticizing of fall or “the seasons.” To me, it has the same ring as “I really, really miss being poor”… but maybe I’m missing something?
That’s…a really wierd comparison. A thing can’t be inappropriately romanticized unless there’s something bad about it in the first place.
Anytime one of my friends in California takes it into their brain to move to Portland, I just want to get all Jack Nicholson and yell, “YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE GREY!!!!” which isn’t helpful. But seriously, THE GREY, PEOPLE.
As a Floridian living in Alberta: Amen, amen.
I always did fine with winter until I got a job where my office is in a windowless basement. Had to buy a SAD light last year. It’s pretty brutal – I straight up don’t see the sun on weekdays.
Coming to this thread way late but I am sending you all kinds of good thoughts right now. It’s really wonderful you made that call and please be gentle on yourself as you’re doing the hard work of getting better. Please come to the open thread on Friday and tell us how you’re doing? We’re all rooting for you.
Also, I was offline almost all day but I saw Mallory’s twitter feed and the correction on the top of the post. Seriously, it’s so huge that the readership feels confident and secure enough to make honest, heartfelt criticism, and that Mallory/The Toast is willing to hear it, be open to it, and admit wrongdoing when necessary. It’s so hard to do both of those things and it’s really remarkable that we have it here. Yet another reason I adore this community.
I love winter. (Pretty, snowy, winters obv., nobody likes a wintry mix.) Most of my happiest memories involve snow days.
WHERE MY STARKS AT?
When I lived in Finland, I found that a really good book for handling the lack of light and other approaching-winter feelings (within a range–don’t know if it helps for full-on SAD or not) is Moominvalley in November. (If you’ve never heard of them, the Moomintrolls are like a Swedish-speaking Finnish, more gender-egalitarian, more melancholy Winnie-the-Pooh-like setup of a family of friendly, kind trolls and their assorted friends and neighbors. They’re a gentle, loving satire of the Swedish-speaking-Finnish community.) The Moomin family’s friends descend on their house in November only to find that the family is gone, so the whole book is about how their friends cope and handle the darkness and, I guess, keep that spark within themselves going. I have a tradition of reading it every November.
Also, when it would get dark at 2:30 PM or so (and it was only “light,” not even light, for a few hours), it did help somewhat to take daily Vitamin D pills, as others have said (I would take them with dark chocolate, just because), and eat a lot of fish. I was lucky enough to live in a commune (that kind of resembled the Moomins’ house, come to think of it, or maybe Villa Villekula) where there was a lot of sauna and beer drinking and wood stove using, and my closest friend there made pancakes all the time. So all that helped too.
And then of course in summer it was perfect (it was about 25 celsius and I asked my friends when it would get hot and they stared at me and said, “it IS hot….”) and the sun would barely set for a few hours and be up at 3 AM like an overstimulated toddler. It got so I would appreciate the odd rainy day, just for a change.
Aw, this has reminded me of my favorite late-fall text, a Russian cartoon about a little hedgehog who wants to build himself a sea inside his house to keep him company through the winter. The other animals give him all sorts of advice about how to get through winter, but he just wants a sea with little boats. It’s very cute and a little trippy.
Also that commune sounds perfect.
When I was a child I found Moominvalley in November to be the second-most-depressing of the Moomin books, second only to Moominpappa at Sea, but i’ve recently come to see its hopeful side.
I’ve come to the following realization:
Winter qua winter doesn’t bug me. It’s nice around the holidays, and afterwards, two months of “stay the hell inside, catch up on sleep and knitting and Netflix, rest your ass” is a good thing. There are just two major problems:
1) I have to go outside in it five days a week, because capitalism is stupid.
2) While winter from late November through late February is fine, still having winter in March is not. Still having winter in MOTHERFUCKING APRIL is really not, and New England is stupid.
Every year in February I think “Screw you TS, THIS is the cruellest month.” Then whenever it snows in April I’m all “Ok, fine, TS, you win.”
HAHAHA I just had a week where I didn’t like or enjoy my boyfriend or my life or my anything very much, even things I really like all of the time, and I’m old enough where I can be like “huh anhedonia hm something is afoot” but nevertheless I still struggled very hard with the spiral into “everything in my life is terrible because I am terrible and nothing will ever be good ever again”.
Think I better go get a lamp and also redouble my exercise efforts.