It seems to me that not nearly enough of our collective time is spent dedicated to imagining which goddesses of war and death ought to have made out with one another. Imagine the luxurious plaited tresses, the simple linen tunics, the highly-developed back muscles from wielding all those broadswords. Who couldn’t want this?
If I could draw, I would spend up to and including 92% of my time drawing war goddesses from various mythologies making out with each other. I, however, cannot draw – but Nico Deyo can.
Here is what it would look like if Athena, Greek goddess of wisdom and just warfare, made out with a Valkyrie, one of the shieldmaidens of the valiantly slain in Norse mythology:
Here is what it might look like if Artemis, goddess of the hunt, started dating an Amazon. You are either the kind of person who needs to see a drawing of this possible pairing or you are not. If you are not, I cannot help you.
What would happen if Morgan le Fay made out with a female version of Loki? Man, you better believe there would be some fur capes involved.
If you can draw, and you’re not currently sketching a hot-and-heavy embrace between the Iceni warrior queen Boudica and female samurai Hangaku Gozen, you don’t really deserve to have hands, do you?
“Oh, no thanks, Mallory, I’d prefer not to imagine real-life warrior queens Nzinga and Zenobia sharing their fierce and tender power with one another through the medium of making out.” What is wrong with you.
Nico Deyo is an freelance writer, artist and terrible video gamer. When she’s not stirring up trouble on social media, she’s analyzing feminism and social justice concepts in video gaming via her blog Apple Cider Mage and her podcast Justice Points.
Tags: lesbians everywhere, makeouts, nico deyo, plus bi ladies too can’t forget bi ladies everywhere, religion
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this is everything i’ve ever wanted
I didn’t know I wanted this, until I saw it. And now it’s all I want.
I’m glad Zenobia’s arms were at the end of this post so I wasn’t too distracted to read the rest of it.
I lovelovelove that painting of Zenobia and know how I would put together that outfit and now I just need to get the guns for it.
I’m enjoying imagining the “I’d like to commission some illustrations from you” conversation that might have happened for this piece.
It was actually that I spammed her Tweet about wanting to draw goddesses making out with eachother with a sketchier version of the Athena/Valkyrie picture and her asking me to do it, I was so surprised that she didn’t think I was a weirdo!
The best kind of weirdo!
I thought I remembered seeing Mallory request it on Twitter at some point, so I read this with a burning jealousy of Mallory for having the power to cause fictional-character-makeout-session cartoons to exist just by tweeting. I need a million Twitter followers ASAP so I can finally have the beautifully rendered illustration of Laurie Laurence and Samwise Gamgee making out that I so richly deserve.
I don’t know how people could think Artemis, the most misandrist, Stevie Nicksiest goddess in the Greek pantheon, wasn’t making out with her army of nubile nymphs on the regular.
Yeah, she definitely was. My usual description of the difference between Athen and Artemis is that Athena is a kind of faux-feminist “one of the boys” “cool girl” (she pretty much never takes the side of other women in mythology, she’s always helping men), while Artemis is the Lesbian separatist.
Oh, Athena isn’t even faux feminist, she’s basically that woman who gives talks at MRA conferences about how bad women are.
This is absolutely how Athena is, and it definitely makes sense – her story is even that she was blessed to be born entirely from a man’s skull. If that’s not symbolism, I don’t know what it is.
Oh God, she’s the Vivian James of Greek Mythology
oh my god…
This is perfect
I mean let’s not pretend Artemis is all that much better, given that TWO. TWO. of her nymphs get roofied and knocked up by Dionysus and BOTH TIMES her response is to laugh at them.
I mean, at least she didn’t turn them into monsters for having the audacity to be raped in her temple by her uncle, like Athena did to Medusa.
Wrong. After Callisto was raped by Zeus (WHO DISGUISED HIMSELF AS ARTEMIS), Artemis turned Cally into a bear and shot her. Artemis also slut-shamed the hell out of any of her nymphs that got raped or dared to have sex.
Trust me, none of the Greek gods are the role models you want. (They were, after all, created by an INCREDIBLY misogynist society.)
No- she just tried to kill one who had the audacity to be raped by her father!
Really, if you want to like anyone in the Greek Pantheon (besides maybe Hestia), you have to either pick and choose among their myths or have an appetite for black comedy. Athena is no worse than Artemis in that regard.
In Athena’s defense (in this particular instance), she was probably trying to do Medusa a favor. (And then massively overshot it, the way gods are wont to do.) Because when you’ve been assaulted by a man, being able to turn all men into stone is a pretty sweet defense mechanism.
Nope. She was 100% not trying to do Medusa a favor. Hesiod doesn’t even mention the snakes or the punishment, just that Poseidon knocked her up and Perseus cuts off her head. Apollodorus has Athena pissed off at her because Medusa set herself up as hotter than Athena (Apollodorus, Library II.IV.2.) and that’s why she gets first snakey and then decapitated. Ovid’s where it gets really interesting, and in Ovid it is definitely punishment for getting raped in the precinct– “They say that Neptune, lord of the seas, violated her in the temple of Minerva. Jupiter’s daughter turned away, and hid her chaste eyes behind her aegis. So that it might not go unpunished, she changed the Gorgon’s hair to foul snakes.” Metamorphoses, Bk. 4 And there are a couple versions where Athena is actually the one who basically holds Perseus’s hand and cuts off Medusa’s head.
