Toasties! Itโs spring! It has sprung! The Bartender is going to Berlin for two weeks. All is right with the world.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
Toasties! Itโs spring! It has sprung! The Bartender is going to Berlin for two weeks. All is right with the world.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
TOAST. Spring has finally come to my tortured part of Canada and I could not be more delighted. I have a whole exciting day planned with my husband tomorrow and then blog work all the rest of the time. This is soothing my angry soul thanks to the two interviewers who swore up and down they’d contact me back and never did, and the potential folding of my company in the next month. We shall see.
Anyway, on food, as it is lunch here: what are your favorite foods or snacks you eat only when alone? Whether they’re embarrassing or gross or too delicious to share. I’ll start: I adore Cheez Whiz on Ritz crackers. Also Zoodles, Spaghettios, and Chef Boyardee ravioli. They taste like my childhood. Love. Share with me.
those darn seaweed snacks from trader joes. i can go through three little packets of them, easy. and i don’t eat them delicately, i just crumple them into my gaping maw, getting little seaweed flecks everywhere.
Oh god, Trader Joe’s. I can go through five or six packages of dried mango slices in a sitting if I’m not careful.
can you read my mind??? i often accompany the seaweed gobbling with a whole packet of those dried “just mango” slices. they balance each other other, one sweet, one salty (or wasabi spicy)!
Kraft Deluxe, or, who am I kidding, any sort of boxed mac and cheese. Luckily MrChouffe shares my passion for orange processed cheese food over cheap noodles.
Cap’n Crunch, straight from the box, handful after delicious handful.
Honeycombs for me!
Earlier this week I was sick, and the only thing I wanted to eat was dry Rice Chex. Just so bland and satisfying.
boxed mac and cheese, and those Munchies cheese-flavored snack mixes. basically: anything fake cheesy orange. ๐
It’s not the type of food so much as the amount for me. There’s a local brand of potato chips from near where I went to college, and if left alone with a (one pound!) bag of them, I will happily eat the entire thing in one sitting. It is horrifying and disgusting and has happened at least a dozen times. I am a monster.
I DO THIS with the local chips from where I grew up. If I’m passing through there traveling I MUST stop and haul back bags of chips if I’m going to visit my parents or they’ll castigate me loudly. I can’t help it, they’re just too damn delicious.
As it turns out, I’m in the vicinity of my college this weekend, and I will definitely be purchasing a large bag of my favorite chips (Ballreich’s, for anyone interested/who may know the brand).
Pillsbury Pizza Pops, usually microwaved after working or rehearsing late, consumed with a glass of red wine from the box.
I LOVE Zoodles but I only buy them on sale, or one can when I’m feeling particularly like a disaster.
I love white cheddar popcorn, the SmartFood brand. I also will eat Cambell’s chicken noodle soup, the one where the entire can is noodles and you have to add water. I’m a big fan of salt, if you hadn’t guessed. Pretzel M&Ms are great too. And boxed macaroni and cheese, but the ones with the squeezey cheese packs, not the powder.
we must be snacking twins!
(Except that I would never in my life eat the ungodly stuff that comes from those squeezy cheese packs… powdered processed cheese all the way for me!)
So…if you buy your own cheddar cheese powder, you can have fresh cheese popcorn whenever you want. With smoked paprika if you’re feeling fancy. Not that I would know from extensive experience or anything…
Fritos with peanut butter. This was a secret Dad snack when my mother was out of the house.
Fake cheez of any variety. Like those little cheez sandwich crackers, oh man. Though not so much “alone” as “on road trips.” What, it’s not embarrassing, try finding anything less embarrassing than cheddar Combos at the gas station store.
ughhh i love cheddar pretzel combos and NOBODY IN MY LIFE UNDERSTANDS
uuuugh combos, get in my mouth. I tried these “buffalo blue cheese” combos a few months ago and like, ok, OBJECTIVELY they were terrible. but I couldn’t stop eating them.
Oh, no — are we supposed to be embarrassed when we eat combos? Because I love those little round things so much. I try not to buy them, but they’re just so dang satisfying! All that salt and fat and crunch.
right exactly it’s not inherently embarrassing but the speed and quantity of my eating them is ABSURD
After careful thought, I realize that I don’t eat when I’m alone. Mainly that’s because it’s hard to dance with the dogs when I’m eating.
Sweet gefilte fish from the jar. No one else likes it, I fully admit they are gross looking (kinda like gray turds), but I eat them regularly.
With horseradish? Because I love gefilte fish but to be honest a good portion of that love is the excuse to load up on horseradish.
Nope, just straight gefilte fish. I never managed to stomach horseradish, and I take the tiniest piece possible during every seder. (Though one of my childhood friends — I have no idea if she does this — would eat gefilte fish mostly for the excuse to eat the jelly.)
Chili cheese fritos and Reeses pieces (not together necessarily).
Peanut butter on cheddar cheese, although it’s not really embarrassing so much as inconvenient to bring anywhere.
Also there are these white cheddar cheese snacks, I don’t know the name, only what the bag looks like, and I really dislike sharing them. One time I went to a party and on the way I realized that I needed to bring something to share and I had a bag with me because I’d been at the the only store in town that carries them earlier that day. I told everyone that they could only eat them if they appreciated them because they are my favorite and I don’t have a chance to go to that store very often… I think I came off kind of ungracious.
I wasn’t allowed junk food as a child so now it’s like this amazing forbidden fruit, but I still feel like I have to eat it in secret so no one judges me. So many – Cheetos (not the puffy kind), pop tarts, and ohhh, Dominos pizza. I know so many people who judge me for my Dominos love. It is my most secret pleasure.
God I don’t think I’ve had it in 10 years but I still sometimes think about Domino’s pizza with sausage and black olives. I have lived in pizza capitals and it’s just never the same ):
I used to work at Domino’s and sometimes I still crave their terrible, terrible pizza; that’s how strong the draw is (not that I saw anything terrible that goes into those pizzas any more than goes into any other fast-food pizza, just…fast food pizza)
Pizza Hut pan pizza. The crust must be dipped in the garlic butter sauce.
PB and grape jelly (or other purple flavors, not red) on Ritz. Perfect lunch.
Potato chips dipped in ketchup (ketchup-flavored chips will not suffice). I also tend to go through a lot of Goldfish while I’m doing school assignments.
POTATO CHIPS DIPPED IN KETCHUP ARE SO GOOD. Why does everyone act like this is weird?? We dip fries in ketchup! What are potato chips but very thin, room temperature fries?
EXACTLY!
Cereal with chocolate chips and then I dip the spoon in peanut butter before digging in.
My kitchen is spotless and my carpets have vacuum tracks! My closet is impeccable and the bench by my front door isn’t covered in mail! I’m not having a party; I don’t even know how long it’s going to be until another person sees this! HABITRPG, WHO AM I AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH ME
You don’t need a party or another witness to justify making your home look and feel great. You did it for the very best reason: You did it for *you*. You deserve a pleasant home. Well done, logicbutton.
Excellent work! I died in HabitRPG this week, mostly because I made one of my dailies to be on time for work… and then have not been on time for work since our first snowstorm in February made my walk to work 10 minutes longer. ๐
I realized that I died in HabitRPG as well, but that’s because I totally forgot that I had an account when I went to sign up. But on the up side, I am now riding a wooly mammoth and hopefully I’ll remember to actually use the site now…
I do this every now and then. After I wallow in the fact that upon occasion (3 to 4 times a year) my apartment is totally more fabulously clean than yours, I revert to type. Dust? I’m so near-sighted that I can’t see it without those lenses. I explained to my brother that as long as my kitchen and bathroom were hygeinic and the sheets were changed on a regular basis, I’d tell everybody to take a leap. Of course, I’m 64.
But have you gotten rid of all your furniture and replaced it with lentils yet…?
Boston Toasties: any recommendations? I’m going to Boston at the end of March for a grad school visit. The first two nights (Thursday and Friday) I’ll be on my own, but on Saturday my dad is coming, so any recommendations for restaurants/bars/museums/etc you have for a single gal or a single gal plus her dad would be very welcome!!
For museums: we recently took a Toastie trip to the Harvard Natural History Museum, and it was lovely and full of shiny rocks and skeletons and glass flowers. Highly recommended!
I was pleasantly surprised by this museum this summer. It even kept children entertained for several hours.
We spent a lot of time discussing how the various mineral samples looked like frozen spells from ancient wizard battles, and which crystal was most suitable to replace our hearts. (I was debating between celestine and a dark opal).
I very much wanted to liberate a glass flower and use it as a magic wand.
the Harvard art Museum is also really nice and recently renovated. It’s a bit pricey, but not that bad for a museum that does have a lot of very interesting stuff.
I went with my parents a few years ago. They loved it, especially the glass flowers. I was bored. Boredboredbored. The glass flowers looked exactly like real flowers, just inside a glass case, and so not smelly. And the taxidermy animals were cute, but.. I’d rather go to a zoo to see them scamper.
Uh, which is to say, the Harvard Natural History Museum is exactly what it says on the tin. If it sounds fun to someone, it probably will be. If it sounds like the most boring thing ever, trust your gut.
I really like the Harvard Natural History Museum! So many cool bugs! The MIT museum is also cool for sciencey stuff.
If you like art, the MFA and the Gardner museum are both AMAZING (but also expensive for single-admission tickets). The MFA has a da Vinci exhibit on right now which is highly single lady- and dad-friendly. (Actually it’s everybody-friendly, what am I saying.)
The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum is my favorite!
I just looked that up and there is an awesome (and terrible, if you hate art thieving) story about that museum: http://www.npr.org/2015/03/13/392567024/former-se…
YES that story is bananas and the Gardner is such a fabulous museum. They didn’t move anything after the robbery, so there are just big empty spaces where the stolen paintings used to hang. It’s surprisingly moving and eerie.
They also have an amazing portrait of Isabella Stewart Gardner by John Singer Sargent that was apparently WAY TOO SEXY for anybody to handle when it was first painted, which I think is hilarious.
Honestly the art heist is probably a solid 60% why I love this museum so much. That and the lady herself.
The Gardner is the BEST. The art is obviously amazing, but my very favorite is the courtyard garden.
Which side of the Charles will you be on? Cambridge/Somerville or Boston proper? In Boston while you’re solo, I’m a huge fan of Trident <a href=”http://(http://tridentbookscafe.com/),” target=”_blank”>(http://tridentbookscafe.com/), a bookstore/cafe on Newbury Street. Browse the bookstore because everyone loves indie bookstores, eat at the bar because the food is great. They have good coffee if you’re there earlier in the day, and wine + beer if you’re later.
I had a fantastic brunch this past weekend with my cousin at Rosebud (rosebudkitchen.com) in Davis Square (Somerville). Highly recommend, definitely dad-friendly, delicious. I’m told the dinner menu is also fantastic.
Boston proper side! But I definitely still want to visit Cambridge (I have a lot of bookstores up there bookmarked on my phone in anticipation). Trident looks great, thank you!
Raven Books in Harvard Square is my favorite. The Harvard Coop is pretty boring, although it is VERY pretty inside for the sort of store that it is. The Harvard Book Store (not affiliated with Harvard) is also pretty nice, if nothing super special.
There’s a Raven on Newbury Street now too! I’m not sure how long it’s been around but it was a pleasant discovery this past summer.
The Raven on Newbury Street has definitely been there for at least 3 or 4 years. It’s definitely worth a browse.
The website ( http://www.ravencambridge.com/about/ ) includes a surprisingly detailed history of the book related business ventures of John Petrovato, as well as the tidbit that I didn’t know until just now that the Boston area Ravens and the Pioneer Valley area Ravens *used* to be part of the same chain, but technically aren’t anymore. To which I say, “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?”.
It will probably be cold, but the USS Constitution (and associated museum) is pretty fun. My dad is a history buff, and he was SWOONING over the ship when I took him a couple of years ago. PLUS, if you take a tour of the ship, you get to ogle lots of period-clad sailors. ๐ It’s actually really fun.
Car or no car?
The Boston Science Museum is my fave, the Aquarium is my second fave for pay-lots-of-money-for-admission sorts of things. If it’s warm enough and you like walking, you might like the Freedom Trail. If looking for food, my go-to food blog for the area is TinyUrbanKitchen.com, a lot of the places she goes are on the slightly more expensive side, but if you WANT a nice meal (ie, with Dad), she’ll tell you what’s worth it. On the cheaper side of things, I’ve recently been excited about Clover Food Lab (restaurants and trucks around the area), Gene’s Flatbread Cafe (Chinatown), and Bon Me (truck(s?), Kendall restaurant).
But don’t forget to get a sense of whether or not you really want to live here if you haven’t spent much time in this area/city. Take the T. Ride in a cab. Explore the neighborhood around whatever school(s) you’re looking at. Walk into the closest Starbucks to the building your program(s?) would be in. Maybe take a walk near the Charles.
The weather is unpredictable and often unpleasant, outsiders often think we’re rude, it’s not always easy to get from point A to point B, and there are a LOT of undergraduates. Everywhere. And we’re not the right fit for everyone. But we have a wealth of opportunities (Universities! Cultural Events! Parades! Sportsball!), piles of smart engaged humans, nifty history all over the place, we’re conveniently located, and there’s this gorgeous ocean *right* *there*. I fucking love my city, and if you’ll love it too you should definitely come here, and if you won’t you should stay the fuck away.
All these (excellent) suggestions are making me majorly swoon for Boston. Have fun!
Visit the downtown public library at Copley Square – really! Quite a beautiful building. Google it. Their Leventhal Map Centre is currently displaying maps of imaginary places from literature. Wish I lived closer!
Happy Friday, my darlings. It has been A Week and I am ready to leave work early today. What lovely plans do you all have for the weekend?
I am taking the whole weekend to work on grad school applications! Woohoo! Personal statements are the bane of my existence.
But, the sun is shining and I will probably go for a few walks. Also my roommate is gone for the weekend, and although I love her more than anyone, I am excited to walk around in my underwear and watch TCM in the living room all night long with a bag of gummy bears.
Walks! Gummi bears! Yes!
We’re headed out of town to a wedding this weekend, and I have 9 miles on the training schedule for Saturday. I don’t think our hotel has a fitness room/treadmills, so I may be spending a good hour and a half out in the spring weather running. Woo!
That sounds amazing!! I am actually attending my very first Hash run on Sunday and it promises to be v v exciting. And beer-filled.
I’m hoping it’ll be sunny and warm enough at least one weekend day to have a picnic in the park. I want to do a charcuterie and cheese picnic. Mmm, meats.
My grandma and I are going to see Blithe Spirit with Angela Lansbury tomorrow! We are both big Angela Lansbury fans, as all thinking humans should be.
JEALOUS! We are all huge Angela Lansbury fans in my house. My daughter can sing her entire part from Anyone Can Whistle. (Yes, I’m raising a Sondheim nerd, and I’m the proudest.)
YES, baby Sondheim fans! So important! At what age do you introduce kids to Sweeney Todd?
Picking Mr. Plans up at the airport after his work trip to Chile. Then drinking whatever wine he brought home for me!
Tomorrow it is supposed to rain all day, so I am planning on spending the day doing crafty things and hanging out with Mini-Wren. Bliss.
Sewing a practice run of a dress I’m making for my birthday this month. And if I can ever get an answer out of him, maybe a visit from a boy too.
Clinic escorting on Saturday morning (JOY OF JOYS GETTING YELLED AT ALL MORNING) and then my plans revolve around cooking. Namely, I want to roast some chicken. Haven’t decided if it’s going to be a whole one or one broken into parts yet, but I’ll get there. And I’m going to make a batch of homemade freezer breakfast burritos.
I shouldn’t really spend too much money on eating out because I’ve done that too much already this month (Boston was a splurgy weekend) but I might Sunday-brunch with a friend anyway because I haven’t hung out with her in a few weeks.
ooooo freezer burritos, that is a good idea.
SO EASY. Cook fillings, assemble & roll up, line up on a lined sheet pan. Stick in freezer overnight. The next morning, you can move them to a plastic bag and they won’t stick to each other. To reheat, wrap in a paper towel and stick in the microwave, time varies by microwave and density of filling. And then they’re already wrapped in a paper towel if you want to take it on the go!
*takes notes*
thank you for escorting –
GETTING A TRAGUS PIERCING YEAAAAAH
I’m super pumped — a friend is going to hold me down so I won’t literally run away from the Crunch, and a friend of mine got multiple piercings there and said they’ll turn up the music so you mostly can’t hear it, heh.
1) Drinking Rioja and making Almendrados while The Tall One djs in our kitchen (usually lots of Bryan Adams–who we might go see live next month!)
2) Friday Night is X Files night.
3) Sleeping in followed by notsleeping in bed.
4) Pancake breakfast, as I can’t remember the last time I did NOT have to tutor on a Saturday Morning.
Study for an exam next week, anxiously wait for an editor to get back on my freelance pitch, try to feed myself. You?
Tomorrow morning we’re going to the St Baldrick’s thing at a local pub and I might bandit a race before that. Tomorrow night we’re having a friend over for dinner and possible sleepover, as she has just gone through a v v rough breakup. On Sunday we will make Breakfast Soup and then there’s a Hash run later on, and then I plan to collapse in a large and sweaty heap.
This is all based on the premise that MrChouffe doesn’t spend this weekend the same way he spent last weekend (ie, puking and whiny).
Very intrigued by the hash. Have you done one before?
Last-minute night out — got a Living Social coupon for a little Euro-style bed and breakfast in Seattle that’s literally upstairs from our favorite restaurant. So after meeting with the house architects this afternoon we’re going to go up to the city and do that. I’m super excited.
It has been A Week here as well. In fact, about an hour ago my boss walked past my desk and asked “are we done yet, I’m ready to go home.” In fact, we are not done yet.
I don’t have any great plans this weekend, but I did promise my brother I would make him falafel, so I need to get chickpeas to do that. Also planning laundry. YAY?!? Also taking the dog out for a walk. It should be warm enough she won’t need a coat, even if her hoodie is super cute.
UPDATE:
my lovely parents just sent their quarterly care package of:
One mason jar each raspberry and boysenberry jam homemade by my dad.
Three issues each Smithsonian, National Geographic, and Sunset magazines.
This weekend will be one half exam papers and one half wine.
I just got back from vacation (a whole week in Arizona, and it was spring when I got back!) so I am working all weekend, alas. But I have two sewing projects, a weaving project, and three seasons of Parks & Rec to keep me entertained in the off hours.
Is anyone interested in discussing The 100 season finale? So many things about this show are completely ridiculous AND YET I can’t stop thinking about it and am anxiously awaiting season 3 (so many months awayyyy).
I just watched it last night! Oof, what an episode. I’m very interested to see what happens with Jaha next season.
I very interested as well! I feel like that history for the show is one of it’s weaker points (just in terms of if you think about it too much a lot doesn’t make sense?), so I’m definitely interested to see what they do with that.
Also before the end Jaha reveal I was thinking that I could see next season starting after a brief time jump, but now I don’t know. Stuff is always happening so much on this show! There is no time to breathe.
Never any time to breathe–there’s a reason my girlfriend and I refer to it as That Escalated Quickly: The TV Show.
I have to admit being kind of sad they closed the Mt. Weather storyline so quickly, if only because weird survival bunker stuff is fascinating to me (also, they clearly raided the Smithsonian and brought everything in there with them and I want to keep playing Spot the Historical Artifact), but I guess with a show like this, you really do have to keep things moving.
I feel like the Mt Weather storyline had pretty much run its course, but I definitely know what you mean about the survivalist bunker stuff. I’m hoping we get more of that to some degree next season since it looks like we’ll learn more about the big nuclear war. How did everyone else survive? Bunkers, luck, good genetics? Why did so many survivors apparently turn away from technology as we know it? Like I get going back to basics weapons-wise, but everything else? Maybe the grounders we’ve seen are an outlier? WHO KNOWS. I have a lot of questions.
We are still getting caught up on Season 2 (about halfway through now) and yeah, lots of it is really ridiculous (they seem to have a tenuous at best understanding of how radiation works) but it’s also really good! It does hook you in.
So much questionable science stuff in this show; I try not to think about it all but sometimes it’s just very hard to turn off my brain.
Tell me what Terry Pratchett meant to you, Toasties, because I reread Wee Free Men last night and started rereading Night Watch. He taught me that laughter is powerful, and so is anger, and work done well is its own reward, and that cleverness without a heart wasn’t worth anything.
Vimes’s fight and ultimate peace with the Summoning Dark was incredibly powerful for me during a very difficult time. I now have a tattoo of the Dark in red on the inside of my right bicep. Granny Weatherwax is also a person I try to summon when I’m struggling. I’m so so sad about this news….
After a few years of my not really reading much for pleasure in high school and college, Pratchett got me back into reading novels for fun. I spent the summer after college pretty much devouring his books, and they made me so damn happy. I also got introduced to him by my now-husband, and we’ve shared a love for him over the years. We now have a Pratchett-signed Paul Kidby print of the City Watch on our wall.
He was the perfect mixture of humanism, feminism, and philosophy. And just plain kindness. And, of course, Discworld remains perhaps the funniest series of books I’ve ever read. Thank you so much, Terry.
Also, he had the greatest author photo of all time (from twitter):
Terry Pratchett was all I could read right after my dad died, because his books were full of people who gave a shit about other people, and it worked out for them.
I feel this. Pratchett is my comfort food. For me, Discworld books are great Depression Books. When life truly sucks, I don’t want to read anything awful or realistically bleak, but I don’t want to read too lighthearted stuff either. Good Depression Books (for me) also have to be meaningful, but still NOT BLEAK! NO cynicism about the meaning of life allowed. And they have to be written really well, really simply or be really engaging, because it’s hard to concentrate when you have the sads. That basically leaves good children’s literature (Narnia, Moomin, etc) and Terry Pratchett. The more serious Discworld books hit exactly the right note – the Watch books, everything about golems, the industrial revolution books, the witches… So good.
I love the Discworld books because they dare to take silly stuff seriously. Most of life sounds pretty stupid when you think about it, and Terry Pratchett was never pretentious, so he didn’t act like it wasn’t, he just decided to take it seriously anyway. In his books, people deserve safety and love even when they’re stupid, small-minded, pathetic or weird, because that’s just being human. Everyone’s dumb little faults are forgiven from the start. He absolutely doesn’t allow anyone to consider the pin collector hobbyist less of a person – but he will gently laugh about their pin-collecting ways, simply because humans are funny.
The only thing he doesn’t forgive is “treating people like things”, like Granny Weatherwax says to that priest in one of the witch books. And the priest says, “Well there are worse crimes”, and Granny says, “Ah, but they all STARTS [sic, bc Granny Weatherwax] with treating people like things”, and I love the Discworld books so much because they never ever treat anyone like they’re a thing.
I have not read any Terry Pratchett yet, but I just checked out Small Gods and Guards Guards from my library and am planning on reading them posthaste. Do you Pratchett fans have any other favorite books you’d recommend for newbies?
I love the Tiffany Aching series, which starts with the Wee Free Men. It’s technically YA, but reads much like the rest of his novels. It is lovely, and features a very sensible young lady as the protagonist and I love them. But really, I love all his books that I’ve read so very much.
Tiffany is by far my favorite…she may even edge out Granny Weatherwax.
I struggle with the Wizard books sometimes, but Vimes and the Witches and DEATH and Susan make up for it in spades. Maybe I’ll bust out the Tiffany books this weekend and go through them again.
I have a special place in my heart for the Wizard books, only because I’m married to a scientist who just barely escaped academia so many of the jokes go deeper because they are all so very real. That said, my favorite book is The Hogfather because I adore Susan and Death, and I love, love, love the Nightwatch series because I adore the evolution of Sam Vimes from drunken louse to loving husband of the amazing and wonderful Sybil. There are still a few I haven’t read, and now I will make sure to read them slowly because I know that’s all I’ll get and it makes me so sad.
Hogfather and its discussion on midwinter celebrations is completely soul stirring. I love it.
And I need too finish up the series too! I got stuck in Unseen Academicals.
I love that Sybil, Willikins, Harry King, and other side characters come into their own in the later books. It’s like he came up with them to fit a plot point and they grew of their own accord.
Yes! Exactly! I love so many of those side characters, even dear old Nobby Nobbs had some lovely character development and depth to him. Oh, and the Librarian! What a wonderful character, and it’s amazing how much you can get to know and love a character that only has one line.
Yes yes yes. I’m re-reading Hogfather right now. (The back of my mind suggests that Reaper Man might be more appropriate for the moment, but I just don’t think I could bear it.) I do love the witches, the Watch, and the wizards the most, but really, the glory of Discworld is that there’s a book for just about any mood–or rather, to address your current fury at just about any aspect of life or society.
Oh man, Hogfather was the first Discworld book I stumbled across. I borrowed it from my (much older) brother when I was about 10 or 11. It was such a huge part of getting to know my brother as a friend, and not just this dude I was related to. We both loved Pratchett. Christmases were a breeze for YEARS, because we’d both obviously be so happy with a Discworld book.
I can’t really pick a true favourite. When I’m reading Going Postal, that’s my favourite. When I’m reading Thud, that’s my favourite. And then I pick up Wintersmith or The Truth, or even one of the earlier classics (Small Gods, anyone?) …
… it was all I could do today to not just quote endlessly from all these amazing books, filled with all these amazing dialogues and stories and …
And even the ones I didn’t like usually had some gold in there. I’ve never been a huge fan of Carpe Jugulum, but I’d say I think about the following quote from it at least once every couple of months:
(Granny Weatherwax):
[…]sin, young man, is when you treat people like things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that–”
“No. It ain’t. When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they’re getting worried that they won’t like the truth. People as things, that’s where it starts.”
“Oh, I’m sure there are worse crimes–”
“But they starts with thinking about people as things…”
Oooh, those are A+ choices! If you like Guards! Guards! I’d keep reading the Vimes books, which are excellent (the next one is Men At Arms). Reaper Man is another good standalone. And Wyrd Sisters is a good entrance point for the Witches books.
those are both perfect starting books – Small Gods is a standalone and one of the first I read, and Guards Guards is in my opinion one of the most laugh-out-loud funny. Monstrous Regiment is great and stands alone pretty well plot-wise, but I think it requires having read a few others to understand Discworld species and tropes.
I’d been meaning to re-read Monstrous Regiment for a while, and I think the recent news confirms it.
Robot_dinosaur already mentioned Wyrd Sisters as the entry point for the Witches books. Mort is a great entry point for the Death (and Family) books. But the two you have are two of my favorites, so you’re off to an excellent start. ๐
I brought Mort, Guards Guards, and Equal Rites to work this morning to get my coworkers started on the Death, City Watch, and Witches storylines respectively. The Death books and Witches books are my favorites (I have some trouble with the Wizard books), and I also love Tiffany Aching.
…and Good Omens? It’s not Discworld, but I really think it’s the best of Pratchett plus the best of Gaiman, making it pretty damn fantastic.
Night watch is my favorite. Just thinking about lilac flowers still gives me chills.
It’s my favorite, too, but I wouldn’t recommend it out of sequence — I think you need to have read the rest of the Watch books for it to really work. So, SwitchingGenres, if you like Guards Guards, stick with the Vimes/Watch books, you’ll get to Night Watch before long and you will love it.
Night Watch was my first ever Terry Pratchett book and I loved it/ love it, but that is nonetheless probably good advice.
I just had the embarrassing but actually quite excellent realization that I never got around to reading Night Watch, for whatever goddamn reason, despite loving the earlier City Watch books. Nice to know I’ve still got one of the best ones left.
It is so terrific but I find it really kind of difficult to get through. It definitely pings some of my sore spots as far as what I prefer to avoid reading about in my escapist fiction (a certain type of injustice, also why I have not finished I Shall Wear Midnight).
I Shall Wear Midnight was so scary and hard to read! I had to finish reading it all in one sitting because the description of the witchhunter was too scary so I had to see how the story ended.
Good book, though. Almost too real. It’s in the back of my mind whenever situations come up with men who spew filth and hatred at women.
Oh man I’m so glad to hear you say that. A lot of people don’t really get why I find it so…..upsetting. I had the same feeling reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond and some others. Gah. I will have to sit down and blast through it now though, because for sure Terry would want me to.
Feet of Clay is a favorite of mine that’s pretty accessible if you’re not totally hooked on the world yet,, and though Interesting Times is a Wizard one, it is very cute, and doesn’t really suffer if you haven’t read Color of Magic first, in my opinion.
I read every Pratchett paperback in our library 2 years ago when nursing my oldest. So he saved the sanity of a new mom. I could hang out with Vimes and the witches forever.
Good worldbuilders are rare and precious, and we have just lost one of the best. One of my FB friends posted, “I hope Death let you ride Binky.” (sob)
This is going to sound weird, but I’ve lived with pet rats for years, and the way he got inside their heads and brought out the bravery and perspective and pathos of “small furry animals that are destined to end their lives as a small damp squeak” is, I think, a hallmark of what he did. Such humor, such tenderness for the vulnerable and baffled rage at their oppressors, such insight.
Did you read The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents?
Worn my copy to tatters. ๐ It’s the sort of book I need two copies of–one to keep and one to thrust at people and say, “HERE YOU MUST READ THIS.”
I think he once recounted that someone asked him to sign a copy of Good Omens that was just a pile of loose pages in a plastic bag.
His books always made me smile, and I think I get new jokes and references each time I read them. I have to second all of your points, and especially about cleverness and doing good for its own sake, not for credit or glory. He could find humor in so much anger and sorrow, and I try to pull from that. Although I have already cried AGAIN this morning after reading the petition to DEATH to release dear Mr. Pratchett and I don’t know when I’ll be Ok, but I have a feeling my recovery will involve lots of reading.
I also love the feeling of having a friend read one of his books for the first time. I first picked them up looong agoooo in high school, so there are many that I can’t recall reading for the first time. It’s been great every time someone I know picks a new-to-them one up and I can see them loving & laughing at it.
This morning I pulled out the copy of Hogfather I got when I was 15. Its cover is almost falling off from umpteen re-reads, but I brought it as my subway book anyway.
That quote about humans needing fantasy to be human was written on the back cover of my ~super secret~ personal notebook all through high school. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything that better explained how I feel about imagination and creativity and it’s basically why I work in the arts to this day.
