Rejected Names For “The Toast” That Nicole And Mallory Actually Considered

by Nicole and Mallory · January 1, 2015

toast-3-1120575-mThese are all 100% actual names that Nicole and self considered naming this website. Consider yourself lucky; any one of these could have served as an admirable name for a women’s college freshman-year literary magazine.

A Reasonably Good Time
Within Reason
The Bellwether
A Good Melon
The Familiar
The Associate
Roommate
The Sampler
Metropolis
The Augurer
The File Cabinet
The Conversationalist
The Boarder
Sublet
Diving Into the Wreck
Of Woman Born
Excellent Women
Wild As A Mink
The Blog Who Sang
Roughing It In the Bush
Life in the Clearings
An Unsuitable Blog for a Woman
The Best of Everything
Another Part of the Forest
The Angel in the House
Votes for Women
The Suffragette
Educated Guess
Jagged Little Blog
All We Really Want
Canaries in the Mineshaft
Reckless Disregard
A Fine Old Conflict
Daughters and Rebels
The Voyage Out
Congenial Spirits
The Buccaneers
The Wide Net
Loitering With Intent
The Untidy Gnome
The Jumping-Off Place
What Is To Be Done?
Home Truths
A Fairly Good Time
Company Manners
Talking Out of School
“Women, Am I Right?”
Manderley
The Breaking Point
The Most Wonderful Thing
Chasing Trouble
The Company She Keeps
The Dinner Party
The Recreationalist
A Warm Reception
The Receptionist
The Housewarmer
Staying For Dinner
Have Another
The Toast
Debutante
The Living Room
Lamptrimmer
Congregator
Diarist
The Dropped Mic
Barnstormer
The Martinet
The Painted Jade
First Blush

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94 Comments

  2. amalmohtar +160

    I will NEVER BELIEVE “Jagged Little Blog” was a contender, never, you put that in to troll me personally please confess.

      2. PierrePoutine +44

        These Alanis-hating naysayers don’t know what they’re talking about. Many of her lyrics would make outstanding blog names. “And I’m here to remind you”, for example.

  3. littlehuntingcreek +219

    “Wild as a Mink? Really? Just The Mink would have worked. There are no tame minks.”
    My husband, just now, mansplaining stuff to me.

    2. PobbleInFlipFlops +58

      Your husband is clearly not from Tennessee. Neither has he met the girl on Rocky Top who was half bear, the other half cat. She was wild as a mink, but sweet as soda pop. If he knew her, he’d still dream about that.

  7. aravisthequeen +81

    Congenial Spirits has a lovely LM-Montgomery-type feel to it.

    Hands up everyone else who would have voted for “Roughing It In the Bush” or “The Sampler” or ANY OF THESE, I love them.

    Somehow I feel we would have become just as attached to any of these as to The Toast. None of them suggest a companionable title like The Butter, though. (“Roughing It In the Bush” / “Comfortable In The House” maybe.)

    1. RocktheDebit +22

      “The Sampler” does suggest offshoot blogs such as “The Floss”, “The Needle”, and “The Frame”.

      2. typewriterandgramophone +48

        Given Mallory’s trolling of those who practice fiber arts, do we really trust her with anything called “The Sampler”?

  8. bgprincipessa +55

    Daughters and Rebels would make a great American Revolutionary War historical romance. (It probably already is, honestly.)

    1. funkmistress +43

      or antebellum lesbian romance. I spent last night (and this morning, so far!) watching Ken Burns, so.

    2. aravisthequeen +13

      I wish it was! But it’s Jessica Mitford’s autobiography, which is almost as good.

      1. bookwormV +8

        Not in the UK, it’s not – it’s Hons and Rebels here! Admittedly, Daughters and Rebels is easier to pronounce. (I know it’s Hons-with-an-H, not Hons-as-in-Honourable, but still, what if the people you’re talking to don’t and think you don’t know how to say it?)

