1. Crocoite: Slim jims enjoying a nice bubble bath.
Image via Wikimedia 
2. Malachite: What we have here is the embodiment of the overreaching entitlement of Nice Guys. Somewhere, there is a man in a fedora who does not age. But every year, the mountain of dicks grows. and it yearns. oh, it yearns.
Image via Wikimedia ![Wikimedia]("http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Malachite-153552.jpg){kind=link}
3. Realgar on calcite: This is the rose from Beauty and the Beast. Stop trying to trick us, rocks.
Image via Wikimedia 
4. Bismuth: This is clearly the throne of a Crystal King, who maybe has an overly excitable interior decorator.
Image via Wikimedia 
5. Azurite: Portal to an ’80s prog rock cover.
Image via Wikimedia 
6. Sulfur crystals: This is how you make Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Image via Flickr 7. Citrine: Sun god dildo.
Image via Wikimedia ![Wikimedia]("http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Citrine_sur_am%C3%A9thyste_1(R%C3%A9publique_d'Afrique_du_Sud).jpg){kind=link}
8. Danburite quartz: Furry sun god dildo.
Image via Wikimedia 
9. Tourmaline: Amazon review: Looks like candy. Is not candy. 0/10, would not eat again
Image via Wikimedia 
10. Opal fossil: Dragon egg.
Image via Wikimedia 
11. Pyrite: Robot poop.
Image via Wikimedia 
12. Black Lightning Opals: What Loki needs to destroy the world. Don’t give it to him.
Image via Imgur 13. Scolecite: At least part Tribble.
Image via Wikimedia -Scolecite-195605.jpg){kind=link}
14. Amethyst geode: A portal leading into the vast vacuum of Space.
Image via Flickr 15. Pyrite, again: Here we have the earliest ancestor of the rock-’em sock-’em robot.
Image via Wikimedia 
16. Crystal opal: Dammit, another new party drug? I can’t keep up with them. I’m too old for this shit.
Image via Wikimedia 
