Nick Jonas, “Zealous”
Lift the name of Christ up,
He’ll make sure that you’re blessed
Got to get ready to face Him
Give Him our best
Resist the lies of Lucifer,
God deserves our respect
I will fight what’s hellish
I still get zealous
TLC, “Reap”
So I reap, yeah
I reap the deeds that I sow
The fruit of the Lord is what shows
So I reap, yeah
‘Cause only the Spirit can know
He lifts me up when I’m down low
So I reap
Hozier, “Take Me To Church”
When the heavens open and speak
Christ’s the only true mouthpiece
Go to Sunday service each week
A fresh sermon, get meek
“We were born sick,” the Bible says it
My church offers absolution
Holds a service in the main room
And when it’s heaven we get sent to
I’ll be together with you
We were born sick,
Holy Spirit
Command us to be well
Amen
Amen
Amen
Take me to church
I’ll worship like a child at the shrine of Lord Christ
I’ll tell you my sins and God can raise us on high
Heaven’s got that deathless death
Good God, let me give you my life
Michael Jackson, “True Biblical”
As he came on down the narthex
Heard the sound of the congregation
Saw us kneeling on the carpet
Approaching the communion table
He saw the Lord had made us grateful
He came in and got the good news
Heard about Jesus’ empty tomb
This Word is right
This Word is right
It’s true biblical
Pitbull, “Time Of Our Lives”
I knew that I was gonna get saved about a week ago
I worked sin’s debt off, but I still can’t pay it though
But Christ has paid enough, he has drunk of the cup
Get us to Heaven after our time is up
Beyoncé, “Flawless”
I know when you were little girls
You dreamt of being in God’s world
Don’t forget it, won’t forget it
Respect that, bow down, Christians
God’s only son, He gave his life
But don’t think sin’s just a little strife
Don’t get it twisted, get it twisted
Get on God’s list, bow down Christians
Bow down Christians, bow bow down Christians (Crown)
Bethlehem – live this
Beth-Bethlehem – live this
He wears that gold crown, bow down, Christians
Grateful JOKE ASSISTANCE CREDIT to sister of same, Laura Ortberg Turner.
Tags: i am so so so so so so so sorry, music, religion, youth group covers of popular music, zeal
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When I was in HS (at an awful garbage evangelical school), a kid did a solo acoustic cover of Bush’s “Glycerine” rewritten as “Crucified” at chapel. Just a boy in a plaid flannel shirt with a 90’s center-part butt cut in a folding chair at center court, voice cracking and missing chords, with the whole school looking on, cringing. It was glorious.
In 12th grade, my church camp team did a cheer where we changed the lyrics of “Sexy and I Know It” to “Christian and We Know It.”
We did not win the cheer cup that day.
This brings back so many memories. We had to sing a version of “What’s Going On” by 4 Non-Blondes, rewritten as “What’s Going On”, at church camp. It was possibly the worst thing that has ever happened.
Hold up, I went to a church camp where we sang “My Sin Is Gone” to the tune of “What’s Going On” and I have spent the rest of my life trying to remember all the lyrics.
YES! I meant to say that it was re-written as “My Guilt is Gone”, but I imagine it was basically the same thing. Here’s what I remember:
Well I wake up in the morning and I step outside,
and I take a deep breath,
and I look on high,
and I scream at the top of my lungs
“My guilt is gone”
Is this really what you guys did at Christian youth group/camp? I only ever went to Jewish camp and we were far more concerned with memorizing the lyrics to that Sisqo song about doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
Um. EXCUSEME, that song was by the BLOODHOUND GANG. Sisqo is the master that brought us the Thong Song.
I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a 14 year old memory of who sang that damn song.
Erg middle-school memory flashback.
*extremely music voice* um excuse me you’re thinking of the bloodhound gang
I AM APPROPRIATELY CHASTENED. I literally have not heard that song since summer camp and it was someone there who told me it was a Sisqo song. FUCK YOU ZACHARY.
yeahhh. My UU youth group went to see Gladiator together.
sisqo did sing the one about dumps like a truck, truck, truck, though.
I totally had to parody a pop song for an assignment in school once (about not using the lord’s name in vain) and i did fergalicious but the only line I can remember is “i’m C to the A-T-H-O-L-I-C and can’t no other praisers pick their words like me”
catholic school was A Time
you have reminded me of Altar Boyz, an off-Broadway production my friend [redacted] saw and sent me a bootleg of. I CACKLED.
