Which one of these rocks just can’t? Here’s a hint: try to spot the one that cannot even.
This rock is just so over it.
This rock tried to can. Look what happened.
“No thanks” – this rock.
Can this rock? No. This rock can’t.
This rock tried to can once. It was terrible.
Can you really blame this rock for not being able to even can? No. You can’t.
“Uhhh, no thanks, can-even-wise.”
aaaaaghghghghhhhhsldkfjas;ldkfjas;dklfjasdfkl
Get somebody else to can for you, because this rock? Can’t even.
“I lost the ability to can even back when the world was new.”
Can? These rocks? Uhhhh they’re a little busy right now, don’t you think?
How about no, can-evening-wise.
This rock is way too hungover to even think about the prospect of can today.
“Can? Me? No thanks.”
Keep walking, guy, because this is one rock that can’t.
Tags: humor, rocks, the ability to can even, there’s probably already a clickhole post just like this but don’t tell me if there is i don’t want to know
As a slightly hungover geologist who cannot even today, I feel this post is the most perfect post in the whole history of The Toast and possibly the entire internet.
Isn’t “hungover geologist” a redundancy?
No, “drunk geologist” is the redundancy, “hungover geologist” is a rare sighting of a geologist who hasn’t started the day’s drinking yet
As a soon-to-be-drunk paleoceanographer who hasn’t been able to even ever since my poster session on Tuesday, I would like to salute all you hungover geologists. You people are boss.
I want to climb a lot of these, but I can’t even
…
climb a V2 right now so they’re probably out of my league.
For the 18th, I would like to propose the remains of the Old Man in the Mountain. He lost the ability to can, so his face fell off.
Being from the town of the Old Man of the Mountain (no, really, my high school’s seal was the Old Man), let me tell you how much he can’t.
A lot.
Sorry. I am finishing finals and I’m so tired I’m considering taking a nap on a book about Niger.
New Hampshire folks unite!
Books make the best pillows.
NH is great! I live in DC now, but I’ll be up there tomorrow, for mostly for determining whether or not the rocks are even willing to can.
My laughter is tinged by fear that Buzzfeed will see this and hire Mallory away just like they hired that person from Clickhole.
I feel I can safely assert that Buzzfeed can’t even.
THAT SIXTH ROCK, OMG TOTES MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
ME IRL
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFULLY DRAWN ROCKS. I can’t even aspire to the level these can’t even.
I need to stare at this right now everything else is on hold.
I looked up how this was done and, besides needing more talent, I would need expensive colored pencils and an equally expensive drawing board with a heating element that gently melts the pencil wax as I draw. I will have to content myself with gaping in awe at this.
Melting pencil wax, huh–that sounds so cool (and like something I too will not be attempting). Where did you find this?
I found this on Colossal, which is full of neat arty stuff: http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2013/07/colorful-ro…
This is the tool: http://icarusart.net/
Amazing; thank you!
Ooh, I LOVE Colossal, been haunting that site for couple of years now. It’s a good place to go for soul balm, you know?
Discussion of rocks + discussion of heating elements cannot help but take my mind to those hollowed-out rocks with little heating elements you can buy for pet snakes and lizards. Plug ’em into the wall and bam, your favorite reptile has a place to bask.
Does anyone know if they make those human-sized? Because today I can’t even, and that sounds like the most amazing thing ever.
If I had a human size warming rock and a sunlight lamp, all my winter problems would be solved.
Also, apparently I would like to live in a terrarium?
YES. Bring me my terrarium!
I mean, I generally enjoy living here in Lucifer’s Frozen Asscrack, but today I am cold and achy and like certain rocks, I just can’t.
……. that sounds like a wonderful business idea. 1 hour in a terrarium-spa, your choice of rainforest or desert. recline on a big warm rock in a warm room, either dry and full of decorative rocks and sand, or humid and full of plants and dirt. Man, would I ever pay money for that.
…. you can tell it’s winter in winnipeg (prairie canada), can’t you?
omg mallory stop
Ahh this made me happy in the morning.
Can this be a series? “39 Aluminium Cans that Can’t”? Or maybe “53 Epic Twig Fails”?
the term “can-evening-wise” is going to haunt me.
I clicked on this hoping for Dwayne Johnson looking confused but these rocks are good, too.
bless this comment
Also bless Dwayne Johnson
i am always hoping for more Dwayne Johnson, whether he can even or not
bet he can, tho
he ALWAYS can
Maybe CleverManka can accommodate your desire with an appropriate Dwayne Johnson GIF. I would happily send you one but alas, I’m dumb with the computers.
Can you smell what the Rock can’t even?
*cough*
I have a hangover and I cannot even. These rocks get me on an elemental level.
“elemental”, nice
Omg we are all these rocks right now!
Mallory rocks!
Mallory, I have a friend for whom I would like to get you for Christmas. We’ll do it in a non-creepy, no-personal-compromise kind of way. Just putting that out on the porch to see if the cat licks it up.
kthxbye
“This rock tried to can.” Hahahahahaha
<img src="http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view/713828/the-rock-is-confused-o.gif">
*cough*
New Hampshire folks unite!
Books make the best pillows.
YESSSSSS
YESSSSSS
but
thirteen is not
it’s
those are charcoal briquettes and not a rock at all
is this like calling a spinning wheel a loom
Is Mallory my Most Effective Ever Troll
but
thirteen is not
it's
those are charcoal briquettes and not a rock at all
is this like calling a spinning wheel a loom
Is Mallory my Most Effective Ever Troll
Not surprising the poor things can’t even. Being a rock is so damn HARD!