I made one of my 1st college friends because of Terry Pratchett. She was reading a discworld novel, which I could see the distinctive pattern of so I asked if it was one and she was like, “YES!”. And lo, friends. He is my favorite author and will be missed.
humor with heart is what he means to me. I like Douglas Adams and many other comedic writers, but Pratchett’s had so much heart and fire in them. Just gonna keep posting favorite quotes from his work,
“โWe’re dealing here,” said Vimes, “With a twisted mind.”
“Oh, no! You think so?”
“Yes.”
“But… no… you can’t be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.”
“Not Nobby,” said Vimes testily.”
I have twenty-odd Discworld novels in my childhood bedroom. In high school I would bring a paperback Discworld novel with me every single day, and read it between/during classes. Sometimes, if I finished early, I would start again from the beginning.
I learned so much, and I grew so much, that trying to trace back all I learned and got started from Discworld alone makes me a little dizzy. I really don’t think I’d be the person I am today without him — certainly not as humanist.
“You can’t go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it’s just a cage.”
My childhood made this so necessary for me. I was raised to think it was my job to make the world better for others, and this was the first time I realized how destructive that approach was. And then Vimes taught me how you DO make the world better, by doing your fucking job as well as you possibly can. By making rules for yourself about how you will behave, and what is and is not okay, and following them, and breaking them when you judge you have to.
He was so important to me. I started reading him at exactly the right time.
I haven’t read all or even most of his books, but the way he blends humor with genuinely meaningful messages (without being cloyingly sweet or hackneyed) means so much to me. A few things that come to mind – Vimes’ (?) “Boots” theory of economic inequality. And this:
โAll witches are selfish, the Queen had said. But Tiffanyโs Third Thoughts said: Then turn selfishness into a weapon! Make all things yours! Make other lives and dreams and hopes yours! Protect them! Save them! Bring them into the sheepfold! Walk the gale for them! Keep away the wolf! My dreams! My brother! My family! My land! My world! How dare you try to take these things, because they are mine!”
One of the things I loved about Tiffany Aching was the sense of “home,” as in “this place is mine and makes me me.” I strongly identify with that, and it’s something that my spouse and some of my friends have never really understood. So it’s nice to read about someone who really gets it.
I think I may have to start rereading his stuff again, I will miss him greatly. He showed the world that the best humour can be smart and critical and satirical, but at the same time kind and full of empathy and care. I wish more comedians would follow his lead.
In Wyrd Sisters, I think, there’s this running bit about how no one can figure out how to use this magic wand that they got from a fairy godmother, until Granny Weatherwax manages it. She chides them by saying, “It’s because you spend all your time wishing for things, instead of figuring out how they work.”
That has always stuck with me pretty well.
Granny Weatherwax is my hero.
See also:ย that part in Carpe Jugular when the vampires bite her and she tells them “I ain’t been vampired!ย You all been Weatherwaxed!”ย and then the vampires suddenly get terrible cravings for tea.
Granny is my role model.
I wanted to name by daughter Esme after her but was too afraid she’d spend her life having to explain it. I should have gone with my gut.
I have wanted to grow up to be Granny Weatherwax since I was twelve. At thirty I’m not self-assured enough, but I’ve still got time.
I love Discworld, love the books, but I haven’t seen Nation mentioned here. I love how Mau’s journey, and his worldview without being patronising. I can’t read that book without crying, it is one of my favourite books.
Agreed. I’ve re-read almost all of his books but that one — it was somehow too on point for me, I guess.
I took Nation on the plane with me while studying archaeology and on my first pyramid-research trip. Had no idea it would be paralleling the course work I was doing (development of states and empires) in grad school. Just knew it was Terry Pratchett. Now, lying in my hammock in the Yucatan reading Pratchett while the lights turned on in my head is one of my better memoires. (I have 3 kids, I can’t say best, but it was damn close).
It’s been several years since I’ve ready any Terry Pratchett (although I read about 3/4 of his work throughout middle and high school) is the following section from Hogfather:
โAll right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.”
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Littleโ”
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They’re not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YETโDeath waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME…SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the pointโ”
MY POINT EXACTLY.โ
The thing is, before yesterday all I really recalled about this was the general idea. Not the specific book or characters who had this conversation. I remembered where it came from because a number of people left this in various comments on articles about his death yesterday. So clearly this particular passage resonated with a lot of people.
Everyone above has done a great job describing what we all love about his writing. I find that not everyone pays attention enough to what the characters are saying, really saying — my mom tried a couple of his books but never really “got” why I love them so much. On the surface, they are fun and funny. But they’re almost always saying something else, also, about us, about our world, about the way we treat each other. I can’t explain it to people who don’t get it, but I’m so happy to see so many Toasties who do.
I learned practical witchery from Terry Pratchett – First Sight, Second Thoughts, headology, and usefulness – which has helped me more than I usually admit. His anger, too, was enlightening – his books were the first time I’d seen anger channeled into humor and practicality. He helped me see the world more clearly: I regularly quote Death on lies and the Sam Vimes Boot Theory of Economics.
I thought I was sad when Leonard Nimoy died, but I did not know how sad I could be about people I’ve never met until now.
I already posted a wall of text upthread, but I remember reading an interview quote where he talked about Agnes/Perdita in a way that was completely new to me. He said something like he really respected people who changed themselves, or decided who they wanted to become, or something like that. I had had no idea that Agnes’ struggle with Perdita was supposed to be inspiring, I was waiting for the moral that Agnes should just be herself. And hearing a very smart adult support Perdita was a revelation to me, because I had always only heard adults mock or pity gothy teens, and there’s this cultural narrative that people have one true personality and that being a teen is for trying to find your real self among a thousand masks. The idea that you could change yourself for real just by consciously deciding who you wanted to be and then molding yourself into that person (not just find out who you already were), and that a chosen identity could be “true” (not just a temporary way of posing as someone you would have liked to have been), was life-changing.
#thankyouterry
This is what I came to the Open Thread for this week.
Last year my husband decided to do a reading challenge for 2015, and exclusively read books by women, people of color, and queer people. I said I would join him, but my one secret hesitation was, what if this is the year we lose Terry Pratchett? No one’s going to throw me in jail if I break my own rules, but I tell myself we’ll still have Terry Pratchett next year, and the year after, and eventually I’ll have to be sure to leave some lying around for my kid to pick up. He’s not going anywhere, really.
Terry Pratchett’s books always made me feel a sense of connectedness to somebody, even at times when I was alienated and personally unlikeable.
That’s a general rule for me, these days, but Terry Pratchett is my exception.
I love the Discworld books, but the first books of his I read were the Bromeliad trilogy when I was nine or ten. For a long time for me he was the man who wrote ‘the books about the girl who didn’t want to spend her whole life like a frog in a flowerยด.
It was beautiful outside this week and OVER 40, and now tomorrow it’s going to SNOW TWO INCHES. I’m going to take to the sea, and by sea I mean 10-ft snowbank in my front yard.
Wednesday was absolutely lovely (+10!!!) and then yesterday the temperature plunged back to below zero. I keep seeing women on the street in flats and no socks, and I admire their optimism and moxie, but I still feel like crying out “PUT YOUR BOOTS BACK ON.” After the first truly warm and pleasant day of the year, some people decide they would rather be cold and uncomfortable than acknowledge that winter will not release us yet and we must go back to heavy coats and wool socks for another couple of weeks.
I am one of those people: wearing my spring jacket and loafers with no socks today, just like yesterday and the day before. I am slightly uncomfortable, I am constantly getting judge-y looks, and I am unashamed. I am fighting winter’s hold with every weapon in my arsenal (except for bare legs under a dress or skirt, even I’m not that silly.)
Ditto. Leggings and flip-flops for me today (quite similar to my avatar, actually).
nooo I was so enjoying seeing the ground as I walked around the neighborhood. I mean, seeing the ground also meant revealing the last six week’s accumulations of animal feces, but it’s the principle of the thing.
It is spring here! As in, still pretty cold, but the days are finally noticeably longer, and I have so much more energy! I’m exercising, taking the stairs at work, feeling happier… I always think my SAD isn’t THAT bad until it lifts, and then it feels like such a relief.
Also: recording my first trial podcast with a friend tomorrow. Really excited. We’re going to talk about robots.
Uptown Funk is in my head and has been so for about a week. What’s in your head right now?
the theme song from the unbreakable kimmy schmidt.
also a song i heard at forever 21 last week where i couldn’t really understand any lyrics and i didn’t recognize the voice and so it’s just stuck in my head and i have no way of finding out who it is, arghhhh.
ACTUALLY, toasties, HELP ME.
it was a pop song. kind of electro? female vocalist, maybe even more than one, although it might have just been layered vocals. it was uptempo/dancey rather than dreamy, and actually sounded a little…aggressive? mouthy? confident, anyway.
the chorus ended with something that almost sounded like her spelling out a three letter word (D A Y? E M I? WHO KNOWS) but i’ve googled songs that have spelling in them and it didn’t help, so she’s probably singing a three-syllable phrase.
HELP ME, good toasties.
EDIT: This was not meant to be a reply to you, I am sorry! I doubt it is this song. The only aggressive lady dance music I know is Robyn and it probably wasn’t Robyn because every Toastie can recognize her magnificence at a thousand paces.
Rather Be by Clean Bandit has been in my head for days and I don’t know why, as I listened to it once weeks ago when it won a grammy and that was it.
ahhh i got so excited, haha. although i actually think i also heard this at forever 21 at the same time.
sadly it was not a robyn song, as you predicted, i know and love queen robyn well. but it was vaguely reminiscent of robyn!
Was it possibly this? https://youtu.be/GKA9oF3HASY
no, sadly. but this is a bop!
Well, now it’s Uptown Funk since it’s apparently impossible for me to see those two words and not have it in my head. But before that it was Icona Pop & Charli XCX “I Love It”.
I didn’t even know that song until my five-year-old came home singing it! Apparently I’m old enough to be all “these kids and their music.”
Unfortunately, it is “Centuries” by Fallout Boy, because a coworker has their music on (pretty much daily) at exactly the volume where the only thing I can hear is the chorus of the 5 songs they play on Top-40 radio. It is maddening!
I need to knock it out with something much better.
“When You’re a Jet” from West Side Story.
There maaaaaaaaaay have been a dance-off in the hall earlier this morning.
Love it!
Earlier this morning it was “Girl in a Country Song” because that was on the radio in the bus this morning. It’s actually a country song that I don’t hate, so I was mostly okay with it.
Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot noooooooooooooooooooooooooirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
i was singing this on BART last night, no shame.
The Star Wars Cantina Band song.
I may or may not listen to a lot of Comedy Bang Bang.
“King” by Years & Years which is such a great Europop song. Is it big in the US yet? It’s amazing, I am really looking forwards to King’s Day so I can drink a lot of beer outside and hear it until I’m sick of it.
https://youtu.be/0Nvn4HYd_Is
This song about pancakes has been stuck in my head for days!
Dance Apocalyptic, by Janelle Monae. I was listening to a podcast this morning that used that song between segments and it will not go away. This is not a bad thing.
BuzzFeed recommended I listen to Life in Film…*continues humming along*
TAYLOR SWIFT ALL THE TIME
My husband recently got the tswiffy bug and keeps listening to “Blank Space” when he thinks I can’t hear. It’s adorable and also constantly stuck in my head.
Monster in the Mirror from Sesame Street (the celebrity version). Since last night. I do not have any children.
I’ve been listening to Sufjan Stevens for two hours at work, but still all I can hear is UNBREAKABLE! They’re alive dammit! Its a MIRacle!
YUP this is kind of a big problem.
‘Cause females are strong as hell.
Don’t Be Jealous of My Boogie.
You can say that you are not
But I always see you looking.
the new Carly Rae Jepson song is in my head forever and I’m not that mad about it!
freaking Godspell
all of it.
The high school put it on, I was heavily involved, and now it is over. It was fabulous. It is nice to be done with it.
You guys! You guys! You guys!
My dad came out as a trans lady last weekend! I mentioned it in the Dad Magazine post yesterday (DADNESS TRANSCENDS GENDER) but I wanted to mention it again here because I have been very excited to talk to you all about it!
I am curious: anyone else have a parent come out as trans?
Hooray for Dad! Send her much love from us.
Not parent, but my aunt transitioned about 20 years ago.
Wow! I can’t imagine what that might’ve been like in another, less understanding, era. I would be super curious to hear how her family members made the transition alongside her.
Congratulations to your dad!
I have a friend whose father is trans. My friend still calls her “Dad” but uses female pronouns.
I have an acquaintance whose father did the same thing – she’s Betty, but also Dad.
Yay! Really nice to hear that we won’t be the first people to ever introduce a parent like, “This is my dad, [lady’s name].”
That’s so nice!
That’s exactly what we’re doing. Glad to know we’re not weird.
A friend of mine’s mom transitioned, and uses he/him pronouns but still goes by “Mom,” and it’s fine!
Woop how great for her! Congrats! And v glad that she’s got so much support from her child!
Wonderful that she can live as her whole person and wonderful that she has a supportive daughter like you!
It is so sad to me to think about her hiding her whole life (she’s 65). I’m so glad she trusted us enough to tell us!
On a side note, it is adorable how excited you are and I am SO glad to be part of a community that you can (correctly) assume will be happy for you and your dad.
Aw, thanks! And me too! Boyfriend asked me, maybe a day or two after the big reveal, “So, are you gonna tell The Toast today, or are you gonna wait for the Open Thread?” Hahahahahahahahaha.
Congratulations and best wishes to her and to the family, and for her new life as herself.
Yay for Dad!
I just went to read your thread on the Dad Magazine and no of course I’m not crying shut up I’m at work.
How really, truly wonderful that your Dad is finally able to be who she is and has a family who is so accepting and loving. Yay for the whole family!!!
Thanks!
I am so saddened by the news of Terry Pratchett’s death. What a good writer. I am now going to finally make sure I’ve read all of his Discworld books.
“The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money.
Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles.
But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that’d still be keeping his feet dry in ten years’ time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.
This was the Captain Samuel Vimes ‘Boots’ theory of socioeconomic unfairness.โ
-Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms: The Play
That was my first introduction to economic theory at age 13 or so, and I still referred to it in my masters-level classes on economics.
I’ve been thinking over the past day how much history, mythology, theory I can trace back to being introduced to by Terry Pratchett’s works, and it’s almost overwhelming. I don’t think I’d be the person I am today without his work.
I tell people about the Captain Samuel Vimes “Boots” theory of socioeconomic unfairness all the time.
He’s on record as wanting to die while he was still the person “himself” meant to him, and I hope he did. But I’m sad today.
The other one I think of all the time, because even though I’m not sure I totally agree with it, I like what it makes me do: “There is no hope but us. There is no mercy but us. There is no justice. There is just us.”
This! This has stuck with me since the first time I read it.
Quick poll: did anyone here use to hang out (or still does) on Fametracker or one of the iterations of Snarkfest? I keep seeing usernames that make me think “I know you from somewhere that’s not the Toast or Slacktivist…”
I did indeed. I don’t visit much anymore. Username was different from this one, though.
Omg, yes! Who are you? I am The Lady of Shalott, same as I was on the Hairpin
Oh, I didn’t comment much, and stopped visiting around SF 4.0, but I remember you!
I love seeing errant Snarkers in the wild!
You’re the Lady of Shalott!!? I had totally pinned someone else here as being her.
Oh my gosh, who??? You must tell me, I am insanely curious! And yes–it was me on the HP and SF as well!
I do. I’m punzy on SF.
I did! Different user name, though.
Toasties, who else is struggling with issues related to aging parents? Iโve been attempting to have The Talk with mine for some time, with limited success; theyโre happy to discuss details of the contents of their wills but not so much about what they plan to do โ and how they plan to finance it, if they even can โ once their current home becomes too much to look after or if something catastrophic happens to their health.
Now the house they rent has been put up for sale; they want to stay in that small town but the rental market is ridiculously tight and they say they donโt have the means to buy. Iโve just about convinced myself to buy a condo there they can then rent from me, even though this is pretty literally my worst nightmare as Iโve had anxiety dreams for years about my family moving in with me and refusing to leave or pay rent. THANKS FOR NOTHING SUBCONSCIOUS.
We arenโt even particularly close, but what the hell else do I do?
this might be totally unhelpful, and i have no personal experience with this, but do they have a trusted financial advisor of any sort?
is there someone who has helped them with their taxes, or even the lawyer who helped them with their wills? if they do, it’s worth going to that person and telling them, “look, my parents are in a transitional stage of housing and i don’t think they’re thinking very reasonably about their options. i understand that it can be hard for them to take advice from their daughter, so would you be willing to sit down with them and look over their finances and help them discuss their options? it would give me some peace of mind if they had a professional helping them.” then you can tell your parents, “i want you to find a home where you are happy and where you can stay as long as possible, and maybe Trusted Financial Advisor can help you lay out a plan to make that possible.”
That is very helpful and definitely on the list of topics for discussion, because it’s probably going to be a lot easier to take from someone else rather than, you know, Daughter.
yes, if they really can’t stay where they want to stay, it would help to have the third party say it instead of you, so it doesn’t feel like you’re what’s standing in their way. and if you are going to be their landlord, more or less, it would help to have a third party there to say ,”well aqueousmedium is capable of making a down payment of X amount on a home, and you are capable of paying X amount of rent, so you need to find a property where those overlap.”
Third party. Yes. Very important for financial relationships between family members. Excellent advice.
Oh, boy. As my parents aged (my mother is strong and healthy; my father died almost ten years ago), I learned the importance* of setting boundaries and reinforcing them. It was hard, but it was the only way to take care of my parents and myself โ and the fact is, if I can’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of anyone else.
It sounds like your parents are still independent enough to be making their own choices and arrangements; for example, they’re talking about their wills, and you wish they’d discuss their plans once that independence lapses, but it hasn’t actually happened yet, right? If they’re capable of finding their own housing, is it productive to consider buying a property solely to rent to them? Or is it destructive of their independence?
Those are the questions I learned to ask myself, and a therapist nicely summed that up: Is it caregiving or caretaking? Am I giving them care in accordance with their needs and my abilities, or am I wresting their self-care away from them prematurely for complicated reasons of guilt and love and anxiety? That was a really useful perspective for me.
*Throughout this comment, you can append the phrase “for me” to every piece of apparent advice. I don’t know what’s right for you, but I bet you do if you can listen to yourself without the distracting clamor of guilt.
That’s a very useful perspective for me as well, thank you! At the moment they’re definitely capable of completely independent living, although my mother has already said that she’s finding their current house a lot to look after. I’m considering phrasing the offer as an option of my buying if they can’t find something to rent themselves, so that it’s strictly a backup plan. I have absolutely no desire to take over their care so it’s more feelings of duty rather than love and anxiety, but duty seems to be making itself evident regardless.
I have two people I work with who are dealing with parents who refused to be placed in any kind of facility, even as they were unable to care for themselves. I don’t think the parents had any idea how much their demands impacted their children. They thought they were being independent when, really, they were transferring the responsibility for planning to the kids.
If there’s someplace they can reside that doesn’t require driving (depending what kind of small town you’re talking about), consider making that a priority so that Taking Away their Car Keys doesn’t become the last straw for one or the other of you. In my family that has been a particularly bitter fight in successive generations.
I know a police officer who will pay a visit to an elderly person and talk with them about driving. He does this on the request of adult children. The officer is a very charismatic man and always ends the talk with a request that the senior citizen turn over their car keys to him. He is mostly successful. If he doesn’t get the keys, he schedules another chat for six months in the future. At that visit he requests to ride passenger while the senior citizen shows him their driving skills. He get the keys after that.
If only I had an unlimited budget, I would want to send that man an Edible Arrangement. He is truly fighting the good fight.
I can’t even get my parents to write a will – they’re both still in their 50s, but neither is in great shape, and we have some complicated family stuff that means that having a will would be super helpful. Just for me, and not for them because obviously they’ll be dead when the issues come up, so…I’m hoping that [MAGIC!] and I won’t have to deal with even more bad stuff while also trying to grieve my parents?
Ouf, that’s a tough spot to be in! I framed our discussion as making them a deal that I’d get my own will and advanced care directive in place (which I will confess I should have done ages ago) if they’d do the same with their own advanced care directives and plans for the future, so that in the event something happens I’ll know what their wishes are and can respect them. Would it be at all helpful to phrase it as BestLaidPlans said, that they’ll just transfer responsibility to you at an especially difficult time?
Do you have the means to take an entire condo as a loss for an indefinite period of time if your parents for some reason stop paying rent, or if they lose the mental or physical capabilities for cleaning and maintenance? I think that this is a scary plan, even if you have an excellent relationship with them. If a situation arises where one or both of them need care, you may be stuck making payments and paying fees on an unrentable/unsalable condo while also struggling with other costs.
I’m sorry to be a Debbie Downer. My parents are elderly (72 and 82), and I have some pretty serious concerns for them. They want to age in place, and they are very proud of having recently paid off their mortgage, but their house is not in great condition, and will be pretty unsuitable if they lose mobility. In a perfect world, I’d want them to immediately begin making plans to move to an independent/assisted living place, while they have some capacity to state their preferences, so that a moving transition (and attempts to recoup value from the hose to pay for care) don’t come in the middle of a medical or mental crisis.
They won’t go for it. I can’t make them. I am unwilling to move to their town even if that we’re feasible for my little family. As frustrating as it is, the main thing I can do is keep in contact with them and watch for red flags so severe as to warrant legal intervention.
You are wise and realistic, not a Debbie Downer at all. The last thing in the world I want is the situation you describe, which let’s face it, is well within the realm of possibility. And it is scary.
I am excited because a very good friend is visiting this weekend! We are going to have delicious brunch and go to cute little shops and watch The Americans and maybe make out when my husband’s not there. I am very excited.
And now, Toasters, I must trouble you with a dull and prosaic and kinda gross request. Do any of you have a magical solution to the problem of freaking cat litter all over the damn place?
We have two litter boxes and both are the fully covered with a swinging door variety, and yet the cats still manage to kick litter out, and then they (and we humans) end up tracking it everywhere. Which is gross. Nothing starts your day off right like stepping on a sharp shard of probably peed-on cat litter that somehow ended up right by your bed. We’ve tried those litter catcher mats and 3 or 4 varieties of litter but nothing has worked.
The weirdest part is that I’ve had cats since I was 8 years old and I only started experiencing this problem when I moved to Ottawa – this never happened when I lived with my parents.
If you find a solution, please tell me. My cats actually play with the stuff from time to time, which spreads it far and wide. Luckily for me they’ve mostly been shitting in the garden lately, which I’m supposed to think is terrible, but eh – we don’t sit in the garden all that much anyway, and it saves so much litter box cleaning!
NO BUT I NEED TO KNOW.
IT’S EVERYWHERE AND I REFUSE TO VACUUM THAT OFTEN.
This stuff is literally the only litter I have ever used that doesn’t track (much; Diesel kicks it out of the box in a normal way, but it stays there) AND it is miraculously un-stinky and hard-clumping. Pretty literally the best litter I’ve ever used.
Oh my god, and the DUST EVERYWHERE. Tiny little dusty pawprints on the coffee table and the dining room table and the end tables, it’s like those diagrams of the cha-cha.
The guilt I feel whenever I find myself thinking, “When you die I won’t have to clean as often and I’ll be able to buy nice furniture!”
You could try putting a litter box mat outside the box–that may help the litter from spreading. I just sweep every two days or so.
augh augh augh too close to home
One of my cat’s litter boxes is in the bathroom and she likes to use it right after licking the tub, so she steps in with her wet little paws and it sticks and then she gets it everywherrrrrrre and a litter mat has helped but by no means solved the problem.
It’s probably because you don’t live with your parents anymore. Parents’ houses are cleaner than their kids’ and there is nothing anyone can do about it; it is just science.
Edited to add that I deal with the problem by keeping a brush and dustpan next to the litter box and wearing socks or slippers at all times.
this is 100% true, I don’t remember litter everywhere from growing up and my mom’s floor never seems to have litter bits on it.
From everything I know about how much time & energy raising children sucks up, I have no idea how this can possibly be the case. Science says it’s true but it still can’t explain this phenomenon.
This is totally the opposite of true in my family! I’m dog sitting for my mom this week and have so far cleaned the stove, ovens, toilets, and bathtubs. The washing machine is next followed by the dishwasher. I don’t know how they get so dirty inside?!
I use pine pellet litter (brand changes, but I’ve been using Feline Fresh lately), so there is much less tracking of litter, though the pellets do escape sometimes.
Does the pine litter stuff clump well?
You can get the clumping kind, but the pellets don’t clump at all. They turn into sawdust and then dry. You just sort of…push it around and move the unused pellets to places the cat usually pees. When it’s mostly sawdust, it’s time to change the litter. This actually controls the cat pee smell better than any litter I used before I got it.
I use pine pellet litter, though it is intended for horse stalls–it is 1/4 the price of the pine sold for cat litter and is the same stuff. Technically it does not clump at all. The pellets absorb the pee and you don’t really notice it, unless you wait way too long to change the box and they give up absorbing the pee and fall apart into sawdust. Though they still bravely fight the odor; there is almost no odor with the pine pellets. I scoop the poops daily and change the boxes about once a week.
I personally have almost no tracking issues. The overenthusiastic burying cat occasionally sends some flying out of the bathroom, but overall, I have no real problem with escaping litter. I would never go back to clay litter, but then, my cats like and use it fine, and I guess some cats don’t like the feel of it.
Here to enthusiastically endorse pine litter!
This is what we do as well. One of our cats has pseudo-asthma/allergies so the dust from regular cat litter was too much, and they also managed to track litter all over the apartment. We switched to crystal litter, which cut down the dust somewhat, but still they managed to distribute it around the apartment and the house (from a different floor!). We have been on pine litter for about a year and it has worked really well. It smells like pine where the boxes are, and they don’t track the pellets.
I think the Clump and Seal might work for them, too. It has virtually no dust at all–no more dusty footprints, no more stinky box, no more tracking.
Crystal litter is what we’re currently using and it hurts like hell to step on >_>
OO, man, we tried to switch to that, and one of our cats just rebelled. Held it for a day, pooped on the rug, then crawled into bed with us on a Saturday morning under the guise of snuggling, and then peed on us. Thanks to that furry little terrorist, we are never, ever changing their litter brand.
Haha, my cat is always unhappy when I change the litter. I usually take a handful or two and soak the pellets so I can put a layer of sawdust on the top so his dainty little paws don’t hurt.
A Roomba has been huge for us with four pets (two cats two dogs). Not an option for everyone cause they are fairly pricey (though I think you can find ones for under $100 now) but man they make a big difference.
You said you tried them but the litter catcher mats are what works for me. Kismet’s box is on a carpeted floor (horrible, I know). To stop her from throwing litter into the carpet where the vacuum will never find it I put a big piece of plastic underneath her box (one of those clear plastic ones that you use under rolly-office-chairs). I can sweep that or roll it up and dump it out.
My friend made her closet under the stairs into a cat room (installed a pet door so Dex could get in to do his biz). I know there are smaller scale enclosed boxes-Ikea-cabinent-hacks too. (But the Cat Whisperer says cats need to have an open visible box… whatever)
Top entry cat box. http://www.amazon.com/Clevercat-77000-Top-Entry-L… It’s called Clever Cat, but mine are not, and they figured it out pretty fast. It cut down on the litter tracking SO MUCH. Sometimes, they leap out of the box a little too enthusiastically, and you can hear the litter scattering as they do, but even then, the top of the box seems to catch most of it.
This worked for a long time for us, until Olde Kitty got too old to get up that far.
We have this plus one of those litter-catcher mats in front of the box and it works pretty well!
Ditto on the top-entry box. It doesn’t stop the tracking entirely, but it does keep it within manageable limits. I really wish I could afford a Roomba!
I have a Roomba and run it 1-2 times a day.
I’ve used the pine-pellet litter and really dislike it. Don’t like the smell, don’t like the disintegrating pee sawdust, don’t think it kept my floor any cleaner. Team Clumping Clay all the way.
My cats track litter, but mostly in a contained area. They have a little mat to wipe their feet on, and the box and mat are on a larger inexpensive rug, and the rug in turn is on carpet because my whole apartment is carpeted. So the litter stays within a foot radius of the cheap rug, so it’s just a small area that requires vacuuming more often than the rest of the apartment. And the rug needs shaking every so often. I’m okay with this. But I did at one point consider getting the kind of litter box you enter from the top instead of the side, or one with little stairs they have to go up. I just haven’t found one of those I liked for a good price.
We use this Yesterday’s News litter which is better than the sandy stuff and easier to clean up. Someone else suggested a roomba which I imagine would be great — we have a mini hand-held vacuum cleaner which is a lot better than having to lug a full-sized one every time there’s a bit of litter you want to clear up. EDIT: Have just discovered that they look the same as the aforementioned pine pellet litter but yesterday’s news is made from old newspapers. It’s the same principle though of absorbing, not clumping.
I am officially taking a break from online dating; between last Friday’s lackluster date (annoying laugh AND a transphobic joke? I paid for the last round while he was in the bathroom) and my work life getting increasingly busy, I just don’t have the motivation. So I’ve temporarily disabled OKCupid and I’m leaning into spinsterhood for a little while, reading the new Anne Tyler and everything.
I hope someone will still keep the online dating thread alive! I found it very therapeutic.
I deactivated myself a few weeks ago because I found I was tired of being bothered by guys not able to read my profile*, and because I was obsessing a little too much over how often one of the people I’m seeing was online, and I needed to remove that temptation.
*seriously, when I say I’m not going to respond to messages from out of country, DON’T WRITE TO ME FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY
Urk. Still seeing my regular date, although it’s been a little bumpier lately. I’ve been feeling less appreciated lately, and more convenient, and it is a dreary feeling to have. I keep telling myself he’s quite busy with work and his wife and family.
Ah, pulling up my big girl pants (gotta be sweatpants, because those are the only trousers I wear, and only at home), and filling my life with other things. I have tickets to the theatre and the movies, and I start my spoon-carving workshop next week!
Rather quiet on the OKC messaging front. No conversations, no dates. I’m quite content to leave my profile open, but it’s been a bit of a relief. The last conversation I closed, he asked if he had done “something wrong.” No, but there wasn’t anything particularly right either; that seemed a bit strong so I just said, “No, nothing particularly wrong.” He responded with a sadface that throughout our conversation, he had been the only one “really interested.” I was somewhat amazed by such a show of self-pity by a man ten years my senior.
I’m with you. After several dates with different dudes AND about 460 messages that only said “hey”, I’m officially on dating hiatus.
