Previously: Paintings That Wikimedia Commons Has Inaccurately Labeled As “Seduction In Art.”
The “Amazons in Greek art” tab on Wikimedia Commons has more than a few inaccurately titled paintings. Here are a few of them.
Alfred de Dreux, “Amazon”
This is in fact a pretty lady riding a horse while wearing a lovely full skirt. She has no shield, and has not even sliced off her right breast to improve her archery skills. 0 Amazons.
Edward Mateusz Römer, “Amazon”
Just…just another lady on a horse. See how she is neither dressed for battle nor surrounded by thousands of gleaming mail-clad female companions bearing spears and arrows? That’s the difference, is the gleaming female companions bearing spears and arrows.
Wassily Kandinsky, “A Riding Amazon”
This is not Greece! Amazons do not wear top hats nor corsets into battle! That top hat is pretty great, though!
Alfred de Dreux again, “Lady Riding Sidesaddle or An Amazon of Bois de Boulogne”
ALL WOMEN RIDING HORSES ARE NOT NECESSARILY MYTHOLOGICAL MEMBERS OF AN ALL-FEMALE ARMY BENT ON SUBDUING GREECE, AND EVEN IF THEY WERE THEY DEFINITELY DON’T RIDE SIDESADDLE
Jules David, “Her Majesty Empress Eugénie Dressed as an Amazon”
She is actually dressed as Empress Eugenie, guy!
Cesare Augusto Detti, “The Amazon of Perugia”
THIS ONE’S NOT EVEN ON A HORSE
Gustave Courbet, “Woman in a Riding Habit (L’Amazone)”
“What did Amazons look like? You know, the ones from Greek mythology? Were they…did they look like sad pregnant ladies standing alone in a field? I feel like I read that somewhere.”
“That sounds accurate.”
“Great. Then this painting is finished.”
Alfred de Dreux, “Amazon In The Forest At Pierrefonds”
So much of this title is accurate! “In the forest” is evidently true. “At Pierrefonds” – I have no reason to doubt this was set elsewhere from Pierrefonds. And yet I do not believe this woman has ever subdued the Hittites, nor kidnapped a male member of the Gargareans in order to breed with him. It takes more than going outside and putting on some riding gloves to make an Amazon, you know?
Amedeo Modigliani, “The Amazon”
THIS ONE IS INDOORS, ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SHE IS CLEARLY VERY ATTRACTIVE BUT I BET SHE HAS A MONOCLE AND DANCES WITH WOMEN IN PARISIAN NIGHTCLUBS, NEITHER OF WHICH ARE CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ANCIENT FICTIONAL RACE OF FEMALE HERO-WARRIORS WHO SERVE AT THE PLEASURE OF QUEEN HIPPOLYTA. WHENCE THE BRISTLING QUIVER? WHENCE THE LOOSE LINEN GARMENTS SUITABLE FOR HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT? WHENCE THE RED SHIELD AND THE BOUND HAIR AND THE WILD CALL TO BATTLE? THIS LADY LOOKS LIKE OSCAR WILDE, WHICH IS A GREAT THING FOR A LADY TO LOOK LIKE BUT HARDLY PUTS ME IN MIND OF GOING TO WAR WITH THRACIANS OR WHOMEVER
Johann Heinrich Wilhelm Tischbein, “Amazons”
THANK YOU
[Images via]
Hmm, these painting are mostly by French painters (or painters who lived in France). Riding sidesaddle is called monter en amazone in French. So that might explain it.
Haha yes, makes a lot more sense. That “in Greek art” bit, though, Wiki…
leave it to the French to describe sidesaddle as “mounting like an Amazon.”
“Sure, she is sitting sideways on a horse. We call it “monter en Amazone.”
“In what way is this like the Amazons?”
“…”
“Well?”
::Gallic shrug::
All women wear ankle-length dresses, so naturally side-saddle is the only way an Amazon would have been able to get on a horse.
SHHH IT RUINS THE JOKE IF YOU JUST EXPLAIN I CAN’T SPEAK FRENCH
I can get rather cross with my friends when they pull that.
The Joke Killer, at your service.
#wellactually
Also, une amazone was just a general term for a woman who rode horses during the 17th and 18th centuries…
That second one is clearly a Shetland pony. And while they are tough as nails, their maximum allowed height of 42 inches does somewhat hinder their uses as war horses.
I don’t know, I played a halfling paladin who rode a war pony into battle.. .http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/ponyWar.htm
She would have made a pretty damn convincing Amazon, actually.
I see them as more like Highlands (which were bred for carrying shot stags down from Scottish mountains) than Shetlands though. I have my own war pony but he is a bit bigger than a Shetland!
I want to have my own war pony.
“War Pony” shall be the name of my band.
I would totally ride fat pony into battle.
http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=131
Fat pony would disgrace the opposing army into giving up almost immediately.
they wouldn’t even want to fight anymore. they would just like, get consternated and leave.
…this is a genius way to end wars.
Ferdinand the bull was no fool.
the best book!
Fat pony diplomacy is the best diplomacy.
I would like to think the pony hangs out with Dain Ironfoot’s boar sometimes though. You know, when s/he feels like getting loaded on the weekend.
I love fat pony! I also love that commenters at The Toast drop Hark! A Vagrant references. This does not happen out in the world.
this entire thread wholly and thoroughly delights me. The only time I have successfully tilted at rings, I was riding a Shetland. And was somewhat less than ten years old so you know.
This collection delightfully reminds me of my absolute favorite non-Wildean character from 19th century drama (really narrowed that down, haven’t I?): Lady Gay Spanker, lovingly described in the character list of Boucicault’s London Assurance as “horse-riding virago”.