This is a big part of my dissertation. There is no canonical version where Athena comes out looking good in this.
Just FYI, your username/avatar combo and comprehensive knowledge of Greek mythology have inspired a teensy internet crush.
-swoon-
all of your favorite goddesses are queer it’s Canon And Real
This makes me very happy.
pretty sure this is 40% of why I got into classics as a job
One of the operas I study has a duet between Venus and Proserpina that comes so close to being a love duet and I ship it so hard.
Oooh! Which opera? I think I need to hear this immediately.
Jacopo Melani’s Ercole in Tebe. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been performed since 1661, when it was part of the celebrations of the wedding of Prince Cosimo III de’ Medici to Princess Marguerite Louise D’Orleans. The same libretto, though edited, was set 10 years later in Venice by Giovanni Antonio Borretti. The duet is in both versions. If you want to try singing it, though, there are facsimile versions of both scores available, though I’m sure they’re really expensive if you don’t have access to an academic library.
The only possible flaw I can find with this is the positioning of the last 2 pics. Because Nzinga and Zenobia should be facing, gazing intensely and passionately at each other, forever and always.
I love the tags, especially “plus bi ladies too can’t forget bi ladies everywhere” – yay bi-visibility!
“You are either the kind of person who needs to see a drawing of this possible pairing or you are not.”
I think I might be, but I am also nervous about being turned into a stag and torn apart by hunting dogs.
Anyway, here is the Diana of Gabii, my favorite representation of Artemis/Diana (as a young Roman woman): http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a…
What a timely article, I was just naming my little group in Clash of Clans after Skuld, a princess half-elf warrior (not to be confused with the Norns of the same name) who raised an army of warriors and criminals to dethrone her brother. And I was like, yeah, that’s hot. I would like to make out with her. I wouldn’t necessarily say imagining other warriors or goddesses or warrior goddesses making out with her is better per se, but just as good as the very least. (FYI, if you look up Skuld’s back story it is very tragic, please try to contain your shock)
I am pretty sure that most, if not all, of these pairings occur in the TV show Lost Girl: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1429449/
(I can’t draw for crap, so hopefully this contribution is sufficient.)
Okay, I’ll bite. It seems like more and more of my creative prompts are coming from The Toast these days…
http://thatwench.tumblr.com/post/110597266593/att…
(Gonna try to get the picture working in-comment in the morning.)
I’ve been enjoying a dip into mediocre historical fiction TV series lately (Marco Polo, Vikings), with a significant portion of the enjoyment being watching historically-based female characters kicking men’s asses.
How can you not be down with Khutulun (Won’t marry until someone beats her in wrestling; if you lose, you have to give her horses. Why is the show not just about her doing this on repeat, then admiring her gigantic herd of ponies?) or Lagertha (Spurned by the alleged protagonist of the show for not popping out enough sons? Marries a jackass of an earl, stabs him in the eye, and declares herself earl – problem solved.)?
What I’m saying is that if these two make out in between their on-going attempts to raid and control the known world, I would watch that show. Time travel would have to be involved, but I’m okay with that.
I like to think my two favourite goddesses (Kali and the Morrigan) would be able to share the occasional moment.
Personally, I’d love to see The Morrigan and Artemis getting together. I can see them hunting together with The Morrigan in her raven aspect flying around and killing all over the place.
I have posted here just to say that I love the pictures and that I am glad to see that I am not the only one who spends their days daydreaming of historical strong women making out with each other; mine goes as far as reimagining a historical drama featuring a young Queen Ranavalona I (sorry for the mispelling) of Madagascar having escaped the takeover of her country by the Brits and the French. She travels to Europe and meets Julie D’Aubigny who takes her under her wing and helps her get closer to the King, her target.
…Still working on that but that’s about the just of it. Also! If you are craving for some media depicting lady lovin ladies, there is a movie called the Girl King that I saw a trailer of, featuring the exploits of Swedish monarch Christina the First!
So I’ve definitely been working on a YA-type werewolf story/metaphor for menstruation/female-specific-bildungsroman-thing (fuck me I sound pretentious) with a main character named Artemis, whose eventual love interest is named Callisto. Like fix-it fanfic of that whole victim-blame-y bear transformation myth. The only thing is I’m torn about whether or not I can bear to write a story where the main character’s best friend/love interest is a teenage rape survivor. Hits a little close to home, don’t know if I’m equipped to handle it appropriately, or even handle my own feelings. :S
Also, writing this comment has led me to realize that I’ve been writing this story since I was a teenager and was just beginning to find out about what was going on with my friend, so I’m kind of stunned that I never realized that was probably the REASON I started writing it, jesus. I’m so out of touch with my own brain&heart.
But Artemis/Callisto make-outs: definitely.