Chatted a bit with someone who she she would like to hang out. Sent her my number, have heard nothing since then. Coming on too strong I guess.
Nooo just as you deactivate, I reactivate! I will try to keep it up but I haven’t had any luck thus far, just a bunch of dud one-line messages. One person that messaged me seemed pretty interesting, so I wrote him back – but haven’t heard anything back since. Oh well.
Would any Toasties be willing to look at my profile and see if there is anything besides my being a fat feminist that may be preventing people from messaging me? This is the first time I’ve ever sought to date anyone that I didn’t already know and it is HARD.
I doubt there are any serious red flags on your profile, because you’re awesome! I’d be happy to take a look at it though if you want. (I’m @lizbizfizz on twitter)
I have more or less given up on OKC and moved over to Tinder, which I didn’t think would EVER happen. I just like the aspect of Tinder where you can’t talk to someone unless there’s mutual interest!
I just started using it regularly this week. So far:
-Rabbinical student who seems nice but clingy. We talked for a few minutes when we first matched, then I got busy and didn’t check my account for the rest of the day, and when I checked it next he had sent me the same question three times. Like he thought I wasn’t getting them? I AM BUSY, PLEASE CHILL. Now I’m getting “Hey!” “How’s it going?” “Here’s my number!” on the daily. Hopefully he chills out and leaves me alone soon.
-Cute girls!! I occasionally ask Tinder to only show me women, because there are just so many more straight guys than queer ladies and the queer ladies don’t come up as often when I ask it to show me both. I keep matching with them and then not knowing what to do after that. I’ve always been so awkward with women, it’s terrible.
I am having the exact same experience with the cute girls!! If I ask Tinder for both genders it gives me maybe one lady per 20 guys, at best. But with either gender, I’m in the habit of swiping a lot, sometimes matching, and never messaging because I use Tinder at a low-intensity, low-investment level. Unfortunately I think women I match with are even less likely to initiate messaging than men, so all quiet in the inbox for now.
I also am on hiatus (something in the air?). I went on a date with a man who had made it to age 39 and never eaten eggplant or left the state he was born in. How do you live in North America for 40 years and never eat eggplant?!?! This depressed me terribly for some reason. When he messaged me, I told him I didn’t think we had much in common and told him so, but he wanted to meet anyway. The only good thing was I made him eat eggplant.
And a guy I friendzoned about two months back is still sending me Eeyore messages. I am on the fence about whether to respond. I don’t want to be an asshole, but on the other hand, men have a tendency to read a response of any kind as interest, even if you say clearly that you’re not interested in a romantic relationship, so maybe not responding will get the message through.
Let us lean into spinsterhood joyfully and eat all the weird foods we can get our hands on!
BLOCK EEYORE
I went on a very boring OKC date last weekend. I just can’t handle shy people! I can’t! (Sorry, shy people! I like you as friends, but I cannot date you.) We went to dinner, but he didn’t drink any alcohol. I don’t know if this is because he Doesn’t Drink or just didn’t want anything, but I had two glasses of wine, which were sorely needed.
I ended things with the Musician, but then had sex with him this week. Oops! But the sex is good and I am generally trying to date other people as to not get so fixated.
I took a break the last few weeks and now I’m back in again somewhat! I had a pretty boring coffee date last weekend, but there are a few decent candidates in the pipeline now, so hopefully one of them sticks!
One thing I have in the “message me if” section is “if the list of your favorite media isn’t 100% full of white men.” I got a message yesterday from a white dude who said he a really appreciated I said that and he double-checked his list before messaging me to make sure he qualified! He even mentioned the Bechdel test! I can’t believe the bar is low enough that it’s unique, but I definitely messaged him back.
I’ve been seeing a guy from OKCupid for two-ish months now, and it’s going swimmingly, so there is hope! Though he is out of the country for two week and I am having all sorts of weird new relationship anxiety because of it (which is especially obnoxious because I usually only see him a couple times a week, so it’s not even like this is some huge difference right now, but for some reason the fact that he is very far away is making my brain think this is a good time to panic).
ANYWAY, locally things are a bit anxiety inducing on the dating from, but generally they are good. May you all also find nice dudes on the internet!
(oh dang now I want leftover Chinese food)
Climbing/bouldering thread?
Toasties, yesterday I sent my first V3! It took me three sessions but I finally got it– didn’t get beta from anyone, came up with (what I think) is the most beautiful solution–and I’m really happy because I was at this horrible plateau where I was flashing most V2s but unable to send anything higher. It totally helped that during the entire 50 minutes of attempting it took to send the thing, there were cute girls behind me shouting encouragement. Random cheerleaders help so much. This also means my 6’4″ boyfriend and I (5’6″) are climbing the same level!! I mean, I’ve only climbed one V3 still, but I’m really catching up to him. (He is very gracious about it.)
Your turn– brag to me about your feats of athleticism! Doesn’t have to be climbing or climbing-adjacent.
Also– anyone have resources on how to effectively use systems walls? My gym has one, but I’m intimidated because I don’t quite know what to do on it.
Awesome! I haven’t climbed regularly in months (odd hours, lost gym membership, and my gear died) but I get to go get all-new gear soon and I’m sooooo excited. I’e wanted a pair of Evolv Shaman LVs for about 2 years and I’m finally gonna get them, along with a Black Diamond harness I’ve had my eye on. But I went climbing the other day and I’m back down to 5.7s and 5.8s after topping out on 5.10bs fairly consistently. I know I’ll get better, but I’m pretty bummed at backsliding so far right now (especially after climbing with friends who hadn’t climbed in ages and were nailing 5.11as – I had to remind myself they’re professional athletes and would obviously have the strength and flexibility that I have lost).
Ooh looking at the Shamans and they are nice. I have Evolv Elektras which are pretty low volume and fit my foot shape better than any other brand, but I could stand for even less volume. I’ve never tried a downturned shoe out, though.
I’m sure you’ll be back on 5.10s in no time, just like any other sport, if you’ve done it once, you can do it again in less time.
Nothing fits my feet like Evolvs – I love them so much. I started with the Rockstar, and when I tried the Shamans it was like discovering exactly how my feet should feel. Uncomfortable to walk in, beautiful to climb in. It was like slipping on a toughened, pointed layer of skin. (Yeah, I’ve been dreaming about these forever.)
And thanks for the encouragement. Once I get yoga and climbing back into my schedule I’ll feel a lot better. Life is always worse when I’m not working out problems and giving my body something to do.
I’m trying to get the office to have our Spring Social event at a climbing gym. I’m not a climber, but it sounds like an opportunity for people to either be surprisingly good at something or to enjoy themselves being spectacularly bad at it.
Has anyone attended/witnessed Team Building Exercises at climbing walls?
I work at a climbing gym and I’ve seen these events before! I think it’s a good idea–maybe make sure the gym has both top roping and bouldering walls (or bouldering only) because it gives people who are scared of heights something to try.
good call!
That’s awesome!! Bouldering is my FAVORITE! Congratulations! And I always appreciate the random cheerleaders too (although I’m often like “oh, wait, are you talking to me?… Hey, you’re right! I CAN do this!!”)
I actually broke my ankle falling from the last move of a V3 a few weeks ago (and missed the crashpad, ugh). It was such a good climb – really dynamic but with big jugs – and now I’ll never be able to complete it because the routes will have changed by the time I’m climbing again. ๐
Before this accident, though, I was totally better than my boyf. That was completely expected considering I had been climbing ~3 times a week for 4 months and he had been, like, twice in the same time period. But it was still exciting to be better at an athletic thing!!
It’s SUUUUUUPER dorky but if I ever top rope, I always do the “girl on rock!” “rock on, girl!” version instead of “belay?” “belay on” GIRL POWER.
If we ever happen to be in the same place, LET’S CLIMB TOGETHER! I have some guest passes you can use if you’re ever in DC. ๐
Oh man I miiiight be in DC in late April!! So maybe I’ll take you up on that– if your ankle is doing better, that is. And if you’re ever up in Boston, I can offer the same!
Congrats on the v3, sounds like you have amazing persistence! I’ve been climbing for about a month and a half again after taking a long break and I’m finally getting back to the point where my strength is catching back up with my technique. It’s frustrating to know you have the skill to do a route but have your hands/arms give out prematurely. I’m usually a boulderer, but have been trying to do more top roping since starting up again in order to build strength and endurance faster, and I was able to flash a 5.11- the other day!
WELP I gave notice. No last day set yet but soon I will have all kinds of time and energy to put towards starting my nonprofit, blogging, volunteering, and gardening. We may be broke for the foreseeable future but I will not be forced into the closet nor will I be obligated to keep my mouth shut and listen to anti-choice rhetoric just to get a paycheck.
However, I’m still kind of ambivalent. I’m definitely in that place where I tell these stories to other people and they stare at me, gape-mouthed, and go “omg that’s so horrible,” while I’m over here kinda going “I dunno it’s not that bad I don’t think.” However, my spouse has informed me that it IS that bad, and that in fact we have barely even spoken for months and haven’t had sex in forever because I basically have no bandwidth for anything but drinking wine when I’m not at work, so I’m glad I’m getting out even if I don’t feel a wash of relief and excitement just yet.
So I subscribe to Rory Green’s “Fundraiser Grrl” gif tumblr blog (which is great), and there was a reader-submitted one this week and I was just thinking….was it you?
http://fundraisergrrl.tumblr.com/post/11277713665…
OMG that’s amazing. It’s not me, but I’m so glad there are other people out there that feel the same way!!!!
That tumblr is LITERALLY my life omg
“Don’t everyone thank me at once.”
Yep.
just reading that I am feeling a wash of relief on your behalf! I hope you get there soon and that it is glorious.
GO, YOU!
That gif is giving me so many feelings.
Yay congratulations! Your quitting this job seems to have been a long time in coming. When you’re in such a terrible job I think it’s natural to insulate yourself from the horribleness, but of course that takes a toll on you in your off hours. Blogging, gardening, non-profiting, and volunteering sound heavenly and I bet your happiness level will improve dramatically!
PS – Thank you for your kind words about my health situation! The Toast community is truly the best.
Toasties, it has not been a good week. I was diagnosed with skin cancer. I think I’m going to be OK, but I’m in the middle of doing all the treatment/surgery stuff, so everything’s still a bit unclear. If any of you are like me with 1) pale skin 2) lots of freckles/moles and 3) you sunburn easily, please PLEASE see a dermatologist to get checked out!
Oh man. Best of luck with treatment!
I’m so sorry. Best of luck, feel good, and thanks for the PSA. So important.
Thank you. I am stuck between wanting to keep this to myself and wanting to yell at everyone to be safe and check their skin. As long as my beloved Toasties are are healthy, I will be satisfied!
Eek, good luck with treatment!
Oh goodness, I am sorry. Best of luck with the treatment.
That sounds scary. I hope everything turns out ok for you!
Oh no! I’m glad you caught it. Keep us updated about your treatment! Sending warm thoughts!
So sorry to hear this! Thinking of you.
oh no! that’s bad news to hear, indeed. i’m glad that you’re getting the care you need, though. sending good thoughts your way!
Sorry to hear this. Glad you got diagnosed and are getting treatment. I will think healing thoughts for your lovely fair skin.
Thank you! I have officially declared the sun to be my Arch-Nemesis!
My friend refers to the sun as his “great enemy in the sky!” I am so sorry you have to go through this, and I will think healing thoughts for you.
Oh dear, how scary! Best of luck to you, I’m glad you’re getting the care you need!
Best of luck with your treatment! We are here if you need somewhere to talk!
Oh no!!! ๐ Take care of yourself and let us know how it goes. Do you have someone(s) to help you as you go through this?
Yes, thankfully I have my lovely partner for support. He is taking care of me and doing an excellent job supplying me with ice cream and TV shows.
Ice cream is a known therapeutic for all ills, physical and emotional.
OHMIGOSH, I’m so sorry. ๐ I’m praying for you.
I sent in a reply but it never sent. I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m praying for you. ๐
Good for you for getting checked and treated. I hope it’s resolved quickly for you. My family of origin is very pale, and it’s the family curse. But it’s always been a situation that needs monitoring rather than a catastrophe, so I wish you the same.
oh no! best of luck to you. This is my family curse, too. If it’s basal skin carcinoma or squamous cell, you will be fine, we all get it, and we just have little white patches now on our faces or necks or hands where it got removed. But if it is melanoma, I am very sorry and hope that all those ground-breaking new treatments are working for you, and sending lots and lots of good vibes your way.
Thank you for the good vibes! Unfortunately it is melanoma, but I’m told it hasn’t progressed very far. I think all of the collective well-wishes from the Toast will help to cure it!
The new Sufjan song: “Should Have Known Better.” It breaks my heart and I also am going to listen to it twenty more times today.
I’ve been listening to it on repeat. I’m so excited for this (sure to be very sad) new album.
Oh man. Just listened to it. Will also listen to it twenty more times today. My officemate is out so no one will notice me weeping at my desk.
It is Friday, I walked to work, I had my favorite almond sour cherry scone for breakfast, I just bought tickets to see Courtney Barnett & Chastity Belt, and am in a Good Mood. Feel like the mist of winter is lifting a bit!
Hope everyone else is having a lovely day!
Almond sour cherry scone? That sounds amazing! I had leftover pizza for breakfast, but I did bring brownies to work for a coworker’s birthday, so that was a positive thing. Also, it is finally sunny outside!
Toasties! I am beyond thrilled at the arrival of springtime. I had fallen pretty hard into what my fiancee and I refer to generally as a “March mood” – generally fed up with winter, grumpy, moody, and basically feeling like the world is a cold, gray hellscape. I won’t go so far as to call it Seasonal Affective Disorder, but it is baaaaad.
But now the sun is out and it’s warm and birds are back and I can run outside and it will soon be gardening season and ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD! Pretty much every afternoon all I want to do is lay on the floor/bed and bask in the sun coming through the window, not unlike/right next to our dog.
Anyone doing anything fun this weekend to enjoy the improved weather (if, indeed, it is improved where you are)?
Hash run! Possibly banditing a shitty 5K in town! Yes!
eta: oh and leaving work two hours early today in order to enjoy as much 55-degree sunshine as poss.
Dogs know exactly what to do, don’t they? Sun basking is living your best life.
If it dries out, I want to go on a hike on Sunday! This extended sunlight + warmer temperature thing is my cup of tea entirely.
Why do governments always want to cut library funding to balance the budget? Anyway, if you live in Missouri, stop them from doing that.
Because Missouri passed a gazillion-dollar tax cut just for funsies last year even though they were already struggling to keep schools and hospitals open?
(I happen to be working on a project that is tangentially related to the MO budget and good god I think the main prerequisite for holding office in that state is “be a miserable excuse for a human being”)
:/ sooo a few weeks ago I mentioned that my apartment complex, while pretty and pretty cheap, is perhaps not completely well managed. http://the-toast.net/2015/02/16/presidents-day-op…
I joked (WHY did I joke?) about how it would be tricky if something actually broke.
Guess what? There’s a puddle of water that keeps reappearing in the tiny floor space between the fridge and the dishwasher/sink area. Not sure which side it’s coming from! Have emailed the building manager, will see what happens!
Two things:
1) I am currently reading Kushiel’s Dart, and it is scandalous. Also, very compelling. Nothing like reading a smutty fantasy novel on your Kindle on public transportation.
2) (Somewhat NSFW). Here is a 16th century woodcut of a cat who has stolen a dong. “Come back with that, you!”
1) I love the Kushiel’s series! I lost interest in the follow-up trilogy after book 1, but the first 3 books will always have a special place in my heart.
2) Does the #1555 in the corner of this picture means there are 1554 other woodcuts about this cat, perhaps explaining how it came to obtain the dong? Is there an entire Renaissance-era comic strip about this?
Re point 2: I certainly HOPE so! I should ask My Sister The Art Historian.
I put Kushiel’s Dart on my Kindle with a ton of other books after I asked for recommendations in an open thread awhile back and didn’t get to it for awhile. I remember that dawning feeling of “wait a second, THIS BOOK IS DIRTY!” Ended up reading all nine of them because lady-driven alternate history is rad.
It’s a very slow burn at the beginning. There’s a bit of naughtiness in the background, but since the main character is underage, it’s all alluded to indirectly or poetically. Then she suddenly becomes an Adult and it’s all literal heaving bosoms and whippings and dongs. I was reading the chapter with the first “assignation” on my evening train, and my eyebrows literally waggled.
Sounds bloody marvellous! :offtoamazon:
Yep definitely just ordered it.
1) YES. I had been wanting to read that series for years, but had never dared buy it because of the cover. That first book was of the first things I bought when I got a kindle, and I need to get the next one.
As much as I love physical books, having a Kindle has saved me so much embarrassment over crappy romance/fantasy/sci-fi covers .
Hiiiiiiiiii I proofread the trade paperback copy of Kushiel’s Dart and kind of loved it.
You have the best job, apparently.
I think that was the first truly scandalous sexy book I ever read. I was in high school! The librarians didn’t say anything! And then I think I brought it to school with me, as I always did whatever novel I was reading outside of class, and that may have been a very bad choice because it was way too sexy to be reading at school.
I missed out on both this and Mists of Avalon when I was in high school, in terms of “surprise introductions to adult female sexuality in fantasy literature.” I’m happy to say that, as an adult reader of both, this is MUCH better.
I think I was like fourteen when I first read Mists of Avalon. It was… well, wow.
Have you folks ever read along with the Vaginal Fantasy Book Club? It’s a paranormal/sci-fi romance novel book club that lives on Goodreads and Youtube. They read a book plus an alternate every month and have a google hangout broadcast to discuss it at the end of the month.
Kushiel’s Dart was one of the first few books they read, and they still go back and talk about how good it was pretty often.
I had not, so thank you for bringing this into my life.
as a dude, it was an eye opening read when I was in high school. I love all of Jacqueline Carey’s books, however.
I love it for the alternate European history and world bulding, as much as I do the smutty nature of it.
Spring is here! Boyfriend and I went for a long, gorgeous walk on Saturday, just drinking in the fresh air and sunshine. We walked for about 40 minutes and I could have kept going. All week on my campus, people have been walking around grinning like idiots, turning their faces up to the sun before giddily stripping off layers of clothing to perform such Rites of Spring as playing Frisbee on the (still partially snow-covered!) lawns and playing guitar next to the (still frozen!) ponds.
There is really just nothing like that first glorious week of warm weather. I’d totally forgotten how it felt to be outside without feeling like your face was being gnawed off by the cold.
All I want to do is walk and be outside! Boyfriend moved to a new town in December so we’re spending this weekend exploring his neighborhood by foot. Finally!
It’s the greatest. Enjoy!
Today is a good day! I got on a very early bus to come to work, which meant I was here way earlier than normal and could send the reports my coworker normally sends without being stressed out (she is on vacation). My new phone arrived today, after about 6 weeks of having only my work phone to keep me company (I was waiting for my tax refund and/or work travel reimbursement to come through, and they both did on the same day), and it is 2 business days earlier than promised. And also my office celebrates Pi Day, so there will be free pie from the good bakery.
Boyfriend has a date tonight so I am taking myself out for sushi and then getting The Last Five Years on some video service or another and playing with my shiny new phone. And also shopping for alllllll the baby gifts in anticipation of October, because I found out last night that my BFF is pregnant and the only way I could possibly be happier is if I were the one who was pregnant.
Minor petty whining/vent: I have been in my new town now for a year, and I haven’t even had ONE job interview yet. I’ve been temping at the same place for almost that whole time, and don’t really want to become permanent (it’s way too much math), but I’m making half what my salary was last year and benefits would be nice. Plus, I still don’t have a regular desk, and it feels so not-part-of-the-team to have all my post-its and pens and stuff in a sad little grocery bag I take from desk to desk every day, even though I’ve been in the same department this whole time. A year! I thought there’d be a little bit of forward momentum by now. Sigh.
god, his arms in this movie.
His arms! His eyeliner! Guh.
Oh nooo I’m so sorry. That’s not minor or petty! It’s a stressful situation you’re in. Re job interviews — hope this isn’t an annoying Q but do you always make sure that someone else checks over your CV and application? If not, do get at least one, preferably two people to look at it If you do already do that, get someone else as well. They might help you to see changes you might be able to make to give you an edge. I’m always amazed by how much better my applications are after they’ve been checked by my friends. Good luck!!
I have sent my stuff to a friend who works in HR (at her request and urging), and then she never got back to me. Maybe I’ll try again. And I signed up for another temp agency – farther away, but focusing more on ‘career’ type placements rather than ‘envelope-stuffing’ type placements. Something will come up!
this sounds frustrating as hell. is there someone you could talk with at your current job about at least getting a permanent desk? a year is a long time to shuffle someone around from desk to desk. it’s a little fix in the face of much larger frustrations, but it might help boost your daily outlook.
I have talked to my boss multiple times. Each time, it seems to be the first time he’s hearing any of it. Although a co-worker returned from maternity leave this week, and I asked him if that meant they wouldn’t need me any more, and he looked appalled and said of course I was supposed to keep coming to work. So…I have no idea.
Ugh. I don’t know if this is helpful (if it isn’t, discard) but could you get a little shower caddy or basket to carry your stuff, and a blotter and pen cup that you can take with you? At least you’d be able to set up “camp” for the day. (I’m also invoking the “the food always arrives when someone goes to the bathroom” rule of the universe.)
Also, since your boss seems like the type who “forgets” a lot, I would try emailing him about the desk.
Two very good ideas! Thank you!
hello dear Toastfriends, I expect to be hanging out here a lot because my work computer is having One Of Those Days.
I am having ALL-CAPS FEELINGS about the following things:
1. Discworld and how dang much of my life it has been around for. I think I picked up my first Discworld novel when I was 14, so that’s over 50% of my life ago in terms of years. And since then it’s been a go-to comfort read. I made sure to have a Discworld novel ready to go when finals time came around in college, and then 5 years later did the same in grad school. A friend pointed out on facebook that Terry Pratchett let you escape whatever nastiness was going on in the real world without feeling like you were totally disengaging, because he joked about serious things. And I love that you never had to worry about coming across a cruel or careless joke, because even at his silliest he had a big heart & a lot of smarts. Anyway, just thinking about how many hours of my life have been spent in that universe is a bit mind-boggling.
2. Girls with Slingshots! As much as you can’t compare it & Terry Pratchett’s work, they totally have that smart & compassionate humor in common. I hope we get some fun updates in the future about where some of the characters end up, though I’m quite happy leaving Hazel’s future unknown but hopeful as it is. Is the book thing a hint? WHERE’S MCPEDRO GOING?
3. I finished reading Connie Willis’s Blackout/All Clear last night and I have a Long Book Hangover. I went into All Clear like “oookaaaay, you better make this worth 1000 pages,” and came out at the end like “why is it ending?”
FICTIONFEELINGS all around. Please join me in having them?
I just finished Claire North’s new novel Touch and am still having FICTIONFEELINGS about the story of an entity who possesses people by touch. The way she describes locations with such love and clarity makes them feel like secondary characters and I’ll read anything she writes in a hot second.
[carefully places this book on top of to-read stack] [stack wobbles precariously]
I loved the ending of Girls with Slingshots, but it’s going to be really hard to break the habit of checking it every day. Excited to see what Danielle does now.
I just loved how the ending left me not really caring whether Hazel & Zach get back together or not. Usually I’d be all “oh cmon, important plot point for yeeeeears and you aren’t going to even give me a hint how it resolves?” No, she just left it so either way will work itself out.
so yeah, agreed I’m not sad about the ending, but I’m going to be sad seeing the URL pop up when I type “g” into my browser.
Yeah I think the ending was really well done, although tbh I think they probably do get back together eventually (although probably not just yet, it seems like Hazel is in the middle of doing some serious growth). I liked how it was kind of quiet and how it just stopped, without having to give everyone a happy ending (Friends I am looking at you — Phoebe gets MARRIED are you shitting me?).
mmhm! I’m looking forward to rereading the recent-ish strips once it’s been long enough for them to feel fresh, to see how she wrapped up some of the stories before the audience knew it was nearing the end.
wait wait wait GWS ended???
today was the last comic (at least for now). the last two weeks have been… emotional and really good.
100% with you on GWS.
I love/hate Connie Willis for that thing she does where there are like a thousand plot threads going and they’re all hinging on a couple major events and WHAT IF IT DOESN’T GET FIXED and I should go to bed but instead suddenly it’s like 3:00 in the morning. Also: I <3 Dunworthy.
I KNOW! I read Blackout without realizing you basically needed to pick up the second book immediately, and until the library got All Clear into my hands I was all on edge worrying about those kids stuck in the Blitz and not knowing yet how those 1944 bits were going to play into the whole mess. After I read To Say Nothing Of the Dog I’m going to have to find out all I can about her process, I’m imagining notebooks stuffed full of complicated diagrams.
I’m so glad I didn’t read Blackout right when it came out, because waiting months to resolve that would have been just awful.
One thing that really bugged me about those novels (although they were overall enjoyable) was: why don’t these future time-travelling capable people have cell phones or equivalent? So much time running around looking for a phone causing all these problems.
Especially in To Say Nothing of the Dog, although I guess part of that was the continuum thwarting their attempts to fix things so it could resolve itself (/end fanwank).
yeah, she seems to be very…selective about what miraculous technology they have access to. Even in the scenes set in 2060!
I haven’t actually read Connie Willis, so it’s quite possible that I’m missing something, but cell phones do kind of depend on cell towers.
and I think her theory of time travel would keep time travelers from bringing anything “impossible” with them? But they have implanted knowledge of the past, so it’s definitely a decision on her part to allow them that stuff but no communications.
so I just imagine it as the people in charge have definitely not done thorough contingency planning. Which just makes the whole concept of “academic historians are the ones with access to time travel” even more delightfully weird.
Yeah I meant more for the people in the ‘present day’ (actually future) trying to communicate with each other. Always critical things coming up all the time and yet they have to run across campus or whatever to find a phone.
Doomsday Book was published in 1993 and To Say Nothing of the Dog in 1999, when cell phones were not quite as ubiquitous as today. Certainly out of reach of impoverished academics. However, people do have “handhelds” that seem more PDA-ish than true cell phones, and I seem to recall Ned using his to talk with Finch about arranging transport for the Bishop’s Bird Stump at the end of TSNOTD. I haven’t sat down to read Blackout/All Clear so I don’t know what goes on there.
True, and to be fair I don’t remember it being as big a deal in Doomsday book. It did did to come up quite often in Blackout / All Clear from what I remember, though it’s been a while since I read all these.
My ex and I actually both started reading GWS at the same time (but after we broke up) and we’ve been chatting all week about how sad we are. I just love the characters so much and feel so much like Hazel right now that to not have her making random mistakes alongside me feels lonely.
Another GWS reader! I am sad with you. I am going to ECCC at the end of the month and will definitely politely bother Danielle Corsetto about where McPedro was headed off to!
And Terry Pratchett. Every time I see any of the tributes or anything online, I tear up.
I have feelings about all three of your things! (Particularly the first two, as it’s a while since I read Blackout/All Clear.) I love Terry Pratchett’s writing so much, and it’s hard to believe that he’s really gone, and finding out a week ago that GWS was about to end really distressed me. I’m glad the ending is hopeful, but I want more.
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum is pretty great– took my parents when they visited and they loved it. Good restaurant, too. Seconding the Harvard Natural History Museum, and if you’re in the area might as well go to the newly-renovated Harvard Art Museums too– the space is quite nice!
Restaurants– Toro and Myers + Chang if you’re feeling fancy, Gourmet Dumpling House if you’re with your dad and want to eat an ungodly amount of food, The Friendly Toast in Cambridge if you want excellent brunch…
Bars — I don’t really drink downtown because it is so expensive, but if you don’t mind taking the T a bit out of the way, Deep Ellum in Allston or Saloon in Somerville are both good options.
ET: @carmencicero, thank youuuu intensedebate!
Seconding the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. I used to time a visit for when the nasturtiums were in bloom. Shoud be soon. The restaurant serves a salad topped with nasturtium blossoms. They’re edible!
Thank you for these recommendations! The Friendly Toast sounds like the perfect Toastie type place, too.
I bought the cats a paddling pool. That is all.
They look SUPREMELY unimpressed.
That was the ‘what is this thing you ave brought into the house?’ phase. Since then they both drink out of it, Saffron stands in it, and Captain fishes the little floaty things out while trying not to get his paws wet at all. Every morning i find the little floats somewhere else!
So, they look like cats, is basically what you’re saying.
Here is a curious cat-face:
Hellooooooo camera!
thank you making it simpler than I was expecting!
my dad, hilariously small and shrinking slowly, and his flipping enormous cat Jack
That is an impressively enormous cat/paper stand! please post it again on this weeks’ cat thread so everyone will see.
What is this thing and where did you buy it? Buying dumb shit for the cats is one of my greatest joys in life (ask me about my monthly cat subscription box, and also cat shelves).
http://www.zooplus.co.uk/shop/cats/cat_toys/misce…
One of my friends has just asked me if I want the stuff her cat doesnt’ like if she gets a cat subscription box…
Please tell me about cat shelves.
I missed this the first time around but hopefully you have response notification because they are GREAT. Basically, we are doing a combination of our existing furniture (bookcase, back of sofa, fireplace mantel), purchased items that are actually meant for cats (so far the big winners are these things: https://www.etsy.com/listing/209446276/floating-s… which may be DIYable but these people are geniuses), and some just regular shelves or DIY stuff, with the ultimate goal that they can get around the living room without touching the floor.
The cats haven’t been just hanging out on them like I anticipated (though I haven’t really put anything soft up yet, I’m planning to kind of tie some fleece around the top of a bookshelf), but they LOVE playing on them and I can wear them out without having to actually run around the entire house myself. The new favorite game is where I get out the treats and then place them somewhere up on the shelves and whoever gets there first gets the treat.
I do I do I do!
Although, because the multiple page comment threading thing doesn’t really work, I had to search real hard to find this. And I’m so glad I did, because the cats on that Etsy post are ADORABLE.
Your house sounds fun. I want to come over and hide treats for your cats.
help how do you post a picture because I have one of simultaneous peak dad and epic cat, and I so want to share it here!!
