Where, I am pretty sure, it all began: Western Art History Is Just 600 Years Of Women Getting Out Of Bathtubs
Various Historical Eras Answer The Age-Old Question “What Is Art?”
Western Art History: 500 Years of Women Ignoring Men
“We’re Fine Here, How Are You?” Normal Moments In Art History Where No One Is About To Get Murdered
Normal Conversations In Western Art History
Women Trying To Politely End Conversations in Western Art History
Normal Children Who Are Very Comfortable And At Ease In Western Art History
Women Praying Furiously In Western Art History
Women Feigning Interest In Western Art History
Men Sleeping Quietly And Not Talking Or Bothering Anyone In Western Art History
Women Being Inexpertly Groped In Western Art History
Gleeful Mobs Of Women Murdering Men In Western Art History
Women Listening To Men Play Music At Them In Western Art History
Doctors Performing Surgery For The First Time In Western Art History
Families Who Hate Each Other In Western Art History
Women Rejecting Marriage Proposals In Western Art History
Women Having A Terrible Time At Parties In Western Art History
Women Trying To Sleep Unsuccessfully In Western Art History
Women Listening To Men In Western Art History
Women Who Are Not Having A Great Time In Western Art History
Unsatisfied Women In Western Art History
THIS IS TOO SAD
a gif has never encapsulated exactly how I feel so accurately
o-god-o-god-o-god it is really happening
Oh man, the “We’re Fine Here” Nobody Is About to be Murdered one is by far my favorite.
Between “none of my boyfriends are riverbank corpses if that’s what you’re worried about” and “you’ll be able to keep all of your skin” I’m not sure which to pick as my favorite way of seducing somebody to definitely not murder.
That one is THE BEST if read in the voice of Louise Belcher. I’m sure someone has already come up with that BUT IT’S THE TRUTH so I have to say it.
That “hey” picture of the Goya witches because OF COURSE they are Goya witches and we all know Goya witches are the too-witch-iest of all.
So, I guess, ain’t no witch like a Goya witch?
“none of my boyfriends are riverbank corpses if that’s what you’re worried about” is my Twitter bio and I’m never changing it.
I deleted my Tinder a few weeks ago where I had the legendary quote from John Waters, “We need to make reading sexy again. If you go home with somebody and they don’t have any books, don’t fuck them.”
And now I’m tempted to restart my Tinder purely to put that in as my description. I’m sure that will bring all the boys to my riverside. And they’ll be like, you killed him more gruesomely than me.
I would like to note for legal purposes, that nothing in the above line precludes them being “sheltered grotto” corpses.
This is 600 years of women being bored to death by men
Reading these, only these, forever.
Can this become a book? I imagine I’m asking a “fair use” question here.
I’ve been waiting for the announcement for a while. Also I will write an academic article about the “Ortberg Method” of public-domain reuse for lolz/social critique.
I would read it to death.
No, this means there is going to be a retrospective of Two Monks Invent soon and I’m not ready. I’M NOT READY.
you shut your heathen mouth that is unacceptable
plus meanwhile I am “resigned” to never finding out more about the Hey Ladies! adventures, but it suuuuuucks.
This is where I must say to you, hush, we do not speak of this. We are getting seven more installments before July 1st and everything is going to be fine. This is the world I choose to live in.
I know, I keep wondering about the hey ladies! I hope that this is the content that will still get updated? Please?
Kickstarter-thing for more Hey Ladies! over at CleverManka’s upcoming site……?
I will never be ready. Also animals/foods that are unacceptable. Nooooooo.
My favorite is still Unhappy Girls with Birds: http://the-toast.net/2016/02/04/unhappy-little-gi…
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used “keep moving fuckos” in everyday conversation.
“keep moving fuckos” has been enshrined in my heart, and if it does not always make an appearance in my everyday conversation, then I can guarantee I am thinking it at a very high volume.
There are so many Toast quotes that would be perfect for embroidered throw pillows, and this one is probably top of the list.
Someone (with more artistic talent than me) should start a side business…
I have great fondness for the guaranteed giggle-fest of “Miserable Tambourine Players in Western Art History”:
I play the drums as my mother taught me
slowly
and with great contempt
Mallory, I need you to do art gallery tours in this style all over the world. I would drain my bank account to follow you.
I’m in for this, and I will bring my daughters. For realzies.
This is exactly the content we will never find anywhere else on the internet. Mallory, where are you gooooooinnng?
I am too witches to drawn
I truly have a serious question, which I hope will be answered prior to or on July 1.
Mallory, exactly HOW MANY times have you been proposed marriage via Toast comment? I ran across one just now, I’ve asked before, and I MUST KNOW, it is a very important fact and not personal at all, so.
For every proposal she’s received, there are at least five timid commenters lurking, unwilling to embarrass themselves.
It was one of these that led me to The Toast. I forget which one, but yeah.
Me too! It was the Women Rejecting Marriage Proposals one. I laughed until I cried.
shh nobody move
don’t wake him up
he’s conquistasnoring
you GUYS
This is the “too witches” one also http://the-toast.net/2016/03/28/oh-no-my-thing-is…
This is all too witches for me to handle
“Women Trying To Politely End Conversations in Western Art History” link is broken.
Also, DON’T GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, art history toast. Nobody art histories like you do.
My garden is covered in flowers, and yet I still think to myself:
Nothing’s wrong exactly. the flowers are fine
i guess i just thought there’d be more
more than the flowers we have blanketing the garden?
its fine i guess these are enough
i guess its fine if you dont really care about flowers
Western Art History: these are my most bookmarked pages ever. Goodnight sweet prince…
Art History is my favorite Toast series! nooooooooooo
I shall continue to do pretend Women in Art History reactions to as many art pieces I see in my Tumblr feed, which is a lot, in that I follow medievalpoc and general art deco/art nouveau aesthetic blogs. Somehow, I’ve been remiss in commenting on most of those works. I shall endeavor to do more.
Recently, I did one on Erte’s Spring Rain picture, focusing on how she’s just standing in the rain rolling her eyes. It was too easy, really. I mean. Just look at it.
It went like this:
Women Rolling Their Eyes in Western Art History
Erte, i’m not standing in the rain while you paint me
Erte
do you hear me
i’m going now, Erte
I came here to say that “Gleeful Mobs of Women Murdering Men” was my first Western Art History, but looking at the publication date I am no longer sure. Regardless, it is first in my heart.
i shared “Gleeful Mobs of Women Murdering Men” on FB yesterday. It was not received in the manner I intended. Just when you think people know your sense of humor…