He beeped me, he faxed me, he EMAILED MY SOUL
your posse might not think it’s dope / to confess your sins and like the pope
I had forgotten about that! I think I still have many, many lyrics memorized to that. /shudder
I had the early Apologetix CDs and enjoyed the cheesiness at the time (still don’t know the correct words to most 90s/00s pop songs) but I’m kinda horrified to see that they’re still making “biblical parodies” http://www.apologetix.com/music/music.php
Don’t let the Apologetix see this.
I did not know about ApologetiX. Apparently, I lost my faith just a bit too early. I foresee myself wasting a lot of time, giggle-cringing at their lyrics.
Also, now I want (someone who isn’t me) to invent Apollogetix, a toga tunic chiton-wearing, lyre-shredding chorus who recreate ApologetiX songs as paeans to Apollo.
Edit: Ancient clothing is hard.
The Lutheran summer camp I worked at used to host a night where each cabin would usually perform some contemporary christian song. One fellow staffer and I decided to get our high school campers to re-write the words to “Ridin’ Dirty” and we brought the house down. The following week there was an approved list of songs to pick from….woops!
It seems like this is the relevant place to mention the time my classmates and I rewrote Hi-Five’s “Never Should’ve Let You Go” as “I’m Glad You Never Let Us Go” (addressed to the Deity, obvs) for our Christian school’s 6th grade graduation.
The minister eventually put the kibosh on the project on the grounds that he didn’t trust a bunch of 11-year-old girls to get the theology right. I’d like to think that he wouldn’t have trusted a bunch of 11-year-old boys either, but the whole setup was pretty much marinated in patriarchy, so.
The UUs did not do any song covers, but I was in an Earth-day themed musical where I played Recycle Girl, which was basically a person who’s really enthusiastic about recycling. I wanted the part of Mother Earth. Didn’t get it.
You would think we would, given that we are already pretty adept at it from our re-writing of other people’s hymns.
Mostly yeah, just cherry-picking songs from whatever strikes our fancy. THOUGH I learned this year (in Church!) that a Unitarian minister wrote Jingle Bells so we at least have that. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Pierpont_(musi…
That’s me in the narthex
That’s me in the front pew
Observing my religion
Trying to keep my eye on You
With the love of Christ, I can do it
Now let’s all praise his name
Alleluia
Genius.
EVERY SINGLE TIME I hear that Nick Jonas song I think, “Wait, but he knows that he doesn’t actually have a right to be hellish? Like that’s not a right that you have. It’s not like in the bill of rights or even just a standard recognized human right. It’s not cool at all, either. That’s awful. You’re being an awful human being.”
that song is also a total Chromeo ripoff, so I wholeheartedly support any rationale that says it’s terrible.
Thank you!!
We wrote one to Luda’s What’s your Fantasy in middle school church camp. I don’t remember the words to the christian one but we listened to the Ludacris original so many times I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to sing it on my deathbed
I wanna p-p-p-praise you on your heavenly throne?
I’m beginning to see a flaw in “making kids write Christian covers” as a useful evangelical tool.
Because you know I’m all about that God
Bout that God
No Satan
Somebody has already done this, and whoever they are, they believe that they have finally cracked the code that will let them reach the cynical youth of today.
A troubled youth pastor is slumped over his desk, head in his hands, when suddenly he bolts upright.
“‘So go ahead and tell them Corinthians that!’ Perfect! Thank you for your guidance, Lord!”
Per my born-again mother-in-law’s facebook postings, the preferred rewrite is:
“Because you know I’m all about that grace
Bout that grace
No devil”
which is just, oh wow, okay.
This here’s a jam for all the fellas
Trying to do what the gospels tell us
Might get teased ’cause we’re super zealous
See what others have but don’t get jealous
Don’t get nervous
Go to a service
Hear how bad the fate we deserve is
The preacher calls you up to the alter
Yo, that’s one time you better not falter
Hymns are playing
You start praying
Your debt to Jesus there’s no repaying
You ask him to come on into your heart
And your life as a believer is about to start
Now you’ve repented
Truly meant it
Your heart and soul are pure and not dented
It’s a train to heaven and you got on board
So come on, Christian
and just praise the Lord
definitely started doing the white-girl head bop to this.