They need to be online somewhere – if you put it on photobucket or flickr then there’s a ‘share this picture’ link that you can just paste in. So on photobucket, if you follow this link to the picture on its own page, there are four options, and you want the html one, you just paste what’s in that box.
http://s87.photobucket.com/user/Lebatihem/media/D…
If you put it somewhere else, then you need the direct link to the pic (that ends in .jpg), and you need to type [img src=”http.pictureaddress.jpg”] but with < > instead of [ ] round it.
OMG LOOK AT THEM! AHH, IT’S LIKE THEY’RE SIBLINGS AND ONE’S GOING “I’M PRETTY SURE THIS IS TOM RIDDLE’S HORCRUX…” AND THE OTHER ONE’S JUST “WOULD YOU STOP THAT AND POSE FOR THE CAMERA?”
They are siblings, and that sums up their relationship beautifully. Saffron thinks everything is a horcrux until proven otherwise and Captain is dim.
They are?! That’s so cool! And thanks! Let’s just say they’re Neville and Seamus? Also, off-topic but how does one survive until the next Open Thread? Do people expect the next one or is it just random?
They are really Captain Stripeypants and Saffron! Saffron’s a girl so I think Neville and Ginny, rather than Seamus.
Open threads every Friday morning!
WHICH MEANS IF YOU HOLD A YULE BALL THEY WILL DANCE. Sounds like a valid experiment to me. But it doesn’t seem like Friday’s ever gonna get here. Also, cool names!
Who has Pi Day plans? One of my coworkers brought in 3.14 pies today and I love her for it. I’ll probably bake tomorrow but since boyfriend hates pie (wtf??) I’ll have to eat it all myself. What kind of pie should I bake???
I’m going to make some variation of maple pie: http://www.pbs.org/food/kitchen-vignettes/canadia… (probably won’t make my own crust, though). It is soooo delicious, everyone should make one!
I am not making it for Pie Day, rather my St. Patrick’s Day feast, but I am making steak and Guinness pie tomorrow and I can’t wait to eat it.
Now I want a sweet pie made with Guinness. And Bailey’s. Or maybe I just want Guinness and Bailey’s…
And now I want a dinner pie and a dessert pie made with Guinness. Welp, time to go troll food blogs for ideas…
yes! Pies for every part of the meal!
I will be trying out one of pie recipes I found on Pinterest and marathoning, what else, my beloved Pushing Daisies.
Apple pie. Classic.
Who here is a queer woman writer or gender-nonconforming writer interested in turning their work into film? I’m planning an omnibus project (10 scripts from 10 different writers of 10 minute short films) and it’s becoming pretty obvious that we’re going to have to reach beyond folks in the local area. No filmmaking experience needed: just a good ten-minute script based on your own experience. This project doesn’t require fundraising and all profits will be distributed equitably between participants. Write to tentinyfilms AT gmail DOT com for more info.
Toasts!
(1) It is *almost* Spring in my part of frozen upstate New York. We’re in that jerk teasing stage right now, but snow is melting, grass is appearing, and temperatures will be in the double digits for the foreseeable future. The spirit rejoices.
(2) We found out a week or two ago that our second child will be a masculine child. My husband is thrilled, but then, he is A Man.
(3). Said Husband GOT A JOB! HOORAY! However, it means we’ll be moving to Albany about six weeks after I have the aforementioned baby. Ack.
Sooo, what do I need to know about Albany?
They call them steamed hams. (This is literally my only association with Albany.)
This is my favorite Simpsons episode. I quote it constantly.
It’s Ok to have a boy child. You can train him in the ways of matriarchy.
I was in Albany in the 90s. I remember there being no jobs other than for the state government. And I remember milk trucks. At least two milk trucks each morning, slowly climbing ahead of me as I drove to work through the winding mountain roads. Three trucks if I was running late.
Milk trucks, no jobs, and winding mountain roads in the middle of winter. Sounds awesome!!!
But it is beautiful. Breathtaking in the autumn.
I assume you mean the Stewart’s trucks? I forgive them their trucks and their TERRIBLE FONT CHOICES because of the make-your-own sundae bar. Unlimited Reeses Pieces on my ice cream? YES PLEASE.
Hey, I only live an hour away from there! I’ve never heard of steamed hams, but I can confirm (see above) the no jobs thing. So good work, Husband!
Hi fellow upstate Toastie! I do everything I can to avoid going to Albany except for work meetings and concerts, so I am no help. I like the State Museum? Parking sucks? I hear Delmar is nice? IDK. If you need tips on anything north of Albany though, like Saratoga or Lake George or Glens Falls, just let me know.
I live and work in Saratoga County, not far from Albany (commuting distance, and I used to commute in my previous job). Are you specifically moving to the city, or just the area?
I do know a couple people who do the one-car thing if they live right in Albany. They tend to be people who work at home or otherwise have a lot of flexibility. There are CDTA buses from further out, but they work best if you are on a super-regular schedule and never want to do errands on your way home from work.
There are other walkable areas–maybe you can’t get by without a car, but you can live within walking distance of a town center so you don’t need a car for EVERYTHING. Especially nice if you have small kids.
I like the area a lot. And the city (Albany and/or Troy) has a lot going for it. But the school situation is not so great in the city/ies. Huge generalization, but still…
Happy to answer more questions as you consider the move…
Congratulations on your impending masculine spawn!
Hi Toasties! What did you recently read that was great, and what are you reading this weekend?
I just finished The Paying Guest, which seems like it would be beloved by Toasties. Now I’m reading Ali Smith’s How to Be Both and am very intrigued by it. Also on my bedside table to read are: 2 Terry Pratchett Books, The Enchanted April, Colette’s Cheri, and Dan Barber’s book The Third Plate.
I’m reading Anil’s Ghost by Michael Ondaatje, it is very, very good. It’s a slim little book but I have been savoring it because it’s very rich, and also because I don’t want it to end.
I understand about the savoring–I did that with Elena Ferrante’s Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay. It took me three times as long to read it as it should have, because I just wanted to make it last.
Oooh, I’m in the middle of “My Brilliant Friend” now and am so happy that I still have the later books to look forward to.
Oh! I read that in grade 12, and I loved it so much. I still haven’t read any other Ondaatje, but I might finally have to change that when I finish my current book.
Late-to-the-party on reading Divergent, but really digging it.
Just picked up Salvage The Bones and I got one chapter in last night. I have a feeling it’s going to be a tough read, both in subject matter & appreciating her craft help-i-need-an-English-teacher. I need to make myself read it slowly, which is always hard for me.
I read that one recently, I loved it. Her memoir Men We Reaped is also amazing. Though definitely neither is a feel good read.
I’m reading All the Light We Cannot See, finally (I’ve had it on hold at the library for months); before that was Songdogs by Colum McCann, which was really lovely.
(and after yesterday, I definitely feel the need to read more Terry Pratchett. next up: Men at Arms)
All the Light We Cannot See is TOO GOOD, I think my friends and family are going to conspire to murder me if I don’t stop badgering them all to read it.
I ADORE THAT BOOK. GOD but it is so good. I went to a shitty book club meeting about it that made me seriously side-eye some other people but wow it did jot diminish my love for that book by a bit. So great.
How to Be Both was one of my favorite books I’ve read this year! Which half is first in your copy? In mine, it was the modern half, which I loved so much that I put the book down for a while when it ended because I (thought) I didn’t care about the other story, I just wanted more about George. (BUT. It was so so so totally worth it to continue). I feel like Ali Smith is one of the few authors who writes words that are a perfect match for my brain.
My copy starts with the modern half too. I really admire Ali Smith’s writing style. It’s simple and radical at the same time.
I just finished The Bone Clocks which I enjoyed a lot. Recommended if you liked Cloud Atlas.
I also have almost finished Year’s Best Weird Fiction: Volume One which has a lot of great short stories from various authors. Next up: All the Light We Cannot See or Station Eleven or some Terry Pratchett.
I recently enjoyed Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel and My Real Children by Jo Walton.
I second Station Eleven. I also just finished it and really enjoyed it!
I also just read Station Eleven, on the recommendation of some Toasties last week. I think it’s the realest apocalypse book I’ve ever read. I found it totally consuming. The book it reminded me of the most was the Martian Chronicles, which is definitely a compliment.
Oh my goodness, someone else who has read My Real Children!! I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend to read it, but I’m afraid blubbering in bed next to her while I was reading it wasn’t a great argument for it (though it SHOULD be–most books don’t make me cry). I’ll have to check out Station Eleven–it seems like lots of people with similar taste to me have been reading it.
I’m about halfway through Octavia Butler’s Xenogenesis Trilogy and it’s so good! My library only had to the first book (booo) but a copy from a neighboring library came through a few days ago.
I’m reading Shades of Grey right now, by Jasper Fforde. It’s pretty good, but I definitely think I like the Thursday Next books better – he does the same thing in this one, where he drops you right into this different world, and the story gradually explains how it works, but I think that was done better in The Eyre Affair.
I’ll definitely still finish it, but it’s not my favourite thing ever.
I love Shades of Grey. I hate that people immediately think I’m talking about some other book when I talk about it though. I was never into Jane Eyre so I’d say I like shades of Grey better than The Eyre Affair but not as much as all the follow ups to The Eyre Affair.
Ha, yes, I also hate that.
I’ve actually never read Jane Eyre? (Along with a lot of the ‘classics’ – I was an early reader, and I think maybe got handed a bunch of them when I technically could read them, but was not at all interested, and it put me off for a long time). So I did like the Eyre Affair follow ups best, since the references were less specific.
I am really liking Shades of Grey, but I feel like I expected to like it more? I’m not sure. I am getting more into it as I go along, though, so maybe by the end I’ll love it.
I asked for Shades of Grey when my mother requested Christmas gift ideas and she sent me a very Mom email in response, like “at first I thought you wanted that SEXY book! I am so relieved!”
I wanted to love it but didn’t quite, it was overall very Jasper Fforde-y, which was at once charming & original and kinda grating.
I’m the opposite! I love Shades, but am apparently incapable of getting into the Thursday Next series (not for lack of trying!)
I really liked the Nursery crime books. I think perhaps the Thursday Next books are objectively better, but I just really love fairy tale creatures and novel detectives (but not tv detectives, those guys are getting boring).
A Brief History of Seven Killings was excellent, though loooooooong. A novel centered around the assassination attempt of Bob Marley in 1976.
This weekend I am finishing Symbiont by Mira Grant, which is if anything even creepier and more unsettling than the first! Also, just fun.
Oh god oh god I read The Paying Guests and as much as I wanted to love it, I hated it so much I gave up 3/4 of the way through the book.
Right now I am reading North and South by Gaskell and loving it so much.
My bestseller challenge (reading one book off the NYT bestseller lists for the week of my birthday, from 1984-2014) continues apace! I just finished The Shell Seekers, by Rosamunde Pilcher, which was actually the book my mom read (at around my same age) when she was pregnant with my little sister, who also happens to be named after one of the characters.
I enjoyed the book (despite being kind of horrified at how awful some of the characters were and wondering why Mom named my sister after one of them–even if it was the least dreadful of the three dreadful children), but it was a little weird to be thinking about reading a book my mom had read at my age, in completely different life circumstances.
What a neat project!
/steals idea, runs away
I’m reading Birds Without Wings, by Louis de Bernieres, but I am at the point of the book where I can tell I am going to just constantly be on the edge of tears from now until the end (I loved Corelli’s Mandolin, spent the last hundred pages with watery eyes, and just had to lie down on the bed and do nothing for a while after I finished).
I’m also reading Jesus: A Pilgrimage, by James Martin, which is lovely and charming and humorous while at the same time giving me lots of new insights into religion, so basically everything I could possibly want in a book on religion.
I’m finally reading Outlander! I like it verra much. Although I’m a little nervous that my local library won’t have all the books and I’ll get stuck at book 3 or somesuch.
Duuuude, this is my exact problem. I’m now on the third book and have been getting them sent in from libraries outside of the local network because none of my locals had any more than the first book. Now I’m moving to a new area, and none of the local libraries there have book 4 and they aren’t part of a consortium like my current network is and there are like a million books in the series and ahhhhhhhhhhh!
I will say, my scotch consumption rises noticeably every time I read an outlander novel.
So I’m planning on taking a trip to New York City soon (leaving next weekend and staying for several days). It’s a trip I’ve been wanting to take since last spring, but as it gets closer, I’m feeling less excited than I thought I would! Which is alarming, since I’ll be spending a nice chunk of money on travel/accommodations/tickets for shows. I think a big part of my lessened excitement is due to the fact that I’ll be traveling soloโwhich I’ve done before and I really like in theory as an option, but I’m kind of just feeling overwhelmed about it. Does anyone have any solo travel experience/praise they feel like sharing so I can hopefully calm down about it?
Also, does anyone have any recommendations for parks/museums/quirky shops/food places/etc. that stand out above everything else for you in New York? I’ve been there before, a few years ago, and ran out of time to visit everything on my list, plus I’ve done research on lots of food options in the last few days, so I feel like I have a good, solid list going, but I’d love to hear any recommendations for one or two places you love most in the city. In terms of area, it’s looking like I’ll mostly be in the UWS, Midtown, Greenwich Village, the East Village, and the LES, but I’m open to going elsewhere.
And if there happen to be any events happening in the city next weekend that local Toasties are excited about, please feel free to share!
Thank you!
If you haven’t been, UPSTATE CRAFT BEER AND OYSTER BAR in the East Village. The #1 meal I had in NYC, and definitely among the top ten dining experiences I’ve ever had. Bartender was super friendly, beer was delicious, and the oysters were out of this world. Also, get the squid salad if you want a side plate, it was a highlight. The whole place had such a friendly vibe, we stayed until it closed and I was sad to leave. Also – not that expensive! I dream about this place and would probably go once or twice a month if I lived in NYC.
One of my favorite restaurants ever is on the UWS – it’s Celeste, at 85th & Amsterdam. They don’t take reservations and are about the size of a shoebox, so it’s a good idea to go early for dinner, but it’s well-priced authentic delicious Italian food, and the owner/waitstaff are awesome at wine recommendations. They have sister restaurant called Bianca in Noho, but I like Celeste better because they have pizza.
Also, my work just had a field trip to the Cooper Hewitt design museum and it was AMAZING and I’ve been evangelizing to all my friends. Not a place I would have known to go on my own, but super interesting and interdisciplinary and modern, plus it’s housed in the old Carnegie mansion so that’s fascinating too.
Japanese curry at Curry-ya, 214 E. 10th St.
Oo seconding this!
Living here is different, but my favorite solo days in the city are always just wandering days. I take a book, grab brunch/lunch and then meander, popping into shops that catch my eye. All the neighborhoods you mention (except perhaps Midtown, because gah, lots of people) are great for wandering.
ETA: I recommend Le Bonne Soupe (lunch), Glass House Tavern (pre-show dinner, post-show drinks) and Cork ‘n Fork (tapas/dinner).
The Rubin Museum of Himalayan art on W 17th is less-visited but lovely, a well-funded renovation of the old Barneys space. And Japan Society on E 47th just opened its Cats in ukiyo-e exhibit. Both are free on friday nights, and quieter than most museums on the rest of the weekend.
For a break while wandering the Village, Pasticceria Rocco is a good bet. A cappuccino and one of a basquillion pastries (the pine nut cookies or the softball-sized cream puff are excellent) will set you up.
My favorite restaurant in NYC is Le Veau d’Or (at 129 E 60th St and Lexington). It’s like a time capsule of a French restaurant from the ’60s, has AMAZING food, and it’s very reasonably priced. (Especially if you go for lunch). It’s basically a fixed price for appetizer, entree, and dessert.
I’ve only been once, but my partner has been going for many years now. It was run by a lovely old French gentleman for a long time (who’s sadly passed away- I never met him, but he was apparently a real character). His daughter is running it now and is a really lovely person. We brought flowers after we’d heard that he passed, and she sat and had a glass of wine with us.
It’s very small and intimate, and very charming. (I got the roast chicken, which was fabulous and was expertly carved at the table by the waiter). Highly recommend!!
Also, I would go to Zabar’s (80th and Broadway) and just poke around there. You can grab a knish at the cafe there, and then watch the guys expertly slice lox. I like to describe it as Mecca for Jews.
If you go to the Metropolitan Museum, I would head towards the back where they have the re-created historical rooms (e.g., bedrooms, parlors, etc.) Even though parts of the museum can be a madhouse at times, there’s hardly ever been anyone back there when I’ve visited. It’s kind of eerie and you almost feel like you’re really back in time.
I find traveling alone incredibly stressful to plan, but great once I’m doing it. So hopefully that’s the case for you too. I try not to overplan. It’s nice to be able to do whatever you want, when you want, and not be beholden to rushing around and needing to be on time to anything. I also try to do the same things I like to do at home when I’m on vacation. For example, I always try to go to bookstores since they are my favorite. And I’ve stopped trying to force myself to enjoy museums.
If you’re looking for a good bookstore, I love http://www.housingworks.org/bookstore/
I always feel like “noo, I don’t wanna do this trip”, and then once I’m on my way it’s great.
Travelling alone is excellent- I mean, being with people is good too, but on your own you can do the things that you want to do even if everyone else thinks they’re boring, or you can change your mind on your way somewhere if something else suddenly seems more fun, and you’re not disappointing anyone. It’s more of a break from everyday life somehow, too? Like, you’re not even talking to your usual (much-loved!) peeps about your usual (interesting!) things, so you’re more immersed in the place where you are?
One thing I do try to bear in mind is that the point of this is for me to have a good time. If I start feeling overwhelmed or something, I can stay in bed late instead of dashing off somewhere first thing, or I can bail on a museum and have a coffee for an hour, and it’s good because I’m enjoying myself on my holiday!
I loved New York, but I was only there for a weekend several years ago so no specific recommendations, I think. Oh yeah, if you do the Frick and then wander through Central Park for a bit, that’s a great afternoon.
I really like the American Craft Museum, which might have changed its name to Museum of American Crafts… anyhow, near Columbus Circle and the Whole foods there.
Okay, moms and other super-busy ladies, how do you stay fit? The mini-Wren gets schlepped out of the house around 7 every morning. I leave about an hour and a half later, and donโt return again until 7. She goes to bed at 7:30. I canโt figure out how to fit in a good workout, time with my offspring, and actual LIFE all in the same day. How do yโall handle your time management??
ETA this is not actually a lady-specific question, I just thought of very busy mom-types who manage to still stay in shape when I wrote it. Non-ladies, please feel free to contribute! I need all the help I can get. Haha
My answer sucks because it involves waking up at 4 a.m. twice a week.
I am willing to wake up at 5? But not 4. 4AM is not a great time for me, in any state of being…
I was so used to seeing it from the other, non-sober side. Seeing it on the early end is very disappointing.
I am not a parent. But I think you parent people are superheroes. And I love other people’s children. When I ran day care center, my staff and I used the smallest children for daily weight training. Exercises like lying on your back and putting a baby on your shins while you lift her up and down slowly. My biceps became bigger fast when I started doing curls with a toddler dangling from my wrist. That kind of thing. The kids loooooved it.
This is a really good point! MiniWren does love being picked up, “flown” around the living room, etc. My arm strength has definitely improved since she’s been around. Maybe I should start incorporating her into some sort of workout.
When I used to babysit a toddler, I invented a game that was pretty much hide and seek, but when I found her, I wrapped her in a blanket, threw her over my shoulder, and ran around yelling BABY IN A BLANKET BABY IN A BLANKET while she shrieked with laughter. It exhausted me in about 2 rounds. But it was worth it to hear her laugh like that!
Walking desk?
can you work out in the time between when she leaves and when you have to leave for the day? If you left when she did, would you have time to go to the gym?
You could try 5BX. It was designed by the Royal Canadian Air Force to help busy crew members in remote locations stay fit by exercising only a few minutes a day. It’s all body weight based, old school calisthenics. This is the men’s program because back then, apparently, men and women needed different programs (there’s a women’s one too, I just can’t find it). It builds progressively week to week: http://csclub.uwaterloo.ca/~rfburger/5bx-plan.pdf
I think I’ve mentioned it in an Open Thread before, and I don’t want to be weirdly harping on it, but I really, really like the videos on FitnessBlender.com, and they seem like they’d be good for your needs. Basically, they’re done by a couple of personal trainers and their whole philosophy is that anyone can achieve a healthy fitness level without spending a ton of time working out or much money. So, their videos use a lot of HIIT and are designed for you to do at home without special equipment (although a set of dumbbells is really useful for some workouts). I am a reasonably fit person and find that their routines are quite effective at making me sweaty and sore the next day. Plus, from a time management perspective, it is pretty easy, even when I’m super busy, to talk myself into doing a video when it’s only 26 minutes long and I can do it right in my house.
Cool! Yeah, I think, based on thinking about it more and realistic-goal-setting, 30 minutes is probably a good aim for workout length for my schedule. Thank you for the suggestion!
I use an activity monitor (I’m partial to the Fitbit) and make sure to get lots and lots of steps in every day. On the days when I can’t sweat, the steps definitely help!
If you like a heavy duty sweaty type workout, have you considered HIIT type workouts (high intensity interval training) Neila Rey has a bunch, and there are workouts all over the internet (I like hers because they look cool and are also torture). http://neilarey.com/workouts.html
I exercise at home with exercise/training video games that I play on my son’s xbox. Some of them are really tough and having the thing where it can see what you’re doing is awesome because it gives you feedback on your form and yells at you if you stop or slow down. It’s awesome.
Toasties- I will be vacationing in Seattle/ Port Orchard/ Kitsap Pennisula region of Washington next month. It’s my first time in WA. What should I see and eat? What can’t be missed? Also if you are in that region and want to me to buy you a beverage hit me up on twitter (amyofdoom)
What kind of things do you like to do? There is tons to see here :). If you like nature there are many many hikes and trails all within the area.
As far as restaurants: So much good food here. I would highly recommend Lola in downtown Seattle for breakfast / brunch. Get the fresh homemade donuts and also their eggs Benedict is the best I’ve ever had. What kind of food do you like?
I am not outdoorsy but I do like gardens and I’m going to try to get one of those boat/whale/eagle tour things in. I really want to do the EMP Museum (because sci fi) and we’ll probably shop a lot. I don’t know what to expect from the city so I’m open to all kinds of things. And I’m a vegetarian traveling with omnivores.
While you’re at Seattle Center for the EMP Museum, you should also go to the Chihuly glass museum, because it is absolutely gorgeous. If you can swing it, try going in the evening so you can see the garden in the dark.
Oh yeah, I still need to see that (I’ve only seen from the outside).
Also if you’re looking for weird fun things, try Smash Putt, which is miniature golf plus performance/industrial art, but not nearly as obnoxious as that makes it sound.
There is a Rose garden by the Woodland Park zoo. The Kubota Japanese Garden is a bit south of Seattle but is very pretty. Still a bit cool here but getting sunnier, so you might check out the beaches at Alki, or over in Ballard at Golden Gardens.
Oh and List (restaurant) downtown is really good, I think they have lots of vegetarian options. If you go, get the baked broccoli, it is really good.
I can give you answers for Seattle, but am not super familiar with the others.
Eating:
seafood – Ray’s Boathouse (go when it’s sunny if possible and sit outside)
Vietnamese fusion – Monsoon
breakfast – The Crumpet Shop at Pike Place, or Portage Bay (any location)
sushi – Shiku sushi in Ballard
Seeing:
Honestly, there’s lots of great stuff and you’ll be pretty happy with a lot of wandering, I think. Downtown there’s Pike Place Market, the Seattle Art Museum, the library (it’s worth seeing because it has weird architecture), Benaroya Hall (has Chihuly sculptures in the lobby). Then over at Seattle Center there’s the Pacific Science Center which is great, and the EMP and Space Needle which are the typical tourist things but I’m not as excited about. At Volunteer Park there’s the Asian Art Museum as well as a conservatory and a water tower you can climb. In the neighborhood of Fremont there’s lots of public art – the troll, the center of the universe, Lenin, Waiting for the Interurban – and cute shops. You could walk around Green Lake or hike in Carkeek Park. Capitol Hill is the place to go for nightlife. You can rent canoes from the WAC (water activities center) at the UW, and canoe around Foster Island and the Arboretum. There are lots of great bookstores – Elliot Bay Bookstore or the University Bookstore would be top picks. Um, hi, I kind of love my city, it turns out.
Oh yeah, can’t believe I forgot the library. It is my favorite building in Seattle and one of my favorite architecturally in general.
I would add Shiro’s Sushi to the restaurant list. I’ve only been there once while visiting Seattle, but it was amazing!
Also, if you’re up in Green Lake (because I agree that it’s super pretty) you can go to Might Os doughnuts. Or go to Top Pot doughnuts. I don’t live in Seattle and therefore I refuse to pick a side in the doughnut debate.
I would add the Theo Chocolate store–they have free samples of just about everything on sale.
Yes to all of this, especially Rays and The Crumpet Shop. You can also rent rowboats and sailboats from the Center For Wooden Boats at the south end of Lake Union.
The Ballard Locks is also pretty cool, if you make it to Ballard.
Oh, and if you like French pastries/ Viennoiseries, you must go to Crumble and Flake in Capitol Hill. Cafe Besalu in Ballard is also very good, but Crumble and Flake has the best croissants I have ever eaten, and I am currently living in France.
I wish I could help. My forays to Kitsap County are generally to go to the Silverdale World Market and Macy’s. Downtown Poulsbo is cute and Scandinavian. If you plan on coming over to the Port Angeles area, I would be more helpful.
What is bringing you to Port Orchard? I used to live in Kitsap and now am down outside Tacoma.
Should we have a meetup while you’re here??
I’m traveling with my aunt and her friend who are big Debbie Macomber fans (I’ve never read the books) so they want to stay where the books are set. Meanwhile it looked pretty and I’ve never been up there before (and they need a driver/ young’n to carry things so I got roped in). The bed & breakfast’s website has pictures of eagles & mountains so I’m kinda psyched.
Oh, funny. Well, if it’s not too far out of the way, you might like Bainbridge Island. You can drive there from the peninsula. If you do go to Poulsbo, Bainbridge is just about 20 minutes further. There is a fancy garden park thing, a lot of parks, many of which have beaches, a great yarn and tea store if that’s your thing, and generally a cute little downtown.
Otter feeding time at the Seattle Aquarium. Cutest thing ever. And if you time it right, you can hit up the Elliot Bay Oyster House happy hour (assuming you like oysters, of course)
Call the oyster house first — there is tons of construction down on the waterfront and last time I tried to go there with family it was closed semi-long-term, I think.
FRIDAY FASHION THREAD LET’S DO THIS
Post your victories, failures, request for advice, awesome finds, etc.
This week I wore a vintage cummerbund as a dress sash.
Also I discovered that most of my springtime wear is too small because I work a desk job now. Sigh.
Also I will be dyeing the magenta out of my hair this weekend! It was a fun two weeks, but it’s time to look professional-ish again. So, burgundy.
That outfit looks fantastic! And I’d love to put magenta in my hair, but I’m afraid Upper Management would faint from shock. They had enough issues with my male coworker’s green pants!
http://www.myhabit.com/#page=d&dept=men&a…
Tretorn Skymra Canvas Sneaker. ELASTIC STRAPS INSTEAD OF LACES. I may never go back.
As an added bonus, they’re comfortable as hell.
aaaaaah those are so cute
Nice! I got some high top canvas sneakers a little while ago, switched out the laces for elastic, and was all excited about my cleverness. Immediately the ENTIRE OUTDOORS TURNED INTO A FROZEN HELLSCAPE for several months and I’ve never actually worn them. Maybe this weekend.
I did some De Stijl nails to go out with tonight! At first it was just the colors, but then I thought it looked too “children’s clown” and not “cool design.” I’m happy with them now.
Definitely cool design and not children’s clown. My nails are navy right now and I looooove it.
I saw them and thought “Star Trek uniforms” and not clowns at all. They look awesome.
Since the arrival of spring, I’ve been glorying in wearing my light wool coat that is actually flattering (I remain convinced that it is impossible to look stylish in a big puffer coat), jeans with only ONE pair of leggings underneath, and my new tan leather ankle booties that are too delicate for snow.
Realized today that I now have what amounts to a uniform: black skinny jeans, olive green cotton scarf, and aforementioned coat and ankle boots. All I have to do is insert some kind of top. As all my tops and sweaters are black, white, gray, navy, or black-and-white striped, they all fit with the uniform and I never have to put any thought into getting dressed ever again!
However, I do have other clothes, which I like but don’t wear because they require ironing. About 50% of my wardrobe currently gets passed over because ‘that needs an iron’, which is ridiculous. So that is my challenge: be less lazy.
Victory: the cobbler was able to save my favorite black knee-high boots! The leather had cracked on the outside by the bottom on the right boot. $35 for that repair + touching up the heels & soles + polish. Not bad at all.
I have a grocery bag full of high heels my dog has used as chew toys to protest my working hours. I’m going to have to decide which are worth saving and which would cost more to repair than I paid for them initially.
Broke out my black, double-breasted wool coat instead of the down puffy coat. It’s old but it has great lines and I always feel badass stalking the city in it. Back in my Chelsea boots now that the sidewalks are dry and clear again. Even threw on one of my handknit berets instead of huddling in the down hood.
Thought all week how I’ve been really embracing neutrals — greys, whites, black, dark blues — while enjoying texture and patterns. I’m really loving it. I’m dressing the way I like right now. I’m going to Jamaica for a wedding in April and I have NO IDEA what I’m going to do. White shorts and chambray shirts? I’ve been coveting a good Panama hat for AGES.
My date I’ve been seeing for a few months teased me for wearing so much black and remarked how he never sees me in bright colours, and I was so pleased how much it didn’t bother me at all. I know I look good.
Handknit beret, pictures plz
Oh! I hope this works: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/gloriana232/fenim…
It’s VERY light (silk/wool) so it’s basically decorative.
oh man! yours looks SO MUCH NICER than the pattern’s photos. (white hats, who even does that)
I totally want to make one of those now. I have no berets in my life, and it is time to change the heck out of that.
Thank you! I started making them because no off-the-shelf hats fit me. I have a small pile of berets now.
I’m considering branching out since I’m getting influenced by fashion blogs and the slouchy beanie look.
I second the small pile of berets! I’ve made three this spring–pink, plum, and hunter–with a Lousia Harding 100% silk yarn I found for $10 at Tuesday morning and knit top down so I could use every inch. One of those colors reasonably goes with whatever color combination I have on at the time and the loose fit and silk mean my hair looks presentable when I take my beret off.