        1. aravisthequeen +5

          I don’t think I know how to say it! Is it “Hons” as in Honourables and Rebels, or “Hons” as in short for Honeys and Rebels? Because to me the latter is pronounced “Hun” and “Huns and Rebels” sounds like a wayyyy different book. I’m so confused.

          1. bookwormV +11

            Decca and Debo made up the Society of Hons, in which they spoke Honnish. The name “Hons” “derived, not from the fact that Debo and I were Honourables, but from the Hens which played so large a part in our lives. […] (The H of Hon, of course, is pronounced, as in Hen.)” So I assume it is pronounced like “Hen”, but with a different vowel, to rhyme with “on”

  9. Maryaed +35

    I yearn to read “The Martinet” and pray that you will launch it one day.

    And I’m excited to see the Angel in the House callout, having written a thesis on that thing.

  10. Passing_Strange +8

    I am reading Home Truths by Mavis Gallant right now, read several pages this morning, in fact. I feel understood.

    I would likes website for every single one of these, please.

  11. ThatOtherWench +37

    The Blog Who Sang!

    15yo Wench would have been forever devoted to The Blog Who Searched, though.

    1. Rianne +10

      Hypatia was my favourite as a teen too but Helva sings a guy to death, so mad respect there.

  12. Unreadaethel +214

    Let’s all imagine telling people “I read it on An Unsuitable Blog for a Woman.” Because I would never tire of saying that.

    1. jamcallister +3

      Neither would I. And I think that the Right Honorable Baroness P.D. James would totally approve of us doing so.

  14. tinypaperme +52

    I DEFINITELY would have read “The Familiar.” Also “A Reasonably Good Time,” because that pretty much captures every social activity I’ve ever engaged in. It’s like you’re in my head.

  15. sigaloenta +87

    I have to say that I love how many of these would have worked for feminist literary magazines at all-women’s colleges circa 1905

  16. khrisnege +15

    I like the party-based ones. This includes The Toast, which was obviously the best choice because the bread type of toast is fucking awesome.

  20. thezlot +17

    A GOOD MELON!!!!! How appropriate on this most beautiful of days, the day when we watch, or have just watched, Ephron’s finest.

    1. hugpunch +8

      Honestly, I’m in a non-literary state of mind, and thought this was referencing Ice Age.

  22. funkmistress +49

    “Home Truths” will be the blog where I put all my rage about misspelled/completely wrong Pinterest posts.

    AUUUGGHHH STOP PUTTING WHOLE EGGSHELLS IN YOUR GARDEN YOU MUST CRUSH THEM

    1. typewriterandgramophone +42

      Tell them that if you don’t crush eggshells witches will make them into boats. This makes no sense, on the face of it, and should therefore go down well with such people.

      2. LeastBittern +12

        I have seen the acorn before the oak, and the berry before the ash, but never have I seen sailing in an eggshell.

        1. typewriterandgramophone +9

          It’s a real thing! My aunt gave me a lovely book of spells called “Secret Spells and Curious Charms” for my ninth birthday, with this gorgeous illustration of wild-haired witches paddling around in eggshell boats, and that’s where I got it (I think Tiffany Aching schools someone about this as well- maybe in “I Shall Wear Midnight”?), but turns out it’s a legit superstition: http://www.amschooner.org/node/1053

          1. LeastBittern +7

            Dude, that’s awesome! Thanks for sharing!

            I was referring to a bit of folk wisdom, viz. non-violent ways to tell if your baby is a changeling. You pretend to do various things with eggshells (make beer, make soup, hoe the garden) and the changeling drops the disguise because they are very old and STILL have never seen such eggshell ridiculousness.
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brewery_of_Eggshells

  23. Absotively +12

    I have been dabbling with a few ideas for side-project-y web-app-ish things that might potentially grow into real jobs, and so I’ve been periodically trying to decide what name I would use if I were a tiny software company. It is really hard! I am very much cheered to see that even the brilliant Nicole and Mallory did not find naming a thing to be particularly straightforward. Thank you for posting this.