I’m in Texas, and I distinctly remember a version of George Strait’s Ocean Front Property:
i got some
ocean front property
with my sweet Jesus
from my front porch
you can see the king
…fellow Texan who is a little ashamed of reading that and thinking “But George Strait is the King of Country! THIS IS CONFUSING.”
LEGIT.
I think the worst/best example of this phenomenon is a Christian cover of Alleluia by Leonard Cohen. I was very D: when I heard it.
Anyone else have one of those shirts that looked like a pop culture thing but was a Jesus-y parody? Like this? http://www.adifferentdirection.com/products/survi…
Or, oh, the “Mary is my homegirl” shirt you could get at Urban Outfitters. Ack.
And “Jesus is my homeboy”
I had a friend who wore a “Bud Wise Up” t-shirt.
My MIL would love all of these unironically. Realizing that makes me need a drink.
And once again, part of me is saddened that my teenage years were spent attending a church that believed rock music has the devil’s beat. No, no Christian remakes there because just the music alone was sinful.
This was pretty extreme even for other churches in the same denomination in the area, so obviously I was surrounded by the devil’s beat outside of church…but I missed out on the Christian rock altogether.
Landry Clarke is 100% gonna do a speed metal version of the Take Me To Church cover for Crucifictorious.
I only seem to be familiar with one of the original songs. I am a musical ignoramus.
It’s not musical filk, but can I post a link to Drop-Kick Me Jesus here, just because?
YES. That song is hilarious to me. It just occurred to me now, though, WHO IS THE QB IF JESUS IS THE KICKER?
Jesus is the QB, trying to make the first successful drop-kick since Doug Flutie in 2006. He does, of course, make the kick, which sails end over end, neither left nor to right, straight through the heart of them righteous uprights. Fans rush the field and afterward enjoy a seemingly endless buffet of loaves and fishes.
Aww, we just got the more-Jesus versions from already ambiguous bands like U2 and Lifehouse, which were basically the same but with a few words changed.
I UNDERSTAND NOTHING
Don’t forget another 90s classic, “Smells Like the Holy Spirit”.
BOW DOWN CHRISTIANS
Jesus is the QB, trying to make the first successful drop-kick since Doug Flutie in 2006. He does, of course, make the kick, which sails end over end, neither left nor to right, straight through the heart of them righteous uprights. Fans rush the field and afterward enjoy a seemingly endless buffet of loaves and fishes.
Actual thing that I remember happening in Catholic school:
::starts playing The Titanic Song::
Every night in my prayers
I see you, I feeeeeel you
That is how I know you love me.
NEAAAR FAAAAAAR WHERE EVERRRRR YOU ARE
I believe that your love will go onnnnnnnn.
I also distinctly remember a cover of “Because You Loved Me.”
I had a friend in high school who went to a church where they had a Christian version of the chorus of Lil Jon's "Get Low". It went:
From the window, to the wall
The God Who Loves us All
John and Peter and Paul
Oh Jesus is Great! Oh Jesus is Great!
You are absolutely nailing a very specific part of my pre-adolescence with this.
2 Pac feat. Dr. Dre: CHRISTISFORYA LOVE
(Chorus)
Christ is for ya
Straight for your heart yeah (x 2)
In His city, city of Provs
In His city, City of John 1
He keeps it rockin, We keep it rockin, yeah
(Verse 1)
I wanna welcome everybody cause I’m so, so blessed
My state is untouchable He takes away my stress
This track hits ya spirit like a bible to ya chest
Pack a vest if you have Jesus, don’t need sinners or sex
I’m in a sunshine state with this banging God beat
A state where you’ll never find fellowship empty
Was a pimp then, now I’m on a mission for my self esteem
Use that lean-mean-baby-makin machine in your jeans
Escape from the sin for good by makin rap tunes
Ever since Jonah was in the whale dodgin harpoons
Now I stay alive while they try to stray me
Because I’m shining’, feeling proudly Liberated
Worship God, not the Devil or the Pay
Our church is the bomb when our congregation prays, uh
Speak in tongues if you feel the same way
Dre puttin it down cause Christ is for ya, aye
I may be wrong, but I feel like everyone on this thread should see this video. If I’m wrong, then probably no one alive should see this video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tTYr3JuueF4 I honestly no longer remember where I saw it, our youth group just played endless awkward rounds of mini golf and no one ever sang anything ever.
ok buuuuut re: the Flawless cover — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zF009xhxveA