That beret is beautiful. Also, neutral-wearing fashionistas FTW! The most I branch out of my neutral zone is shades of olive green and once in a while a muddy purple.
Thank you! I love purple, and I really love green but keep thinking it’s not my colour! This week, I saw a lady on the subway in a gorgeous desaturated wheat-coloured coat with a hunter green Longchamp bag and I’m dying to recreate the look.
Colors cannot be owned! We can all enjoy all the colors we want without regards to if they’re “yours” or not.
Seriously, there is no way someone with my complexion “should” be able to get away with wearing army green and yet.
I bought the Captain America cardigan (when all the clothes at Think Geek were on sale) http://www.heruniverse.com/captain-america-cardig… It’s thin like a tee shirt but that will be good for the summer.
That is a damn classy cardigan.
I bought these a couple weeks ago and they arrived Monday and I washed them Wednesday and wore them today AND I LOVE THEM. Wearing them with a short, black knit skirt, black tee, and a slouchy olive-green jersey knit cardigan. And combat boots (of course). For jewelry, a giant scarab necklace from this amazing shop some big gold hoops, and a fox tooth earring in my extra ear hole on the right.
I LOOK GOOD TODAY.
I LOVE THESE
I didn’t wear boots once this week SUCK IT WINTER
I walked into work today and one of my coworkers was immediately like “Do you have a meeting? Why are you dressed up?” I’m wearing jeans, a black sweater, and black flats? Yay for it being warm enough to wear cute shoes again!
YES. I have committed to a life of no-socks, after actually getting to not wear socks like twice this week. So good.
My favorite striped shirt got a stain on it that I can’t get out. </3 </3 It was just a basic H&M shirt from like 5 years ago but it was perfect – thick material, boat cut neckline, zipper on the back. RIP. I’m searching for a replacement perfect striped shirt this weekend. Wish me luck/give me advice for places where I can find cheap shirts that aren’t sheer or cropped or have cut outs.
Good luck and condolences. It sucks when a favorite garment has to be retired before you’re tired of it.
I have this striped shirt which sounds kind of similar. It’s probably my favorite and most-worn top. Good luck!
http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/58620?page=french-…
Oo that’s cute! It is pretty similar! Bookmarking.
Maybe try J.Crew Factory? They’re definitely not as cheap as H&M, but they’re always having sales. I picked up a couple of shirts there recently, one with a boatneck and one with a zipper on the back, both in pretty sturdy fabric.
That’s a good idea, thank you!
Failure and need advice: I’ve been having some weird bug bite phenomenon where i can’t find a single damn bug. So I figured the bugs were living in my clothes? I cranked the water heater up to 11 and washed everything but I’m still getting bit. At least my clothes are hanging in there after my mistreatment.
Also I bought a fancy lipstick at Sephora but the top three layers of my lips fell off 12 hours later, so I returned it. Apparently it is my destiny to remain lipstickless.
I think it’s finally time to get the warm weather clothes out of storage. That’s always a fun day, and usually ends in a trip to the thrift shop.
I hate to suggest it, but could it be bed bugs?
No evidence of bed bugs; I put out a trap anyways and it came up empty in the morning.
Unless there’s bed bugs in my car, which I am not ruling out.
This may be out-there but could it be a skin or joint condition condition? I thought I was getting either bed bug bites or mosquito bites on my legs last year (in the middle of winter!) then it turned out to be an inflammatory condition called erythema nodosum (I got better).
Yeah I will go to the doctor about it, but I want to be able to say “here’s the long list of things I’ve ruled out” because I don’t feel like paying a $40 copay just to get told “huh, looks like mosquitoes”
Yeah, I would get a “bite” checked out by a doctor next they pop up. If you can’t find bugs, it might be a weird rash or virus or something.
(I had pityriasis rosea once! It was gross! I took some great selfies though.)
Have you tried out hypoallergenic and organic lipsticks? Even Target sells a few, apparently: http://www.target.com/c/lips-makeup-beauty/hypoal…
Sephora doesn’t have much of a selection, but maybe this? http://www.sephora.com/americana-natural-lip-colo…
Yeah, I’m gonna clean the hell out of my car and see if that changes anything, then I’m off to the Doctor.
I may try a Boots one, thanks for the tip.
Could it also be an allergic reaction? I had a similar problem one summer, realized that all the “bug bites” were in areas where my clothes rubbed the most and switched out my detergent and fabric softener to fragrance free stuff and that took care of the problem.
I thought of that, but I’ve been using the same detergent since forever.
Besides, a week after I first started getting bit, my roommates are getting bit too.
Although now that I think about it, I just opened this new detergent that was in the shed for awhile, maybe it got funky?
I feel like I’m on an episode of House. With less uncalled-for rudeness and quite a bit more swearing.
I need some basic cotton leggings that are opaque and will accomodate my butt. Any favorite brands?
Land’s End Starfish Cotton Leggings! Thick, substantial material that stretches without getting see-through. Also, it has a wide waist which is perfect for controlling my typical legging-induced muffin top.
http://www.landsend.com/pp/StylePage-409530_AH.ht…
Hue are great and they come in wide-waist – I buy mine at The Bay but you can get them on Amazon as well.
Ah haha my fashion victory this week was making a costume that could very easily be ripped right off on stage! Success! I love snap tape! Wee Burlesque!
I made this bondage-y looking body-suit out of cheap elastic, and snapped turquoise organza panels over it to make a Lady Libert(itt)y toga. It looked great, and the reveals were really fun. I had anarchy pasties under my bra! And a folded up American Flag in my panties!
Guys what are the best classic black leggings? I am a size 6/8 and about 5 foot 7. I want something I can bike to the pub in and look normal.
They’re pricey-ish (about $55), but Nordstrom’s house workout brand Zella makes my favorite plain, not-weird-looking leggings: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/zella-live-in-legging…
They’re thick, they don’t have any weird embellishments, and they stay put! I wear them running and under dresses and for lounging around and they work equally well for all those things. They may run a little big? I’m about your size and I wear smalls, when nearly every pair of bottoms I’ve owned in my life have been mediums (I don’t have much of a butt, but my legs are pretty muscular).
Also, Nordstrom = free shipping and returns, so ordering online isn’t a money suck!
ack I’m Canadian. Thanks tho ๐
Ah butts. Hit up a Nordstrom next time you’re in the US!
See my comment about Hue leggings at the Bay! They’re about $35.
Hey, Loren –if you’re still reading, the best leggings in the whole wide world (IMO) are Danskin Supplex. Thick, comfortable, never pull, never sag, never fade. Je suis Canadienne too and Danskin products are easily available, I’ve found, plus the Danskin site delivers to Canada.
Hm. IntenseDebate ate my comment…? Anyway, Loren, if you’re still reading — the best leggings in the world are Danskin Supplex! They are thick enough to provide appropriate coverage, never pill, never sag, never fade (washed a million times). I’m Canadian too, and I find Danskin products are easy enough to find. If not, their US site offers delivery to Canada.
Oh! Thanks – where do you typically find them? And how do you feel the sizing is?
Sizing is about what you would expect, and fit is good — long enough, no baggy crotch, I’m pleased that they don’t require constant pulling up and… adjusting, you know? I’m in Vancouver, so there are a handful of dance shops that carry them. You’re up north, yes? I don’t know what’s near you, but there’s a Bay in PG, and they might carry them? Or order them for you? (I know the Bay carries Danskin products at some level.) Weird, your question got me thinking where I last bought mine, and I’m fuzzy because it’s been awhile. Which is, I guess, a testament to how long wearing these babies are! ๐
Ok, just did a quick google, and there’s at least 3 or 4 dance apparel shops in PG. One of them’s gotta carry these…
http://www.welovecolors.com/
I purchased an AMAZING vintage coat a couple of weeks ago and it’s finally warm enough out for me to wear it
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
my jaw literally dropped. that is phenomenal.
so lovely!
I was delighted to find that the Serpent & Bow shop has been expanded! I bought this bra for myself (I already own the Moon Cycle set and love it):
http://www.serpent-and-bow.com/store/p17/Traveler…
After my fashion meltdown in last week’s open thread, I bought: silver Tieks flats; Naturalizer flats; two pairs of leggings at American Apparel.
AND THEN I did the personal shopper style consultation thing at Nordstrom. It is FREE and you can get half an hour or an hour (though mine actually went long, like an hour and a half) and they listen to what you want and don’t want and then they BRING YOU THINGS and help you decide what works or doesn’t and then they bring you MORE things. I am sort of second-guessing myself now but I got some skinny jeans (a first!), some slightly fancy jersey tops (my usual uniform is v-neck Old Navy tee with tank top underneath and I didn’t want to go *too* far away from that) and a knit blazer and a non-jersey ?shell? that the guy instructed me to tuck into a pencil skirt. I have basically never worn a shirt tucked in in my life but it worked! Who knew!
Next time I have to go shopping I am definitely doing this again. It was way less stressful for me than trying to find things myself, and having another (skilled!) person there to say “this might work, try it” and then “nope” or “nope, but” or “YES” was PERFECT.
So cool! Grats!
I’ve also been curious about Nordstrom personal shopper. You didn’t have too much trouble finding budget-friendly things?
Well it wasn’t *cheap* but I got four shirts, blazer, and jeans for $300. I am sure that the right person can work within budgets as well as preferences.
Free! That’s amazing.
I decided to double down on New Eras as part of my look in 2015, since I already have a couple amazing ones (also, I’m always negotiating where I want to fall on the butch-feminine continuum and I find them really fun to play with for that reason). Lucky for me, I found a sale shortly thereafter! Two new ones arrived today:
L.A. Dodgers Liberty of London floral print
Toronto Blue Jays neon lime-and-black herringbone print
Toastfriends, I am here to brag. I met the lovely MrsTeacherface and her cute little baby Katherine. I know it’s hard to believe, but I swear that child’s dimples are even more magnetic in person. MrsTeacherface was generous to make time for me and I am grateful.
That IS brag worthy and I am so jealous!
I’m so glad we had a chance to hang out!
Today I saw violets, daisies, and daffodils. And there are two cute guys cleaning gunk off of the roof of the house (that we share). Could be worse. Couuuuuuuld be worse.
I’ve had a pretty good week! I did have to travel across country and stay in a business hotel in an office park within a planned community, which was pretty bizarre (and a three hour time difference plus daylight savings was a little tricky). But on the bright side I spent allllll day sitting around giving my opinion on things which I unabashedly love to do, and I got paid for it and also had an excuse to not do any of the things I don’t like about my job (because I’m busy giving my opinion) so I’m not complaining.
What’s the best part of your job?
The best part of my job, besides the flexible scheduling and autonomy (both super great) is that I sometimes make a tangible difference in people’s lives. Like, not all the time, but I work with people in mental health crisis and it’s really rewarding when I can actually talk someone down, and when they ask to talk to me again, it’s pretty cool. I also really like leading group therapy! Which surprised me, because I hate talking to groups of people, but it’s really enjoyable.
The overflowing and constantly accessible candy bowl is definitely the best, and also worst, part of my job.
I get to take to the sea!! No, I get to take to lakes occasionally. And often it sucks because the weather is bad or the diesel fumes are making me sick or whatever but on the first beautiful of the summer that I get to go out it’s pretty darn great.
I work in an office that is all women (whom I would legitimately choose to hang out with) 50% of the time, and the other 50% there is one hilarious dude. Also I sometimes get to go to museums and fancy restaurants on the company’s dime, and I travel a bunch though not always to the most exciting places. And our office schedule is super relaxed and flexible, and I get to wear jeans all the time.
For my industry, though, the best part of my job is that it is permanent and has a salary and benefits. And so, thanks for this reminder about why I actually do love my job and do not need to look for a new one.
The best part of my job is that, by doing it, I support and keep running a college that I really, really love and believe in. (The worst part is that, in order to support the undergraduate programs I love and believe in, I also have to support an executive degree program catering to entitled jerks. Oh well.)
Right now I spend the vast majority of my day telling men what to do. I enjoy it perhaps even more than I should.
Don’t be silly. It’s not possible to enjoy it more than you should. You deserve all the pleasure. Remember, you’re telling men what to do for the rest of us, as well, those of us without formal authority over men. How’s that for a mandate?
Guys I got the worst haircut yesterday. ๐ I have a pixie, and I reeeeeally needed a cut but I couldn’t make it into the city to my normal stylist so I went to one in Berkeley and now I look like a ’90’s era Midwestern lesbian. (It’s the ’90’s and Midwestern parts that are the problem, “lesbian” is purely illustrative here). She cut the sides super super short and the top is still kind of long and it’s just weird and not at all flattering. Ugh.
Can you go back and have them fix it? Trim it more on top? Or are you too afraid they’ll screw it up more?
I thought about that, because the big difference in length between the top and the sides is definitely weird, but I think I will wait til the sides grow out a little first.
Ooh, I had one of those in high school. From a hairstylist who would always hit me in the head with the hairdryer – like, not once per session, but as she was waving it back and forth it would go bonk, bonk, bonk, bonk. I don’t know how she didn’t notice. Which is one of the reasons I love being A Adult, is because I can pick where to go for haircuts.
I bought two bunches of daffodils from Trader Joe’s for a whopping total of $2.50 and my house is so much happier. (Re)decorating my house is a good distraction while I wait to see if I got into a MS program. Paws crossed, as my mom would say.
I love daffodils. My mom would always get them for the altar at church in honor of my birthday, so when I see them coming up I always get very excited about spring! Of course, growing up in Wisconsin, daffodils came up a lot later than March…
Good luck on the grad school!! You got this!
Y’all, I had the weirdest dream last night/this morning. I hate those super clear dreams I get after I wake up too early and fall back to sleep before the alarm. Either they’re just odd and very clear or they’re nightmarish and I wake up feeling like something clawing my side. True story. Anyway, this one is like, “hey, you have a weird bruise/lump on you chest! this is totally breast cancer! here, see this super weird nurse/doctor in a fancy restaurant!”
Not the weirdest dream, but my mother was in it and stuff about my chest makes me feel off. And like, my brain decided that now was a good time to think about cancer? wtf. I hate dreams.
In other news, I really don’t want to write progress notes. Ugh. Fridays.
i also had a breast cancer dream a few nights ago. it was super unsettling and when i woke up i was just clutching at my boob feeling for the lump because it just felt so real.
dreams are the worst though, i very rarely have good dreams. even if they’re not straight up nightmares, they’re still stressful or frustrating.
I suppose it was better than my crumbly/falling out teeth stress dreams? Those ones make me paranoid as hell.
I feel you on the stressful and frustrating dreams thing. Yes. Ugh.
ughhhh crumbly teeth dreams are the WORST. the sensation is just so real. i have ones where i can just feel my teeth swimming around in my gums. NOPE.
I got my awesome new cell phone case this week! That’s about the only good thing that happened over the last 5 days – this week sucked some serious rocks.
Very cute! I just got a Tardis one for my girlfriend and told Cortana to call her Doctor. It’s adorable. The phone is cute too haha
Adorable! Totoro cases ftw.
Things are going well, so well that it fills me with superstitious dread just to say it, as if it will be snatched away the instant fate knows what a bounty she’s delivered. I’ve been busy and happy and I don’t really know how to experience this, except with cautious gratitude.
Also: I took The Fella to see Hannibal Buress this week, and the show was unsurprisingly great. We went out for tapas beforehand; he works so many nights that we rarely dine out, so this was a special treat, and every bite of it was the kind of delicious that makes you point at the dish and moan in delight. It’s one of the best times I’ve had in years.
Happy for you!
Are you me? I have the exact same fear, that if things go too well it’s only a matter of time before Fate decides to even things out, and that saying it out loud will jinx whatever the good news is.
I am curious if there are any Americans here that have expatriated to England? My husband has been offered a job there, but I am stressing because I don’t know how difficult the immigration process is and also if we will have enough money for food and shelter and things.. He hasn’t accepted the offer yet. We currently live in Germany where the immigration process is painless and food and things are cheap. Anyways, I thought I’d try to get advice..
I’m not an immigrant from America but in terms of the price of shelter, it largely depends on where you would live. London, I’m afraid, is pretty ridiculous for the price of housing. Though there’s always option of living quite far out in the suburbs and commuting in. Other areas of the country are generally not so bad with some exceptions, like Oxford.
My family did for a few years when I was a kid so I know nothing about the financial and legal aspects of it but it was a great experience!
YUP. My immigration process might be a bit different though, because I came in on a student visa, and tranferred it to a spouse visa before the first ran out. My spouse is British and the home office has slightly different rules for that situation versus immigrating on the Tier system. Has the organization that offered the job also agreed to sponsor him? You may have already looked at it, but here’s the home office’s Tiered visa page . Not gonna lie, the UK is a buttmunch when it comes to immigration, but this forum for Americans in the UK was an absolute lifesaver when I was getting my first two settlement visas here. The people on that board are super helpful and patient with questions.
As far as expenses go beyond the visas, it depends on where you’ll be living. As Kitling mentioned, London is ridiculously expensive, and so is the commute if you live outside of London (I live in Brighton and am moving to Oxford, both of which are also ridiculously expensive and about an hour outside the city), so you both might want to put a good deal of thought into how much his salary will cover, especially while you look for work. Websites like gumtree, rightmove and zoopla will give you an idea of rents and that sort of thing.
Basically, the current UK gov’t is not a big fan of immigrants from ANYWHERE unless you’re a multimillionaire, and there are many measures being considered to reduce the numbers coming in, be they students, partners or workers. I’m applying for my UK citizenship this month, mainly because I don’t want to continue having to jump through expensive bureaucratic hoops that seem to multiply every year and are designed to send migrants out of the country.
I don’t mean to focus only on the negative aspects of migrating to the UK, and there are many things I really enjoy here. It’s just that the cost of moving and living here relative to my low salary takes up a lot of headspace. The relative ease of the visa process will really depend on whether your spouse’s company will sponsor him and how much he will be making here. Hope this is some help!
Yes, he will be sponsored (lecturer position), but I have heard how difficult they make it. Thanks for the forum link, I will definitely check that out. Luckily, we will be in a moderately priced area, I think (Nottingham)
Nottingham’s such a great city! And yes, not one of the ridiculously expensive areas. (A lot of lecturer-types live in Beeston, the nearest suburb to the university, which is not too suburban- it has the feel of a real place in its own right, its own town centre and stuff.)
Is anyone else following the Tournament of Books (http://www.themorningnews.org/tob/)? I haven’t read all of the novels, but it’s so great to wake up each morning and read the match results + commentary. I was quite disappointed that All the Birds, Singing didn’t make it on (though I fully believe that A Brief History of Seven Killings is amazing) and I am SO EXCITED for the Station Eleven/An Untamed State match on Monday.
Yes, every year for a few years now (though I always can only manage to get to a few of the books in the tourney). So great to follow. I need to read today’s still :).
Just scrolled down to see Annihilation won today’s which makes me happy, VanderMeer is one of my favorite authors.
I forgot about this, thanks for the reminder! I’ve followed it every year for a little while now, although I’ve almost never read more than one book and the books they review are generally not in my wheelhouse. I just really enjoy reading book-y commentary I guess.
Thiiiings
1) An Important Professor whom I became friends with at a conference (largely I think through introducing him to the delights of Father Ted plus some shared love of certain music) is calling me today from America (I’m in London) to chat about my next research proposal and give me advice. Am at early stages and have basically very little idea how it will be structured etc. Neerrrvoooouus.
2) Really stressed because am now co-president of a student branch of an NGO and we’ve got a website and an English Lit postgrad student who is an editor of the website is no good at it. She didn’t pick up on syntactical and grammatical errors and on *very* problematic comments. When she wrote an article herself, she got the name of our speaker wrong. I don’t have time to be an editor as well but am having to be. And what will happen when I leave?
3) *****Smug warning******
I was a) wondering what online dating websites were like because I’d never actually seen one properly, and rather more importantly (b)have been wondering whether having been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years since I was 19, arghhh maybe I want to know what it’s like to be single when sexually confident? (I’ve never been single since gaining confidence in my body.) Maybe I want to know what it’s like to date other people? So I had a browse and after a couple of pages of an online dating website and I was all ‘This is boring. Why are they not attractive?’ and then went on facebook and ogled at pictures of my boyfriend instead. This was an unexpectedly easy and sudden end to my periodic grass-is-greener worries about my relationship and am feeling very happy about it.
I have been battling some type of insane seasonal allergies + slight cold all week but still have managed to be a generally productive human being and I feel like I’ve earned ALLLLL the adulting points.
I have been debating moving toward banning waistbands from my workwear but am kind of hung up on how many dresses I’d have to own to make that work? I was thinking upwards of 10-15 year round dresses and about 5 seasonal (so another 10) but then toast twitter suggested 4 or 5! Do you live the waistband free life at work? How many dresses do you have? Am I just looking for an excuse to buy new things? (likely)
Seasonal allergies! They have ganged up on me toooo ๐
I’m not living waistband-free, but I did make the transition to a restrictive-clothing-free lifestyle this past year (no jeans, khakis, slacks, woo!). I think you could totally get away with 4 or 5 dresses, but it really depends on what kind of work clothes/accessorizing you like to do! My office tends to be chilly, so my cardigans/blazers/sweaters/scarves/shawls/whatever collection is how I spruce up my basic dresses and skirts.
But at the same time, not all dresses are appropriate for all seasons, such as sweater dresses for summer or light poofy skirts for windy winters! So while you *could* limit yourself to 4 or 5 that are appropriate for every season, I would totally support acquiring a greater selection. It’s not like you have to buy it all at once, or anything…. ๐
I wear mostly skirts as somehow skirt waistbands bother me less than pants waistbands. Also, most skirts can either drop on my hips or rise toward my waist depending on whether I’ve lost or gained five pounds without looking like ill-fitting. I also have about 5-10 dresses in heavy rotation, and since my style and weight has been pretty consistent for the last 15 years, many of those dresses are over 5 years old.
Even though I don’t like a waistband, I like a waist. A design feature like a waist seam (true or empire waist), vertical darts, or princess seams works, but so does a belt, scarf, or sash, like allanaaa’s cummerbund-over-dress outfit in the fashion thread.
My favorite recent purchase is the Mata Traders World Traveler Dress. It has elasticized smocking in the front and back which pulls the silhouette quite close to the body, but there’s plenty of stretch and room for a big lunch or an extra few pounds. The only downside its it’s woven cotton, so tights are a no go, but the company’s blog says the spring styles will include organic cotton jersey options. And fair trade! And a decent sale section!
I know I’m late, but I fully advocate a waistband-free life. I stick to dresses, skirts, and sometimes leggings with sweaters. I haven’t worn jeans so far this year and wore them maybe three times last year. I don’t own a pair of pants other than sweatpants. It’s been a few years since I cut them out of my wardrobe and at this point they feel like constricting torture-traps.
I think it is totally doable, and also not something you have to jump right into. You don’t have to buy 20 dresses tomorrow and throw away all of your pants. You can buy a dress or two whenever you have the money and see one that you like and build up your wardrobe. How many dresses do you already own? Do you consider skirts to be waistband-free (I do) and, if so, how many of those do you have? Skirts are also usually cheaper than dresses, so you could maybe get more of those. A lot of dresses work well for winter/fall with tights and a cardigan and can be used for any season. There are some dresses/skirts that really are seasonal, but since it’s March already you can put off buying any strictly winter dresses until the fall (or maybe get some on sale). My advice would be to evaluate what you have, indulge your desire to buy new things to a reasonable extent, and think of it more as a fun process to change your wardrobe gradually then something you have to do all at once.
Also keep in mind that if you have 20 or more dresses, you would be wearing something different to work every single day of the month (assuming you work 5 days a week). Does that feel like something that’s necessary to you? I’m not knocking it because my dress addiction did lead to a time when I would go a month or more without repeating a dress. I could probably still do that if I wore everything in my closet once a month, but I had to pair my wardrobe down significantly when I moved and still live waistband-free. I think with 10 dresses you could be fully waistband-free, and even with less you’d be fine.
Though my wardrobe is not what most people would consider paired down. I just counted: 20 work-appropriate dresses (some seasonal), a few that are not work-appropriate, 7 work-appropriate skirts, 2 non-work skirts, 2 pairs of leggings, 2 long sweaters, 4 cardigans in different colors, and some tank tops/t-shirts/sitting around the house shirts. And this is maybe half of what I had before I left the US. Do as I say, not as I do and all of that. But in my defense, this is a wardrobe built up three years after going pantsless!
feeling you on the start of seasonal allergies! I’ve been bringing out the Flonase and the saline spray in preparationโฆ
about the clothes — maybe you already have enough to make this work. Don’t you? I think you do. Dresses look totally different anyway if you wear a different necklace or scarf with them. But you’re only at work 5 days a week, so with 10 dresses you can already go a full 2 weeks without repeating a dress. Isn’t that more than enough?
I really really think it is (and if it isn’t, we should be driving everyone’s cultural expectations waaaay down). After all,if you buy fewer, you can buy expensive ones you really like, and you can also take your time to just buy a new one when you really, really like it.
(For comparisons’ sake — I have too many clothes in my opinion — and I think I have 12 work dresses total, all seasons included at once).
Who lives in Pittsburg? I’m going with my boyfriend who’s going to see the Pens beat up on the Bruins this weekend, because I got him a ticket for Christmas, and did not get myself a ticket so his would be a better seat! So where should I eat and what should I do? I am also bringing my kitten, so parks are cool too.
Also what the fucking shit, Terry Pratchett. I’m just so sad.
I only lived there for a year, one place I can recommend if you like pizza: Aiello’s. So good.
AIELLO’S 4 LIFE
Penguins games are SO FUN
(but also, respectfully, it is spelled Pittsburgh)
Thanks for that ๐
I actually just learned that in a murder show! The murderer was communicating with the victim’s family, pretending to be the victim from Pittsburgh, but spelled it without the ‘h’ so they knew it wasn’t really that person. And then I thought oh I guess I am a murderer.
Thanks for the pizza tip! I love pizza so much. Def gonna go.
For a while in the 1800s it was spelled w/o an h… so maybe you are a time traveler!
I live in Pittsburgh… Schenley park is very nice, but don’t discount Homewood or Allegheny cemeteries for gorgeous walks.
ON Sundays the combo of brunch at Lili Cafe in Polish Hill and then comics shopping at Copacetic (on the 3rd floor of the same building) is hard to beat.
Eden is a great raw/vegan/gf place with some meat options
CMOA has wonderful art, but also the Warhol and the Mattress Factory are excellent.
YOu can go skating in a rink at PPG place downtown
Uh…. I have a bunch more suggestions if you want to email me at username @ gmail.com
There’s a saint patrick’s day parade today?? Should I go? Is anyone going? I don’t have any green I forgot!
Honestly it depends on what you like! Pittsburgh has a ton of little neighborhoods, all with their unique charms, and the food and beverage scene is blowing up in a major way. For “Pittsburgh-only” type stuff, you’ll want to check out Primanti’s for sure. You may also want to check out Wigle Whiskey, whose spirits have been my boon companion. My recent visits home have been centered on Lawrenceville and Bloomfield, as that is where BFF lives. Industry Public House has terrific food and beer. Places to visit to do cultural things include the Carnegie Museums, Phipps Conservatory, the National Aviary, and the Warhol Museum (adjust according to taste and preference).
Enjoy!
I have no Pittsburgh recommendations, but I am a Pens fan for reasons that are slightly unclear and I hope your boyfriend has an excellent time and the Pens sufficiently destroy the Bruins (the Bruins beat up the Pens on my birthday/college graduation from a school in Boston/knocked them out of the playoffs/it was a really emotional day and that’s what sent me over the edge/death to the Bruins).
Yay, it’s my first Open Thread.
Welcome!
Thanks Manka and Camelia!!
Welcome!!! Thank you for your kind words on my health issues! The Toast community is the BEST community!!
It is! And I really do hope you get better soon! *sends multitude of hugs*
Welcome!
THANK YOU!
Spring is heeeeeeere in Holland and there’s sun and (kind of) warmth and crocuses everywhere and I am reminded why I like living here so much. Also biking is much more pleasant when you’re in the sun and not fighting the wind/rain everywhere.
In honor of that, I made a spring playlist!. It’s nice to bike to.
When I was renting a room from my aunt, one evening I walked into the living room and she said, “What. Do you want the remote?” I came out to ask her something & had never EVER asked to watch anything when she had the tv on. (Once an ad for “22 Jump Street” came on and she said, “(huge aggrieved sigh) I won’t be going to see that.” Um, good for you?) So on Wednesday I come downstairs to get something to eat and housemate says, “Oh good, you’re here, I wanted to start the movie!” (Yes, it was 22 Jump Street) So, yeah, it does feel a little like spring this week.
You deserved a kind, welcoming housemate. I am happy for you.
I introduced a friend to 21 Jump Street last week and this week she came over to watch 22 Jump Street.
I still haven’t seen the first one! Things to look forward to backwards!
I FOUND A HOUSE.
It won’t be ours til August, and it is just a rental, but it is a HOUSE and I have not had a house for five years, and I am so, so fucking happy.
It’s in a beautiful area of town, near enough to downtown that you’d never take a car, but far enough away that drunk people won’t wander past your door. It’s one of the old Craftsmen houses, with hardwood floors and beautiful frames around the windows, and the upstairs bedrooms are big enough that either one would fit both of our current bedrooms with space left over. It has a tiny downstairs room with a diagonal built-in bookcase that I get to have for an office, and two bathrooms, and a gas stove, and a dishwasher and washer-dryer and a root cellar creepy and spacious enough for the killer to get any one of us first try.
I can’t wait to move in. Can’t wait for all my things to finally be out of storage and become part of a home again. I’ve been waiting years for this.
BUILT IN BOOKCASE
THE TOAST. I just had a laid off employee in my office signing his release paperwork, and as soon as his finished signing, he turned to me and said “now that we aren’t co-workers anymore I can say that you are really hot”!!!!
AH.
I’m so glad he’s gone, he has always given me the creeps.
wtf burn him alive
Noooooope.
Oh gosh, to the dungeons for that guy!
How kind of him to make absolutely certain that you wouldn’t miss him.
HA thank you.
BARF
Oh, god, I sincerely hope he lists you as a reference so you can repeat this story as much as possible.
no
My least favorite coworker gave her two weeks’ notice today MUAHAHAH and I had to be all like “oh what is the new job how nice etc etc” without being like FUCK YEAH GTFO which was my actual reaction to getting the email. Unfortunately my work buddy, who reported to her, is already 2-3 weeks into her new job, so it’s kind of too late. BUT still.