“Lady Gay Spanker”
BRB, getting a New York State name change form.
Reasons Why I Would Make An Excellent Amazon and You Should Consider Me For the Position:
1. I own a top hat.
These ladies may not be Amazons but they are all fly and fabulous and I’m very jealous of them and their riding accoutrement and their spaniels.
I am much less elegant than any of these women, even the one on the Shetland.
Girrrrl you are astride a horse! Elegant, schmelegant. You are a goddamn Amazon!
Well it’s because you don’t have a tophat with a ribbon on it. Where is your amazonian riding tophat?
horse, hat, and jacket all coordinate.
très élégante!
is… that horse two-tone. like, black on top, brown on the bottom? they make them like that???
No, in the winter they have part of their coats clipped off, as when they grow a thick winter coat, when you ride them they get sweaty quickly and then can get a chill stood round damp because they don’t cry quickly in the cold. So we clip off the sweatiest bits of the coat and then they wear pyjamas to keep them warm instead. Neck, shoulders and belly are the bits that get the sweatiest.
horse pyjamas omg, do they look like this: http://www.visitscotland.com/blog/scotland/shetla…
+111111 to “squee omg horse pajamas”.
Pretty much!
The Amazon of Perugia is not Amazonian in the least, but she is jaunty as hell. I cover her coat.
I was just coming down here to say how much I covet her waistcoat. look at it *drools*
Maybe the painter got confused because of the shininess of her waistcoat, which makes it sort of look like it could be a breastplate paired with a fluffy cravat and marvelous coat.
Yes! That coat is fabulous. I would wear it with jeans and a black tee to wander through art galleries.
The Tischbein painting is still wrong; Amazons wore pants
They wore LEGGINGS AS PANTS, even.
Take that, patriarchy!
I’d give a pass to the first one anyway. Spaniels roll HARD, they know she’s an Amazon in disguise.
I know she’s riding sidesaddle, but the woman in #4 actually looks like she has no legs at all. Which I suppose would mean that she’s not riding sidesaddle after all. You got me there, Alfred de Dreux.
What if these are reincarnated Amazons? The costumes are off but the swagger on some of them is unmistakable.
No, that’s just your standard-issue dyke swagger. Though akin to Amazon swagger, it’s entirely its own phenomenon.
Off topic, but Mallory, ILU for “whomever”.
The Detti painting demonstrates why we so rarely see smiling in portraiture. And the sitter was NOT into it. Try covering up the lower half of her face and just look at her eyes.
That Modigliani makes me want to be a girl dancing in a Parisian belle epoque nightclub with that dashing lady person.
Am I the only one who immediately thinks of Willow/Tara, “Strong like an Amazon”? I mean no I didn’t just re-watch ALL of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix over the past three months.
I always thought the Willow/Tara, “Strong like an Amazon” thing was a shout-out to the old Phranc song.
*Phranc fan waves at you*
Had not heard of said Phranc song and it’s excellent! Thanks!
Starting in the 17th century, French women like la Grande Mademoiselle, Anne-Marie-Louise d’Orleans and other literary women were labeled “amazones.” In Revolutionary and post-Revolutionary France, “les amazones” were politically-minded or politically active women, and they often wore men’s riding coats or similar clothing.
Okay, but seriously next do “Ladies in Monocles in Parisian Nightclubs.” Because of artistic, literary, intellectual-heritage reasons.
Here’s one from Berlin
Alan Cumming dressed as this painting once! http://blog.roundabouttheatre.org/2014/07/30/alan…
She looks like Mads Mikkelsen with the hands of Franz Liszt.
mmkay wow that was less “old-school club glam” and more “inspired by Picasso” than I expected.
Sorry about that. This is actually one of Otto Dix’s less disturbing paintings.
I feel like the whole “cut off a breast to be better at archery” was just something invented by male artists who couldn’t be arsed to draw two boobs per person.
But srsly: amazons were real!
Does anyone else feel that Alfred de Dreux really liked the horses better than the people? The horses are all so pretty! Especially that first one.
The lady riding side saddle (painting #4) looks like she has no legs, welp.
What if she’s a brick house? At least she’d be built like an Amazon.
Sorry about that. This is actually one of Otto Dix's less disturbing paintings.
Yes! And in the opening of the movie, there’s a woman in red inspired by this painting. I learned about this painting from an interview with Alan Cumming – iirc, he talks about the movie opening and dressing up like her.
http://www.npr.org/2014/04/28/307681892/for-alan-…
ETA – supposed to be in response to Jennifer in the monocle thread
We have the same listening habits! /Fresh Air junkie
Yes! And in the opening of the movie, there's a woman in red inspired by this painting. I learned about this painting from an interview with Alan Cumming – iirc, he talks about the movie opening and dressing up like her.
http://www.npr.org/2014/04/28/307681892/for-alan-…
ETA – supposed to be in response to Jennifer in the monocle thread
In the 19th century, top hat-wearin’ lady = Amazon. Right, got it.
It also kinda makes them look like they're going into battle in their pyjamas, which, Best Life.
I don’t want to nitpick something that gave me so much joy, but the justifiably angry authorial voice seems to saying “whence” when it means “whither.” If the lady in the painting HAD an inexplicable quiver, you may ask, “”Whence this quiver? You are not an archer, did you steal it?” But since the quiver is absent, it should be “Whither your quiver? Pawned it for absinthe again, have you?”
An ‘amazone’ was also a name for a riding frock in France. In ‘Madame Bovary’ getting one was the deciding temptation for Madame Bovary to get all adulterous. Still kind of ridiculous and still very strange WC categorizing.
As always hilarious but I think that last comment might be right. Can’t be a coincidence that all these French painters used the word Amazon to very similarly-attired ladies.