    Also, these are all really good. I think I’d pick “A Reckless Disregard” as second best (after “The Toast”).

      1. Absotively +5

        Although these are all fantastic blog names, I’m not sure any of them is quite what I’m looking for for a software company name.

        I’m kind of tempted by your other comment with the chocolate types, though. “Strawberry Truffle” could be a software company, I’m pretty sure.

  24. katieblv +23

    Francis Nolan would be the editor at The Most Wonderful Thing or The Suffragette; Franny Glass would be a contributer to The Conversationalist; and Dirtbag Anne of Green Gables would run all the shit at Loitering With Intent.

  25. PierrePoutine +43

    I am partial to Manderley -did you know that Enya has a castle named Manderley? She and Sinéad are probably there right now sipping tea and reflecting on all the aunts of the world who play their tapes back to back on road trips.

    1. RoseCamelia +15

      My donations to The Toast show up on my credit card statement as “Manderley” somethingorother. So be assured, it’s in use.

      1. LeastBittern +15

        For one thing, it’s not on fire. For another, the surrounding vegetation is completely normal and classified.

  27. rolotomassi5 +37

    What Is To Be Done? might be my favorite and I don’t have a clue why. It’s just perfect.

  29. Toft +20

    Just think of all the alternate universes out there where we’re reading The Bellwether and Company Manners…

  30. whizzdumb +10

    The Toast is obviously the best but the one-word ones I like are “Roommate”, “Sublet”, and the less stay-at-homey: “Barnstormer”

  32. Household_Opera +39

    I dunno, if I came across a pub called The Untidy Gnome I would definitely stop in and have a pint there.

  33. wallpaperori +25

    I like Manderley, because it would be an excellent answer to the question: What did you do yesterday evening?

    1. fireblargg +5

      I’m late to reading this thread but I’m very glad I did because this comment is the best. Well done.

  36. chloelewis889 +34

    Containing The Coconut Haystack, the Cherry-filled Ganache, the Peppermint Cream, and the Plain and Salted Toffee?

  38. threatqualitypress +40

    I like to imagine what the corresponding name for The Butter would have been, had any of these names been chosen for The Toast instead.

    The Familiar / The Strange
    The Living Room / The Den
    Loitering With Intent / Here for a Legitimate Reason
    The Debutante / The Spinster
    The Martinet / The Scourge

    &c.

    3. ofTrebond +11

      I initially read The Familiar as a witch’s familiar, which opens up a whole new set of options. The Cauldron, The Broom, The Newt’s Eye…

      1. threatqualitypress +14

        Interestingly! One of the many nicknames for the devil is Maitre Martinet, so The Familiar/The Martinet would have been a very good combination, especially if The Toast and the Butter wanted to veer towards misandrist devil-worship and witchcraft.

        (I would remain an avid reader if that was the case.)

  39. cherrispryte +6

    Okay well The Familiar is amazing but also The Toast is clearly the correct option, well done.

    Happy New Year, I love and miss you all and desperately hope for more free time in 2015 so I can spend more time here.

  41. Myrtle +7

    Please, tell me the cocktail napkin from the brainstorm session has been preserved for pisterity.

  43. braak

    Interestingly! One of the many nicknames for the devil is Maitre Martinet, so The Familiar/The Martinet would have been a very good combination, especially if The Toast and the Butter wanted to veer towards misandrist devil-worship and witchcraft.

    (I would remain an avid reader if that was the case.)

  44. Jen McAllister

    Neither would I. And I think that the Right Honorable Baroness P.D. James would totally approve of us doing so.

  46. Billy1490 +9

    My father refers to “The Toast” as “The Modern Spinster” and I think he means to sting with that but mostly it makes me smile fondly.

  47. eshep +1

    You must’ve had fun making this list! But thank you for realizing that nothing is better than Toast.

    (although…my tagline on the dating-books-website Alikewise was “meanwhile, in another part of the forest…” so I would have a soft spot for that. but not NEARLY SO CATCHY.)