All that to say, high five!
Spent all morning deep cleaning. The rugs that haven’t moved since i moved in 4 years ago got dragged out and shampooed. The area underneath got swept and mopped. Yet due to having to move everything to gain access, my living room looks messier then ever. I’m having an early afternoon cider before I tackle that.
In order to recover from cleaning, I was hoping to go to a show tonight. But it sold out. Apparently a few tickets are being released right before hand, so I will be stalking the ticket booth like it’s Clive Owen.
I’ve decided I’m hacking off my hair! It’s been long since I was like eight years old. I sort of wanted to for a while but was nervous because my hair is wavy/frizzy/curly according to the whims and the tides but no real reason I can discern. But now I’m saying fuck it, short hair! (Not pixie short, not feeling that brave yet.) tell me your good haircut stories!
Also plant question- I was gifted an oxalis and it was doing well and opening and closing for about a week. Then the purple leaves got white and brown spots, got droopy and shriveled, and the entire plant dropped over. Is it dead or just going into the dormant period? Since winter is ending I would’ve thought no, but it was indoors in its old home so maybe not!
Haircut! It sounds as though we have similar texture, and this cut worked really well for me:
I avoid bangs at all costs so skipped those, but otherwise, a shaggy layer-y bob might be a good thing to try and it isn’t very scary, since it still “reads” as pretty long.
Oo that’s pretty much what I was thinking! This is a great example picture.
It’s the one I took to my stylist. She did PRETTY WELL:
(This was immediately after leaving the salon. It is several inches longer and unrulier now.)
Doooo it! When I cut my long hair off (into a sort of fluffy pixie) it basically changed my life. My hair is kind of wavy/frizzy so when it was short, it would do these nice little flippy things that made it look like I’d styled my hair. People kept telling me I’d regret chopping off my hair, but they were super wrong.
I eventually grew it out, so now I have longer hair with an undercut at the nape, and that’s working pretty well.
I also have wavy frizz-curls, and short(ish) hair has made my life so much easier. No more clogging drains with hairballs, no more finding hairs *everywhere*, and when there is frizz, there is so much less of it! I have a kind of curly bob – hair is cut short at the back (and shaved at the very nape of the neck) and then cut at a slant so that the longest bits at the front sit just over my ears. It’s kind of layered as well, and I also have a swoopy fringe. I like it a lot. The last time I got my hair cut, the stylist said that he encourages everyone with my kind of hair to get it cut in that style. So, I say go for it!
I got my hair cut pixie short a year or so ago and I loved it! It was very liberating. I have a very straight hair, but I had a friend with very, very curly hair who also cut hers short, and it looked like a lovely halo around her head.
I did it in November! Wavy hair, a fair amount but somewhat fine. I lopped off about 8 inches into a lob, and I’ve literally never gotten so many compliments on my hair in my life.
I know it’s not true, but I feel like I haven’t seen the sun in four months. I met my friend after work yesterday and the sun was still shining when we went and got nachos and margaritas. PS: four margaritas on a work night is like, three too many. I’M SO HAPPY IT’S SPRING.
So, I’ve been considering going back to therapy for a while now. For a few reasons, but oddly enough it was Mallory’s retelling of Beauty and the Beast, and this line in particular, that made me decide it’s time: โNot all Beasts eat you up in a single night. Some Beasts devour by pieces, and still others make you consume yourself.โ Cue the sudden realization that despite talking about it a lot, I never really worked through or healed from the emotionally abusive relationship I was in in college.
Problem is, I’ve never sought therapy outside of high school and college, when I just had classes to work around. Now I’m working a 9-to-5, so I…guess I need to find someone who does evening appointments? How does this work?
My therapist does evening appointments! But she doesn’t have any open right now (she knows I want one when I can get it). I decided I could talk to my boss about going to therapy and wouldn’t be judged for it, so I figured out an appointment slot that is the least disruptive to work that I could get and just asked and didn’t go into a lot of detail about why I was going. I go at 4:30pm every other Friday, so I’ll leave the office at 4pm today. I put in more than 40 hours a week anyway, so I don’t even make up the time, but if you’re able to flex your schedule, leaving early one day and then making up the time over the week is a good option.
I’m super lucky both to have a fairly flexible schedule, and to work for a mental health advocacy organization. They make an effort to hire people with lived experience with mental illness, so they are super accommodating on that front!
Thanks all for the reassurance that evening appointments are a thing. I keep thinking “Right, but EVERYONE is going to want those slots!” but it’s not impossible and I should get off my butt and figure it out.
Lots of therapists do evening and Saturday appointments! The Psychology Today website is pretty good for filtering searches of providers in your area (gender, issue you want to work on, insurance, etc). And they have a little built in contact function on the individual therapists’ pages, so you can ask if they do appointments at a good time for you. Good luck finding someone, it can be a hard thing to do but it is so so good and wonderful you’re doing it.
Yep! Evening sessions are very much a thing. My therapists saw me in the evening and it was totally regular as far as I could tell (although those slots can be in greater demand, that’s all). I found mine through a referral service, so maybe if you Google “therapist referral” in your area, and make sure to note that your timetable is a top consideration?
My therapist also does evening appointments! So does my massage place. I think it’s pretty normal.
I arranged to take a long lunch break twice a month for my therapy. I was approved for 3 hours to allow time afterward for drying tears and repairing makeup.
Cat time!
Adele came out to watch me potting plants (then walked halfway down the stairs, saw the snow, yowled and ran back inside)
When inside she proved to be too cute
OMG LITTLE PINK TOE BEANS
one of my cats is named Amka, which has generated about a million nicknames (OmNomNomka, Amkebab, Guamkamole, etc.) He’s had a cardboard rocketship for a while but we finally made the connection to one of his nicknames and added more cardboard components. Here’s Major Tomka:
Major Tomka is AMAZING!
I love that cats sitting on ANY cardboard you provide them means you can stage absurd photo ops. I can’t wait til the next time I get a package!
Klaas-Jan Huntelaar atop his favorite toy, the rail thing with a ball in it. He loves that thing.
Hee! This comes across as a very “MINE. MINE. MINE.” moment
Captain loves his rail thing – he lies on his back with his paws above his head to play with it. Saffron did it once, realised the ball didn’t come out, gave me a very Hard Stare and has never acknowledged it since.
D’awww! I got this toy for my cats and they stared at it in terror and confusion, had a sniff then left for the sofa and went to sleep. Bit less appreciative. ๐
Klaas-Jan ignored it for the first few weeks of it being in the house, and now he’s obsessed with it. So maybe just wait?
Last night Oliver was pushing the boundaries of the “no kitties on the table” rule while sitting on Mr. Thuja’s lap. I took a picture and realized it was very much a “I don’t always ___, but when I do” sort of look.
Also, it has been warmer recently, but still chilly at night, so Asa has been making her own blanket nests in any blankets that get left out.
I don’t have any pictures, but I do have a cat question! Anyone have experience with tiring out a cat? My boyfriend’s cat isn’t what I would call high energy, except for the occasional rampage, but he seems very restless. He’s somewhat needy so tends to act out a bit when he feels like he’s not getting enough attention (knocking stuff off tables, meowing constantly), but I think he’s also got a lot of pent-up energy. We’ve tried a ton of different toys (feathers on a string, crunchy caterpillars, ball on a rail) and he’ll play for a few minutes then get bored and wander around. Literally the only thing he’ll do for more than a few minutes is run up and down the stairs after my boyfriend. He keeps waking my boyfriend up multiple times a night and won’t settle down, so we’re trying to tire him out and maybe get him on a schedule. Any advice is welcome!
This may be not exactly what you were expecting, but… barring any territorial issues, I would recommend another cat, honestly. Most of the happiest and well-adjusted cats I have known have been ones who live with another cat they can play with. They may not be interested in playing with toys if they haven’t had them continuously since they were young, and it sounds like what he really wants is attention from another living creature. Having another cat buddy to chase around at random hours and hang out with could be exactly what he needs.
Thanks! Yeah, I’ve suggested getting another cat, but my boyfriend is reluctant to at the moment. I think he’s hoping for a solution that doesn’t involve much more additional responsibility and expense.
Something that I have heard from cat-training-people, and that I have done with my cats is to basically keep doing what you’re doing. You might not get one big play/exercise marathon session at once, but if the cat will play actively with a toy for 5 or 10 minutes, then getting him to do that 3 or 4 times a day should help at least some. Also second the suggestion for a second cat, if your situation permits it. Running around with the other kitties is how my cats get most of their exercise and entertainment.
Thanks! Unfortunately, I don’t live with my boyfriend, so it’s up to him to really exercise the cat, but I’ll noodge him more.
What about giving him loads of love and attention before bedtime? My two occupy themselves a lot of the time (which is why I insisted we got two when we got them) but sometimes only mummy-attention will do. I quite often spend half an hour at a time sat on the floor headbutting one or other of them (they headbutt me first), brushing them, having them fall over in front of me for tummy tickles. When Captain isn’t getting enough attention he follows me round quacking at me.
You could also try a laser? Saffron loves it, but Captain doesn’t.
Thanks! I try to when I’m there – I don’t live with my boyfriend, so I tend to be all up in the cat’s business when I’m there, and I think he definitely leaves us alone at night because of it. We tried one of those automatic laser toys, but I don’t know if he got bored or wasn’t fooled by it, because he would walk away pretty quickly. I’m wondering if a laser pointer would work better if one of us was operating it.
The other day my cat got mad because I didn’t start paying attention to her immediately, so she started sitting on her back. She then seemed to realize I still couldn’t pay attention to her if she was pinning me down, so she came to poke me in the face a bunch.
Terrible photo since it’s apparently hard to take self portraits with a cat on your back.
How DARE you not pay attention to her immediately? I mean, what is wrong with you? Jeez.
Hahaha adorable! My boyfriend took a video of his cat sitting on the bed behind him – the cat sat and meowed for a little bit before stepping forward onto the back of my boyfriend’s desk chair and batting at his head. He’s a jerkbutt.
Question. Have folks here pulled off unnatural hair colors in office jobs? I never did the crazy hair color thing when I was in school and I kind of regret it. I’ve been thinking about maybe some purple streaks? Not a ton. My hair is dark brown and it’s an asymmetrical bob-thing that I wear wavy/curly. Just below my ear on the right, just about to my chin on the left. I was thinking just a couple of streaks in the long side. But no one in my office has unnatural colored hair and I don’t know if it’s a crazy idea! We’re pretty casual, but… It feels like an expensive proposition if I feel like I can’t get away with it after I’ve done it, since I would do it professionally since there would be a lot of bleach involved to get my hair to take a bright color.
I am curious to see responses, as I have wanted to introduce some wacky colors back into my hair for quite some time now.
I personally have not, but I do have a coworker who has unnatural hair color, one friend who works in an office with purple streaks in her hair, and another with purple streaks who was a surgical tech. So it can be done!
Do you have an HR person you could ask? Or a boss or other person high enough up who could give you a firm answer on whether or not it is okay?
We’re a pretty small organization and both the people above me in my department are dudes. I’m thinking that I might just talk to some of my friends around the office, straw poll it a little? Like “do you think this would be too much here?” and see what they think?
I have long (past my shoulders, but not past my shoulder blades) blonde hair and I put purple (more like lavender, not darker than my natural hair color) in the bottom layers of my hair last year for a few months. It really only showed when I pulled it up, and sometimes when my hair was over my shoulder.
I think it would look super cool to put a darker/brighter purple in the bottom layers to peek out when you swing your head. Also, when it’s in the bottom layers roots are less of a problem.
Yes, that was about what I was thinking! Fun and bright but placed somewhere where it’s a little more subtle.
I have this, in magenta, right now! (see photo in Fashion Thread)
I’m in a law firm and nobody has reprimanded me for it yet. Most of the office ladies have commented positively.
But, I’m going to a conference next week where it would benefit me to be seen as more adult than I usually am. So, I’m dyeing it burgundy this weekend.
The under-layer thing is awesome and I wholeheartedly recommend it. It looks so good when you curl your hair and let the colours bounce around in amongst your natural hair.
Your photo is broken for me! This is disappointing because I want to see and compare for ideas. I’m currently scrolling through my salon’s Instagram for inspiration.
this is mine when it was pink (what does it say that the best photo of my hair on the internet is me having fallen off a space hopper?)
And now it’s blue
Ahhh! That foal! Adorable! (Lovely hair color, btw)
BABY HORSE OMG
Your picture is fixed and I am totally into it. That looks fantastic on you. I totally understand the need to switch back to More Professional Adult hair, but burgundy should still be awesome.
yay! I was just coming to find this and tell you I fixed it.
I was also inspired by Grimes to think about putting burgundy streaks into my bangs / dyeing all of my bangs burgundy, but I might put off that experimentation for another week or two.
Also if you do the braided-headband hairstyle right (i.e. a bit better than I have in this pic) the colours look super great.
that hairstyle is so pretty on you! i’ve tried to do it but i have bangs and i don’t want to braid in the bangs, but i always have such a hard time keeping the bangs separate and seeing the rest of my hair. do you have any tips?
No tips! Actually I am a big cheat and those are not french-braided – it is two braids, one from each side of my head just behind my ear, and then pinned overenthusiastically in place. The only challenge is getting the base of the braids to sit nice and flat when you make them and then pull them in weird directions.
Big secret: I have never learned how to french-braid. It is a mystery to me.
One of my friends keeps a couple of sections “bleached” on the regular–not like SUPER BRIGHT BLEACHED but it reads kind of like chunky highlights–and uses hair chalk and semi-permanent dye on them whenever she feels saucy. Would something like that be an option?
Maybe? Except that I know me and mornings: I am unlikely to actually take advantage of such things on a regular basis. I’d rather do it with permanent dye, I think.
You might be able to use hair chalk to test the waters if you don’t get a strong yes or no from your coworkers poll?
I haven’t, but I have definitely seen a few people around my office with unnatural hair color. we are on the casual side of business casual (science publishing), but it can be done!
I’m at a lefty political organization in NYC and I work in communications, so not a super public-facing role and never a donor-facing role. So I think these things could align in such a way that I can make it work!
I dyed the bottom three inches of my hair blue when it was long. I work in a casual industry (I’m currently in nice jeans, a button-down, and nice sneakers) and no one gave a crap. I also wore hair feathers for a long time, and one of my coworkers put purple streaks in her hair last year.
I would LOVE to go back to wacky colors, but I have a shaggy pixie cut now and can’t figure out how to do it without, like, dyeing my whole head. My personal opinion is that streaks always look great and are totally acceptable in casual offices.
When I went black and pink, I asked my boss if she cared and she said no but I needed to check with HR, since hair colour isn’t specifically in the dress code. HR said they didn’t care if my boss didn’t care. I went back to purple (the browny purple you get in normal hair dyes) for a bit and then didnt’ ask again when I went proper purple and blue.
I’m an academic librarian with violet and pink hair. It can be done!
I’m a postdoc so YMMV but I totally boiled the frog. Went from auburn to a peach-blonde then started phasing in pink over the course of months until one day I showed up at work like this & everyone including my boss was just like ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
I did! Last September I decided to finally get the green hair I’ve wanted forever: https://instagram.com/p/vYcmKkmbCs/.
Yes to either underlayers or ends. I’ve done both to my very dark brown hair. With underlayers, if I’m wearing my hair down and straight or in a work low ponytail with a 4″ goody clip it reads as brown, but half up, bunned, or braided, the magenta/fuchsia/purple was visible. With the ends, the color was nearly always there, but I could tuck the 3″ of color into a bun or looped under low ponytail so that it was completely hidden. Also, low contrast (plum on brown; minty green on blonde) may be easier to get away with.
You probably won’t see this because it’s been almost a week, but anyway — it totally depends on the office. On the plus side, if you work somewhere with super specific dress/appearance codes, you’d most likely already be aware of it. (Example: the nurses at the hospital I go to aren’t allowed to have “weird” hair colors. But they also have, like a pages-long dress code that they are aware of when they get hired. So.) Some environments I feel like it probably wouldn’t work — East Coast law firms, for instance, or large buttoned-up financial institutions. But for your average business casual-y office, I’d say just do it. I went completely blue at my last office job, after I’d been there for a couple of years, and I just did it and nobody had a negative reaction once they saw it. And though I wasn’t involved in sales or dealing with clients or anything, I did admin stuff that put me in contact with most of our guests — many of whom were government or military sorts — and I only ever got enthusiastic compliments if it was mentioned at all. When I got the job I have now, and have been at for two years, I (still) had blue/purple hair, and again, if people comment on it, it’s always positive. I think some of it has to do with your overall style/aesthetic — I wear my hair in a fairly old-fashioned/conservative style, which makes the color less jarring than if, say, I was spiking it up into horn-shapes or something. Also, I live in a pretty tattooed/pierced city, so it isn’t like I’m the first person anyone has seen with a weird hair color. I think, unless you already know there’s a bunch of weird/specific dress code issues in your workplace _or_ you work in a very buttoned-up full-suit-and-tie-every-day kind of environment (or you work somewhere with uniforms, which can often impact other nitpicky dress code rules — like the nurses at my hospital) in most offices, as long as you do good work and nobody has any big complaints about you otherwise, you should be fine with some weird colors in your hair. (Conclusion: As someone in her mid-30s who’s been dying her hair weird colors for about 6 years now, I recommend it. My hair color pleases me a stupid amount.)
Queer fans of Brooklyn 99! Last night I had a dream that Rosa, Amy and Jake were in a loving polyamorous relationship. There was also a concurrent dream (based on the episode I just saw where Rosa is sick) (I am way behind) where Rosa and Gina were girlfriends and got into all sorts of amusing scrapes
I ship it.
A+
Ugh they’re so hot.
Amazing. Would love to see that on the show for reals.
what if there was a guy married to a woman named Bea and he really liked it when she had hay fever so he went around constantly saying “I think a Bea sneeze is the bee’s knees!”
Of course a MAN thinks it’s DESIREABLE for a woman to be sick
If I were Bea, I would have murdered you (“him”) within the first 2 hours of this. probably with my bare hands. And a jury would understand.
STREP THROAT IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE.
I just found out I have it, though I’m totally asymptomatic. I just got tested because my two kids got it this week (also asymptomatic), and we got them tested, because my husband got it on Monday. This is the third time for myself and my husband and second time for my kids this winter. Please just shoot me.
I had recurring strep throat when I was a kid. I think I went through three or four rounds of antibiotics in a single school year before having my tonsils out. Haven’t gotten strep since then, though!
Toastfriends I just got to help film our monthly health and safety video! It’s about hand safety. I’m so into this. I always have so much fun doing the health and safety stuff (Ethylbenzene, I know this makes me sound absolutely loopy) so I’m glad to help!!
Also, I had my review last week – the one I’d been hyperventilating about – and while it wasn’t OMG PERFECT, it was Way Better Than I Expected. I have a lot of room to improve, but apparently I am vital enough that they won’t even consider getting rid of me, so!
I actually really love H&S!!!! I don’t know why but I guess we are both loopy ๐
That is questionable hand safety right there. That cat might have its claws out!
I might be able to squeeze in like a 15-20 minute workout. But I also struggle with feeling like I need to really SWEAT to have a good workout (not always true!), so I am not sure I can get a *quality* workout in that time.
A gym might be a good idea. I have toyed with the idea of checking out early morning yoga classes, too, since there is a yoga place a short walk away from my house.
Thanks for the little thought-nuggets! Now my brain is coming up with better solutions!
I was gonna suggest yoga. Since I had to stop lifting heavy, I’ve been surprised at how my body has improved through just a daily 30-45 minute yoga session. I mix active series with restorative ones (at least one completely restorative series a week) and no, it doesn’t have the reward of sweating it out with a barbell, but it’s still good.
Good luck!
ETA this was supposed to be a response to your response to Blushing Flower…
Thanks! Yeah, 30 minutes just seems much more reasonable than a full hour somehow. I will have to try all of these suggestions. Yay Toast-sourced help!
I have not satisfactorily solved this problem for myself, but what little I have figured out: Workouts on weekends, that’s two days right there! And I like FitnessBlender’s workouts on Youtube, because they’re that HIIT so you can get really sweaty really quickly.
I also do a lot of telling myself that if I don’t just entirely let myself go, I can get hardcore again once we’re out of toddler-world.
Yes to a lot of this, particularly feeling more like my fitness-enjoying self once we emerge from toddlerhood. Tiny people, man. They’re a lot of work.
Toasties!ย I’ve gotten up to the Pinot Noir episode of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and read through your comments about the show from Monday because now I actually have context for them.
A number of people were talking about how Tina Fey’s jokes tend to be of the [white] people are clueless variety, but that doesn’t make the jokes not racist (or any other ist).ย I didn’t understand it at first, but it’s becoming clearer as I watch more of the series.ย
Hell, take their treatment of Mr. VorHees’ assistant.ย Before we met her, the only details we knew about her were that she’s fat (and therefore not someone he would be sleeping with) and his assistant.ย That’s it.ย And when we finally see her?ย The only lines she has are, “I get mine” and “It’s all about that bass.”ย None of this expands her character beyond the fat joke.ย Her character only exists for the joke.ย Contrast this to, say, how Pam on Archer is handled.ย Yes, people make fun of her weight, but she’s also got a wide range of talents and interests that go beyond that one characteristic.
Does anyone have more thoughts on this?ย I’m trying to get a better handle on it.
I didn’t want to say this before, because I didn’t want to try to throw water on the Kimmy Schmidt fire, but my feeling is that actually the whole show is kind of….not that great? There are a lot of lazy jokes, a bunch that I swear are actually recycled from 30 Rock…I don’t know. Pinot Noir was kind of a funny episode, because who doesn’t like a campy gay sidekick singing nonsense rhymes, but I feel like the best joke was when they relocate the shoot to the abandoned chandelier factory and there’s a bunch of bats there.
Yeah, that abandoned chandelier factory and the increasingly bizarre buhbreeze commercials (the gloomy room full of toilets!) are the only times the show made me really laugh. I keep waiting for more of those moments to happen, but they’re few and far between.
I’ve been trying to get a handle on it too. I was thinking about how Dave Chappelle talked about how on his show he started to get the sense that the larger audience wasn’t getting the joke- how his coworkers were laughing at the wrong part of the joke. Like if you are a frat boy listening to a rap song that is about racism and all you take away from it is that you get to sing the N-word.
I’m pretty sure that its unclear to me who is being laughed at. Some of the jokes seem to confirm a stereotype instead of skewer it. And there’s all this weird race obsession that is like, “DID YOU FORGET TITUS IS BLACK AND GAY FOR A SECOND?! LET’S SAY IT!”
The stuff with Dong is a good example of this. The joke is that Kimmy is lewd in vietnamese, and in the show that each new character that meets him has to get over his name, but every time that happens aren’t we also laughing at his name? I dunno. I think there’s something there that isn’t working.
Well, and at a certain point, when you’re making all these jokes (not necessarily in the show, but) about how people of color are under-represented, but then the only people of color you cast are there specifically because that’s part of their comedy character, you’re not actually being as progressive as you maybe think you are? I mean, I love Kimmy, and I love that she doesn’t downplay that her optimism is something she’s working really hard at and comes from a place of having really bad shit happen to her. But I’m about two-thirds of the way through the show and the only named characters of color (and the Japanese businesswoman didn’t even get a name, remember) are there almost entirely to be race-based (or in Titus’ case, race- and sexuality-based) punchlines.
Yeah, exactly. I’m watching an episode that’s about how completely impossible it would be for Titus to pass as straight. Really? I think we’ve moved on past Will and Grace humor.
right, it feels like jokes for clever liberal white people who are so above *actual* racism and are totally laughing at ourselves, right? The first few episodes had enough laugh out loud moments for me that I want to keep watching, but if the cringing starts outweighing the laughing I dunno.
Oh man, that laughing at the joke for the wrong reason thing. This is completely unrelated to Unbreakable, but.
The other week my mom sent me a Key and Peele sketch where Key is a substitute teacher trying to take attendance of a class of white kids, and he keeps butchering the pronounciation of their names and then being really skeptical when they try to correct him. I thought it was hilarious, because of how often white teachers will butcher the black students’ names and then give them a hard time when they try to correct it. But I suspect my mom’s reaction was more along the lines of lol ghetto names. And it’s just so…you can put something funny and subversive out there but you risk that people will be laughing at it for totally the wrong reasons and…I feel so weird about this.
Dong isn’t like that, though. They should have made his name something else, but still had him laugh at Kimmie’s name. Naming him Dong destroys whatever they were going for, I think.
Tina Fey’s humor, while I love most of it, is definitely Not OK when it comes to fat people or people of color. I often cringe when watching 30 Rock or Kimmy Schmidt because the humor is just so offensive, and even worse, it’s coming from someone whom we hope would know better.
I won’t lie, I had been kind of surprised to see so many people who I’ve seen complain about Tina then turn around and love this show? I wasn’t really prioritizing watching it, because I think Tina is a funny-but-often-lazy comedienne in exactly the way you and others have described, but then everyone was talking about how they stayed up late to watch it or finished it in one weekend and, shrug, okay, I guess I’ll try it.
(I’ll report back!)
I love the show and I love Tina Fey, so I have been doing some digging too to figure out how I feel about the race stuff. This article is the one I have related to most so far:
http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/television/201…
I think part of what happens here, and part of why I am overall still a huge Tina Fey fan, is that her personality makes it so that people interpret what happens in her show as directly coming from her– when actually her shows are written by a deliberately diverse group of writers. This article talks about how two Lakota Native Americans were writers for the show, which some people are saying is the “I have Native American friends” defense, but it’s really a “Native Americans wrote these jokes” defense, which I feel is much more valid. Titus also had input into his character and felt that a lot of focus was put on making him not stereotypical– if he doesn’t feel it’s a stereotypical character when it’s actually based on him, who are we to tell him different?
So overall, I won’t say that these things are not problems, and the Slate article points out that it is still the writers’ responsibility if the joke plays as racist when you don’t know the background. But overall, I think Tina does what a white person trying to joke about race should do, which is hire diverse groups of people to write the jokes and follow their cues as to what’s OK.
OH. ALSO. Tomorrow, while also the most epic Pi Day of our lives, is also one year since I threw my abusive ex-boyfriend out of my apartment. I am going with some friends that are getting pierced, then going to get absolutely stuffed on sushi, because it has been kind of an emotionally volatile year. I’m glad I will be with friends.
I’ve turned a corner in my job satisfaction issues and while I haven’t changed my mind about eventually quitting, I know how I can make my work here more enjoyable and rewarding and less enraging until I can quit. I’m already feeling better about being here and it’s such a relief.
In other news, any other Muse fans on here? I was really excited to hear their new song that went up on YouTube but the screaming really bothers me. I don’t have PTSD or other trigger things but it makes me really uncomfortable listening to it and I know they’re big on their songs being message driven, but I’m worried I won’t even be able to listen to this track and I’m kind of not a little bummed about it. I’ve been looking forward to a new album from them for ages and now….
I don’t really mind the song as much as the shitty music video to go with it. Don’t be, their album might still be good!
Thanks for the reassurance! I just had the video playing in a different tab while I scrolled through my Tumblr dash, so I didn’t even see the crap video. Lucky me?
Lucky you. It made me cringe and lose my mental appetite.
Oh nooooo I love Muse so I will have to check out the song when I can access Youtube again (it’s blocked at work). Though I have a tendency to like music with screaming in it in general, that may color my opinion a bit?
I LOVE THEM, TOO, so this is super upsetting to me. I even took down the post I reblogged of it on Tumblr.
The parts where there aren’t screaming are really great. And it’s not Bellamy screaming those parts (I don’t think?). It’s a drill sergeant screaming abuse at a recruit and it’s just incredibly anxiety-inducing to me.
Oh NO that was not the type of screaming I imagined! I thought you meant more like angry emo teenagers, this sounds HORRIBLE ๐
Alas, no.
are there any good essays about gender, exercise, and gendered exercise floating about on the internet?
I am going to this martial arts studio and I stuck around after class to try out Tacfit, which is, according to the cursory internet search I did, the manliest manly exercise program, used by various law enforcement and military groups and other organizations comprised mainly of tuff guys and muscles. Which, is interesting to me, because the stuff we were doing used more than a few moves from pilates and yoga, which are both perceived as pretty far on the girly end of the spectrum.
(Also, I am very fond of my martial arts studio, which is pretty machismo-free and full of instructors who are understanding of my sad noodly ways)
I don’t know of any of these articles but I would like to read them if someone posts recommendations!
My coach (Toast commenter GruntledDave) sent me this piece about lifting and femininity a few weeks ago, and I loved it.
I read a bunch of feminist-type fitness blogs– Fit is a Feminist Issue is a good one (although they’re more endurance-focused). There’s also a book that I liked but didn’t think was good (a fine distinction) called Bodymakers: A Cultural Anatomy of Women’s Bodybuilding. It’s the kind of book where they bring up a LOT of interesting ideas but the writing isn’t very good.
I don’t know anything specifically related to martial arts, but if you find something, please do share!
This might not be quite what you’re looking for, as it’s a book, and about 20 years old, but The Stronger Women Get, the More Men Love Football by Mariah Burton Nelson is a great look at the rise of the grr he-man athletic sports coinciding with the rise of women’s rights.
So, funny thing about Pilates (I’m a Pilates instructor) is that Joseph Pilates, who invented it and called it contrology originally, was a HARDCORE German dude who the Nazis tried to recruit to design fitness programs for their soldiers. That’s why he came to America in the 30’s. But he was super super intense about his workout system and ways of breathing. He thought everyone should take burning hot showers and scrub themselves with bristle brushes.
Which is why I think it’s so so funny that Pilates is seen as a girly easy workout now. But it makes sense that it’d be included in something that Tacfit sounds like!
(seriously, we had a reading the other day from a 1960’s Sports Illustrated article about a guy who went to do a session with him for the article and this is a direct quote. The dude was fucking ridiculous. “Typical! Just like all of them! Americans! They want to go 600 miles an hour, and they don’t know how to walk! Look at them in the street, bent over, coughing! Young men with gray faces! Why can’t they look at the animals? Look at a cat. Look at any animal. The only animal that doesn’t hold its stomach in is the pig. Look at them all out on the sidewalk now, like pigs. By exercising your stomach muscles you wring out the body, you don’t catch colds, you don’t get cancer, you don’t get hernias. Do animals get hernias? Do animals go on diets! Eat what you want, drink what you want. I drink a quart of liquor a day, plus some beers, and smoke maybe fifteen cigars. …grab your ankles! Of course, you can’t reach them, no American can. All right, grab your calves.”
manliest manly exercise ever. ๐
I just left my circle of toxic friends and here I am. Embrace me, Open Thread.
You and I need to be friends.
*she said with great resolve*
I am on the internet in several places, so feel free to look me up! I’m Clever Manka (or clevermanka) on Tumblr, Twitter, LJ, and Pinterest!
I have just pinterest-followed you!
I just followed you!
I should disclose the fact that I am REALLY TERRIBLE AT TWITTER. So feel free to unfollow when you get bored and no hard feelings.
If you follow me back we can just DM instead!
Sorry, bb, I’ve barely got enough time to do my other stuff on the internet… =(
That’s okay. ๐
Welcome! Read the “Hey Ladies” back issues if you need help in steeling your resolve.
What’s “Hey Ladies”?! I feel like I should know this
http://the-toast.net/2014/12/08/hey-ladies-friend…
http://media.giphy.com/media/4Gf2txOa5EGY0/giphy….
I’m so glad for you! You deserve good friends who build you up and make you feel good and help you be the best you you can be, not a bunch of toxic dipshits who bring you down.
OMG THANK YOU. I was feeling shitty and lonely but you’ve reminded me what kind of back-talking evil nut jobs they are.
Captain Awkward may have some good reading for you in terms of reminding yourself that you are making a good decision and that you do not actually need to stay friends with toxic shitweasels.
I feel really behind on stuff…who’s Captain Awkward? *slowly backs away*
You’re not behind, really. Captain Awkward’s site is totally separate from The Toast. It’s just that there are a bunch of us Captain Awkward fans in the comments.
I hope to join the bandwagon soon!
BEHOLD THE CAPTAIN.
Here’s a good one to start with for you.
OHMIGOSH, thank you!!! Binge-reading is the best.
Consider yourself embraced! Congrats on escaping the toxicity!
Thanks! I’m proud. ๐
Congratulations and welcome. So hard to break free of a sick system but the payoff is great.
Thank you! It is. I really hope it is.
Thanks! Yeah, 30 minutes just seems much more reasonable than a full hour somehow. I will have to try all of these suggestions. Yay Toast-sourced help!
Ooh that sounds like my dream house! Original wood trim, built-in bookcase, TWO bathrooms…just wow.
I haven't found any tried-and-true coping methods for this. It sometimes helps to think about the fact that one day, they will have reason to be jealous of me! Or maybe have been jealous of me in the past. Like, there have been times where things were going super well for you but your friends were in bad places, right? Nothing lasts. This is coming out more nihilistic than I meant it to, and I don't mean you should look forward to your friends being sad – just that it's sometimes helpful to remember that this isn't a permanent state of affairs.
I also like to hear about the things in their lives that DO suck. Because there's always something. I am super envious of one of my friends just on a general level; she is very self-assured, confident, attractive, has a positive body image, and is making good money working her dream job. But her boyfriend is also having severe anxiety issues and it's been taxing on her. I'm not happy about that, obviously, but it helps me remember that just because her life looks perfect on paper doesn't mean it is.
This comment is not making me sound like a very good person.
OH MY GOD A TOASTIE DATE
HAS THIS EVER HAPPENED BEFORE?
Oh, I just found it yesterday! Opinions on Albany seem to be very mixed. Where did you grow up? My biggest concern is that we've gotten away with having only one car for the past few years, and I haaaaate being forced to drive everywhere. It seems like a pretty car-centric area. Is that true?ย I have so many questions about Albany.ย
Ok, you all have convinced me to read Terry Pratchett.
I do have a “no dudes allowed” reading rule but obviously he’s not a dude.
Me too (on all counts). Where are you starting? Where should I start?
If you’re wanting to avoid dudism, start with the witches. Wyrd Sisters for choice.
Witches! Of course. Thanks, I wasn’t sure where to start either.
My dog Lucy died this week. ๐ She was 13 and a golden retriever and had a very long and happy life, but I will miss her a lot. Here is a photo of her looking very majestic (if it uploads properly):
Oh no, I’m so sorry. ๐ that’s a lovely picture: she looks so intrepid.
RIP Lucy. I have a golden too. I’m so sorry. ๐
She is indeed a queen among dogs, I am so sorry for you.
She is beautiful. I’m so sorry.
Majestic indeed. Rest in peace, sweet doggie.
Oh, honey. You have all the sympathy and comfort I can offer. What a beautiful and yes, majestic girl. My heart breaks for your loss.
Look at that happy, happy dog. You gave her a wonderful life. I am sorry she’s gone.
What a lovely dog; she looks both majestic and eminently huggable, which is what dogs should be. Godspeed, Lucy.
She looks so happy and well loved in that photo <3 internet hugs to you.
What a sweet old pup. Losing a pet is so, so hard but you’ll always know she loved you and you gave her a great life.
Oh! What a good dog. Hugs to you.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard. But she looks very happy and regal in that picture.
When I had to put my 14-year-old dog to sleep 2 weeks ago, I had a lot of people say “Oh, but 14 is really old for a dog.” It was not as comforting as they thought, but they meant well.
I’m so sorry! What a beautiful dog.
So sorry for your loss, what a beauty of a pup.
This is the worst thing. I’m so sorry. If anybody gives you shit about crying over dogs, let me know and I’ll punch them for you.
I’m so sorry, she looks like the epitome of Such A Good Dog Yes You Are.
I am so sorry to hear this. Lucy is indeed majestic and beautiful! We lost our dog a couple of months ago and my husband said that although he doesn’t believe in heaven for humans, he believes our earthly love for our dogs creates a doggie heaven. In this heaven all the new arrivals are met by friendly dogs who show the new ones the ropes.
I assume this heaven is for ALL pets, although I couldn’t confirm that because when he told me this I started crying hysterically and then got mad that he made me cry while we were in public. I was not totally rational at the time.
I hope you can take good care of yourself this weekend.
She looks very majestic and happy there. I’m glad that she had a good, long life with someone who loves her. RIP.
After posting my first comment, I got a text that made me sad so I’M BACK. My friend and I have been talking about moving in together when our leases are up. Nothing was set in stone, but we were looking at places together and I was pretty sure it was going to be a thing? But she just texted me to say she found a one-bedroom she likes, and she’s going to move on it if she likes it as much in person.
I think I got my hopes up too high, which is a thing I do. I know that she’d rather live alone, and mostly wanted a roommate to save on rent, and that we thought we would be good roommates because we have equal levels of introversion and would respect each other’s spaces. But I also thought it would be fun to live with her and get to hang out with her a lot! (My somewhat-suppressed romantic feelings for her don’t help.)
I’m not sure what to do. I got Craigslist roommates last time I moved and it turned out really badly. I want to live with a friend, but don’t have any in my area that I think would be good fits as roommates. Living alone has a lot of appeal, but I’m also afraid of it for a few reasons: my own mental health (being around other people reminds me that I need to be normal and clean stuff and go to work), serial killers (THANKS, “THE FALL”), and ghosts.
Have you telling her you thought it’d be a good idea if you guys lived together?
This is for the best. Your “somewhat-suppressed romantic feelings for her” indicate you will be healthier not living with her.
I am sorry. It is hard to find housing, doubly so when looking for roommates. I wish you good luck.
I have found some of my best living situations have been with not-that-close friends/acquaintances, because you know each other and are friendly but are still strangers enough that you’re a little more sensitive to the other person’s needs. Any chance you can think of anyone like that?
Yes, this. It turned out (so far, at least) to make my recent move a big improvement over where I was before, for just this reason. Friendly but not “friends” is the sweet spot for building independence in introverts without it turning into codependent barf.
Yep. And you can spend time by yourself watching TV without feeling bad about it.
I have absolutely no chill when it comes to friendship. As in I’m bad at having “acquaintances.” I feel like someone is either my Good Friend or….well, that’s kind of it, it’s that or I never talk to them. Where did the friends I have come from? No one knows. Unsurprisingly, having No Chill has had some unfortunate consequences. Like this.
Maybe friends of Good Friends?
This. I’m in the process of helping my brother find roommates for his first apartment because he doesn’t want to live with unvetted strangers but trusts that the people I know (or at least suggest as possible roommates) will not be horrible. All his friends are going to school in other states (he moved from SF to SL,UT for school and I’ve lived here for a few years and know people). Maybe ask friends if they know anyone looking for housing?
Hi, I am you. I am all in or not in at all, with both friendships and romances.
Also, I remember your roommate-of-romantic-possibility saga from previous open threads. In college I moved in with someone I had a HUGE crush on, and while I’m not saying it was the worst thing ever, I really could have lived without that year of drama (long story short: even though she was straight, we ended up secretly dating/sleeping together until I realized she was crazy and fled across the country). So, maybe the universe is sparing you from that!
yeah, home should be pretty drama-free. Home should be an oasis of calm. I’d avoid any situations that would be stressful.
Hmmm, well when I say acquaintance I don’t mean it even has to be someone you still talk to regularly. Two of my roommates were people I lived in the same dorm with in college and was Facebook friends with but had not spoken to since then. Both were great roommates and one is now my closest female friend. What I’ve usually done is make a craigslist ad, then also share it on Facebook and ask friends to ask around for me as well, and I’ve ended up with people I sort-of-know more often than I’ve had to go with a craiglist person. Friends-of-friends can be good as well, like others said.
And the one craiglist person I’ve lived with turned out to be great as well! My advice if you go the craigslist route is to make your ad super friendly and personable, try to not focus it too much on stuff like “must be financially stable and not a big partier, no overnight guests”. When I’ve done that I’ve gotten lots of emails from pretty cool people being like “wow, you seem so nice and much friendlier than what I usually see on craigslist!”, and that has given me lots of options (and I can still pick someone based on cleanliness and not-partying, it’s just questions I ask later).
I will try to send all my good “random strangers as roommates” karma towards you! This seems maybe counter-intuitive but I’ve had the best luck in random stranger roommate situations where there were three people total in the house of mixed genders- it helps to have a tie-breaker. Plus ideally a three-person situation gets you two bathrooms and a decent sized kitchen (my true motivation for living with more people). I don’t know why kitchens must be proportional to the number of bedrooms, but they totally are in most places.
This probably sounds stupid, but how does one go about uploading stuff?
Like photos? You can’t; you have to upload it elsewhere (or find it on google images) and then use HTML code to make it appear in your comments.
So, google image > find the image’s URL (right-click on image, select “Copy image URL”) > bring it back here > paste it into your comment like so:
[img src=”http://www.yourimageurlwhatever.org/whatever/whatever.jpg”]
but replace the [ and ] with a less-than and greater-than symbol
Thank you!!!
This is kinda late/gonna be buried but with the weather so beautiful I have been super into the idea of a Bay Area Toastie meetup!! Is anyone else down? Not this weekend but maybe next to give us more time to figure stuff out?
i’m down! if this gorgeous weather holds up maybe we could just have a park picnic meet up on a weekend afternoon?
i would love a picnic meetup if possible! I will send out another bat signal on Monday’s link roundup etc etc to get the word out!
Capital idea!
yaaaay OK as above I will reiterate the idea on Monday (and every day following….) for maximum Toast Exposure.
That sounds fabulous!
I’d come!
Yes! I’d totally go!
Also, unrelated: some friends of mine started this stupid thing on my Facebook this morning that I love: #ToiletSelfieFriday. It’s literally us with toilets. Observe:
edited for HUGE
I have discovered hooping and my life may never be the same again. After failing miserably to keep it around my waist, I can now make my hoop go to the left and right and keep it up for a reasonable amount of time.
I brought my hoop to roller derby practice (I’m off skates with suspected torn tendon in my ankle) and a teenage girl from the soccer team who were just finishing up came over to ask if she could show me something with the hoop. I gave it to her and she did like a full routine including neck hooping and spinning the hoop from her extended foot as she stood on one leg. She is my hero. And rather than feeling shame at my newbie skills, I want to be as skilled (and confident) as her. Of course I tried to recruit her to roller derby on the spot. The world is going to be OK based on the number of really confident, amazingly talented teenage girls I’ve run into lately.
Hooping!!! I haven’t done it in so long because winter, and I miss it so much. Never mastered shoulder hooping, that’s my goal for 2015.
i love hooping! i’ve never made it past the super simple stuffโjust waist hooping in both directionsโbut i can keep it up indefinitely and can wiggle and dance around while i do it. to avoid hooping too much in one direction, i make playlists of fun dance songs and pair them up roughly by length (like, two 3-minute songs, two 5-minute songs, etc) and just switch directions with each song.
aaaaaah the girlfriend and I found THE BEST apartment and put in an application today–send good thoughts if you can, Toasties? It has beautiful kitchen cabinets, a deck, is approximately 50% closets (all the storage!), and most importantly for me because I hate doing the dishes by hand, A DISHWASHER.
Also, there is zero pet deposit and the landlord looks like Santa. I want this apartment so bad, friends!
Toasties, I am SO sunburned but I had the best week! I was down learning how to set up a trapeze rig and I feel like I’ve told everybody and their brother but it was so cool!
On the other hand, I am still having issues with my old flat in Edinburgh and I just want to say “Fuck the world, I’m moving back.” But I can’t. Because visas. And so I want to curl up into a little ball and cry all day.
On DST: I know everyone hates it, but it gives me time to run after work AND, since right now I’m getting up just before sunrise, I’ve been getting to see some spectacular ones. This week has had some excellent examples.
(I will admit to enhancing this photo slightly, but it still does no justice to what the sky looked like yesterday morning.)
I actually like DST! I can see the sun when I leave work! It’s “regular time” that sucks. Down with Regular Time! DST forever!
Someone gets it! I love DST. I loathe ST. Loooaaathe.
I usually haaaaaate DST, but winter has felt SO LONG this year, and going in one weekend from leaving work literally as the sun sets to having an hour of daylight left so I’m not walking home from the grocery store in the dark has been excellent for my mental health.
I love DST. I went for such a nice long run after work one day this week, and I didn’t have to rush home or cut it short and just got to revel in my evening light.
That picture is incredible! I can’t even believe it’s real. I don’t hate DST, but I am lucky that my work schedule is flexible enough that I could allow myself to sleep in an extra hour all week. I’ll go back to normal on Monday, and I also love that it’s light out when I get home!
LADY LIBERTITTY REPORT!
I did it, friends! I danced burlesque in front of a paying audience! I’m a stripper now!
It was awesome and terrifying and me and my friend Meryl Streak are already planning our next routine.
WOOP WOOP!
omg meryl streak
RIGHT? As a duo, we call ourselves “America’s Sweet-Tarts”.
(We’re Canadian, thank god, because I DEFINITELY desecrated the American Flag on Saturday.)
omg
*faints dead away*
(Cana-tarts represent)
HOT DAMN
edit: now I want to make either a derby or burlesque name that somehow references Uptown Funk because WELL, WHY NOT
WHY NOT INDEED
Thank you for finally giving me an opportunity to use this gif.
I’m NOT PREGNANT. *dances*
Haha. That’s all.
โชโ|โต|โโช โชโ|โต|โโชโชโ|โต|โโช
At some point online, I saw an ad for a novelty T-shirt which simply said “At least I’m not pregnant!” It made me smile.
YAY!!!! All hail Aunt Flo!
Congratulations!
I admire your gif-pertise.
Also, I am happy to report that I have started going to therapy! I HAVE FINALLY TAKEN A STEP TOWARDS THE GREATER GOOD. Which really is saying a lot because a lot of shitty people tell you, “You need to get help.” But what they don’t realize is that finding help is simple. Finding the right kind of help is what drives you to the edge.
I started trying to find help in NOVEMBER. I had an appointment…for April. I went through the holidays unmedicated. Now I’m trying to make it another week (because there was an early cancellation) before I am fully switched over. I will have a psychaitrist, but no time for my counseling due to my second job. It’s tough! with two other kids in counseling, too, I feel like I”m always driving there. Good for you. I know it’s hard to make those appointments.
Thanks Cory! Not to be a debbie downer, but if you can, avoid going to a psychiatrist. They’re never the same as a psychologist and it worked out bad for me. ๐ Good luck!
Yeah, I had some bad ones about 18 years ago and it took me a long time to accept help again, however post-abuse and PTSD and now in my 40’s I have enough awareness to know that I need meds. I was going to my gp but without insurance that costs $$$ and his office people sucked. With his blessing I’m now going to the local free mental health center, and I have a counselor there, but my second job coaching is sucking up the time I had to see her. I need the psych, though, to be able to stay on the only meds that have ever actually worked for me. They won’t just let you refill without at least a once a month check-in. (I’m 44. these work. Can’t you just keep refiling them and trust me to tell you if they stop working? no, apparently).
Good for you! I took my sweet time (at least a year) to find a therapist during which my mental health buddy friends were like… hey.. you could look for one… at least once a month.
Thanks! Oh gosh, the troubles.
Indeed! Thanks for the advice on the drugs. I hope you have a good experience with therapy this time! Here’s to doing the mental work.
HA HA WELL, the library I work for is having our third annual big (outdoor, in tents) storytelling festival tonight/tomorrow, and EVERY SINGLE FOOD VENDOR cancelled at the last minute because it’s supposed to rain all day tomorrow. HA HA it’s fine. Everything is fine. I am only working a volunteer shift from 9-1:30 tomorrow, so I at least get to leave before all the festival goers get hangry.
Wow, that really sucks! They just… can’t/won’t operate in the rain? Do you live somewhere where rain is unusual? I am sincerely shocked, maybe because I’ve only lived in fairly wet places (if you run a food cart in Portland and you’re not willing to operate in the rain, you… don’t actually run a food cart). Do you have any power to shame them?
We’re in Charleston, it rains all the time! They’re all food trucks, so I don’t know what the deal is. Obviously they CAN operate in the rain, I guess they just decided they won’t get enough business if the weather is bad? It’s super frustrating, but I’m not in the department that’s been planning this, so it’s only peripherally a problem for me. I feel bad for the people who’ve been organizing the festival though, they are friends of mine. Shaming local businesses is probably not a great move for a public library, so I think we just have to suck it up and take the high ground on this one. Blargh! There is plenty of good food within walking distance, at least.
If the planned food vendors didn’t include your local food trucks, maybe someone could try tweeting at them and suggesting they set up near you tomorrow? Food trucks are on Twitter a lot, so far as I can tell. You could mention the expected crowds and lack of competition.
Oh, saw your reply above. Well, I’m sure people will understand having to walk a little.
Lieutenant Dan! *mimics Forrest Gump*
Guyyyyyys my brain is broken. Between waiting to hear back from this job across the country, and getting a slightly less-than-stellar performance review at my current job (mostly based on them having noticed that I am not as engaged and enthused as I once was), and my insane ex resurfacing, and a bunch of other things on my mind, I just want to lie in a grassy field for a minimum of five months. And not have to do anything or make any decisions.
What is your favorite thing to do when you feel like this but only have a weekend rather than five months to not do anything?
Sometimes I specifically plan to do absolutely nothing productive for a weekend, rather than trying to catch up on errands and laundry and cleaning and volunteer stuff like usual. Then I sleep in and play video games and read books and random internet things and maybe go for a walk. It definitely helps.
Excellent plan! I was out of town for two weeks so have a bunch of errands I need to do, but. . .fuck em. Except grocery shopping because I weirdly enjoy grocery shopping.
I weirdly enjoy grocery shopping too!
๐ I guess it’s not really THAT weird, food is amazing. I like to go through my favorite cookbooks to find something fun to cook in the upcoming week and make a list while watching Netflix, and then I shop at the Park Slope Food Coop which is a pleasant atmosphere and usually with cute beardy boys to look at.
what’s weather like where you are? is a grassy field accessible, if only for a few hours if not for five months?
when i feel like this, personally, it helps for me to plan A DAY where everything is regimented and i kind of force myself to do things, but nice things? low-key nice things that don’t require an overwhelming amount of engagement from my brain.
like, wake up at 9, be out the door by 10:30, walk to that one bakery, take your baked good to that one park (grassy field!), sit with an old, favorite, easy-to-read book until 12, then catch the 12:30 matinee of that one movie, then buy these specific ingredients for this specific meal on your way home, etc.
sometimes, without the schedule, i’ll just stay in my pajamas until 3 and feel like a giant slug. which is not to say that we don’t all sometimes need those days!
Yeah, I think getting out of the house is a great idea. Slugging is good, but it comes with a real whiplash. But out of house and low key – movie, drinks and snacks, library book, etc.
Ooooh that is a great suggestion because that is my exact problem– I start out with “It’s OK to do nothing! This is great!” but then 12 hours later when I have watched a billion episodes of Friends I do not feel good. And I want to get to a place where I can actually think about all these stressors in a clear-headed way. Thanks!!
Is it just me or is nothing loading…
Well I am late to the open thread as always but I must share:
I got a stupendous new job and I start Monday. One week onsite and then I will be working from home. It is a career pinnacle WITHOUT a mess of new or different responsibilities.
The funniest part? I saw the posting ON TWITTER Y’ALL.
Truly, anything can happen in this old world. That’s for all the Toasties who feel like they can’t get out of bad situations.
YAY! for good news! and good jobs!
Tonight is Archer-themed cocktails night! Black Mexicans ahoy!
We don’t have cable so we’ve been gleefully watching through Season 5 and OMG it is terrific.
The Kids in the Hall are coming to my town in May!!!!!
And, I’m going to New Orleans next week for work. Suggestions on what to do?
*~GOT SHANIA TWAIN TICKETS THIS WEEK NOTHING CAN HURT ME NOW~*
Yay! Have fun!
It’s like Captain Awkward knows me…thanks Ethyl and Absotively!
I heart that police officer, he is doing Good In The World. Dad was one of the people who had to sit my grandmother down when it was clear she was a danger to herself and to others behind a wheel, so I hope when it’s time for him to stop driving he’ll remember that. But it can’t be easy to give up something that’s both an outward and an inward sign of independence, especially if you’re frustrated that other parts of your life and health are also diminishing.
My dog is a rescue and has always been extremely shy, but she’s really come out of her shell lately, which is so exciting. She’s kind of figuring out how to express her doggy feelings, which means I’m being showered with weird, furtive affection. Like, am I watching tv? Perfect time to jump on the back of the couch and smell my hair. I think I understand the Phantom of the Opera now. I woke up Wednesday because she was licking my eyebrow.
This sounds amazing and adorable. Hooray for your doggy!
Ohhhh just wait until she starts bringing you presents!
My dogs send greetings to your dog. My dogs also asked me to pass along that eyebrows are for *sniffing*, not licking. Though human faces are good for licking, generally.
And back of the couch time is for tapping the human’s shoulder with your paw, at intervals. A dog must reassure the human that the dog is on duty and will provide protection. So when the doorbell rings, the dog is perfectly positioned for deafening that human.
I am excited for you, watching your sweet girl learn to give affection.
Oh that is so cute! <3
Late to open thread again.
I just discovered Welcome To Night Vale. Do any Toasties listen as well? I’m up to episode 10, and also listening to it with my partner, cuddled on the couch. Such a nice group activity.
LOVE LOVE LOVE. Although I’ve never listened to an episode with another person. That is an earbuds-in riding the subway and ignoring the world and breaking into awkward giggles in public kind of activity for me.
All the awkward giggles! It’s just sooooo good, I am completely hooked.
We may have started mentioning Perfect Carlos to each other at inopportune moments.
Night Vale! Yes! I have been reading on my commute and not listening to it, so I have a large backlog, but I love it.
I subscribe to it, I binged loads and am now up to date and it makes me happy. Lovely Carlos.
I do! I do! I’m seriously considering getting a Night Vale Community Radio mug for my office and then waiting to see if anyone recognizes it.
Also, if you ever get a chance to go to one of their live shows, go see it — they’re so much fun.
I’ve just ordered a ‘sheriff’s secret police’ hoodie. I know my sister will recognise it.
I’m to about episode 13. I love it, but I keep getting distracted and forgetting to listen. Now that it’s all on youtube, I might get caught up a bit more quickly because I will be reminded of it more often.
Yes, and I’m seeing them live in April!
So I am getting cable? I let the telemarketer from the cable company talk me into a free trial of having cable added to my internet, with faster internet included, and I get to keep the faster internet if I end the cable after the trial, except that halfway into setting it up he told me that it’s not actually free, it will be $3 more a month, he read a thing wrong, sorry. So I assume that I’ll also get to keep the $3 price increase regardless, which I am less thrilled about, but I suppose it’s a decent price for faster internet. Though I’m not sure if I actually need faster internet. I guess it might be good for streaming things? Also I looked at the confirmation email and the real actual price change is $3.90. Hopefully that telemarketer dude is new at his job or something.
Anyways, the actual point of this comment is: what should I watch? I know there are a million good things on now that I haven’t seen, so I need some help prioritizing.
Cable. No, the sales guy was not making mistakes. That’s typical cable sales practice. Be prepared for when you want to end any part of your package. They will make many more “mistakes” that result in never lowering your invoice amount. My attempts to end certain subscriptions resulted in “mistakes” that *increased* my bill. So, when the time comes, make that first call and get an effective date for the change you request. After that date, carefully pay only what you owe them, *not* the amount they bill you.
Meanwhile, enjoy your new services. And good luck.
Yeah, I’m not especially happy with the cable company right now. The dude did genuinely sound like he only had half a clue what he was talking about, but maybe they hire clueless dudes on purpose. Or maybe I’m just easily misled.
I am sharing wireless with my neighbours, probably in contravention of the terms of service, so the faster speed really might be useful for streaming.
The dude claimed that they wouldn’t raise the cost on me [again] without phoning again, but given his cluelessness, who knows. Thanks for the warnings.
I went and looked up what channels I’m getting. There are at least 1.5 channels that I might watch and don’t already get through rabbit ears, so that’ll be nice. Plus the rabbit ears are kind of unreliable on one channel.
ARGH. FWIW we have cable and I NEVER watch it. Netflix/itunes for me! I cannot stand the ads. My bf has it for football. Which is only half the year. I’m annoyed about the cable.
I currently watch half an hour of TV every other week, and that’s streaming online. I already get seven channels to not watch via rabbit ears. If they hadn’t led with the faster internet for free, I probably wouldn’t have agreed.
But they’re throwing in a free digital landline that I will also never use, so yay?
Also a new cable modem with a wireless router built in. My trusty old WRT54G has been fine for me, but a bit flaky for my neighbours, so that might actually be useful. Maybe it’ll have 802.11n.
Hi everyone — longtime reader finally delurking because this question has been freaking me out and this community seems like a reassuring, helpful place to ask.
Does anyone else have experience with (small-ish doses of) Topamax used preventively for chronic migraines? Has anyone had any side effects, and does anyone know how common they are? I’ve been taking 25 mg twice a day for almost three years, and it’s basically been a godsend — my pain has essentially disappeared. At the time the medication was prescribed, as far as I can remember, no one really mentioned the possibility of serious side effects: I was told the headaches might get worse, or they might not get better, but no one said anything about vision problems, depression, or cognitive slowness. Yesterday, I encountered an off-hand comment which then basically turned into an extensive conversation about how a number of people had had to go off Topamax because it had made them depressed or had made their thoughts feel foggy or slow. These are, apparently, recognized side effects of the medication, according to a number of more official sources I then rushed to check (e.g., the actual drugmaker).
Within the past three years, I have had: (1) eye pain and blurriness so bad I had to give up wearing contacts, the origin of which symptoms was never identified and which continue; (2) intermittent mild depression and anxiety, not really characteristic for me, which I had attributed to stress; and (3) moments of what the drugmaker describes as “word-finding difficulties.” I used to be a beautiful, fluent writer when I was younger, and I worry about how much harder writing has seemed to be for me for a little while now and how much my skills seem to have degraded; I recently became fluent in my second language and there’s a lot of interference into my first that I manage badly — I’ll calque words or translate them directly because I can’t think of the English fast enough, and it’s really begun to affect my public-speaking skills and my ability to speak extemporaneously (which, like writing, I also used to really enjoy, and now actively avoid). I have no idea whether I could be making some or all of this up (especially no. 3), or falsely attributing it to a supposed “slowing” effect of the medication — I’m trying to find out *how common* any of these side effects are (especially at low dosages) and then decide whether it’s worth trying to get in touch with my doctor and change things.
Thanks for reading. I’ve worked to make ^this coherent but I apologize if it isn’t totally. I’m happy to finally be delurking and I promise I’ll try to post happier things too!
I tried Topamax to prevent migraines and encountered the brain fog and word-finding difficulties. From your description I’m thinking it may have hit me harder and more immediately than it did you, but I couldn’t deal with it – it was like I KNEW where I should be, thought-wise, and just could not get there.
I’m on amitryptiline now as a preventive, and having very good luck with that. I hear you on the godsend difference the right med can make for migraines.
Welcome. It is impressive that you are taking steps to better health. Wishing you continued pain-free treatment.
I definitely had the word-finding difficulty with topamax (which, I have fibromyalgia and that’s already a issue with that, so it became a near constant thing on the topamax). I would have to read and re-read everything I wrote about 5 times to try and catch all the mixed-up words; and hated talking because it was so jumbled that I kept having to repeat myself so people could understand what I was saying. My neurologist would only let me take it for a year as she felt like the side effects are too intense for long-term use. They don’t nickname the drug dopamax for nothing.
I see silveraspen mentioned amitryptiline–I went on that after the topamax and while it did help with migraines, and it caused pretty significant short-term memory loss for me. To the point where I actually lost my job over it. After I quit taking it, it took about 6 months for my memory to return to normal. Oh, and I gained about 40 pounds on it, and was only on it for a year; and haven’t been able to shed it 3 years later. I definitely wouldn’t recommend that one either. I’m currently on propranalol (a blood pressure medication) for the migraines, and out of all the many many migraines drugs I’ve tried, this one seems to have the least side effects and has been the most successful.
I was on Topamax briefly as an older child (!) for chronic migraines, and definitely had the “brain fog.” As in, I barely remember the period in which I was on it (although this could also be due to the daily severe migraines for like 12 weeks straight). I am 20 now, and this was shortly after my 12th birthday. I remember THAT I was very seriously sick with migraines for a period but not much else about that time. I know that my parents had a sort of serious dilemma as to whether they should let my doctors put me on this medicine or not because of the side effects, and that I was only on it for a relatively short time.
I hope you continue to have no migraine pain, and find clarity in terms of these possible side effects.
Friday. Yay. I definitely did not stay up way too late last night reading Jupiter Ascending fanfic. You must be thinking of someone else.
A few weeks ago, I stayed up late WRITING Jupiter Ascending fanfic. I mean uh…someone else…did that. Yes.
Oh hey, within ten minutes I just got a snotty email from my boss AND an email with a job rejection! What an awesome day today is turning out to be! What a great day to spend the end of my work day holding back tears!
Asshole.
I got a job rejection email last Saturday night at 7:30 pm! Way to ruin my weekend, jerks!!!!!
Big hug!
Today, to celebrate Pi Day, I have demanded that a man come deliver pie to my library and he is doing so in 40 minutes. This is the greatest thing I have accomplished as a librarian/human BY FAR.
Does that make you a PIEbrarian
โฆI’ll show myself out
No you are a delight, never leave
We had a couple of days of warm weather, enough to melt all but the stubbornest patches of dirty snow, but now it’s cold again. Harrumph. I’m getting my vicarious springtime fix by reading about my favorite internet cat, who is shedding his winter coat, and — thanks to the wonder that is shepherds on Twitter tweeting about their sheep — I’m looking forward to lambing season.
super late SEWING/MAKING THREAD!
What have you been working on? Any fun sewing/crafting/making projects?
I feel like I haven’t been sewing anything recently, but then remember that I made a bag to carry my dog in, complete with mesh panels and a zipper that used to be part of a lingerie washing bag, and built an footstool out of a milk crate, spare 3″ foam (who doesn’t have spare upholstery foam lying around?), batting from the stash, and extra fabric from making the slipcover for my armchair.
I’m usually a quilter, not a maker of 3D things, which is probably why I feel I haven’t done much. Here’s my current project:
that is fantastic! Is that handstitching in the top pic?
No. It’s about 7 hours of machine stitching. Hand stitching would take the rest of my life!
still, lots of pivoting and parallels. Well done!
That is amazing, such a cool design too!
I have been making various baby things for my sister-out-of-law, I made an easy blanket (cotton front, polar fleece back, bias binding edging), knitted a hat and booties (dpns, how I hate you), and sewed about a million swaddling blankets/ cloths out of swaddling material. Mums I have talked to said that the gauzey fabric is perfect for clean ups, so I’m hoping she finds them useful. Just about to head to the post office to send the parcel, finally!
That’s beautiful, Sarah_Jay.
If any of you quilters have recommendations on where to buy quilts, I’m all ears. The (handmade for me) quilts I own are all very old, and falling apart. ๐
WOW THAT FIRST ONE IN PARTICULAR WOW
holy what
Hi, Toast! Anyone have experience finding jobs and living situations far, far away from where they currently are? I need a change, and while I don’t necessarily have my heart set on going entirely across the country, I kind of secretly have my heart set on going across the country, and I want to know how much of a pain in the ass it is.
I move often. Huge pain in the ass. I’m good at it and it’s still a huge PITA. Since the advent of the internet, though, it is possible to line up housing and a job without multiple trips between current and target locations.
However, moving across the country was one of the best five things I have ever done. It was also a huge PITA.
Question– when you are applying to jobs from a faraway place, how do you address it in your application? At first I was putting a note about it in my email with the application, and also including my current address on my resume header– but now I just put phone and email in the header and include a sentence about being in NY at the end of my cover letter. I feel like with the first option, people were maybe not reading my application at all, but with the second they might feel like I was tricksy. Some friends of mine have straight up pretended they already lived in the place, but I am too far away to show up for an interview quickly and also my current job is with a community-based nonprofit in Brooklyn, so I can’t really talk about it without talking about Brooklyn.
“Dear [hiring manager]: I am relocating to your city. I am available for interviews on X, Y, and Z [dates 2 weeks apart].”
This is how the cover letter *begins*. It feels like it should be at the end, but that feeling is wrong in your situation. You want to keep short attention spans from rejecting you. Avoid putting locations on your resume. Use your email and phone for contact, don’t mention your physical address. List your previous employers’ websites, not their physical locations. Be prepared to travel for an interview, but only for a truly promising situation.
Send the same cover letter to other target locations. You could decide you want to job hunt in, say, Philadelphia, Chicago, and Portland. Hiring managers in all 3 locations get the letter that says “I am relocating to your city.” Because, for the right employer, it’s the truth.
Set up your calendar to allow travel on one week’s notice. Your cover letter indicated availability 23 & 24 March, 6 & 7 April, and 20 & 21 April. Say you are invited to interview for a very good job. That call comes in the middle of next week. You tell the manager you are no longer available for that first time slot. (Because you promised yourself a week’s advance on travel plans, not that the manager needs to know.) Likely the manager will ask for a date within your second two windows anyway.
This method allows you to look at your calendar every Monday and know that the next two weeks are travel-free, if you have not yet set up an interview.
While waiting for responses to the resumes you sent, prep for travel. Have your carry-on all but packed, with a list inside of what to throw in at the last minute. Put together 2 interview outfits that travel well. Keep your interview shoes shined and in the carry-on at all times. Learn the best flights, best airlines, best airports for your destinations. Have a dogsitter or kennel on standby. Prepare a document to leave on your desk for anyone covering your current job while you are out “sick”.
Order road maps of your target cities. Lay them out on a table or pin them to the wall. Stare at them often. Learn the locations of the jobs you apply to.
This is the preparatory detail I go through every time Mr. Rose gets a new job. Adjust to suit your needs.
This is excellent advice, thank you!
This is super helpful, thank you!
I moved several states away (not really across the country, but about 1000 miles) but I went someplace I knew a few people so I could stay with someone while I looked for housing (my stuff was in storage for a couple of weeks) I tried looking before I left, but no one wanted to rent to me without meeting me first. I spent three months job hunting before I fell into something that wasn’t what I was looking for but was what I needed. I also did everything in a hurry. I decided I was moving, gave notice the next day, worked two weeks, then spent three days packing and one day driving cross country.
It was the best decision I think I have ever made.
Thanks to both! I have a few friends who have done a cross-country move, and I’m kind of jealous of their moxie. I won’t do it without having a job lined up, but it’s getting harder to resist just peacing out.
No, but I am trying to do that right now! I worry that being across the country is going to make it impossible to get a job– I’m anxiously waiting to hear back from the one that has given me an interview so far. I am also fortunate in that I have a place to live lined up with my two best friends, EXCEPT if I don’t hear back soon they are going to have to rent it out at least for April, sigh. Anyways I guess I don’t have real advice but I’d be happy to continue to commiserate in the open thread! Where is it you’re thinking of moving from/to?
It’s nerve-wracking! I’m on the East Coast (Philadelphia-area) and would like to spend some time away from the snow. I’d love to go to the West Coast – Portland or California, wherever it is that young people always move to. My biggest concern is financial, I guess. CA seems to be really expensive if you’re anywhere worth living (no offense to Californians, I’m not super-familiar with the state; if you live in a fun, inexpensive area, tell me!) I’d be okay going by myself – I just can’t make myself do it unless I know I’ve got a job.
Have you looked at LA at all? I know it’s got a terrible reputation and I used to hate it when I had only visited briefly, but it’s actually got a lot of genuinely cool culture and really beautiful, cheap neighborhoods. All of the Beverly Hills/Hollywood nonsense is very separate from everything else. If I get this job I’ll be moving into a big place with a porch in a pretty neighborhood for $500/month including utilities! Although I’m coming from NYC so that may seem insanely cheap to me but not to you.
That’s good to know! I have a few friends in LA but have never visited – I sort of thought I’d stay away from it because it sounds like driving/traffic is a nightmare, but it might be worth it.
$500 is very cheap! That would be good for a room in any of the parts of Philly you’d want to live in. It’s hard to find decent singles for less than $1,000, in my experience. I’ll take $500 and a porch!
That part is a challenge– although my friends there actually don’t have cars, and the public transportation is not as awful/nonexistent as people think. If you’re in a neighborhood that’s near a train, they actually work really well and go many places, if not all. Unfortunately I think I’ll need to get a car for this job, which is a bummer cause I hate driving. But yeah, check it out!
Late to the party…which I almost never join…but just wanted to share that yesterday my boss promised me a raise!!
Also I’m committed to growing my hair long once again, but yesterday I was just really missing my shaved head. It’s so soft and how will anyone tell my inner badass without it?!
I am FAR down the thread, but do not know where else to ask this, so hi open thread! I have a dilemma: my fiance and I are hosting weekly movie nights and I’m cooking dinner for everyone, which is great – I love cooking, people, and movies, so this is wonderful. HOWEVER, we’ve done three so far and in two of them, I’ve missed the first third to the first half of the movie because I was cooking. My fiance and other people help me out in the beginning, but the things I’ve done have involved waiting for something to cook in the oven or on the stove and watching it, so it’s kind of a one-person task. (The one night I didn’t miss the movie, we did tacos, which were good.) I don’t really want to have people over if I can’t interact with them and I’m just cooking the whole time, but I do generally enjoy cooking for folks. WHICH LEADS ME TO MY QUESTION: if you were cooking vegetarian food for 15 people, and wanted to get it done in about an hour to an hour and a half, what would you do?
I would make lasagna, or baked mac’n’cheese! You can make that ahead of time and it doesn’t require watching while in the oven. Or something that can be eaten cold like pasta salad and a tossed salad (and a bean salad, for protein?), so you can just make it and eat as soon as people get there like tacos. Oh my god, I just realized I am starving because I got wayyyy too invested in elaborately planning your dinner party.
I’d do casserole-type things–anything where the effort happens early on and then you just put it in the oven or something and all you need is a timer.
Or, don’t start the movie until the food’s done! How unfair!
My solution would be dishes that can be made up in advance and either reheated or finish cooking when people arrive. A veggie lasagna that you can serve with an easy quick salad and some crusty bread, so you can assemble it the night before and stick it in the oven when you’re ready? Or a big pot of chilli/ curry/ stew, all things that actually get better with a night in the fridge and re-heating. Or a slow cooker, then you can get it started in the morning and reveal a delicious pot of deliciousness just in time for dinner. Or pasta. Probably I would just feed everyone pasta.
Yup, lasagna, or a big pot of lentils or chickpea stew, served with rice and a giant tossed salad?
Baked potato bar, crock-pot soup/stew/bean chili, salad bar (taco salad bar?)
Stews! All the stews! You can make them the night before even and just heat it up. Add bread and hey presto. (If you have a rice cooker you could also just put rice on without having to watch the pot. Everyone should get a rice cooker, they’re great.) My favourite veggie stew is this one: http://noshon.it/recipes/misr-wat-ethiopian-spice…
(Anyone know how to hyperlink words in intensedebate?)
This is how Tuva plays:
<div style=”font-size:11px;”>make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif</div>
My teeth are hurting for no apparent reason and it’s panicking me a little (this is the result of never having needed any fillings and always being told by dentists that my teeth are great, so having no baseline for comparison, and having parents who disapprove of sugar. I feel like if I do have anything wrong it will be evidence to show that I Have Failed in taking care of myself, and any sort of tooth problems will reflect badly on me). I have booked a dentist’s appointment (with a new dentist, arrgh), and am continuing to brush my teeth regularly and use mouthwash, but am still slightly worried that I’ll get there and they’ll tell me that all of my teeth are rotting and diseased and it’s my fault for eating sweets too much. Any reassurance would be much appreciated!
Hugs!! It seems incredibly unlikely to go from a mouth full of healthy teeth to all teeth are goners. Sometimes my teeth hurt because I’ve been clenching them in my sleep, and for one scary week where I didn’t know what was happening, a sinus infection made my teeth feel weird! All the crap in your face is connected, it could be so many harmless things. AND if all of your teeth are wrecked and you gotta get dentures (or just a little cavity), it is DEFINITELY not a personal reflection on you. Bodies and the stuff within them are not our value as people.
Thank you! This is very comforting. I know anything being actually wrong is unlikely (history of problem-free teeth; brushing teeth morning and evening every day), but I am unused enough to tooth problems that I am really overreacting. (Also, it’s been over a year since my last checkup, and I think I may have been eating more sugary foods in the intervening time period.) I do sometimes get pain from clenching my teeth (thanks, antidepressant side effects), but that’s normally my molars, whereas my bottom front teeth are now the ones hurting. I am trying to be rational about it, though, and your comment is really helpful (and the knowledge that I have an appointment with the dentist in under a week is also helping).
You have very little control over oral health. Short of never flossing or brushing, that is. Mr. Rose and I have similar habits. But he has terrible oral health and I have near-perfect teeth. His saliva pH is very attractive to bacteria that make cavities. My saliva pH is different, not so cozy for bacteria. My father has near-perfect teeth so it seems my luck is inherited. Mr. Rose inherited bad teeth. It’s not your fault. You have very little control. It’s mostly genetic.
I’m not the OP, but this comment was really reassuring to me.
Anytime my sinuses are cranky (hi, spring allergies!) I get tooth pain from clenching my jaw due to sinus pain. So, sometimes it’s not teeth!
It’s probably sensitivity. I’ve taken “perfect” care of my teeth for a long time and the same thing happened to me but it turned out they were just sensitive. A good toothpaste will do the trick. ๐
My first thought is TMJ, which I too have just started to have! It’s just pain caused by jaw clenching/tension, either in your sleep or in general due to stress. And there are things you can do like sleeping with a mouth guard or taking magnesium supplements.
No matter what it is, everyone else is correct that the chances that all your teeth are suddenly rotting and diseased are very, very slim. And as a fellow freak-out-over-any-symptoms-of-anything person, I very much empathize with what you’re feeling.
well, it took three weeks, but lacrosse coaching blew up in my face this week.
1. we can’t have any of our early scrimmages because even with everything melting the fields still have a foot of snow.
2. they won’t let us use the high school turf because we’re middle school, and I’m a girl. a girl head coach, asshole.
3. I always tried to think of refs as human beings, but they aren’t. There is a national website we are supposed to cancel all our games on, and I can’t. Because the local guy who runs it is ancient, deaf, AND sexist. After two weeks of enduring calls where shouting happened, and I was told things like “well, your email is your id, use your email password, I don’t know what your problem is” and “I fixed your email…you can make the password anything you like…pretty lady, lady coach, sweet lady coach…” I found out that he REFS ALL OUR GAMES. AND HE”S DEAF! AND we can’t request that another ref be assigned, because HE ASSIGNS THEM.
Also, he is in charge of the website and doesn’t even do email. I spoke to another coach who we had to cancel with and he recommended that I just dial the 800 number. That worked wonderfully, they gave me the name of deaf ref’s boss.
I just went “professional email bitch boots ballistic” on THAT asshole. “I don’t do middle school”. After 3 very clear, very polite emails explained to him that he set my permisssions on the website wrong (something he could fix in 5 minutes), and that no coaches could cancel their games, so we keep having to pay for refs we aren’t using. Yeah, I told him to (in nicer words) do his fucking job.
I did karate. I did rock climbing. None of those guys were this sexist. None of the other COACHES are this sexist. The entire lacrosse BOARD for my school is women! WTF rock are these ref’s living under???
Also, bullying. Boys smashing other boys’s $100 sticks, in the locker room where I can’t go. Boys stealing props from the play. Boys swearing and refusing to do punishment burpees and having to explain to their moms why I’m sending them home. ANd they all got spring fever.
I am running out of patience.
Silly update: I usually go swing dancing if I have the energy by the end of the week. This week in honor of pi day it’s a geek dance. I decided to channel my sister (the bitch boot queen) via ABby from NCIS. Found everything I needed in 2 hours at 3 thrift stores! (and my closet). Channeling my 20’s self (which started out depressing as I realized that I no longer owned goth boots or plaid skirts, but rationalized that I probably shouldn’t at 44) turned into really enjoying having an excuse to put on the dark lipstick and wear fake doc’s. That, and I got the mojo to write the “do your damn job” email. Last week I think I would have been crying after the FIRST upset mother phone call.
Time to go, or I won’t make the dance. But you can bet I’m wearing the boots and lipstick.
Woo you tell those misogynistic arseholes!! Well played!
Goth boots and plaid skirts are cool. You are *not* too old for them. Pauley Perrette (Abby from NCIS) is a year older than you are! Take names and kick ass, in your skirt and boots.
https://snt150.mail.live.com/att/GetAttachment.as…
This is sideways, I don’t want to put it on facebook so it’s the best I can get..hope it works! I forced myself to take a picture before I was done and chickened out!
Your link takes me to a login page. Now I’m dying to know how you looked!
ok, try this: https://coryspix.shutterfly.com/5
You look fierce! And you look so much like Pauley Perrette. How’d you do that? I’m so glad you went with this look. I hope you are too. Thanks for the photo.
AWESOME! I love it.
Hi everyone, I hope you are having a good Friday! I have to submit the final version of my conference paper soon and I am getting very anxious. I’m at the point where I just don’t want to look at it anymore, but I really need to proofread it one more time since I made revisions. I can’t wait until I hit the submit button and it is over! (until I have to go to the actual conference to present it).
Ohhh hello me in a few weeks’ time, how you doing?
But seriously, I’m sure it will be fine! Good luck!
Yes, we will both be fine! Even if there are typos in my paper, well, there are typos in a lot of published papers. Because people aren’t perfect, and there is no point being upset about it. ๐
Good luck!!! *kisses conference paper for good luck*
I haven’t even started my powerpoint or read my thesis since August, and I’m presenting April 23! Sending you good paper vibes! (edited to say, I”m only presenting a chapter at a conference, I graduated in August)
Oh I probably missed the open thread by now, but Toasties… I had a HORRIBLE day. I found out I screwed up something and had the client spend a LOT of time and money on a fruitless course of action. ($15,000+.) I would have known it was fruitless if I had thought to check something first, but it totally didn’t occur to me until today, the day of the HORRIBLE REALIZATION. Anyway, words of encouragement or stories of work scew-ups??? ๐
There was no ill intent, so it’s OK. Focus on learning from it. I’m sorry. I know that feeling. Have a friend buy you drinks tonight.
I’m so sorry, it’s such a terrible feeling! I don’t have any specific stories I remember but it’s definitely happened, and I guess since I can’t remember anything specific that can be some encouragement for you – the miserable feeling does eventually go away!
When this happens to me I implement the usual three step process (apologize, fix whatever can be fixed, figure out how to prevent the same thing in the future) and then try to move on. When I say “try to move on” I mean I feel like I am physically pushing the event and bad feelings to the back corner of my brain – I try to visualize this. I also know that only time will help, so I tell myself things like “I will feel a tiny bit better tomorrow. I will feel a little bit better in a week.”
I hope you can be gentle with yourself this weekend, do whatever you need to do to feel better!
I am so sorry. It will be fine though. You will learn and be stronger. No-one goes through life without screw ups. Someone I know who worked for a leading auction house once managed to accidentally smash an antique chandelier whose estimate price had been something appallingly high.
Oh. man. I work in architecture and the amount of client money that gets spent on decisions I make still gives me heartburn.
Is $15,000 a lot of money to your client, or just to you? Because, yes, that’s a decent chunk of change, but at the same time, as a percentage, of, say, a 10 million dollar project it’s not the world’s most enormous deal. I’m with @gentlehangovers- fix what you can, as quickly as you can, and then move on- mistakes happen, and that’s why sensible companies have things like contingencies and insurance and all that good stuff.
It will be okay! I left a Very Important Person off a very important list once, and boy did his people get on my team about it, and basically we had to grovel to them for a few weeks about it and it was very uncomfortable and I felt sick about it. BUT it got better and it’s been a few years, and said VIP is still heavily involved with my work, and it’s okay. I don’t even feel that sort of leftover shame any more – it’s in the past.
Thank you all, you have made me feel a little better. I need to find a job with less pressure!
Once a friend printed, in color and gloss, 100,000 copies of something when only 10,000 were needed. He added an extra zero which multipled the cost by ten. He did not lose his job! You will be okay!
Argh so I posted earlier about this woman who’s been very difficult and now it’s all got worse. Background: I am co-running this student branch of an international NGO and we set up a website to publish relevant articles. The woman volunteered to be editor. But she’s no good at it and keeps making errors, which is I guess another story but probably partly the reason why she’s angry now. It’s all come to a bit of a head because she’s now cross with me because an article (written by someone else) but which she edited and thought was ready to publish, I’ve said has major problems.
The article is supposed to be about freedom of speech and hate speech laws (these laws much more a thing in Europe than US) about a French comedian who has been repeatedly prosecuted for hate speech against Jews. The article mentions only one example of his hate speech and probably the least offensive one at that. I think it presents a picture of him as having suffered persecution for just trying to make people laugh. Things the article doesn’t mention: (1) That he gave an award to a Holocaust denier. The trophy was given to him by an assistant he made dress up as a concentration camp victim. (2) That he said about a Jewish radio DJ that when he hears his voice, he thinks ‘gas chambers…what a shame’. (3) That he made a film mocking Holocaust victims.
I’ve said I have a problem with suppressing these facts because, apart from the obvious, it’s now no longer an article on the difficult contradictions between principles of free speech and the efforts to limit hate speech but simply an article supporting the comedian’s own view that this is a ‘prohibition on laughter’. But the point is that freedom of speech is something that’s fraught with difficulties precisely because it entails defending the right of terrible people to say terrible things, as well as supporting wholly admirable people like Lydia Cacho.
I’ve suggested we ask what other committee members and the parent organisation think about it since we disagree. Was that a good idea? Ugh stressed. What do I do???
Yes, that was a good idea! More people to know what’s happening. You will discover that everyone who is not a raging bigot will not only agree with you, but will urge strongly that big changes be made.
You are on the side of the angels. Doing very good work. You should be proud.
Thank you!! I really needed some advice and reassurance that I’m proceeding along the right lines. Phew. I’m so glad you agree. I’ve also since suggested that perhaps I should first check with the writer and ask her nicely whether she’s considered these contexts. I mean, I find it unlikely that she could have written a 2 and a half page article on this topic and be like ‘Gosh! He’s done what?!’ but it’s maybe worth checking? Maybe? I’m really hoping that this is a case of inadequate research, thinking and/or incompetent writing giving an unintended impression, rather than deliberately skewed presentation. (Though seriously why would you not mention all that horrible stuff he’s done?!)
Yeesh, that article sounds like borderline pro-Nazi propaganda, whether the writer intended it or not. You are definitely doing the right thing.
I know I’m way down the thread… but do any of you have experience with sertraline? The artist formerly known as Zoloft?
I am supposed to start easing onto it, but I have a family wedding next week at which I would like to join in with celebratory toasts and such. I didn’t ask enough questions at my psychiatry consult the other day because I was just overwhelmed and I didn’t even ask if I can drink? It says to avoid booze on the little slip with the pill, but he talked to me a lot about nausea/dizziness and not a word about alcohol or ibuprofen or anything.
I also don’t even want to start taking it because I read all those effects. Love this safe space for mental health.
You’re not supposed to drink on it because it does the opposite of what the sertraline is meant to do. However, I’m taking sertraline and I can get away with drinking. You might have an allergic-type reaction (which I had on bupropion).
Also ibuprofen is fine but NOT aspirin. Read the paperwork and follow directions and you should be fine.
Maybe put it off until after the wedding? I went on vacation right after I started it, and that wasn’t the best idea because Kauai has badass rum.
Thank you for the advice! I am not a big drinker (1-3/weekly) but … it’s a wedding! Also a family wedding so I would like to have something to sip on while not baiting my super conservative cousins.
Also thank you re: ibuprofen and aspirin.
Oh noes yeah did you get to try any of the rum? I have never been to Hawaii, would love to go!
I think I will wait, because it would be way easier for me to adjust whilst not traveling anyhow. I just don’t want the reason to delay taking it to be fear/anxiety. I have depression which is why I was prescribed it, but also some anxiety so I sometimes can’t figure out if it actually makes sense to avoid something, or if it’s just my brain getting too hyped up and anxious.
I forgot about something… horrible diarrhea ๐ It lasted a bit too long, but it did go away. It was really really bad. I’ll spare you the details.
You might not have the same problem, but maybe start taking fiber supplements now so you can work up to a full serving of fiber by the time you start the drugs.
Now that I’m re-reading your initial post– you only got a little slip with the prescription? I got a two-sided instruction sheet in really tiny print. Maybe go back to the pharmacy? Or at least read this.
And yeah I did try the rum ๐ Kauai was the best.
I drink while taking Vitamin Z (although I probably shouldn’t drink), and the only effect it has is to drop my tolerance way the fuck down. Which saves me loads of money on alcohol, because one drink gives me the pleasant buzz that some people need to have three or four drinks to really experience. However, ymmv, so maybe wait to start taking it until after the wedding, when you can figure out your personal drug reactions in a less high-pressure space.
Thanks for the advice and your experience with it! I appreciate hearing from people who are on it.
I already have a pretty low tolerance so I think I will definitely be cautious then… I get buzzed after two drinks, sometimes one if I haven’t eaten dinner yet and am low on sleep. When I binge drank in college I would do 4-6 drinks in a night (6 being browned out usually) but I almost never have even 4 now, and if I do it’s over 4 or 5 hours, now that I am the ripe old of age of almost-25.
I find that having a protein and carb-rich meal beforehand (say, pasta carbonara) helps a lot. Experiment in the safety of your home and/or the presence of friends until you’re sure.
Mmm yes any excuse to have pasta! My weird meal that I like now is angel hair, lots of cheese, and two fried eggs on top (this after a lifting work out when I’m extra hungry).
Thanks ๐
Good luck on your medication journey!
Thank you! Will report back in when I start. My vacation is 3/18 to 3/23 ๐
I have. It works well with me but I went haywire after I stopped without asking my doctor. It’s really good, though. Most efficient drug I’ve had.
thanks for sharing! I appreciate it.
I was on Sertraline and it was The Wrong Drug For Me – it made me sadder and more anxious, and get drunk faster. That and having weird dreams were the only effects it had on me.
I wasn’t unable to drink on it, I just got drunk a lot faster from a lot less booze.
I would delay starting until after travel not even because of that, but because weird poops are often a side effect of Zoloft (for something like up to a month after you start taking it) and I would not want to deal with that in an airport/on a train/on a bus/in a car for a long trip.
Sorry to hear that! I hope you were able to find something that works for you. I have known two people who had a really bad time on Paxil and that sounded scary also.
Weird poops… my fave. Seriously though, thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. Indeed I don’t like pooping in the airport unless necessary so trains and buses are worse.
Yeah, I take Lexapro now and it is much better for me than Zoloft was. My understanding is that we still don’t totally understand why/how/when SSRIs work, so why some work for some people and others don’t is still pretty foggy. Luckily the second med I tried seems to be working.
Finding a good/clean bathroom is hard enough when traveling without the added element of possible med side effects.
Late to the party, but we have our server back at work! And also our time clock, which is tied to the server! So I can stop writing my times down by hand, and our bookkeeper won’t have to tally them up from our written sheets to adjust our paychecks. Also, I can actually look things up, because we have our fucking server back, or at least the files which were on it (thanks, police. Tholice).
I’m so happy that I’ll actually be able to do my damn job without having to look in 15 different books and trying to remember anything we had only in electronic format.
I have been reading this saga! (Just mostly lurking, per my username.) It sounded so awful to have to deal with! Happy Friday to you.
(Our hosted database had an outage today for 45 minutes and I couldn’t even deal with that, so right as I contacted support, it came back on of course. But this is just the latest in a series of issues that have been going on for a month and I was just so done with it by today.)
I’ve been on vacation with my family this week, and the whole company went to a trade show the week before that. I get to come back to a full complement of files, the accountant back from her vacation, and everything working as it should; it’s like a fresh start.
Man, I’m going to have so much work to catch up on tomorrow. But I’ll be able to do it all!
(This whole saga has been interrupted with periodic unrelated technical issues, which just seem farcical after awhile. Really, internet? You want to do this now?)
That does sound nice – everything working as it should. We have been having periodic internet outages, including one where our emails went out because of wherever they’re hosted… so many fist shakings at the computer screen. Good luck with the catch up!
Help — I need advice! A friend of mine has a 7 month old baby and we went out for the first time last night. She is usually very upbeat and loves life but she seemed exhausted and deeply unhappy with everything in her life (her house, husband, her job, the city we live in, the weather, and so on). I went through something similar myself and I am worried that her general unhappiness might be some kind of post-partum depression. What should I do, if anything? On the one hand, maybe she is just bummed out from how hard it is to have a baby and a full-time job and there is nothing much that can be done about that (Toasties, did everyone find having a baby really really hard, with implications for your level of happiness?) On the other hand, maybe I could ask if she’s talked to her ob-gyn about this? Or is some other line of action better? (talk to her husband about it — who also seems super-stressed about the situation?) Not sure if I should get involved. THANK YOU!!!!!
Tell her she seems very unhappy. Tell her you care. Ask her what her doc said when she asked about her mood. When she says she hasn’t asked the doc, ask when is her next scheduled appointment. If not soon, ask if you can help by calling her doc and getting her in soon. Ask if she would like you to babysit or if she would like you to accompany her to the doc.
All of this asking gets shut down the minute she resists. Close with a reminder that postpartum depression is common and that it lies. She could have it without realizing it because depression lies.
You are a good friend. Keep checking on her, in any case.
As a woman with an 8-month old and a full-time job, I sometimes I get really down, and sometimes I feel really positive. If a family member or friend caught me during one of my down days (usually linked to how much sleep the baby has been letting me get), I might seem depressed. But I’m not, and it would make me uncomfortable if a friend suggested that I was depressed. To me, being a working mom is so hard that it gets to you sometimes. What I would want to hear from my friend would be that I was doing a good (or great!) job and that I could talk to her about anything. I would want to feel a lot of compassion and kindness from that friend, and not feel like the way I was being wasn’t okay. However, I’m just speaking about my own experience, and if this woman is really suffering and doesn’t know how to get help, then the advice probably doesn’t apply. Good luck, though, that sounds like a tough path to navigate.
Can you tell me more about these purpley mauves?
ok, try this: https://coryspix.shutterfly.com/5
I haven't even started my powerpoint or read my thesis since August, and I'm presenting April 23! Sending you good paper vibes! (edited to say, I"m only presenting a chapter at a conference, I graduated in August)
I’m loving the Rimmel Showoff/Apocolips in Galaxy and the Nars audacious lipstick in Dominique, which is only available from the Nars website now.